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    • Knit Witch
    • By Knit Witch 18th Jul 17, 8:29 PM
    • 3,429Posts
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    Knit Witch
    The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!
    • #1
    • 18th Jul 17, 8:29 PM
    The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat! 18th Jul 17 at 8:29 PM
    As threads are going walkabout I thought I would start the next stage of this off - I will try and do the links later!
    V3ry - 389.60
Page 242
    • karcher
    • By karcher 14th Mar 18, 10:20 PM
    • 1,853 Posts
    • 17,174 Thanks

    Karcher, sweetheart, please have this huge virtual hug (((((0)))))) and a box of virtual tissues with soothing balm in them.
    I know what you mean about being maligned. It is so wrong when blame is doled out inappropriately and I, too, have a tendancy to take it to heart. But why? Essentially because we hate injustice!
    Can you set out in writing to the other party (or preferably their superior) why they are wrong in their accusations, simply so you get to have your say in a calm considered way.

    Don't get angry, get even! By detailing what is actually the case, you will be showing up your 'accuser' for what they are. And i bet there are folks that already know the true nature of the person concerned who may well come out of the woodwork once the matter is exposed.

    Don't forget, us Fencers, a dainty elephant, and Nursey have got your back. xx
    Originally posted by MMF007
    Oh you've made me cry..MMF thank you x

    I have done much of what you have suggested already but I am banging my head against a brick wall, read male chauvinistic woman hater: How can a woman possibly do this job better than a man?

    I have detailed my case and put it out there only to be told I wasn't allowed to?

    Thank you MMF xxx yours is exactly the support I need so I don't give up and continue to fight my corner. Thank you xx
    • nursemaggie
    • By nursemaggie 14th Mar 18, 10:26 PM
    • 2,179 Posts
    • 28,759 Thanks
    That sort of bullying is against the law. I would advice you to go to CAB.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 14th Mar 18, 10:44 PM
    • 2,126 Posts
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    pollyanna 26
    BigJenny you're out of date pet. We haven't got an elephant. I ettit.
    Monna and Softstuff - I do eat low carb and I try to eat low sugar. This is the problem lol. DEPRIVATION!
    Originally posted by mardatha
    Still counting mar !

    karcher do you belong to a union ? If so have you contacted your local rep ? There are very strong laws around this type of treatment in the workplace . If you have a rep let them guide you through the process .
    If you aren't in a union I agree with those who mentioned CAB or other suitable advice centres .
    This can't continue it's making your life a misery . Warm hugs from me .
    I know you've had to take time off work when you had the flu but if you have a decent Dr make an appointment to see them . If you aren't sleeping and are spending your working days in a bad atmosphere your mental health will suffer '
    • VJsmum
    • By VJsmum 14th Mar 18, 10:45 PM
    • 5,139 Posts
    • 75,614 Thanks
    So, wallop, life has thrown another ball at me.

    I was hoovering DS's room and picked up some paper on the floor. It was a receipt. For cigarettes

    My mum died a slow horrible death from copd, how can he be so #<}!^8 stupid.

    I am upset, disappointed and SO angry. We give him an allowance for food etc at uni, so we are enabling it. But I don't know what I can do.

    I sent him a picture of the receipt and he said he'd stopped (the receipt is a month old) but I'm not sure I believe him...
    You're out with a friend in the capital, I'm a thousand leagues under the sea
    You're hovering worriedly over your eggs, And I'm pondering trees
    I'm wandering long, And I'm pondering trees
    For you and me
    Guy Garvey
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 14th Mar 18, 11:06 PM
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    pollyanna 26
    VJsmum I take it ds is 18-20ish . I found whether they are in Uni or College they will try things . Dd 1 never tried smoking too athletic to compromise her fitness .Dd2 was the same she's the girl who runs up mountains . Dd3 smoked for a while in her lost years more due to the weirdos she encountered back then . She stopped pretty quickly . Eldest has smoked since joining the Railway 30 years ago . Not sure if it's the culture or the time they hang around during shifts but i can't see him stopping .
    I took the line they knew the facts but had a choice . They all new zero tolerance was my position on any drugs and were aware I would personally escort them to the police station and dump them there so that problem never happened .
    They're trying freedom and trying to fit in . Your son is aware of your feelings about smoking so I'd wait a while in your shoes .
    The older they get the more you choose your battles .
    Just my experience and opinion .
    • monnagran
    • By monnagran 15th Mar 18, 5:08 AM
    • 3,679 Posts
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    Karcher, I would be documenting everything this low-life says and does - times, dates, remarks, etc. Polly is right, there are laws about this and if he is clever he will know it and keep his bullying till no one else is around so it is important to keep a record. If there is someone else who will vouch for you, keep them on side.
    Let it be known that you are keeping records "in case of legal action." which you are prepared to take if necessary.
    The longer this goes on, the weaker your mental state will be and the bolder your tormentor will get. x

    VJsmum I totally get your concern but there comes a time when you have done all you can. They are adults at 18. I think that the law is crazy there, in my opinion they are still only half cooked, especially boys, but no one asked my opinion. Peer pressure is all important at that age and if their friends smoke they will be wanting to fit in. I have never smoked and my boys grew up in a non-smoking household but they both took it up at about that age. I used to ask them why they didn't just roll up a 5 note and set fire to it, but of course I didn't understand. Oh yes I did.
    The trouble is they are still your children and will be until you are pushing up the daisies. My eldest will be 50 next year and I am still looking for signs of improvement.
    You could try saying that if he can afford to smoke you are obviously giving him too much money, and you can think of better ways of using it than giving it to him to burn, so you will be docking him a fiver a week. Of course he will say that he has given up. They also lie very convincingly.
    This is especially for you.....


    A mother's love is unconditional. Her temper is a different matter.
    Last edited by monnagran; 15-03-2018 at 5:34 AM.
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
    • MrsLurcherwalker
    • By MrsLurcherwalker 15th Mar 18, 8:17 AM
    • 11,672 Posts
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    Weight loss makes you slightly paranoid once you've done it doesn't it? I live with the memories of being a 'large lady' and the stigma I felt myself over it rather than any I experienced from outsiders and have to hop on the scales nearly every day to make sure it's not going back on. I levelled out at between 65.5 and 66.5 kilos and over the winter have tried keeping to the eating pattern we adopted for the loss but it's difficult in the cold weather not to feel hungrier than you do in the summer warmth. As with everyone else we're only human and we've loosened the net slightly and the odd carb has drifted in but I'm hovering between 67 and 67.5 kilos now and hopefully that will quickly be gone when it's salad days again. I think keeping a finger on the pulse of weight flags up the gain and I'm determined to keep fighting the cravings, at the moment it's digestive biscuits that are the siren call and I'm buying the low fat variety from Mr.T because they're nice although what I really need to do is STOP buying them so they're not here when the craving hits don't I? maybe eat another apple instead!
    Thumpers mum was right - if you can't find anything nice to say don't say anything at all!
    • Hard Up Hester
    • By Hard Up Hester 15th Mar 18, 8:48 AM
    • 3,636 Posts
    • 45,324 Thanks
    Hard Up Hester
    Flying visit from me, I need to go and get a quote for getting my bottom blacked and then possibly childcare duties again.
    Huge hugs to Karcher, I worked for years for a head that was determined to get rid of me.
    Burtha, I hope you are ok.
    Re weight loss, I'm sticking my fingers in my ears and humming, my diet could give Monna's a run for the money.
    NM, hoping you both find what you want.
    Chin up, Titus out.
    • ivyleaf
    • By ivyleaf 15th Mar 18, 9:11 AM
    • 5,419 Posts
    • 57,956 Thanks
    Try not to worry Lyn, in the cold weather we do need to take in more calories to help us keep warm. Just the same as when we put out fat balls or high-energy seed for the birds People who live and work in very cold climates eat a large amount of calories.

    Just sending (((HUGS))) to everyone today.
    • fuddle
    • By fuddle 15th Mar 18, 9:12 AM
    • 6,296 Posts
    • 96,160 Thanks
    I feel for you karcher. It's awful when something happens to make us feel like we've wobbled off the coping tightrope.

    NM reading between your lines you sound like this is a plan that can work, you're both happy about and the best thing is it sounds like your relationship can go from strength to strength along with the change.

    I'm afraid little fuddle has had her wind knocked out of her sails a bit. The word to use is lacklustre. I think it's the tablets but I'm pretty sure it's upset and fear too. My mood is like everyone else's - tired of winter, cold, drab etc but alongside it I've lost my busy. Busy is what gets me through so I hope it comes back but as a dear friend of ours told me in PM slowly, slowly means healing and health so it might be a blessing.

    My diet is all things heart healthy, low inflammatory and Omega 3ful. I'm trying to help myself but porridge is proving a spoon of gloob that has my facial features go all screwy.
    Please don't judge my story by the chapter that you walked in on.
    • monnagran
    • By monnagran 15th Mar 18, 9:19 AM
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    Lyn, the trouble is that you virtuously eat the apple. First. After another half an hour fighting the demon craving, you collapse and eat the digestive biscuit.............and a couple more to make the lapse worthwhile. You then hate yourself for being so weak willed so maybe a slice of toast will make you feel better. Oh, and while you've blotted your copy book so comprehensively you may just as well wash it down with a hot chocolate. BUT......tomorrow you will be back on the straight and narrow so you'd better make hay while the sun is still shining. Now, didn't you buy some walnuts for cake making? Oh, yes, a whole packet,.........and some chocolate chips..........!

    The story of my fat life.
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
    • VJsmum
    • By VJsmum 15th Mar 18, 9:26 AM
    • 5,139 Posts
    • 75,614 Thanks
    Thanks Ivyleaf and Monna

    Yes, DS is 18 - 19 on Sunday. He went to uni last September and it hasn't been the ball he was expecting - living in halls has been tough and there has been lots of rows with hall mates.

    We picked him up from football the day he wrote the car off and he smelled of cigarettes - but said people around him were smoking. I didn't believe him but thought he'd maybe had a puff or two (or more) in reaction to the shock. I challenged him and he denied it - so i am partly furious with him for lying. I haven't smelled it on him since even though he's been home quite a bit.

    I guess i also remember the little boy so distressed at his Nanny's health and who said "I am never smoking if that's what it does to you" and my mum's "well, that's something good to come out of it then"

    I know they grow up, they have to find their feet - i was a smoker myself for a while and so was OH (who thinks it's just a phase). He is very anti drugs - has chucked people out of the uni flat for doing drugs. I think I am also cross that we are clearly giving him too much money - so i might think about addressing it that way, I don't want to enable him to do it.

    On a further note - HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF CIGARETTES Jeez, I can't believe anyone still does it...
    You're out with a friend in the capital, I'm a thousand leagues under the sea
    You're hovering worriedly over your eggs, And I'm pondering trees
    I'm wandering long, And I'm pondering trees
    For you and me
    Guy Garvey
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 15th Mar 18, 10:01 AM
    • 2,126 Posts
    • 19,519 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    Vjsmum A 20 a day smoker can be paying 50 . Your son has hopefully tried the habit and decided against it .

    It can be stressful sharing with strangers so hopefully if he did try a few cigs it was more trying to calm down than anything .

    I lost my dad in the 60s to lung cancer and my lot were made aware of that . Didn't stop my son smoking but you can only do what you can .

    NM I'm glad you and your son have found the answer to your housing needs . In my clumsy way that what I was suggesting when speaking of sheltered housing and your son finding his own home .

    It should be good for you both . Your cooking and fitting the day around his working times will be no longer needed . He will learn to take care of himself .

    You may find a few nice neighbours and engage with the church you mentioned . I've got visions of you joining or starting a knit and natter group . Good luck to you both x

    Hester I'm assuming the black bottom is for the boat . Mind you it could be a moneysaving underwear solution .
    I hope your dd has managed to sort the job coaching situation out .
    polly x
    • MrsLurcherwalker
    • By MrsLurcherwalker 15th Mar 18, 10:05 AM
    • 11,672 Posts
    • 162,328 Thanks
    So true MONNA but I try to fight that inner voice and actually stave it off by 'doing' something even if it's only a walk round the block in the sun. I do find though that not eating breakfast after losing the amount I did leaves you running on empty by about a quarter to twelve and we have been known to lunch at 12 to 12.15 a few times. It's the only way that keeps the excess off for me, if I go to three meals a day I 'blob' and I LIKE apples! xxx.
    Thumpers mum was right - if you can't find anything nice to say don't say anything at all!
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 15th Mar 18, 10:39 AM
    • 2,126 Posts
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    pollyanna 26
    Fuds Busy isn't always good . It can be a learned behaviour to distract you from real life . You've kept yourself busy through the years but right now you need to factor in the need to find a balance .

    Do you know when the MRI will be ? If you haven't a date yet that will be lack of control in your head . I'm a lot older than you love but I do get frustrated when someone else is calling the shots .

    You're right about the weather etc we'll all be wishing for brighter sunnier days . We of little patience are a bit Eeyore at the moment .

    Look ahead to time in Scotland , days out with the family and life on the lottie . Much to look forward too . Next week the clocks go forward and that always makes me happier .

    I've been wondering about Mr pea shoot . Don't be surprised if he produces strong plants ( courtesy of the local garden centre ) and gives a triumphant glance in your direction . Ask me how I know that .

    Learn to love your porridge , it's helping you .

    polly xxxx
    • monnagran
    • By monnagran 15th Mar 18, 10:50 AM
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    Lyn, you are spot on. Doing something else does stop you nibbling, temporarily at least. The real trouble starts when you realise that these cravings NEVER go away and you are condemned to these inward struggles for the rest of your life. You have started on a lifetime of vigilance and assessing every mouthful you take.

    I started my first diet at the age of 16 (from my mum's Womans Own). In the 63 years since I have waged an internal battle with food. It is so wearisome.

    I also have only 2 meals a day, in my case breakfast and lunch and have almost managed to keep off the weight I lost couple of years ago.. It does yoyo up and down a bit.
    You did so well losing the weight you did, but without wishing to burst your bubble, it gets harder and it's for the rest of your life.

    I am the opposite in the spectrum of anorexia but food is my enemy. I crave for it, but guilt accompanies every mouthful.

    That is quite enough soul baring for one day.
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
    • Softstuff
    • By Softstuff 15th Mar 18, 11:04 AM
    • 2,864 Posts
    • 32,087 Thanks
    BigJenny you're out of date pet. We haven't got an elephant. I ettit.
    Monna and Softstuff - I do eat low carb and I try to eat low sugar. This is the problem lol. DEPRIVATION!
    Originally posted by mardatha
    At least efferlump is low carb

    I think the key to eating low carb, no added sugar, is to up the fats. Stops you feeling hungry as Dr Mosley says and frankly if I've got my double cream and cheese, I can make do.

    I've always been a good eater. The problem is, I love food. I know a lot of people say that, but for me it's an entire hobby and lifestyle. I love to cook it, eat it, go out for it. There isn't a world cuisine I haven't loved to read about and cook (Kazakh bread anyone??). Food is what I do and for me, feeding folk is love. I read a cookbook like other people read gossip mags. So my only hope to deal with this, is to treat is as a personal challenge and a new interest. Carb free ice cream, yup, I figured that out, just waiting for the maker. Waffles with no flour, sugar and milk? Sure, got that covered. I calorie, carb, protein and fat itemised an entire lasagne substitute I cooked last night made with aubergine, and t'was delicious if I do say so myself. So I reckon I can do this. Frankly, had it not been for hot kitchens (I have a ridiculously low temperature tolerance) I'd have been a chef.

    VJsmum, I can offer not much in the way of advice. I was the stupid 18 year old who started smoking at uni All I can say is, hopefully the price and self realisation will stop him.

    Hester, I've never had my bottom blacked, but if it's fun I'll suggest it to the hubby for the weekend.

    Fuddle, get thee to that allotment. Even if it's too chilly for work, sit rugged up and ponder what you'll do come spring. Visualising the garden is a wonderful pastime. And porridge is not compulsory. The only way I could tolerate that is smothered in cream and golden syrup. Which sort of misses the point. How about overnight oats instead? Rolled oats or steel cut oats (those are chewier) soaked in water or milk of your choice overnight, then mixed in the morning with a couple of spoonfuls of greek yoghurt, maybe some frozen berries and some nuts or seeds? I really enjoy this, it doesn't have the "I'm eating wallpaper paste" texture of porridge at all, but all the same benefits.

    Karcher, I can only echo what's been said already. Just know you have one heck of a team here behind you cheering you on. Monna, get your pompoms out.
    Softstuff- Officially better than 007
    • juliettet
    • By juliettet 15th Mar 18, 11:08 AM
    • 611 Posts
    • 3,746 Thanks
    Strong post here Burtha. Set in concrete.
    Fuddle, I hate porridge, It is the warm milk. I soak jumbo oats in milk overnight in the fridge in a glass jar. Add fruit, current favourite raspberries and take to work. Fills me up until 1pm. Hundreds of different things can be added.
    • silvasava
    • By silvasava 15th Mar 18, 11:22 AM
    • 3,692 Posts
    • 59,276 Thanks
    VJsmum - my son has just decided to stop smoking - he was 50 in January!! I do hope he keeps it up. I've never made a fuss but he knows I dont like it for health reasons and the cost. Like Monna - you may as well roll up fivers and burn them!
    Just had the mail delivered and I have an appointment next month for an angiogram - mixed feelings. Part of me is thinking I'm on the slippery slope and the other part is saying better the devil you know!! Ah well - Que sera. No good worrying about something I cannot do anything about at the moment.
    I am now off to do something REALLY exciting.........hoover and dust downstairs and wash the kitchen floor - I can hardly contain myself

    Karcher & Burtha - thinking of you both & hoping for some moment of calm for you.

    ps: I was doing OK 'till you lot started talking about food - now I want toast and peanut butter!
    Last edited by silvasava; 15-03-2018 at 11:28 AM.
    Small victories - sometimes they are all you can hope for but sometimes they are all you need - be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 15th Mar 18, 11:35 AM
    • 2,126 Posts
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    pollyanna 26
    Please never suggest monna gets her pom poms out again

    The next person to do so may be replacing my laptop which I've had to mop a mouthful of tea from . We need a warning signal for black bottoms and pompoms .

    I wonder how you keep going monna on two meals early in the day . I did training in nutrition and that style of eating can cause the body to store fat due to a large interval between food . It goes into survival mode .

    I love my porridge , can't bear it made with milk . I use organic jumbo oats , water and a tiny pinch of salt , the Scottish way . I do put some milk on after cooking and confess to a weakness to Golden Syrup but only now and then when I'm feeling norty .
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