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The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.
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Now, Lydia, you know perfectly well that Silvercar comes from Alpha Centauri, so she was perfectly correct in saying light years!
:rotfl:re. The mould, it's best to get expert advice.
Sorry to be lacking in initiative, but from what sort of expert would you recommend seeking such advice? Do you think the chap who repairs and restores furniture who's currently mending my 18th century bureau would be suitable? Or can you recommend and alternative source of expert wisdom?Re. the autism/Asperger's thing, and labels, I do feel it's helpful to have labels in a lot of circumstances, and it does explain behaviour that might otherwise come across as rude or abrupt or worse.
Yes, this is how I feel about the labels that apply to me. But I try very hard to remember that many other people don't feel like that, and to keep confidential anything I may know about other people's labels until and unless I know they're OK with it being public.Speaking for myself, as someone with ADHD, which I know is nothing like the same thing, it was a total relief to find out why I was a bit 'peculiar', and sometimes it helps other people.
I wouldn't say I was an ADHD sufferer, because it's not suffering, just different.
So, am I a person with ADHD, do I 'have' ADHD, or what?
To be honest, I don't particularly like those expressions, but haven't found anything better, so I usually say I have ADHD.
I too have experienced this relief you describe, both about my own difficulties, and those of my children. I think the form of words I use most often refer to "having" OCD and "suffering from" CHD, while when explaining my own situation I usually describe my kids' issues and then say "my own diagnosis is caregiver burnout". I also find that "I'm widowed" feels more natural than "I'm a widow" but I'm not particularly fussed if someone says it the other way.
Labels make me feel better in the same way the tester pot squares on the walls in my living room used to make me feel better about the deplorable state of the extremely cheap carpet that had spent about 6 years in the highest traffic doorway of my house. I felt that anyone coming in would no longer think "how disgusting - this woman must be a slob" but "oh look, this woman is in the process of redecorating". I have had support and encouragement to get on with dealing with the house, and have just had people in to do the two rooms that I wanted to get painted professionally. The walls look great now, and I'm really happy with them... ...except that now the walls look so nice, and the silent excuse provided by those tester pot squares has disappeared... ...my shame about the carpet and hatred of it have not only returned but are augmented.
And I can't possibly do anything at all about the carpet for the next two and a half weeks, because I have booked myself solid with helping my dad almost every day that I'm not actually at work. Good news on that front, though. One of my brothers is going to be able to come and spend a lot more time helping than I had assumed would be possible in view of his work.
Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Doesn't surprise me. The kind of employer who wants a bog standard person with the same skills and characteristics as everyone else was always going to be the kind of employer who got freaked out by your disability, whereas an employer with the imagination to see beyond the disability to your remarkable tenacity and other admirable traits was also always going to be the kind of employer who would react positively to a bit of individuality in a CV.
I think it's sometimes posed as a hypothetical question - even if such a "cure" were possible, would people want it, or would "not having Asperger's" mean "not being me any more" in a way that the people in question found unacceptable.
While we're on the subject, what do you think of the whole "people first language" thing? I have an online friend with a physical disability who is adamant that she's a "person with a disability" not a "disabled person", although she's happy to be a "wheelchair-user". Meanwhile, I know some people who are on the spectrum are equally adamant that they are "autistic people" and very much not "people with autism". I'd be interested to know the views of any ASD NP or NP with ASD loved ones.
And, changing the subject, do any NP have advice for removing a pale green sort of mould from the inside of a beautiful antique chest of drawers that has been kept in a poorly insulated and inadequately heated house for decades and is shortly about to get moved somewhere warmer and drier? Or should I ask on the "in my home" forum?
I say I have a mobility impairment or that I have a disability, I find saying I am disabled very difficult. Not sure if that is because I don't want to accept it or because of the way I would like to be labelled but it is probably the former.
Josh doesn't mind saying he is on the spectrum or that he has aspergers, Joe would very much like to not talk about autism at all, let alone acknowledge the fact he has it. He would probably say he is just Joe and leave it at that. The last thing he would say is that he is autistic because that (to his mind) would be like saying that is the whole of him instead of just a part of him.
He's actually finding his specialist mentor quite difficult to get his head around at the moment because he too is autistic and Joe would normally distance himself from others with autism. Saying that, he did find it was helpful today as he is having a bit of a wobble and the specialist mentor could actually relate purely because of his own experience of university and autism.
As to the original question, Joe would undoubtably answer yes he would like a cure (he's said before he wishes there was a way that it could just be cut out of him) and Josh would be completely laid back about it all and not too worried about a cure as he credits his musical ability on his Aspergers.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
As to the original question, Joe would undoubtably answer yes he would like a cure (he's said before he wishes there was a way that it could just be cut out of him)
Poor Joe. I wish there was a way to make his difficulties go away.
I do feel, however, that his life would have been so much more limited if you hadn't battled for him in the way that you have done. I think we all know that if it hadn't been for your constant requirements that he be the best he can be, coupled with your advocacy on his behalf, he wouldn't be finding university difficult, because even the idea of university would seem impossible.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Lydia, re. the mould, if you know someone who repairs antique furniture, that would certainly be the first place to start, as there's a good chance he will have come across it before.
I'll have a think about other sources of advice.(I just lurve spiders!)
INFJ(Turbulent).
Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
I love :eek:0 -
Poor Joe. I wish there was a way to make his difficulties go away.
I do feel, however, that his life would have been so much more limited if you hadn't battled for him in the way that you have done. I think we all know that if it hadn't been for your constant requirements that he be the best he can be, coupled with your advocacy on his behalf, he wouldn't be finding university difficult, because even the idea of university would seem impossible.
I do sometimes wonder if bringing him into this world has caused him more sadness, before he wasn't aware of anything around him or his differences, now he is only too aware of how different he is and he absolutely hates it.
As a human being, he is realising his potential at last but as an aware person, he struggles.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
I do sometimes wonder if bringing him into this world has caused him more sadness, before he wasn't aware of anything around him or his differences, now he is only too aware of how different he is and he absolutely hates it.
As a human being, he is realising his potential at last but as an aware person, he struggles.
Well, as someone who is a lot older than him, and who has struggled with being 'different' (albeit in a different way) for most of that time, I can say that yes, there has been a lot of sadness about it, and a lot of sadness caused by it, but part of me realises that I have contributed some things to other peoples' lives, even if it's only the odd bit of help, or making them laugh occasionally.
I know now that the feeling different will never go away, and will continue to cause problems, however hard I try, but differences are good for society.
I suppose!
Would I have wanted to be 'cured'? Hmm. I don't know, because, I don't know what sort of person I'd have been without it!
As you say, other character traits and abilities come with the 'different' bits.
The most hateful bit of it is the feeling of loneliness. I wouldn't mind being rid of that!
Edit..... I do feel awareness is better than otherwise, as awareness gives you options.(I just lurve spiders!)
INFJ(Turbulent).
Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
I love :eek:0 -
Plus I have Sevivon, sov, sov, sov on the brain now! :rotfl:
That is akin to walking into a store already playing Xmas carols on loud speaker and knowing you are going to be hearing it in your head for the next 10 weeks!
On Lydia's American author:...Trump’s ........ his sovereign instinct to pander to those who adore him as much as he does. ......
His self love no bounds, I doubt there is anyone on the planet who adores him more than he adores himself!I'm a Forum Ambassador on The Coronavirus Boards as well as the housing, mortgages and student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0 -
That is akin to walking into a store already playing Xmas carols on loud speaker and knowing you are going to be hearing it in your head for the next 10 weeks!
It's lucky I keep forgetting what it means, then! :rotfl:
On Lydia's American author:
His self love no bounds, I doubt there is anyone on the planet who adores him more than he adores himself!
I guess he blows his own Trump.
(Coat get shall I).(I just lurve spiders!)
INFJ(Turbulent).
Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
I love :eek:0 -
Now, Lydia, you know perfectly well that Silvercar comes from Alpha Centauri, so she was perfectly correct in saying light years!
Even so, there's some exaggeration involved, as SC said "many light years", and Alpha Centauri is only 4 light years.No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0 -
Sue that's brilliant news about the job :j I'm so pleased for you!
Pyxis May I send you a hug? You're lovely and I hate to think of you feeling lonely xx
Chris I love the idea of the weasel :rotfl:0
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