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    • Rotan
    • By Rotan 15th Jun 17, 3:44 PM
    • 6Posts
    • 8Thanks
    Spouse unhappy with bequest to my sister
    • #1
    • 15th Jun 17, 3:44 PM
    Spouse unhappy with bequest to my sister 15th Jun 17 at 3:44 PM
    Am terminally ill with cancer and have about 6 months.
    Busy putting affairs in order. Am married with no children.
    House worth 520,000 with 40k mortgage.
    My pensions worth 420,000.
    Wife has 200k pension and earns 48k per annum.
    I am 54 wife is 49.
    I have a sister who earns 6K per annum,
    and is single. Owns mortgage free flat and lives from hand to mouth.

    Wanting to do the right thing by everyone I decided to leave everything to my wife except: 40k bequest to sister amd 3k to a charity close to my heart.
    Wife's gone ballistic and said sister shouldn
    't get anything and money should go to her (she gets on fine with sister)
    Shocked me to tell you the truth.
    Would welcome your impartial comments
Page 2
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 15th Jun 17, 8:59 PM
    • 4,995 Posts
    • 5,559 Thanks
    Keep pedalling
    Do not give in to your wife. You are bequeathing a small potion of your wealth to your sister, and quite frankly your wife is being totally selfish.

    Personally, If possible, I would gift this to my sister now rather than leave it in your will, especially if your wife is your sole executor.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 15th Jun 17, 9:13 PM
    • 2,666 Posts
    • 7,147 Thanks
    Your wife is going through a really hard time too though, maybe it was just an overreaction in the moment, struggling with the idea that there others you are thinking of besides her, who will feel your loss most keenly.

    Hopefully if she sleeps on it she will calm down and realise that it's a good thing you are doing and it won't cause her any hardship.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 15th Jun 17, 10:20 PM
    • 3,610 Posts
    • 8,979 Thanks
    Whilst I agree it's the OP's money &, theoretically, he can do with it as he wishes, I think it's necessary for him to understand the wife's reaction.

    Would the sister blow the money for example?
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge

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    • elsien
    • By elsien 15th Jun 17, 10:32 PM
    • 16,386 Posts
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    The sister is trying to get by in an economy that is knackered - doesn't really count as blowing the money unless there's something the OP hasn't mentioned.
    Given the reaction on here sometimes to migrants, suggestions that longstanding Greek residents move elsewhere for a better standard of living does rather beg the question of where to when as a nation we are trying to say "not here."
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Rotan
    • By Rotan 15th Jun 17, 10:34 PM
    • 6 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    Thats a very good point ,
    Need to reflect on that
    • karcher
    • By karcher 15th Jun 17, 11:18 PM
    • 1,853 Posts
    • 17,174 Thanks
    The sister is trying to get by in an economy that is knackered - doesn't really count as blowing the money unless there's something the OP hasn't mentioned.
    Given the reaction on here sometimes to migrants, suggestions that longstanding Greek residents move elsewhere for a better standard of living does rather beg the question of where to when as a nation we are trying to say "not here."
    Originally posted by elsien
    I'm not sure what that has to do with the original question?

    OP your wife will be in turmoil, trying to deal with what lies ahead, it must be awful for both her and you: but you appear to have plenty of money in the pot and she won't go hungry.

    I think it's admirable you want to bequeath some money to your sister, irrespective of where she lives!? Why this is relevant is beyond me.

    Do as you want, you are hardly leaving your wife strapped for cash. Your bequest, from a caring brother to his sister, will be very well received both emotionally and financially.

    All the best
    Last edited by karcher; 15-06-2017 at 11:48 PM.
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 15th Jun 17, 11:22 PM
    • 17,171 Posts
    • 26,532 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    What a lovely man ! Facing this and thinking of others. It's your money and a truly nice thing to do. You sister would really benefit from this, and it's what you want to do so you 100% should.

    Yet again sadly money brings out the monster in people ! But you should do what you feel is correct. You will be leaving your wife very comfortable indeed
    Originally posted by Aced2016
    I agree with this. However the rest of your post is beyond inappropriate.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 16th Jun 17, 10:12 AM
    • 23,921 Posts
    • 62,334 Thanks
    Initially I wondered if the sister was a sort of hippie, living the good life. However, her closest family, her children are in Greece and she's made her life there.

    It's admirable that OP wants to help her and the sum is a small proportion of his estate. I agree that the wife is probably worried herself, but hopefully she will reflect and agree.

    My sympathies to you, OP. You're a very kind man.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

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    • Profligate
    • By Profligate 17th Jun 17, 11:54 PM
    • 35 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    Hi Rotan

    I think it is heart-warming that you wish to leave your sister a sizeable bequest. And understandable too, speaking of loyalty and ties that were forged long before you met your wife.

    It is a shame that this plan has caused upset to your wife, perhaps though, you will be able to explore why this decision is so outrageous to her together, and hopefully help her to be more accepting.

    It must be a difficult and emotional time for both of you, and I sympathise with you both
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 18th Jun 17, 12:03 AM
    • 9,320 Posts
    • 57,493 Thanks
    Ms Chocaholic
    Have you had your will prepared? Is it held by the solicitor that prepared it?
    If not and the original is in your possession, conceivably your wife could destroy it if she is that set against you leaving the money to your sister, thereby ensuring she receives the whole amount.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till The End

    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
    • noh
    • By noh 18th Jun 17, 12:29 PM
    • 5,231 Posts
    • 3,531 Thanks
    What assets do you have that you are able to pass to your sister by way of a will?
    I assume the house is held as joint tenants and therefore will automatically become your wife's property. The pension is distributed at the discretion of the trustees usually inline with your expression of wishes. Therefore there must be more assets than you have listed if you are to gift your sister 40k by way of a will.
    • jackyann
    • By jackyann 18th Jun 17, 4:30 PM
    • 3,335 Posts
    • 7,901 Thanks
    Definitely look at some of the suggestions on here about your financial affairs.
    Regarding your basic decision, I would reflect on your general relationship with your wife, and hers with your sister. If you think this is a reaction out of shock & grief, could you give it a couple of weeks, and ask her to consider carefully what you wish to do and why. Ask her what she would wish for you to do, and both discuss your feelings.

    I hope that you have some sort of specialist nurse caring for you who can suggest some counselling about this if need be, it is not uncommon in your situation.

    I hope that helps you to decide what sends you out of this word feeling the best that you can, and act accordingly. I think you will be able to arrrive at something that helps you both, and I wish you peace.
    • HB58
    • By HB58 20th Jun 17, 12:08 PM
    • 1,752 Posts
    • 1,620 Thanks
    I am so sorry that you are going through this, it must be terribly hard on you and your wife.

    People do act out of character when facing the loss of a loved one, I suspect this is behind your wife's behaviour (especially as she gets on well with your sister).

    If you can talk this through and try to get at the real reason for your wife's objections, then that might help. However, ultimately, you might have to decide whether to accede to your wife's wishes or do what seems best to you as I guess you want to know that your will has been dealt with.

    I do hope that you and your wife are able to put this matter aside and enjoy whatever time you have together.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 23rd Jun 17, 5:05 PM
    • 3,300 Posts
    • 3,516 Thanks
    Wife is showing her true colours - greed.

    Make sure your will is left with a solicitor and not wife.
    • Smiley Lady
    • By Smiley Lady 24th Jun 17, 10:03 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    Smiley Lady
    Dear Rotan
    I am so sorry to hear about your terminal illness. We should all put our affairs in order when ever we have any asset of value. I was executor for our Dad's will, not a great task. I will never do it again - the greed of my 2 younger siblings horrifed me. I now live full time in Turkey so have empathy for your sister's choice of lifestyle. (I don't work - would be thrown out of the country!)
    However - it is your money to do as you wish.
    Your wife sounds incredibly greedy!!
    If your sister is a beneficiary in your will she will not pay Inheritance Tax but if you give her money before you die she will, as it is over the allowance you can donate each year and will be included in your estate for Inheritance Tax. If you leave your sister 40.000 your wife will still inherit a very substantial sum. Whatever your sister does with it, is her choice.
    Good luck with your decision and I hope you find peace in your remaining time. Big hug xx
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 25th Jun 17, 4:17 AM
    • 1,613 Posts
    • 2,125 Thanks
    I don't think that your wife is being greedy, I think she is in panic mode. She is having to face the possibility of you dying & on top of that upheaval she is worrying about the roof over her head. Just give her time to think things through rationally & be reassured that she will be financially secure. Is it possible that she is focussing on the financial because she can't face the reality of your illness?
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