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    • smiler34
    • By smiler34 7th Jun 17, 2:10 PM
    • 424Posts
    • 893Thanks
    Issues with separation/divorce
    • #1
    • 7th Jun 17, 2:10 PM
    Issues with separation/divorce 7th Jun 17 at 2:10 PM
    Hi I am having a bit of trouble with my ex husband being awkward with seeing the children. He has moved an hour away, he is now saying that I need to do half of the travelling for picking up and/or dropping off the kids despite saying he would do this job when he moved so far away, who has responsibility for this? Also the original days we planned that he had them were Wednesday and Saturday night but he is now insisting we swap two Saturdays a month for Sunday's. I feel like this is out of order as obviously a lot of social events happen on a weekend and so I feel it would be much fairer if he wants to swap to do it for two Fridays instead. What are your opinions?

    Mummy to two beautiful girls and one gorgeous boy.
Page 2
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 8th Jun 17, 8:35 PM
    • 6,487 Posts
    • 8,414 Thanks
    OP, there's no single right answer.
    In general it's reasonable for both parents to share responsbility for making contact happen, so sharing the travel is not an inherently unreasonable request. It can also be positive for the children, as it is a very concrete way in which you and he are able to demonstrate to them that you are supportive of their relationship with their dad, and vice versa.
    If I am reading correctly, at present he has the children every Saturday, but would like to have them on Saturday one week and Sunday he next - is that right?
    You might consider offering another option - what about his having them every other weekend, but for the full weekend (either Fri-Sun or Sat-Sun, depending on what works). This would give each of you some free weekends for your own social events, it would reduce the amount of travelling needed, and would give each of you time to spend weekends with the children making it easier to plan activities and social events including them.

    Obviously if he is trying to dictate what should happen that isn't appropriate, any more than if you try to do so. But it is not inherently unreasonable for him to request / try to discuss changes - situations change, and it's a new situation for you both, just because the current arrangements were what you both agreed at the time you separated doesn't mean they are set in stone for ever - it's quite common for things to change a bit, as you each settle into your new single life and start to get a feel for how the arrangements work.
    If you haven't already tried it, you might find that mediation would help in trying to reach an agreement.

    If you can't agree, a court would decide based on what they felt to be in the best interests of the children.
    • barbiedoll
    • By barbiedoll 9th Jun 17, 7:00 AM
    • 4,874 Posts
    • 13,401 Thanks
    Why is everyone assuming that the "social activities" that OP refers to, means HER social life? She may mean stuff for the children, parties, activities etc.

    I agree though, compromise and negotiation is the key here. And of course, the wishes of the children.
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
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