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    • skullncrossbones
    • By skullncrossbones 14th May 17, 10:14 AM
    • 153Posts
    • 54Thanks
    Tips for long distance relationship
    • #1
    • 14th May 17, 10:14 AM
    Tips for long distance relationship 14th May 17 at 10:14 AM
    Hi all,

    My bf and I have been together for 9 months - tomorrow he goes to Scotland for 6 months to do some training. Whilst I'm really happy he's following his dreams I can't help feeling a little alone and left behind. Does anyone have any tips on how to be in a long distance relationship (even though I know he's coming back!) and making the most of the time I have alone? I sometimes struggle with motivation and really want the time I have now to be used as an opporunity for my own self development.

    Thanks in advance
Page 1
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 14th May 17, 11:15 AM
    • 4,675 Posts
    • 6,374 Thanks
    • #2
    • 14th May 17, 11:15 AM
    • #2
    • 14th May 17, 11:15 AM
    Do you mean tips for the relationship or you? The question seems more about you (not in a bad way).

    You've only been together 9 months. What did you do before you got together, see friends, go out. After 9 months surely you didn't see him every day and no one else. Just do what you did this time last year.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • trailingspouse
    • By trailingspouse 14th May 17, 11:58 AM
    • 2,680 Posts
    • 4,342 Thanks
    • #3
    • 14th May 17, 11:58 AM
    • #3
    • 14th May 17, 11:58 AM
    Scotland isn't that far away. And 6 months isn't that long.

    Presumably he will be coming back to visit from time to time. And there's nothing to stop you going to visit him. In fact, if he came home once a month and you visited him once a month, you'd be seeing each other roughly once a fortnight! And there's Skype etc.

    I like the idea of using this time for your own self-development. You need to decide what to do, and then just go and do it. I feel that everyone should be able to manage on their own - it's not healthy to rely on another person too much, no matter how much you love them - so get out there, and be brave. What are you dreams?
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 14th May 17, 12:32 PM
    • 3,294 Posts
    • 3,507 Thanks
    • #4
    • 14th May 17, 12:32 PM
    • #4
    • 14th May 17, 12:32 PM
    As others said it's not that bad and not far away, regular contact and visits.

    A mate of mine goes on submarine for about 3 months and the only communication is from his wife 60 words a week by telegram, he can't reply.
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 14th May 17, 1:36 PM
    • 1,934 Posts
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    • #5
    • 14th May 17, 1:36 PM
    • #5
    • 14th May 17, 1:36 PM
    Hmmmmm, last time I checked, they had phone lines and internet in most parts of scotland.

    Certainly better than when now Husband and I were in LDR right at the beginning of our relationship and I was working up there for 9 months. He rang me every day. We talked. He visited.

    And what on earth do you mean by 'self development'

    Your OP is unclear what you are asking.
    • Northern78
    • By Northern78 14th May 17, 1:55 PM
    • 236 Posts
    • 432 Thanks
    • #6
    • 14th May 17, 1:55 PM
    • #6
    • 14th May 17, 1:55 PM
    My hubby and I have only ever experienced a long distance relationship! He's in the forces and often away for weeks/months at a time. We've been together 13 years and married 7. It''s not for everyone and I can't say it's been easy but at the end of the day if you love someone and want to be with them then distance isn't really an issue.
    • penguingirl
    • By penguingirl 14th May 17, 5:10 PM
    • 1,371 Posts
    • 1,160 Thanks
    • #7
    • 14th May 17, 5:10 PM
    • #7
    • 14th May 17, 5:10 PM
    I've done ldr twice- once didn't work, and one is still going strong- we had 3 months together, 9 apart and 9 years together since. I found it much more manageable with an end date like yours, think we'd have really struggled if it was indefinite. Plan visits, use holidays wisely, talk on the phone, use whatsapp/Skype etc. And if it feels too hard or either of you can't be bothered, think about whether it's a sign of the long term future of your relationship.

    In terms of self development- what do you want to do? Learn to run? Gain a new skill (knitting, cooking, diy, photography, yoga, mindfulness, something academic)? Expand your social groups? Volunteer? Set yourself a goal for the 6 months and make a plan of how you're going to do it.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 14th May 17, 6:33 PM
    • 16,106 Posts
    • 69,986 Thanks
    • #8
    • 14th May 17, 6:33 PM
    • #8
    • 14th May 17, 6:33 PM
    The danger is if you both grow apart but 6 months isnt really that long at all.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 14th May 17, 6:42 PM
    • 31,606 Posts
    • 19,946 Thanks
    • #9
    • 14th May 17, 6:42 PM
    • #9
    • 14th May 17, 6:42 PM
    Make an effort to do something, whether its 1 of the options already suggested or arranging to see him once a month.

    Im guessing you work so its just the evenings and days off. Arrange to see your friends or do something with them eg you both learn a skill or do something active like pilates, yoga etc.

    Any jobs that haven't been done for a while that need doing at home ?
    Last edited by DCFC79; 14-05-2017 at 6:52 PM.
    Can people stop loaning money/being a guarator to family/friends, it rarely ends well and you lose out as your money is gone or you get shafted with being a guarantor.
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 14th May 17, 6:43 PM
    • 8,320 Posts
    • 10,637 Thanks
    Virgin Trains.
    Other airlines.
    Other train companies.
    Book a holiday.
    • yvonne13
    • By yvonne13 14th May 17, 6:55 PM
    • 1,735 Posts
    • 2,610 Thanks
    When you said long distance I thought you meant overseas. Nothing wrong with Whatsapp/Skype and visiting each other twice a month minimum is fine. Don't create an issue when there isn't one.
    It's better to regret something I did do than to regret something that I didnít.
    • mai_taylor
    • By mai_taylor 15th May 17, 11:35 AM
    • 184 Posts
    • 382 Thanks
    Take a class or join a club, see if you can get a friend to go along so you're more motivated to go. Go for walks so you're getting out of the house, organise a weekend away or trip out with friends, spend some time with family, volunteer. Make sure you have something to look forward to each month so time goes quicker.
    • mariposa687
    • By mariposa687 15th May 17, 5:30 PM
    • 96 Posts
    • 113 Thanks
    I was long distance the other way with my ex as he lived in London. Long distance isn't the reason he's my ex by the way!

    We saw each other a lot by making sure we booked our travel well in advance. My joke was that Edinburgh airport was my usual Friday night hangout spot. We spoke everyday, usually a text first thing and then we would chat on Skype or the phone every night. We didn't have set times, we worked around what each of us was doing that particular day. As important as communication is, you also have to give them enough space.

    Also, having your own hobbies/interests as other posters have suggested will make it easier when you miss them.
    Last edited by mariposa687; 15-05-2017 at 5:42 PM. Reason: Spelling
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 15th May 17, 8:27 PM
    • 1,734 Posts
    • 1,884 Thanks
    My husband worked away for 2 years. I focused on the fact it wasn't forever and it was for a reason (to advance his career). I actually tried to enjoy some aspects - not sharing the TV, eating rubbish and not feeling guilty, not worrying if the house was a bit messy etc! Naughty me!
    There is email, phone and Skype and its fun to send surprise gifts / letters in the post. Take a holiday together if you can or go and visit.
    Mostly remember this is not a big issue. He hasn't gone to war. He is coming back. Make some plans for the future so you have a goal in mind.
    • sweetbabu
    • By sweetbabu 15th May 17, 10:31 PM
    • 160 Posts
    • 122 Thanks
    You can fly London to Glasgow in about an hour, and flights can be gotten cheaply enough if you book far enough in advance.

    Then you have texts and phonecalls, Skype or Facebook calling and whatsapp and everything like that.

    Six months really isn't a long time.
    • chesky
    • By chesky 16th May 17, 7:09 AM
    • 994 Posts
    • 1,594 Thanks
    Let's hope you didn't drop all your friends when you started seeing him, so you can call on them if you get a bit lonely.
    • skullncrossbones
    • By skullncrossbones 16th May 17, 7:48 PM
    • 153 Posts
    • 54 Thanks
    Hi everyone, sorry for the late reply been a busy couple of days!

    Ok so a bit of background - we were together for a couple of years as teenagers - !!!! happened and we randomly met again after 10 years and it all started up again. I feel secure in the relationship and this came out of the blue.

    I take a couple of classes during the week anyway and no I didn't drop my friends when I got with him however I'm quite an introverted person so don't have tonnes of friends. I've signed up for some volunteering during the weekend so that should keep me busy too. I think it was more a question of how to not feel lonely. Also I have a chronic illness which can make you feel very demotivated at times and when I'm with him he gives me that extra kick up the bum! I will just do it for myself now.

    I realise people are in far worse situations than me and I think it was just the build up of waiting for him to go.

    Thanks for all the replies.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 16th May 17, 8:51 PM
    • 8,027 Posts
    • 28,098 Thanks
    If you're a little introverted and are happy your own company, make a list of all,the classic books you feel you would like to read and have never had time to get round to. War and Peace should keep you occupied for quite a while !
    And what about music? If you're a lover of classical music the Proms on BBC3 will be starting soon so listening to them will keep you busy.

    Or buy a teach yourself book and start learning a new language, or brush up your schoolgirl French or German perhaps?

    I,m sure you!ll probably find that the six months are over before you have time to tick off many of the things on your list. Time has a habit of passing pretty quickly especially if you have work to keep you occupied during the day.

    And remember you don,t have to feel lonely simply because you are alone. It often can be simply a state of mind if you allow yourself to start feeling sorry for yourself..
    Last edited by Primrose; 16-05-2017 at 8:54 PM.
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 17th May 17, 9:52 AM
    • 10,512 Posts
    • 13,678 Thanks
    I'm in London and dated a bloke from Middlesbrough and I don't remember the distance being a problem. He worked shifts so would often get 4 or 5 nights off at a time. He'd drive to mine and I'd go back with him and sometimes use my holiday to take the odd day or two so I'd often end up seeing him for up to a week at a time. I'd go to work when he was at mine and he'd do things at home, go fishing, meet me, whatever really.

    You have to be creative around time off you both have and be prepared to amuse yourself if one of you is working.

    We talked a lot too, and I'd do things with his friends if he was working a late shift when I was at his.

    It will go sooooo quickly - it's nothing, not long term or anything. You don't need to do anything, just carry on like you have been and speak with him lots. I'd prob just be watching box sets and seeing my friends rather than self-development I think I'd just be disappointed at the end of it if I tried setting myself goals for such a short period of time.

    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
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