Changing will of a person with dementia

When was she last assessed? Maybe it's time to get that done again anyway. Do you have fears that she may be deemed still relatively competent? Will the specialist give you an opinion based on last assessment, just out of interest?

If brother is failing to give her medication he'll do himself no favours, this will likely speed up deterioration, making her even less likely to be considered to have enough mental capacity to understand a new Will.

Why is necessary for either of you to cancel the carers visits? Surely it's better to maintain that routine whether you're there or not. Have you spoken to social services (are they providing the carers or have you organised this yourselves privately?), if not, I probably would if I were you.

Enough on your plate without having to keep one eye on your brother.

FiL has vascular dementia, no short term memory, doesn't recognise own 2 sons who go round each day.Remembers their names but doesn't know they're his sons! Lives on his own with carer AM & PM.

Makes own breakfast of porridge in the microwave, a dangerous sight to behold, & tea of a sandwich. Showers & changes clothes if/when he feels like it. BiL flatly refuses to use meals-on-wheels so he has to sort out cooked meal every lunchtime (stubborn tw@t).

Last year when MiL was still alive she wanted to change mirror Wills but he wasn't deemed competent enough to change his.

A living death, I'm so sorry. We have a lot of problems with BiL, but greed isn't one of them thankfully.

Good luck with this.

You obviously have the measure of your brother, and that his idea of caring for your mother isn't going to meet her high level of needs.

For your mother's own welfare, I wouldn't rely on him to do the right thing when he occasionally appears - he doesn't really have a clue; would you leave a small child in his care? It amounts to the same thing.

I do understand that you would like him to do his bit and help out with the hard work - but what he provides really isn't good enough for your Mum. And it isn't going to change - it will be less stressful for you if you just handle everything for the safety of your Mum. It won't be easy, and you will need to get on top of your understandable feelings of resentment. Easy for me to say, not so easy to do!

You haven't responded about the Attorneyship for your mum's finances? Please get that in place if you haven't already - it really is important, although it may well lead to some discord with your brother. Sadly those that do the least often have a strong interest in the financial side of things, and can put in a surprising amount of effort to control that.

If you haven't already come across it, the Alzheimer's Society website is an excellent source of information, and it has a very helpful and supportive forum, Talking Point; there is always someone who has been through a similar problem to your own who will give you some helpful ideas how to handle things, or just be a listening ear

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/

I think the most important question here is: who actually wants your mother's will to be changed? And why?

For example, if she herself has had the thought 'oh this will was made a number of years ago when things were different, I was in a marriage then but now am widowed and living alone'.

Many solicitors will tell you: a will should be reviewed every few years in case there are changes that have to be made.

Yes, I know the OP has said that Mum is suffering from dementia. The only reason for changing her will would be that she wants to leave her estate differently. But does she? And is she capable of making that sort of major decision, given that she needs someone on hand to remind her to take her medication, eat her toast and take a shower? Daily activities of living that most of us do without using up much brain effort. Changing a will takes much more brain effort, but must not be influenced by any other person!