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  • FIRST POST
    • Ali-OK
    • By Ali-OK 2nd Jan 17, 11:49 AM
    • 4,058Posts
    • 16,641Thanks
    Ali-OK
    Rock bottom, but the only way is up
    • #1
    • 2nd Jan 17, 11:49 AM
    Rock bottom, but the only way is up 2nd Jan 17 at 11:49 AM
    Hi all,

    Those who remember me from previously (last on MFW) I'm back again after getting sidetracked. I met my soulmate or so I thought and everything was rosy. Well now those specs are off and I'm Miss Single again, I can see what a mess I've made of the finances and my SE job nose dived with it. Not really any going back there - it drained all my energy ultimately and I got into a bad place with it.

    I have hit rock bottom over the Christmas/New Year break and just starting to lift my head out of the fog now. My outgoings are now bigger than my incomings and I'll need to do a new SOA. I'm trying to drag myself out of the mire.

    There are some good things and I need to focus on those.

    - I've been offered a 30 hr job, just waiting on DBS to come through. Pay is poor but it's better than nothing.

    - I've got 3 new SE strands that I've got courses booked for - I'm going to be busy and working hard. 2 are online, 1 is in person.

    - I'm doing new stuff to get over the ex (well, it's on hold, he isn't sure) - meditation group and back to my old stuff of exercise - gym classes and swimming.

    - I've got some savings still so bills will be paid for January and February.

    I stupidly (in hindisght) bought another second car - a sports one - a deja vu moment that I'm probably going to have to sell that.

    Reading that, it doesn't look too bad I guess. Just tackling it all alone and trying to work it out whilst hanging on to hope with ex/worrying about money/not being able to concentrate on money, courses or anything, I feel isolated and lost.

    I am grateful for lots in my life...I just can't genuinely believe yet.

    I hope the wonderful community here will support, offer suggestions, share thoughts and lift my spirits too.

    Phew! Glad to get it out of my head. I have to turn 2017 into a successful year somehow

    Thanks for reading x
    Back on the DFW Wagon:

    CC - £3,300 on 0% til 04/2020
    CC - £4,500 on 0% til 02/2019
    Loan - £12,063.84 as at 4/1/18
Page 4
    • Ali-OK
    • By Ali-OK 7th Jan 18, 10:11 PM
    • 4,058 Posts
    • 16,641 Thanks
    Ali-OK
    Thanks Alex.

    A big part of me would like to get back to being an employee to have a regular income, I think it'd help me get a stable base back and regain some confidence.

    Thanks for the suggestions, when I get to that stage then that's a good route to take. I don't have the energy to face it yet.

    DS will have to do things at home (like eat) and he forgets to do that. If I can get a Mon-Fri 9-5 type job it'll be ok. Uni thoughts make me panic - if he wants £55k of debt, he can do it, rather him than me. Debt has blighted much of my adult life, I hate it, having had a taste of freedom without it. I've worked my socks off full time for 34 years and could end up with very little to show for it. Feel sick to the core.

    There are 2 CCs and both on 0%, the minimum wouldn't change if I combined on a new deal and they'd be a charge to do it as well. I think they're best left as is for the time being? The loan is the killer at £295 a month.

    Pension at £263 a month - loath to stop it as running out of years to save for it.

    Mortgage is £223 a month. Trying not to stop as it'll just create a bigger pile of pooh to sort.

    And bigger than money, it's all revealed how unhappy I am, have been and probably will be. I'm destined to be alone and I hate that too.
    Back on the DFW Wagon:

    CC - £3,300 on 0% til 04/2020
    CC - £4,500 on 0% til 02/2019
    Loan - £12,063.84 as at 4/1/18
    • Ali-OK
    • By Ali-OK 7th Jan 18, 10:20 PM
    • 4,058 Posts
    • 16,641 Thanks
    Ali-OK
    Ali, just wanted to say although it's looking scary for you at least you're taking the first steps of getting your figures sorted so you know what you're dealing with.

    As Alex said you've done well to do what you've done so far re making cuts/savings on your outgoings and applying for jobs etc.

    You will do it Ali.
    Originally posted by sashybo
    Thank you

    Your sig 'failure isn't fatal, courage to continue...' that's what I need to find, courage. I'm living in fear of everything 24/7 and I have to break through it bit by bit.
    Back on the DFW Wagon:

    CC - £3,300 on 0% til 04/2020
    CC - £4,500 on 0% til 02/2019
    Loan - £12,063.84 as at 4/1/18
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 7th Jan 18, 10:47 PM
    • 2,775 Posts
    • 20,585 Thanks
    sashybo
    Ahh Ali, itís so hard isnít it? I have struggled with depression, as has almost everyone close to me but not to the extent that youíre experiencing it & itís different for everyone.

    You are facing it head on so try not to be so hard on yourself. You have that courage - bags of it.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £10,617 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £51,528
    Loan £2095.14, CC 0% BT £985, Car loans £22,206.11

    Have a Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • Buffythedebtslayer
    • By Buffythedebtslayer 7th Jan 18, 11:00 PM
    • 15,177 Posts
    • 50,235 Thanks
    Buffythedebtslayer
    Hi Ali,
    I wrote a long rambling post. It was rambling and pointless. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

    Hugs, Buffy XXXX
    Frugal Living Challenge, Pound a Day challenge, Sealed Pot Challenge Debt 4990 (March)
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 7th Jan 18, 11:11 PM
    • 6,085 Posts
    • 32,222 Thanks
    AlexLK
    Sounds good re. being employed rather than self employed. I didn't think I could do it but seem to have found the right opportunity and am settling in so at the moment would recommend it. Choose opportunities and industries wisely though. Some industries are inherently horrible to work in I've found previously.

    Mrs. K. doesn't eat unless a meal is provided for her and she's managed to survive nearly 35 years so far. Seriously, chances are he will be OK.

    From what I know about student loans, it is not a loan in the traditional sense of the word and more an additional tax in the manner it is collected. However, I also know we differ with our opinions on university study. Debt can be horrible. I suppose I've started to understand I am in a somewhat privileged position and why many MSE'ers have become frustrated with me over the years. I don't know what it's like to be in the position of having worked so hard and have the potential to have little to show for it. Not going to patronise you by pretending I understand what that must be like.

    Not sure what I'd do re. the pension but agree with the other commitments. Have you spoken to your family?

    I'm so sorry to hear of your unhappiness. I want to be able to say tomorrow is another day and it will all get better. That's what everyone told me and it was so far from the truth for such a long time. However, please try to maintain hope things will get better. The thing I find most difficult to read is believing you will be alone. You have such a lot to give, Ali and are a kind, generous and caring person.
    2018 totals:
    Savings £7,600
    Mortgage Overpayments £1,750
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 7th Jan 18, 11:18 PM
    • 6,085 Posts
    • 32,222 Thanks
    AlexLK
    Ahh Ali, itís so hard isnít it? I have struggled with depression, as has almost everyone close to me but not to the extent that youíre experiencing it & itís different for everyone.

    You are facing it head on so try not to be so hard on yourself. You have that courage - bags of it.
    Originally posted by sashybo
    Absolutely brilliant post, sashy.

    Will second depression and anxiety being different for everyone and Ali having a lot of courage.
    2018 totals:
    Savings £7,600
    Mortgage Overpayments £1,750
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 8th Jan 18, 9:59 AM
    • 5,062 Posts
    • 29,403 Thanks
    in need of direction
    Maybe I'm stating the obvious as you were always so much more money organised than I but have you thought about doing your outgoings in priority order? I'm still without income from my business but have been shocked at how much outgoings can be reduced by stripping the wants from the needs. I'd love to have a regular pension contribution but I don't actually need it right now iykwim.
    Also, I'd hold fire on the house move thoughts right now. If you can hold things as they are for another 18 months, I'm sure DS would benefit from the stability. Also, and sorry if this comes across as harsh but, are you really in a place to make good decisions and to cope with the upheaval?

    Take care.
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £75,268.93, target £65,000 by 31/12/18 Offset fund today £247.27 target £5,500 by 31/12/18
    Emergency fund £0.7/5.5k & £200/200 cash.
    Current weight loss RUBBISH need to refocus
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • Ali-OK
    • By Ali-OK 8th Jan 18, 4:45 PM
    • 4,058 Posts
    • 16,641 Thanks
    Ali-OK
    Thank you, I'm truly grateful

    Sashybo, I'm so sorry to hear you and those close to you have suffered too - it is hard. Somehow things will get better.

    Buffy, thank you, means a lot and especially hugs.

    Alex, I'm so glad you're settling in, I'm pleased things are going well for you. I'm probably catastrophising regarding DS, all my worries have become worst case scenarios A life long habit to break, but that's anxiety for us.

    I'll put Uni to one side if that's OK - it's not something we need to think about just yet.

    Yes, my family are aware. They ask how they can help but I don't know what they can do.

    INOD - I hadn't thought about priority order for the outgoings - that's a good idea. Aside bills, there's just pension and optician at £5 (which I need as checks due to visual migraines and weird vision from inflammation behind would cost per visit otherwise). He's been very good to me keeping that all free and includes contact lens checks and sight tests too.

    I think if I can get any full time job, I could probably gets the debts onto a plan and pension would have to stop too I guess. I need to speak to CAB but forgot to phone this morning, am so forgetful and disorganised these days. I also forgot to phone the heating engineer.

    I fluctuate on the house, DS's stability is important yet so is security of roof over our head. I definitely struggle to make decisions, these big ones are even worse.

    Had an assessment for CBT this morning, now on waiting list that is at 2 months. I've got a book anyhow, so will start re-reading that see if I can make some headway myself too.

    Need to pay out £220 for remainder of DS's trip soon as part of one of his courses - information evening tonight for it. And then buy the few bits he needs.

    It's good to get others' perspectives, I struggle to trust my own judgement at the moment.

    Thank you for helping, you are all very special ((hugs)) xx
    Back on the DFW Wagon:

    CC - £3,300 on 0% til 04/2020
    CC - £4,500 on 0% til 02/2019
    Loan - £12,063.84 as at 4/1/18
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 8th Jan 18, 8:46 PM
    • 55,003 Posts
    • 219,580 Thanks
    beanielou
    No advive other than to keep plodding.
    Take care of you.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 9th Jan 18, 10:44 PM
    • 6,085 Posts
    • 32,222 Thanks
    AlexLK
    Yes, I think it's the anxiety speaking re. your son. However, it is a very difficult habit to break. I found myself instantly going to the worst case scenario today myself. Turns out it was not a bit deal at all but when I first saw the correspondence I jumped to the worst possible case imaginable. Also find I try to avoid things which I know aren't going to have the absolute best outcome. Have been forcing myself to deal with things by using the "Reminders" app on my phone which links to my ipad, so cannot avoid it.

    I would try to avoid getting your debts onto a formal plan if you can as it won't make things easy in the future. I feel you'd be better to pay the minimum allowable and top up when you get work rather than go onto a plan. However, someone with more knowledge on this may be able to tell you otherwise. I'd speak to an IFA re. pensions and a tax advisor re. matters relating to tax which could be applicable.
    2018 totals:
    Savings £7,600
    Mortgage Overpayments £1,750
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 13th Jan 18, 12:21 PM
    • 2,775 Posts
    • 20,585 Thanks
    sashybo
    Hi Ali, hope youíre ok & looking after yourself. *hugs*
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £10,617 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £51,528
    Loan £2095.14, CC 0% BT £985, Car loans £22,206.11

    Have a Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • hiddenshadow
    • By hiddenshadow 13th Jan 18, 7:16 PM
    • 2,482 Posts
    • 11,362 Thanks
    hiddenshadow
    Echoing sashybo, hope you're doing ok.
    MFW: £197,100 (2013) to £99,838 (June '18)
    2018 MFW #56: £4,806/£105,000 4% / MFiT-T4 #15: £59,661/£90,000 66%
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 14th Jan 18, 11:33 AM
    • 5,062 Posts
    • 29,403 Thanks
    in need of direction
    Not as subtle as the others, where are you and why aren't you posting?
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £75,268.93, target £65,000 by 31/12/18 Offset fund today £247.27 target £5,500 by 31/12/18
    Emergency fund £0.7/5.5k & £200/200 cash.
    Current weight loss RUBBISH need to refocus
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 14th Jan 18, 8:16 PM
    • 55,003 Posts
    • 219,580 Thanks
    beanielou
    Hope you are ok.
    Please just pop on & let us know.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 7th Feb 18, 7:58 PM
    • 55,003 Posts
    • 219,580 Thanks
    beanielou
    Hope you are ok.
    Please just pop on & let us know.
    Originally posted by beanielou

    Pretty please.
    PM me if I can help in any way
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • supersaver1000
    • By supersaver1000 26th Feb 18, 7:06 AM
    • 2,096 Posts
    • 13,151 Thanks
    supersaver1000
    So sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. You supported me so much when I was going through mine. Sending you hugs, don't give up, it will get better xx
    All CC debt (59% saved) - 100% by Xmas 2018 : Flylady : Grocery club member : Old Style Weightloss lurker
    It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got

    June Grocery Budget £374.86/£200 - Completely Debt-free by Xmas 2018 April 2019
    • Buffythedebtslayer
    • By Buffythedebtslayer 26th Feb 18, 9:43 PM
    • 15,177 Posts
    • 50,235 Thanks
    Buffythedebtslayer
    thought you had posted. come on now, you know we are here. We care, we can help.

    Lots of love XXXXXXXXXXX
    Frugal Living Challenge, Pound a Day challenge, Sealed Pot Challenge Debt 4990 (March)
    • Ali-OK
    • By Ali-OK 17th Mar 18, 9:14 PM
    • 4,058 Posts
    • 16,641 Thanks
    Ali-OK
    Thanks for the support, I guess I stopped posting as hadn't anything positive to report at the time.

    The good news - I started an ongoing temp job earlier this month.
    The not so good news - pay doesn't cover the outgoings, so still eating away at what bit of money I have got. I need to update Tax Credits - might get a bit of extra help that way.

    I went into CAB to check out options, was more for if I didn't get work so not relevant now.

    Next step - downsizing, but buying smaller won't solve the financial issues as income still won't be enough to live on. Haven't the energy to be honest either. House needs cleaning and preparing, DS is as untidy as ever, I'm shattered from work and continuing visual aura/migraines afterwards. Scan for 5 month swollen foot and brain scan keep being put off due to broken scanner, Autism appointment postponed due to snow.

    Depression, physical issues (some caused by stress/anxiety, some old ones like back pain where op was and neck disc pain). I hide it all for working, though it's making some worse and I don't know how I'm keeping going. A cold on top this week.

    Feels hopeless, life feels pointless. No emotional, practical or physical support. Just getting through a day at a time. I don't drink alcohol as a rule, but opened a small bottle of Prosecco I was given for my birthday and it felt good not to care anymore - just for a while. I keep giving everything I've got even though I'm running on empty. No pleasure in life, no goals, no nothing.

    Not sure of the point of my post - just to update really. I'm grateful for the help and support of MIND, GP and the therapist. It got me back into work.
    Back on the DFW Wagon:

    CC - £3,300 on 0% til 04/2020
    CC - £4,500 on 0% til 02/2019
    Loan - £12,063.84 as at 4/1/18
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 17th Mar 18, 9:50 PM
    • 55,003 Posts
    • 219,580 Thanks
    beanielou
    Good to see you.
    I have thought of you often.
    Good news on job.
    Not good news on the rest though.
    Just remember that you cant pour from an empty cup.
    You need to take care of yourself first.
    Please try.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • Buffythedebtslayer
    • By Buffythedebtslayer 17th Mar 18, 11:01 PM
    • 15,177 Posts
    • 50,235 Thanks
    Buffythedebtslayer
    Sending you love Ali. XXX

    Was going to try and write advice but I am not convinced, here to listen tho and will keep checking in with you XXXXX
    Frugal Living Challenge, Pound a Day challenge, Sealed Pot Challenge Debt 4990 (March)
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