Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 31st Dec 16, 4:05 AM
    • 1,236Posts
    • 5,915Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    From debt to freedom...
    • #1
    • 31st Dec 16, 4:05 AM
    From debt to freedom... 31st Dec 16 at 4:05 AM
    For a couple of months I have been lurking and reading diaries which have been helpful and inspiring. I thought that I would start a diary to keep myself focussed on getting rid of the debts.

    I am a working mum, recently separated from my husband. I have a large family which makes for an interesting and busy life! I have had a couple of LBMs in recent years and tried to stick to a budget. I had 2 loans totalling 17, 000 at one point. One loan was paid in Aug 2016 and the 2nd has just over 2,000 to go and is due to be paid off by August 2017.
    Other than that, I have a cc with a 475 balance, 2 home improvement loans ( for double glazing) that both have about 1700 outstanding. These have a horrible interest rate of 22%, so I'm eager to tackle these first.
Page 40
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 7th Oct 18, 8:31 PM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    I've made the most of the dry weather today and got washing on the line. I'm thankful for every bit I can dry outside! This morning I had half an hour spare so made a batch of leek and potato soup. 2 portions are now in the freezer and one ready to take to work tomorrow. I made a batch of flapjack but that has disappeared throughout the day!

    The DDs, the toddler and I went for a walk this afternoon, just a circular walk that is local to us. It's good to go for a walk with the toddler because his sense of wonder at everything is contagious. He spent most of the walk picking up acorns and trying to fit them into the "cups" that had fallen on the floor. No about of hurrying would move him, til in the end I thought no, we all need to see the world with wondrous eyes, so we slowed down and noticed so much - the last few blackberries and elderberries in the hedgerows and the bright red of the rosehips. We noticed the seed heads of the campion flowers and the odd last dandelion. So uplifting to get out and simply be.

    Happily all that walking meant no spending, so a NSD bagged at last!
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Treadingonplaymobil
    • By Treadingonplaymobil 8th Oct 18, 5:01 AM
    • 1,767 Posts
    • 18,217 Thanks
    Treadingonplaymobil
    That walk sounds lovely! I am terrible at going at toddler (or 4yo, which is the youngest I have now) pace, I really have to remind myself that it's ok to go at their speed.
    67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed... The debt free diary of one family and their enormous debt
    LBM debt on 12th Feb 2017: 38,608 unsecured debt/20,000 parental loan/173,282 mortgage = 231,890
    debt on 1st Sept 2018: 12,221.27 unsecured debt/19,940 parental loan/191,003.72 mortgage = 223,165
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 8th Oct 18, 6:48 AM
    • 20,473 Posts
    • 34,119 Thanks
    Spendless
    Oh gosh, I loved your description of the walk so much. It reminded me of a time when mine were young and we used to go on similar walks and collect leaves and things in a carrier bag just 'because'. I'd forgotten all about that memory till now.
    • MeandO
    • By MeandO 8th Oct 18, 9:23 AM
    • 1,655 Posts
    • 8,259 Thanks
    MeandO
    Love the sound of the walk HSL2 xx
    House moving fund: 1502.81
    2018 mortgage OP's: 1894.35/1800

    Emergency Fund: 400
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 9th Oct 18, 10:15 PM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Thank you Spendless, MeandO and TOPM. The walks we do at the weekend sustain me through the week!

    Busy couple of days at work and will be busy for the rest of the week. A NSD today so the second in October . We had egg and bacon pie for tea, nice and warming with jacket potatoes. I must get more organised with the slow cooker so that I can get children fed a little earlier.
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 12th Oct 18, 6:27 AM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    I was so tired last night that I just flopped! Usually I have work to do or I get on with some housework but last night I was shattered. I think it was usual work demands topped with a lesson observation and a couple of meetings. I'm working an extra half day today so can't relax fully until this evening.

    Happily one DD had a cookery lesson at school at made chicken jambalaya ( think that's how it's spelt). It's not a dish I've ever tried before but it was delicious and as a bonus I didn't have to cook. DD can make that again.

    Yesterday was almost a NSD but I had to get 10 of diesel and I was getting so low the warning light had come on. Being so rural, I don't like to risk being so low, so the spend was necessary.
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 12th Oct 18, 8:26 PM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Well, breakfast was interesting today. We had a power cut overnight and another at about 7. It's so long since we've had a power cut, it took me a few minutes to think where any candles were. Thankfully I had a few on the kitchen dresser which could be quickly utilised. The toddler thought it was someone's birthday and kept trying to blow them out! Fortunately the power was restored within half an hour. Certainly makes you grateful for electricity!

    A few spends today, namely diesel, nursery fees and a food shop. I've tried to keep it to the bare minimum this week as the tax credits are 200 a month less since Sept, so am trying to budget very carefully at the moment.
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • louby40
    • By louby40 12th Oct 18, 8:56 PM
    • 1,387 Posts
    • 3,775 Thanks
    louby40
    Ahhh your walk sounds lovely. We love a brisk walk and often walk along the canal.

    I've forgotten what it's like to have a toddler in the house - no wonder you're exhausted.

    Enjoy your weekend
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 12th Oct 18, 9:07 PM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Thank you Louby, you too. Are you close to half term? No canals near us but I have enjoyed tow path walks on holiday years ago. Some beautiful places and a haven for wildlife!
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 12th Oct 18, 9:17 PM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    On a food note, I was amazed at my elderly lurcher this week. Usually he ambles about and is amiable with everyone, quite laid back. This week I opened the fridge to get out some milk to put in my tea. With the speed of his puppyhood, his nose was in the fridge and half a pack of bacon gone before I knew what had happened. Note to self, never underestimate him in future!
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 13th Oct 18, 11:59 PM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Today has been a weird day. It's 2 years since separating from the ex. I didn't mention it at home. I don't regret it because we could not have carried on with the way things were and I'm not walking on egg shells like I was but I guess just a grieving point? I'm still waiting for the legal side to work through so still in limbo until it's sorted, which perhaps compounds the weird feeling. I haven't got to the point where I feel I can move on, until housing and finances are settled.

    Because of the above, I went out today with 3 of the children and visited my parents. DD2 had somewhere she wanted to go and took one of her sisters. It wasn't quite a NSD but a low spend one. My youngest DD went shopping with her grandmother and chose presents for her birthday next week, so she was happy! My dad introduced the children to Laurel and Hardy, I had forgotten how funny they were. The toddler was roaring with laughter!

    I tried to get as many household jobs done last night and this morning but still need to do cooking and things for work tomorrow. I'm hoping the weather allows us an opportunity to get out and walk.
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 14th Oct 18, 9:34 AM
    • 4,239 Posts
    • 36,331 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Love to you HSL
    The little anniversaries are hard. I was very wobbly on my wedding anniversary this year - in spite of being the one doing the divorcing. It is grief - for the life you thought you would have (according to my friends). Hope that you're doing ok today.
    It is rubbish being stuck in the middle of everything - time seems to drag.
    December in the Tardis #16 nsd = 8 New life = new debt
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid 28,447
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 14th Oct 18, 10:55 PM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Thank you CCL.

    Today has been busy. I got a few hours of work done in preparation for tomorrow, still a fair amount to do but am concentrating on being ready for tomorrow.

    I made toad in the hole with potatoes and veg for lunch, followed by apple amber. The apples had been given to us, so money saving. The tins are looking better with chocolate muffins, vanilla muffins and ginger cake ( thanks XSpender for the suggestion in your diary ) which will hopefully last us a day or two. DS 1 has a day off on Mondays so we always come back to depleted tins!

    Thankfully I had chance to make soup to take to work tomorrow, for lunch . Should be enough for a couple of days.

    I was able to get out for a walk. We walked across fields ( all public footpaths) including one which had been ploughed since last week. I love the patchwork effect of the fields, which always stands out when one is a rich chocolates brown after ploughing. It was certainly good exercise. I saw something I'd never seen before. The sun was shining and as I looked in the direction of the sun, I noticed loads of spider webs zig zagging across the soil. As the wind blew, these webs moved but also glinted in the sunlight. It was amazing to see how many threads were jostling in the breeze. We took a different way back. I enjoy finding public footpath signs and then finding out where they go. Today was one such day, we found a sign and found out where it went.

    Thankfully due to the cooking and walking it was a NSD.
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 15th Oct 18, 1:02 AM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Thank you CCL.

    Today has been busy. I got a few hours of work done in preparation for tomorrow, still a fair amount to do but am concentrating on being ready for tomorrow.

    I made toad in the hole with potatoes and veg for lunch, followed by apple amber. The apples had been given to us, so money saving. The tins are looking better with chocolate muffins, vanilla muffins and ginger cake ( thanks XSpender for the suggestion in your diary ) which will hopefully last us a day or two. DS 1 has a day off on Mondays so we always come back to depleted tins!

    Thankfully I had chance to make soup to take to work tomorrow, for lunch . Should be enough for a couple of days.

    I was able to get out for a walk. We walked across fields ( all public footpaths) including one which had been ploughed since last week. I love the patchwork effect of the fields, which always stands out when one is a rich chocolates brown after ploughing. It was certainly good exercise. I saw something I'd never seen before. The sun was shining and as I looked in the direction of the sun, I noticed loads of spider webs zig zagging across the soil. As the wind blew, these webs moved but also glinted in the sunlight. It was amazing to see how many threads were jostling in the breeze. We took a different way back. I enjoy finding public footpath signs and then finding out where they go. Today was one such day, we found a sign and found out where it went.

    Thankfully due to the cooking and walking it was a NSD.
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Treadingonplaymobil
    • By Treadingonplaymobil 15th Oct 18, 5:18 AM
    • 1,767 Posts
    • 18,217 Thanks
    Treadingonplaymobil
    Sounds like a lovely walk! We went for a lovely walk round a NT property on Saturday, and it was so lovely to begin to see some of the autumn colours - feels like there hasn't been much of an autumn display this year.
    67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed... The debt free diary of one family and their enormous debt
    LBM debt on 12th Feb 2017: 38,608 unsecured debt/20,000 parental loan/173,282 mortgage = 231,890
    debt on 1st Sept 2018: 12,221.27 unsecured debt/19,940 parental loan/191,003.72 mortgage = 223,165
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 16th Oct 18, 7:08 AM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    The soup was delicious, really enjoyed a bowl at lunchtime.

    It was a busy start to the week which looks set to continue during the week.

    My youngest DD has her birthday this week. She really wants a bike so I have chatted with her and explained I can't do a big party and a bike, so she has settled for the bike and doing something with 4 friends. It's tricky balancing everything but not wanting to disappoint her.
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Working Mum
    • By Working Mum 16th Oct 18, 9:42 AM
    • 328 Posts
    • 1,132 Thanks
    Working Mum
    You should be kind to yourself Honeysuckle, splitting up is hard and the emotions are deep and multi layered. You have to learn to live a "new normal" and that can be quite a challenge. I am 9 years on and there are still days I feel like having a good cry! Or I wake up and forget I am actually divorced (that is a really weird feeling lol).

    You will get there and it sounds like you have built a great life for yourself and your children.

    My daughter is 17 now and she reminisces about some of her birthday celebrations when i didn't have any money at all (saved a few quid a week for weeks to be able to afford party food skint). We did sleep overs with pancakes for breakfast and a festival in the garden where they slept outside (until 2am and they all ended up on the lounge floor). I gave my daughter the freedom to choose how to celebrate her birthdays, within a budget and age related boundaries and now she is fiscally savvy, hosts brilliant parties and has a deep appreciation for what is important in this life.

    I think it sounds like you're doing wonderfully and you should acknowledge that to yourself
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 17th Oct 18, 4:27 AM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Thank you Working Mum. I hadn't thought of splitting up as multi layered but you are so right. The 5 years or so preceding separation were tough and I agonised for years as to what to do for the best, so it feels like a long time. It is reassuring to read and know that others have travelled on this path and got through. I think a new normality makes sense and has worked out for birthdays and everyday. It's the weekends that I need to get better. At the moment the ex won't commit to a time that he sees the children, which makes time planning difficult as the older children often won't want to do something in case they miss time with their dad, yet on other occasions we've waited in all day and he hasn't shown up. I find that frustrating and need to figure a way through this.


    The toddler ended up with a high temperature on Monday night and was not well yesterday. As it happened, for just this week, my day off had changed so I was able to be with him when he was poorly. It must have been a 24 hour virus thing because by last night he was energetic and fully articulate again...a huge relief. I ended up with a bad headache by yesterday afternoon ( Tues) which I rarely get, so am wondering if it was the same virus. The toddler did complain of pins and needles in his head.

    Despite being at home, it was not a NSD. I ordered DD's birthday present, a Christmas present and had to do a small top up shop. I was given some apples and made an Eve's pudding which was delicious . DD's car insurance went out of my bank account on Monday, so a somewhat spendy week this week.
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Working Mum
    • By Working Mum 17th Oct 18, 9:51 AM
    • 328 Posts
    • 1,132 Thanks
    Working Mum
    Thank you Working Mum. I hadn't thought of splitting up as multi layered but you are so right. The 5 years or so preceding separation were tough and I agonised for years as to what to do for the best, so it feels like a long time. It is reassuring to read and know that others have travelled on this path and got through. I think a new normality makes sense and has worked out for birthdays and everyday. It's the weekends that I need to get better. At the moment the ex won't commit to a time that he sees the children, which makes time planning difficult as the older children often won't want to do something in case they miss time with their dad, yet on other occasions we've waited in all day and he hasn't shown up. I find that frustrating and need to figure a way through this.
    Originally posted by Honeysucklelou2
    Divorce is brutal Honeysuckle and I can easily get on my soapbox about impact on children etc.

    I haven't met anyone else since my marriage split up and this was a very conscious decision with regards to the impact on my children, my son was 10 and my daughter was 8 when their Dad left. I chose to parent very consciously (desperate to make up for the fact I was flying solo) which has meant I have become a little bit of an amateur psychologist lol. I read up on how to have healthy boundaries in respectful, kind relationships to be able to help my kids navigate their errant Dad choosing his shiny new life over responsibility to his old one. I read up on resilience in children and how to build it so they could cope with the knocks of every day life without it crushing them.

    Maybe you have a Plan B in place for if their Dad doesn't turn up. This is a way of the kids taking back control of their time. Acknowledge how they feel but having an alternative in place is a good skill to learn and use throughout their lives. I often say to my kids when we are discussing plans etc "so if that doesn't pan out exactly the way you're wanting it to, what is your Plan B?".

    Even now I read something almost everyday to help my kids cope with the impact of their Dad's departure. They're 19 & 17 now and we have some great conversations about behaviours etc and it shows me they're smart, communicative and resilient. It doesn't stop me feeling sad that I had to be a single parent and that their Dad misses out on seeing these amazing human beings for what they've grown into but that is my sadness to bear.

    You are doing so well and you should be kind to yourself.
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 19th Oct 18, 7:25 AM
    • 1,236 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Thank you Working Mum. That's a good idea to have a plan B up my sleeve. It's interesting what you wrote about resilience and healthy boundaries. My oldest DD had counselling for a while which really helped her to understand the unhealthy relationship traits she had seen at home and to understand healthy boundaries. She is the child who seems most resilient at the moment.


    Working today, will be glad to get to the weekend.
    paydbx #93 929.08/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

74Posts Today

3,715Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • The responses to this thread are no question the best of british! https://t.co/jv5Q2ErQQC

  • RT @SMinihane87: @MartinSLewis After she received the title she addressed it in literally the first episode of the next season of the appre?

  • RT @WhichUK: ??CHRISTMAS WARNING TO PARENTS?? Don't buy any of these slimes for your kids ? they all contain potentially unsafe levels of?

  • Follow Martin