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    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 31st Dec 16, 4:05 AM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    From debt to freedom...
    • #1
    • 31st Dec 16, 4:05 AM
    From debt to freedom... 31st Dec 16 at 4:05 AM
    For a couple of months I have been lurking and reading diaries which have been helpful and inspiring. I thought that I would start a diary to keep myself focussed on getting rid of the debts.

    I am a working mum, recently separated from my husband. I have a large family which makes for an interesting and busy life! I have had a couple of LBMs in recent years and tried to stick to a budget. I had 2 loans totalling 17, 000 at one point. One loan was paid in Aug 2016 and the 2nd has just over 2,000 to go and is due to be paid off by August 2017.
    Other than that, I have a cc with a 475 balance, 2 home improvement loans ( for double glazing) that both have about 1700 outstanding. These have a horrible interest rate of 22%, so I'm eager to tackle these first.
Page 38
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 14th Sep 18, 6:51 AM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    It's been a busy week at work, especially yesterday when extra meetings came up. I have a fair amount to do over this weekend, as I need to be work- free next weekend when I take DD1 back to university.
    I can't believe the time has gone so quickly. She's been home for 4 months, so we've got used to having her home. She has work right up to the day before we leave. That said she has a day off today which coincides with my day off so she wants us to go out for the day with the toddler, so I will get my NT card at the ready!

    DD1 has also put in a request for a dozen frozen portions of lasagne to take back with her, so looks like a fair amount of cooking is on the cards for this weekend too! Might do some red velvet cupcakes for her and freeze those too, after the success of freezing muffins last weekend.

    I spotted some elderberries at the allotment yesterday so must remember to go and pick those and the remainder of any blackberries.

    I went to the doctors yesterday and asked for suggestions on how to deal with the stomach churning feeling that happens primarily when issues with the ex arise or sometimes at work. I'm not looking for a tablet to fix everything but sensible suggestions to start off with. The doctor was helpful and suggested peppermint tea which I have drunk from time to time but will increase to daily. He also suggested making tea from fresh mint...have a whole bed of that at the allotment so that is easily done. Other than that he mentioned a couple of over the counter stomach remedies that I could try. I'll look at these options but he did say to go back if there's no improvement.

    Must sort out DS's transport today so that he is all set to start college next week. He is really looking forward to it
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 15th Sep 18, 8:48 AM
    • 1,175 Posts
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    Honeysucklelou2
    We had a lovely afternoon out yesterday...DD1 wanted to visit an aquarium for research purposes for her course. The toddler has never been to one before so was beside himself with excitement. There was one tank that had turtles in it, which he sat watching for quite a while, keeping up a cheerful monologue for the entire time . I researched the aquarium for opening times and discovered that if I paid for tickets online we could save 3, so I did that.

    I spent much of the morning on the phone trying to get through to DS's college to sort out transport. I tried 8 times, tried student services once and the finance office once. So frustrating! I sincerely hope the teaching is better than what I've seen, so far of the admin side.

    I plucked up courage to return some legal papers to the solicitor's office. I've been procrastinating after some unpleasant threats from the ex, but decided delaying was keeping us in limbo and not allowing anything to be sorted out.

    DD2 helped me to get to grips with the hedge in the rear garden. It's a biggish leylandi type hedge which has got quite tall. We trimmed it back and did as much of the top as we could reach. I'll have to give some thought about how to get to the unreachable parts.

    Busy day ahead...
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Working Mum
    • By Working Mum 15th Sep 18, 9:17 AM
    • 307 Posts
    • 1,041 Thanks
    Working Mum
    Hey Honeysuckle,
    I read you diary and the ex who threatens resonated with me.
    I got divorced from a very angry guy a few years ago and he would threaten all sorts if he didn't get his own way on xyz......it became quite predictable.
    My strategy was one of visualising him as Rumpelstiltskin and striving to be emotionally detached from the situation.
    I never reacted to his messages or emails or solicitor letters immediately (unless the timescale was appropriate).I gave myself time to consider exactly what was being said and then decide on how to respond as was appropriate to me. Often the communication required little more than "thank you for letting me know"
    I imagined my kids reading my responses to his letters Tec so always wrote and re-wrote them until they were polite, unemotional and professional.
    I allowed myself a cry or a rant if something I had received was hurtful or untrue but I never ever shared that with him - I would simply responsible when I felt calm enough to do so. It is about wrestling control of the only thing I could control which is me!!
    I got counselling for the impact of getting divorced (he had an affair and was not very nice in the last year of our marriage) and myself on a path of being ex-H free without any regrets or shame about how I had behaved towards him.
    Have a great weekend
    ((Hugs))
    WM xx
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 15th Sep 18, 11:49 AM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    Hi Working Mum, thank you for your post. My ex does show all legal paperwork to the older children so I find myself second guessing every decision that I have to make. That is such a good suggestion to edit letters and also hold in mind that my children are likely to see them. A couple of people in RL who know of my situation have suggested attending a group that would help me fully get over aspects of the last few years but am hesitant at the moment because I have no time that is childfree and by the time bills have been paid, I'm not sure I can afford it yet, but I am keeping the idea of counselling in mind. Thanks for taking the time to post, really appreciated.
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 17th Sep 18, 12:52 AM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    Finally got most things ready for the new week ahead. It's been a busy day...Homemade pasties for tea, which always take a bit of time but the children all enjoy them. I picked 3lb of apples from the tree in the garden and made apple amber with them. Delicious!!!

    After doing lots of cleaning up after the puppies, I felt the need to get some sea air into my lungs, so we headed off to pick up DD1 from work a little early so that we could savour the beach. It is lovely at this time of year, not too cold and hardly anyone there on this particular beach. It wasn't a very long walk but very welcome.

    On our return I made 2 batches of brownies as DD1 wants to take them in to share on her last day of work. Made a batch of vanilla muffins for packed lunches ( the mini chocolate ones are all frozen, ready for Wednesday and Thursday.)

    At last I've been able to nail a NSD - hurray
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Treadingonplaymobil
    • By Treadingonplaymobil 17th Sep 18, 5:16 AM
    • 1,765 Posts
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    Treadingonplaymobil
    That sounds like an incredibly productive day, well done! I love going to the beach at this time of year too.
    67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed... The debt free diary of one family and their enormous debt
    LBM debt on 12th Feb 2017: 38,608 unsecured debt/20,000 parental loan/173,282 mortgage = 231,890
    debt on 1st Sept 2018: 12,221.27 unsecured debt/19,940 parental loan/191,003.72 mortgage = 223,165
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 18th Sep 18, 1:29 AM
    • 1,175 Posts
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    Honeysucklelou2
    Monday proved to be a busy start to the week. I got home at 6.30, having had to visit Mr T's for milk and washing up liquid. It seems to have taken me all evening to get household things done, including collecting one DD from her school camp after feeling unwell, and getting cooking ingredients for DS2 who had forgotten about cooking tomorrow. Sadly not a NSD, but hoping for more this week.

    Did manage to cook some soup, so lunch is sorted out for the next day or two.
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 18th Sep 18, 9:50 PM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    Today was a NSD . That's 2 this month, hoping for more in the next week.

    The soup was tasty today. I had run out of onions so chopped up some spring /salad onions to see if that worked...it did! Homemade tuna plait for dinner, which enabled me to use up some grated cheese that was fresh but needed using up.
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • MeandO
    • By MeandO 19th Sep 18, 9:51 AM
    • 1,624 Posts
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    MeandO
    It's always lovely to use ingredients that need using up and thus saving waste and pennies!

    Love the sound of the pasties (being from 'proper' pasty-country myself ). OH loves tuna too, so you have me wondering whether I can attempt a gluten free version with some GF pastry I have in the fridge.

    I too had the 'stomach churning' symptoms when going through the separation from my ex H and do still get it occasionally at times of extreme anxiety. It feels like I have a washing machine in my tummy! I can't really offer any remedies for it unfortunately, I wish I could, but knowing that it's the effect of stress and anxiety forces me to try and manage those feelings a bit more effectively if I can and then it usually subsides.

    Sending hugs HSL2 xx
    House moving fund: 1008.39
    Mortgage Feb 2015: 102,000 Mortgage now: 74,438.39 2018 mortgage OP's: 1671.36/1800 Emergency Fund: 350
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 19th Sep 18, 11:23 PM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    Thank you MeandO, I guess we must come from the same neck of the woods. Can't beat a good pasty! The tuna plait is really easy. I chop 2 onions, add 2 tins of tuna and about 4oz of grated cheese, mix together then spread down the middle of a rolled out rectangle of pastry. I cut the edges of the pastry and fold over to make the plait. It's filling and warm, so a favourite here! Ah, just thought I do a double recipe to feed my lot so the usual recipe needs just 1 onion and 1 tin of tuna and 2 oz of cheese.


    Today was not a NSD. I had a parents information evening at DD2's college, which was useful, but an extra 2 hours of driving, so needed some extra petrol. While there I popped into a rang3 store and picked up a few things for work. You can never have enough blue tak, it's like gold dust!! Thankfully it was all bits that cost 1, so not too much spent. I got some foil dishes so that I can make lots of lasagne portions for DD1, for university.
    Last edited by Honeysucklelou2; 20-09-2018 at 3:38 AM.
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 21st Sep 18, 5:41 PM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    Had a very busy day at work yesterday, leaving at the absolute latest time possible before the nursery shut. I stopped off at Mr T's to pick up some meat and spent time making 9 mini lasagnes for DD1 to take for her freezer at uni. I made some red velvet cupcakes but unfortunately got so sidetracked doing other jobs that I burnt them . I was cross with myself!

    Today has been spent driving DD1 to uni. We are staying overnight, which is just as well since the volume of traffic meant the journey took 2 hours longer than usual. Spent 90 on diesel and hoping to keep costs as low as possible.
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 23rd Sep 18, 12:24 AM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    We've had a busy day in DD1's uni town. There is a lovely river walk, so while DD1 was settling into her new abode, I took the other DDs and the toddler on a walk. There are few horse chestnut trees where we live, so the children were very excited to discover conkers everywhere! The river walk was beautiful and invigorating, even though we did get quite damp from the rain.

    The older children wanted to visit Pr1mark which was helpful as I found slippers for the toddler for 4, socks and leggings for DD5 and DD1 was able to pick up packs of coat hangers which she needed for her room. We did have a huge breakfast which stood us in good stead for much of the day ( part of the premier inn ) and had eggs and chips in DD1's kitchen for our evening meal, , so tried to keep costs lower today.
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 23rd Sep 18, 9:25 PM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    I drove home and got back by early afternoon. DD2, now being 18, had stayed at home with DS1 and I strongly suspect the ex stayed over in my absence . I found every plate, dish, cup, spoon, knife and fork waiting for me, all stacked up by the sink, so it took an hour or so just to clean up the kitchen. I was able to get a load of washing on the line and it dried, so I was very thankful for that. After hoovering, cleaning and sorting out, I needed to get out so took the children and puppies on a circular walk. The wind was just right, bracing and refreshing without being cold!

    I had to get some groceries on the way back, as I hadn't done any of my usual weekend jobs. We've had a roast dinner followed by apple amber, using apples from the tree in the garden. I'm glad we took DD1 to uni and could see the house in which she is living this year. I feel I've had a proper break this weekend but am now trying to play catch up to get everything ready for tomorrow. Thankfully there are enough mini muffins to fill tomorrow's packed lunches, so
    I won't need to bake until tomorrow night.
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Treadingonplaymobil
    • By Treadingonplaymobil 24th Sep 18, 5:26 AM
    • 1,765 Posts
    • 18,164 Thanks
    Treadingonplaymobil
    How annoying about the house/ex situation when you arrived home, but it sounds like you had a lovely weekend, and I hope that didn't tarnish it too much.

    I need to get on top of packed lunch prep and baking snacks this week too, as DH is away soooo much in the coming weeks. Any good suggestions for lunchboxes? I feel like I'm baking the same things on loop.
    67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed... The debt free diary of one family and their enormous debt
    LBM debt on 12th Feb 2017: 38,608 unsecured debt/20,000 parental loan/173,282 mortgage = 231,890
    debt on 1st Sept 2018: 12,221.27 unsecured debt/19,940 parental loan/191,003.72 mortgage = 223,165
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 24th Sep 18, 6:12 AM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    I tend to do muffin/cupcake/biscuit type snacks rather than slices of cake which have the potential to mush up at the bottom of the lunch box. Pear and ginger muffins are an autumnal alternative as are spiced apple. I do buy yogurt sticks and freeze them, so that they serve a dual purpose of keeping the lunch box cook initially and defrost in time for lunch. Rice cakes have also been an unexpected hit here.
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 24th Sep 18, 7:43 PM
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    Honeysucklelou2
    Busy day at work, I'm starting to feel behind already. On the plus side it has been an absolutely stunning day and my 3rd NSD of this month. I know that's shocking given that it's the 24th but am trying to get back into the discipline of getting at least 10 NSDs a month. I'm being strict and only counting days when not a penny leaves my purse or bank account.

    Pasta for tea for the children. I've made some pear and ginger muffins and some chocolate ones. I've made a note to make sure the tins are filled up next Sunday night to avoid DS1 eating everything in sight on his day off on Monday. If the tins are full, it will be his first port of call and may save other food being demolished!
    Last edited by Honeysucklelou2; 24-09-2018 at 7:48 PM.
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 24th Sep 18, 8:15 PM
    • 20,428 Posts
    • 33,981 Thanks
    Spendless
    Words fail me if ex did stay - think you need to sort out your move when you can

    Washing up not good either - that used to drive me nuts when DS did it whilst I was out (and on one occasion asleep and he'd cooked overnight when I'd tidied up!). I'd have thought with DD2 on a catering course she'd have realised that washing up is part of cooking a meal. Can you put any locks on the cupboards and just leave them with 1 set each of plates, cutlery etc?

    How is DS1 liking his college course?
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 24th Sep 18, 8:21 PM
    • 4,118 Posts
    • 35,259 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    I'm so angry that your ex is still treating that place like it's his own. The sooner you can get that sorted out the better.
    But really pleased that you had a good weekend.
    November in NY #20 NSD = 7 1 debt vs 100 days 328.51/1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid 28,447
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 24th Sep 18, 9:27 PM
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    • 5,574 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Thank you Spendless and CCL - you are both right, I need to get clarity and boundaries here fast. I got home today to find his dog in the kitchen, albeit she was in a crate, but looks like she had been left here while he worked

    DS1 seems ok so far...he prefers the practical outside lessons and isn't so keen on the English and Maths resist classes, but he only needs to pull it up by 1 grade so am hoping he can work hard to do this.

    Yes you would think DD2 would be more familiar with washing up but am starting to think that they all believe in the washing g up fairy.
    paydbx #93 899.50/8,000.
    Loan 17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans 3342 March 2017. 2994 in Aug 18
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 24th Sep 18, 10:54 PM
    • 20,428 Posts
    • 33,981 Thanks
    Spendless
    Thank you Spendless and CCL - you are both right, I need to get clarity and boundaries here fast. I got home today to find his dog in the kitchen, albeit she was in a crate, but looks like she had been left here while he worked - Definately and one with a lock that ex doesn't have a key too.

    DS1 seems ok so far...he prefers the practical outside lessons and isn't so keen on the English and Maths resist classes, but he only needs to pull it up by 1 grade so am hoping he can work hard to do this. - The college my friend's DS has gone to said they'll re-assess him end of this month and if they think he's ready put in for Nov re-sit. Any chance of them doing that for your DS, since he's only 1 grade below. If they do, would that be encouragement for him to study and it be out of the way.

    Yes you would think DD2 would be more familiar with washing up but am starting to think that they all believe in the washing g up fairy.
    Originally posted by Honeysucklelou2
    Lol. I told my 18yo as we set off for Uni 'You do know the tidy up fairy isn't coming with you don't you?'
    Last edited by Spendless; 24-09-2018 at 10:58 PM.
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