Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

    • elljay
    • By elljay 17th Oct 16, 8:42 AM
    • 774Posts
    • 635Thanks
    Message removed but thank you.
    • #1
    • 17th Oct 16, 8:42 AM
    Message removed but thank you. 17th Oct 16 at 8:42 AM
    I feel really silly posting this but would like to have some advice

    ...main message deleted but I am very grateful for the advice and help given.

    Last edited by elljay; 18-10-2016 at 7:52 AM.
Page 1
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 17th Oct 16, 8:45 AM
    • 11,541 Posts
    • 48,331 Thanks
    • #2
    • 17th Oct 16, 8:45 AM
    • #2
    • 17th Oct 16, 8:45 AM
    I would definitely ring the National Stalking Helpline for advice.

    It is not silly to feel uncomfortable about the situation and they will have experience of similar matters.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 17th Oct 16, 9:26 AM
    • 3,518 Posts
    • 12,682 Thanks
    paddy's mum
    • #3
    • 17th Oct 16, 9:26 AM
    • #3
    • 17th Oct 16, 9:26 AM
    There is a strong element of making yourself safer if you tell your family what's going on. If nothing else, they will be forewarned and therefore forearmed to turn away any enquiry if he does go so far as to contact them.

    Depending on the nature of them, the MH issues would concern me enough that I would be making quiet approaches to my local police so that they also are in the picture.

    The guy is probably just lonely but as you are clearly worried and uneasy, the issue needs to be looked at for your own peace of mind. Good luck.
    • amistupid
    • By amistupid 17th Oct 16, 10:15 AM
    • 52,486 Posts
    • 166,925 Thanks
    • #4
    • 17th Oct 16, 10:15 AM
    • #4
    • 17th Oct 16, 10:15 AM
    He's an ex boyfriend from nearly 50 yrs ago and must by now be in his mid 60s, the same as me.
    Originally posted by elljay
    Wow you must have been a babe.

    I'm over sixty and can't even remember my wife's birthday.
    In memory of Chris Hyde #867
    • Kynthia
    • By Kynthia 17th Oct 16, 12:16 PM
    • 5,128 Posts
    • 7,129 Thanks
    • #5
    • 17th Oct 16, 12:16 PM
    • #5
    • 17th Oct 16, 12:16 PM
    I really wouldn't reply. Any response will feed his stalking. As others have said warn family and friends so they know not to give out your details or whereabouts. Then see what, if anything happens. If something does then you go from there about getting advice or having someone official have a word with him.
    Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!
    • Alikay
    • By Alikay 17th Oct 16, 12:30 PM
    • 4,766 Posts
    • 12,871 Thanks
    • #6
    • 17th Oct 16, 12:30 PM
    • #6
    • 17th Oct 16, 12:30 PM
    I'm a great one for taking heed of your intuition, so if, knowing the individual, what he actually wrote to you, and the nature of your relationship back in your teens makes you worried for your safety, I'd take things further and contact the police or the stalking helpline.

    If, however, you just think he's lonely and maybe trying to rekindle a relationship which is long dead and buried, I'd firmly close him down with a quick polite email saying that you wish him well, but you've moved on a long time ago and have no wish to revisit that part of your history.
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 17th Oct 16, 12:44 PM
    • 10,521 Posts
    • 13,686 Thanks
    • #7
    • 17th Oct 16, 12:44 PM
    • #7
    • 17th Oct 16, 12:44 PM
    I had an ex once who decided he wasn't happy about being dumped so hassled me for a while. Sent rude insulting things to my work email knowing IT and filing would see, rung throughout the night, then sent a very threatening 'poem' signed 'The Grim Reaper' saying something about me taking my last breath at midnight and something about fire. I went straight to the police and they sent someone to his work.

    He did get in touch briefly via my website, but that's the last I've heard. I made sure I blocked him on FB and everything in case he's trying to watch everything I do. He's not a threat now, it was a long time ago, but I know he would still check up on me given half the chance.

    In your shoes, I'd really go with Alikay above. Go with your intuition as to whether to reply or ignore.

    If you do reply, keep it factual and short. He will do his best to engage you in conversation - will either ask questions that you'll feel rude ignoring, or he'll say things that you'll want to defend or explain. Do neither. He'll just be rubbing his hands with glee that you've replied. I'd just say something like 'I'm sorry you still feel that way. I wish you well in the future.'

    I had another BF who used to email every year or so trying to get me to meet up. I'd obviously say no, and he'd really try to lay the guilt on me. I just got sick of it and said not to contact me again. They're very good at twisting these, those sorts of people.
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • andydownes123
    • By andydownes123 17th Oct 16, 3:03 PM
    • 206 Posts
    • 288 Thanks
    • #8
    • 17th Oct 16, 3:03 PM
    • #8
    • 17th Oct 16, 3:03 PM
    Don't fuel responding you are effectively encouraging further conversation, which by the sound of it, you are not comfortable with. Ignore and keep a log.
    • elljay
    • By elljay 18th Oct 16, 7:57 AM
    • 774 Posts
    • 635 Thanks
    • #9
    • 18th Oct 16, 7:57 AM
    • #9
    • 18th Oct 16, 7:57 AM
    Thank you so much everyone, all advice and support very gratefully received. I will talk things over with Suzy Lamplugh Trust, I had no idea they dealt with this. Sad that others have experienced the same thing but hope it works out ok for everyone. I have been so trusting of having my details so publicly available but obviously it can come back to bite you.

    Thanks again

    • Peter333
    • By Peter333 18th Oct 16, 10:43 AM
    • 1,724 Posts
    • 5,430 Thanks
    Hope it all works out OK Elljay. If I were you, I would tell him to go away and not bother you again, delete/change your email address, and tell the police if he gets worse.
    You didn't, did you?
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,068Posts Today

7,345Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • It's the start of mini MSE's half term. In order to be the best daddy possible, Im stopping work and going off line?

  • RT @shellsince1982: @MartinSLewis thanx to your email I have just saved myself £222 by taking a SIM only deal for £7.50 a month and keeping?

  • Today's Friday twitter poll: An important question, building on yesterday's important discussions: Which is the best bit of the pizza...

  • Follow Martin