Would you work away from home for double your salary?
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xapprenticex wrote: »Family comes first, needs come before wants, etc etc
Including providing for them financially and assuring their security.0 -
In 2009, I was made redundant, and went Freelance, because the first paying role that came up was a ltd company contract role.
I have been working away from home since then in different locations for all sorts of companies.
We live in Merseyside, and nothing has come up within a reasonable distance from home that I would now be prepared to do, so I'm currently in Derby all week.
Upside is more than double even taking into account the expense of living away from home. (I reckon £500 a month)
Downside is the M6 on a Friday afternoon. (Or any alternative route),
and not being there when a "man" is needed - usually trival stuff like the fact that the tyre pressure warning light has come on, and it's not a "womans" job to drive slowly to the garage and add more air, and then drive to Pauls Tyres, and get him to repair the slow puncture.
Our Children are no longer children, and I would like to relocate to the midlands, some 70-90 miles from my wife's parents, because that way I'd be home every night.
So, is the extra money worth it ? Well we haven't washed it down the sink. It has paid for one BTL and there is a plan for a second, plus we have both been paying more into pensions, and we have for the first time, not had to worry about money.
But it is taking it's toil. Plus my wife has empty nest syndrome. She gets very lonely. Our Children are no longer children, and I would like to relocate to the midlands, some 70-90 miles from my wife's parents, because that way I'd be home every night. But she wants to stay close to them in case they need her.0 -
Hubby was based in an office but when his employers won a contract at the other end if the country it meant that he would often spend 3/4 nights away - our son was about 5 at the time.
I hated it - very often his plans would change meaning he either didn't go away when he was expected to or stay away longer than planned. Weekends meant cramming family life into 2 days.
Also I also resented him playing the white knight when he was here as I'd managed when he had been away.
Only up side was I got to watch what I wanted on the tv when he was away.0 -
I think a lot depends on if you are a "work to live" or "live to work" type of person - I am firmly in the "work to live" camp and have no real interest in material things that a large salary can buy so a doubling of salary would not be much of a "carrot" to me. Things like nice cars and fancy homes that a big salary will buy are not traps I would easily fall for.0
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Really appreciate all your insights. We definitely don't want it to be a long-term plan.
I am fairly self-sufficient but I know I'll get fed up of always being the one to put the bins out/put petrol in the car/deal with minor repairs around the house. Plus all the kid stuff which my DH currently helps with. In a lot of ways it's as much about the person left at home as the one who goes away.0 -
I think a lot depends on if you are a "work to live" or "live to work" type of person - I am firmly in the "work to live" camp and have no real interest in material things that a large salary can buy so a doubling of salary would not be much of a "carrot" to me. Things like nice cars and fancy homes that a big salary will buy are not traps I would easily fall for.
Not sure if you read my earlier post but as I said it has nothing to do with the acquisition of material things and everything to do with paying off debt, having a safety net and making up for lost time in terms of retirement planning. We aren't "falling for" anything.0 -
And for what it is worth, I think all of those things are really, really sensible. Getting rid of your debt and having safety net provides you and your children a level of reassurance if you hit hard times. And they ways things are going right now, unless you plan to live off the children in the future, having a decent pension is the way to go!Not sure if you read my earlier post but as I said it has nothing to do with the acquisition of material things and everything to do with paying off debt, having a safety net and making up for lost time in terms of retirement planning. We aren't "falling for" anything.0 -
Mr Bugs worked away for six years and I'd say it worked for about four of those years, probably better had he limited it to four. It really didnt bother me after the first few weeks as we adapted to the routine, in many ways I enjoyed it - we both went out independent of each other a lot during the week nights, so didn't see that much of each other anyway. We didn't have children though.
Growing up, my Dad was a long distance lorry driver, and even when he came home it was often after bedtime. I never thought less of him or wished he was there more often, even though I thought he was the best dad in the world. I think kids take these things in their stride as long as they get told what and why.
So I'd say if you are talking of a couple of years, then why not - go for it.0 -
It really depends on a number of factors, so very difficult to ascertain if it would be right or not.
From your perspective, how do you think you would cope being a single parent for most of the week? You might feel you are already doing everything yourself but then realise that the little your OH does makes a big difference.
From his perspective, how demanding will be the job? Will it be a case of coming home totally exhausted from his week and desperately needing to rest rather than picking up chores that you were not able to do during the week.
From a joint perspective, how strong is your relationship? Are you good communicators, ie. good listeners? Could you trust that if it wasn't working for you, your OH would listen and take your feelings into consideration? Similarly, if your OH came home not as hands on as you wish, would you be prepared to hear that he is exhausted?
The biggest risk to families in such circumstances is growing resentment and reducing communication, which comes with distance. If you don't think this is a risk, than I would say go ahead. If you don't have a strong marriage, then I would say don't do it.0 -
That's okay - it was quite a long post!
We don't have grandparents very close so it would fall to me to manage the home and kids and life's little dramas. I only work part-time so that helps. I do worry about this as I'd struggle if I got ill for example.
We'd definitely only want to do it short-term and totally agree re not living off the new salary.
My friend's husband had a similar offer, he accepted it and used to leave at 6-7am on Monday and get back about 7-8pm Friday.
He hated living in hotels all week, felt isolated, felt run down because he wasn't eating very well, and he missed the kids terribly (3 in primary school) and his wife (my friend).
His wife missed him, but also found it difficult being the only parent Monday to Friday as she worked 5 days a week too but part time hours so as well as having to do all the routine stuff on her own she was the one called every time the kids were sick or bumped their head and she often had to be in several places at once! She relied on family and friends an awful lot.
He quit after less than a year, and took a job in the same industry but a 9-5 closer to home with less money but less pressure and responsibility, and last time I saw him I asked how he was enjoying the new job and he said changing was the best thing he ever did.
Its completely up to you if you want to give it a go, but I'd recommend that your husband has a chat with his current employer first about the possibility of coming back to his old job if it doesn't suit, and if he does take the job then squirrel that extra money away into dent repayment and savings and don't touch it day to day so that he doesn't feel he has to carry on and knows you can manage again on the lower salary with no trouble.0
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