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    • lynseydee
    • By lynseydee 9th Oct 16, 10:15 PM
    • 1,682Posts
    • 7,609Thanks
    Do I need to divorce?
    • #1
    • 9th Oct 16, 10:15 PM
    Do I need to divorce? 9th Oct 16 at 10:15 PM
    I separated from my husband just over a year ago. I moved out of the marital home and moved back to the town we used to live in which is where both our families live.

    He still lives in the marital home which is a three bed house.

    I have told him we need to sell the house but he is refusing by saying he wouldn't be able to rent because of problems he had with a previous rental company (he disputed the amount of deposit they returned to him) and he can't afford to buy another property. He has told me if I want the house sold I'll have to take him to court.

    My question is: do I have to go through divorce proceedings to be able to sell the house or is there a cheaper alternative. I'm not too bothered about divorce as I have no intention to marry again and at the moment it's something I can't afford anyway.

    I just want to know where I stand as I think the only reason he is telling me to take him to court is because I don't have the money for anything that is going to be really expensive so has the upper hand over me.

    Thanks for reading.
    Did owe £9,951.96

    Now helping hubby pay off loan. Finally paid off

    Owe Virgin £5,950.00 at 0% til June 2009 £3,427.89. Owe HSBC £5,460.78 2.9% til May 2010 £3,703.07. Owe Post Office £1,676.62 at 0% til September 2010
Page 1
    • chesky
    • By chesky 10th Oct 16, 6:52 AM
    • 996 Posts
    • 1,595 Thanks
    • #2
    • 10th Oct 16, 6:52 AM
    • #2
    • 10th Oct 16, 6:52 AM
    You could have a legal separation and still get all your finances and property sorted out. Get yourself legal advice - your local CAB may well have a family/relationship solicitor who can help.
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 10th Oct 16, 7:32 AM
    • 16,022 Posts
    • 12,081 Thanks
    • #3
    • 10th Oct 16, 7:32 AM
    • #3
    • 10th Oct 16, 7:32 AM
    You've been fair it seems, but he hasn't.
    Time to stand up for yourself. As said get legal advice and good luck .
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 10th Oct 16, 7:38 AM
    • 16,685 Posts
    • 41,272 Thanks
    • #4
    • 10th Oct 16, 7:38 AM
    • #4
    • 10th Oct 16, 7:38 AM
    Is reason for not being able to rent are nonsense. It sounds more like an issue with affordability checks. This could indicate financial issues and as such, I would definitely look into a divorce asap to cut all financial ties with him. Who pays the mortgage?
    • goodwithsaving
    • By goodwithsaving 10th Oct 16, 8:11 AM
    • 819 Posts
    • 1,244 Thanks
    • #5
    • 10th Oct 16, 8:11 AM
    • #5
    • 10th Oct 16, 8:11 AM
    If he can't rent, it's his problem. Don't be guilt tripped into anything. Stand your ground. You've been fair until now (hearing your side of things) and unfortunately sometimes there becomes a point whereby being nice doesn't work. Get legals involved before it gets nasty.
    Every time you borrow money, youíre robbing your future self. ĖNathan W. Morris
    • unforeseen
    • By unforeseen 10th Oct 16, 8:26 AM
    • 2,604 Posts
    • 3,330 Thanks
    • #6
    • 10th Oct 16, 8:26 AM
    • #6
    • 10th Oct 16, 8:26 AM
    Tbh as joint owner he has every right to carry on living in the house. OP WAS the one that decided to decamp.

    This would have been the advice from these boards if the sees were reversed.
    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 10th Oct 16, 9:00 AM
    • 7,702 Posts
    • 22,293 Thanks
    • #7
    • 10th Oct 16, 9:00 AM
    • #7
    • 10th Oct 16, 9:00 AM
    In your shoes, OP, I'd go for divorce, just to clear the decks & bombproof your personal finances both now & time future.

    I've yet to meet a divorce lawyer who requires cash up front, so get all the advice you can free/via CAB (read wikivorce?) then go to court & get it all nailed down, everything - absolute *and* financial settlement.

    I presume both bank & mortgage co know you've moved out? A minor courtesy, that may restrict his ability to kite a massive debt onto any joint cards...
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 10th Oct 16, 9:42 AM
    • 3,518 Posts
    • 12,682 Thanks
    paddy's mum
    • #8
    • 10th Oct 16, 9:42 AM
    • #8
    • 10th Oct 16, 9:42 AM
    OP WAS the one that decided to decamp.
    Originally posted by unforeseen
    How unfair to imply blame on a wife for leaving when the husband has cheated beaten her run up quarter of a million pounds of debt conned her grandma out of her life savings molested their daughter[insert offence or crime or cruelty here]
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 10th Oct 16, 10:53 AM
    • 15,118 Posts
    • 14,796 Thanks
    • #9
    • 10th Oct 16, 10:53 AM
    • #9
    • 10th Oct 16, 10:53 AM
    OP a deposit dispute doesn't stop someone renting, come on now use your head.
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 10th Oct 16, 11:00 AM
    • 12,114 Posts
    • 17,058 Thanks
    If disputing deposit deductions prevented me from renting another property I'd have wound up living in a cardboard box years ago. In other words he's talking piffle.

    Unless there are children involved then it really doesn't matter who left the marital home and who remained. The relationship is over and it's best to sever financial ties so that you can both move on with your lives.

    Staying married could have financial implications for you further down the line. For example, if you want to buy a home then you'll be hit with the additional 3% SDLT because as a married couple you can only have one main residence and that would be where he currently lives. Forcing a sale when one party really doesn't want to sell takes time so the sooner you get the ball rolling the sooner the house will be sold.
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 10th Oct 16, 11:09 AM
    • 6,487 Posts
    • 8,418 Thanks
    If he is not willing to coioperate then no, there is no't a cheaper alternative.

    A separation agreement is just that, an agreement.

    Wht I'd suggest is:

    - start divorce proceedings. You can do this yourself if you feel confident - get the forms from the cour (don't use/pay an online company)
    - Self-refer for mediation - it's a necessary step on the way to going to court and it's possible that you may make some progress. For instance, while the mediatoror isn't there to give legal advice they may be abel to confirm that it is normal for a property to be sold.

    depending on what equity / other assets there are, you ex might well be able to rent byu paying a deposit & six months rent in advance, although having had a dispute with a loandlord in the past would not prevent him from renting now.
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 10th Oct 16, 11:33 AM
    • 3,518 Posts
    • 12,682 Thanks
    paddy's mum
    Who pays the mortgage?
    Originally posted by FBaby
    This is a highly important point, OP. You need to be keeping an eye on it since your husband is perfectly capable of being less than truthful and obstructive.

    Don't just take his word for it that he is paying the mortgage. Check.

    It might also cross his mind at some point that he could have a lodger in that 3 bedroom house and a bit of savings may well be of benefit to both of you down the line when proceedings or fees come to need paying.
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 10th Oct 16, 12:02 PM
    • 8,320 Posts
    • 10,638 Thanks
    Divorce is one thing.

    Financial settlement is completely different.

    Both are cheapest when mutually agreed.
    • Takeaway_Addict
    • By Takeaway_Addict 10th Oct 16, 2:50 PM
    • 5,799 Posts
    • 6,684 Thanks
    How unfair to imply blame on a wife for leaving when the husband has cheated beaten her run up quarter of a million pounds of debt conned her grandma out of her life savings molested their daughter[insert offence or crime or cruelty here]
    Originally posted by paddy's mum
    What on earth are you on about???
    Don't trust a forum for advice. Get proper paid advice. Any advice given should always be checked
    • Amber Sunshine
    • By Amber Sunshine 10th Oct 16, 6:27 PM
    • 1,594 Posts
    • 3,910 Thanks
    Amber Sunshine
    OP, you also need to make/update your will, otherwise he will be your next of kin and inherit should you die intestate.
    • divadee
    • By divadee 10th Oct 16, 6:36 PM
    • 10,404 Posts
    • 17,843 Thanks
    Personally get the divorce and the clean slate. Who knows what's around the corner. Now you say you will never marry again. In 20 years time who knows and do you want this all raked up again?!

    Get a clean break financial order, get the house sold and split any equity equally.

    He's telling you lies about renting. He doesn't want to leave the current house. Don't let anyone control your future.

    Oh and divorces can be done DIY. Yes you need to really be amicable for it to fully work out but you don't need to spend ££££ on solicitors. I did it for just the court costs.
    • jingles8384
    • By jingles8384 11th Oct 16, 11:04 AM
    • 17 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    Agree with divadee - I divorced using an online company and completed a financial settlement order and the only 'real' costs were the court costs (the online firm got £179 to manage everything which was actually very helpful).

    Only thing to point out is that unless you can prove 'unreasonable behaviour' with examples (dates, times, evidence etc etc) then you would need to wait for 2 years separation to get divorced. It's a PITA but worth it to not have to argue over who's 'in the wrong' as part of the divorce proceedings.

    My ex was slow at returning the paperwork etc but it took around 9 months to divorce (after we'd been separated for 2 years previously) and another year to get the money for the house (but that should have been 6 weeks so I applied for interest on the total owed and got it)
    • lynseydee
    • By lynseydee 11th Oct 16, 1:41 PM
    • 1,682 Posts
    • 7,609 Thanks
    Thank you for all the comments, I really appreciate it.

    I will respond to those that need a response and anyone who has made a comment that I feel needs responding to.

    Fbaby, I know his reason for renting is nonsense. Heís just looking for excuses not to sell as I believe he wants to keep the house to pass onto our son. He currently pays the mortgage.

    Unforeseen, it was my decision to ďdecampĒ as you put it but, although I donít want to go into detail here, I do have my reasons for doing so.

    DigForVictory, the bank knows I have moved address and am in the process of trying to close the joint account down. The mortgage company I havenít told, not sure if he has though. I do know he has tried to get a mortgage from them in his sole name but was turned down.

    Paddyís mum, I did have my reasons for leaving otherwise I would have stayed in the house. For about six months we had been living in the same house but different bedrooms.

    Pixie5740, unfortunately Iím not in a position to be able to buy another property unless the house is sold so donít have that to worry about, not unless my mum is true to her word is she wins the lottery

    TBagpuss, I represented myself when he took me to court for custody of our son but wouldnít feel comfortable doing a divorce myself. I know what he would be like and feel I would need some legal representation behind me.

    Paddyís mum, I havenít checked whether the mortgage is being paid but donít have any reason to believe otherwise As Iíve said above I do believe he wants to pass the house onto our son so feel he would do what it took to not lose it.

    PeacefulWaters, I know there is no chance of a divorce being mutually agreed.

    Amber Sunshine, I donít currently have a Will as my last one was superseded when we married. I am aware that I should make one though as he could be entitled to my assets if I died.

    Divadee, I understand what you are saying but this was my second marriage and I genuinely donít want to marry again. Iíve come to understand that you donít need to marry someone to be happy so will just look for someone who can make me happy without the wedding ring.

    Jingles8384, who did you use? I am pretty sure I will be able to divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.

    Once again thank you to everyone who has commented.
    Did owe £9,951.96

    Now helping hubby pay off loan. Finally paid off

    Owe Virgin £5,950.00 at 0% til June 2009 £3,427.89. Owe HSBC £5,460.78 2.9% til May 2010 £3,703.07. Owe Post Office £1,676.62 at 0% til September 2010
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 11th Oct 16, 3:21 PM
    • 3,518 Posts
    • 12,682 Thanks
    paddy's mum
    I assumed from the beginning that you had good reason to "decamp" since I know of few normal women who would up sticks and leave for the fun of it or because their best friend said it was the fashionable thing to do!

    However, I repeat my advice that you should keep a very close eye on the mortgage payments simply in order to protect your own financial standing.

    I'd also strongly recommend that you sever the joint tenancy in favour of a tenants in common arrangement so that your husband cannot inherit your half of the property in the absence of a current will.

    You do not need to employ a solicitor to do that although I believe that good legal advice is well worth paying for, simply to try to leave no loophole that an unscrupulous husband can drive a coach and horses through.

    Good luck.
    • ThomasMJacobs
    • By ThomasMJacobs 14th Oct 16, 11:55 AM
    • 15 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    Consult a lawyer and discuss the options, as he might be able to help you get you dues without going through a divorce. My friend too had a similar situation where her husband refused to part with her share of the house, so she consulted an attorney( Bechara Tarabay, a renowned attorney based in Paris.) who guided her perfectly.
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