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  • FIRST POST
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 27th Jul 16, 10:00 AM
    • 1,520Posts
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    debtaghh
    I want to stop drowning
    • #1
    • 27th Jul 16, 10:00 AM
    I want to stop drowning 27th Jul 16 at 10:00 AM
    Hi,

    I am not sure where to start or what I want from this but here goes ...

    We are in major debt and things seem to be getting worse, I have been looking at this site for years and know there is no point me posting my soa as we literally can't cut back any more e.g

    food shop for fam of 5 £240- if you can help me reduce this then that would be great. I shop at Aldi, Lidl etc and have most shops locally.
    We just got rid of sky and have reduced mobiles, gas etc.

    We can't do an iva or dmp etc as we are in rented accomadation and I know estate agents can use guarantors etc but we don't have one plus they are not that keen as I have mentioned it before to them. Where we live , it's really hard to rent as there are limited properties and having bad credit would just go against us which we really can't do.

    Our biggest issues are that I do things that I end up regretting e.g booking holidays in the uk which still add up, book parties for the kids etc. I don't know how we got into so much debt but assume it must be down to this and i've never been on a good salary. My business has been hit badly and never recovered. I'm currently looking for a part time job but can't see this happening soon as I need it to be enough salary to cover childcare for my baby. My husband is on a good salary but works shifts which means I can't rely on him for childcare help and we don't have any family that can help us. I've tried working for direct selling companies and sell things on music magpie, ebay and gumtree ( I literally have nothing else to sell). I use cashbaack sites too and did do surverys but never seem to be eligible but will stary back with that- any recommendations for good ones? Or any ideas of making more money from home?

    We are due to go away soon and I would love to have advice on how we can save money on food whilst staying at a hotel, I thought I will bring snacks from home and croissants, drink cartons for breakfast but don't want to be speending loads on lunch and dinners.

    I also feel pressure from my family when it comes to birthdays and christmas time with regards to buying expensive pressies. We have a holiday booked at christmas too ( I know not ideal).

    I supoose I'm writng this to start afresh as I can't carry on like this anymore. I am severly depressed and wake up exhausted every day and have no motivation to do anything. I feel like we are drowing in debt. I am currently receiving cbt but in all honesty the crux of the situation is the debt is the issue. I'm sick of having regrets and living life like this so fingers crossed to new me, it' going to take years but here goes.....
Page 89
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 5th Jan 19, 8:24 AM
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    debtaghh
    Telling my parents would seriously cause me so much more stress that I cannot explain. Years ago when we were contemplating an IVA ( when we had less debt) I told my mum and she was mortified and was humiliated at the idea and couldn't believe we had been so st***id and she spent days expressing how we have caused her so much stress and it's not nice for her having a daughter with this problem. I honestly love my parents and my mum at times has a good heart but they cause me a huge amount of pressure and stress in my life. I can't explain what they are like but everyone in the real world sees what they are like and say they don't know how I do it. Telling them would make things a million times worse.
    4th January 2019 £52,975
    • sweetpea26
    • By sweetpea26 5th Jan 19, 9:05 AM
    • 742 Posts
    • 5,169 Thanks
    sweetpea26
    I understand Debtagh. Try to limit time with them. Your self esteem rises as you make decisions to protect you and your family. We have to remember our worth. Your children are watching how you deal with money. I know that now but didnt think about it when they were smaller. Be honest with them when they may ask for something. Say we as a family are making choices now that will benefit us all in the years to come. This will help them feel more secure and stable.

    Things dont make you happy...it takes a while to realise it ...oh I wish I had half the sense that I have now when I was in my thirties

    I think the signature is a good idea..now penny by penny watch it reduce. Have you much you can sell?

    I used to read Frugal Queen she no longer has a blog but what I thought her idea of carrying no cash or cards when she went to work was a very good idea. Do you read blogs? There are some amazing people who literally live on very little and have paid off large debts.

    You are not on your own. You are not the first person to fall into debt but you are the only one that can fix your situation. Nothing is impossible..
    January Grocery Challenge £166.99/£390

    2019 Clutter Free Challenge 45 / 250 bags donated /recycled / Disposed of ...and any other tat I no longer need
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 5th Jan 19, 9:18 AM
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    debtaghh
    I have tried to limit my time around certain fam members.

    Yes, I love blogs, I find them really interesting.

    Unfortunately we don't have much to sell but I have a few bits listed on eBay at the minute.

    Now that I have my new plan I feel really encouraged to not spend as I would like to save the money to ensure I can afford to save each month. I think I was so trapped in a battle with what I should do - save it or clear debt that it was getting too much. My plan feels a lot clearer as I have allocated in my outgoings spreadsheet a section for savings. If miraculously, I manage to cover all my outgoings including the savings plus have spare money then I will use anything left over towards extra debt repayments. We have no council tax to pay in Feb and March so I'm hoping that will help us a bit.
    4th January 2019 £52,975
    • sweetpea26
    • By sweetpea26 5th Jan 19, 9:53 AM
    • 742 Posts
    • 5,169 Thanks
    sweetpea26
    That is good progress.. we get overwhelmed panic and think we can't beat it but when you start seeing that you can it is incredibly empowering. Look at your home finances like you would a little business. Account for every single penny. Get joy from saving pennies that add up to pounds ....chip away a day at a time ... reduce your spending to the bone.

    Its amazingly satisfying to watch a debt total fall even at a drip drip rate...it makes you feel in control. So many people on this blog here to support you Debtagh.

    I buy rice now in large 5 or 10 kg bags rather in supermarket standard sizes. I have saved so much money by doing that. Also if you are cooking a meal see if you can stretch it out to make a portion you can freeze. All these little freezer meals add up and some evening when you are shattered..out comes the collection of freezer meals. I also buy frozen peppers now for topping pizza and adding to spag bol. In Iceland at present they are a £1 and I am sure in Aldi they have similar. I use a maybe a quarter of a bag for the pizza and through a handful into spag bol or other meals..so much more economical than buying fresh peppers .. Just a tip for you


    Here are a few of the blogs I enjoy
    My Abundant Life ...australian lady
    Frugal Workshop .... Tenessee USA lady.
    MORTGAGE FREE IN THREE ... lady from Scotland

    some great blogs out there

    take care and enjoy life Debtagh..try not to worry...
    Last edited by sweetpea26; 05-01-2019 at 9:58 AM.
    January Grocery Challenge £166.99/£390

    2019 Clutter Free Challenge 45 / 250 bags donated /recycled / Disposed of ...and any other tat I no longer need
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 5th Jan 19, 9:57 AM
    • 1,520 Posts
    • 5,721 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Thanks so much especially for the blogs!

    I really like Frugalwoods blog and have signed up to the Uber frugal challenge this month. I will definitely read the ones that you have recommended.
    4th January 2019 £52,975
    • Silver Queen
    • By Silver Queen 5th Jan 19, 10:27 AM
    • 556 Posts
    • 2,475 Thanks
    Silver Queen
    Glad to hear you are feeling more positive debtaghh

    I think the key here is to decide on a plan and stick to it.

    It would be absolutely impossible for you to reduce the debt without first sorting out your monthly budget.

    It's really hard to keep an eye on things when your monthly debt balance is actually increasing because of interest - most people on here have their interest frozen so their balances are a set amount that they chip away at so it can be disheartening when your balance goes up.

    Just remember that every penny you pay over the interest amount is still reducing that debt. You have chosen not to go down the DMP route so it will be harder for you but you are still paying debt and it is still reducing. You just need to get your head down and focus.

    Your situation is by no means easy but here's what I would do (based on what's already been said so apologies if I'm rehashing!!)

    1. Work out OH's average monthly income
    2. Make sure your budget is below this amount
    3. Every month that OH gets paid more, save the extra for the months that he gets paid less. This might be tough to start with if he doesn't get the overtime at the start.
    4. Make sure you have a buffer, you will have to decide the amount you're comfortable with, personally I would say around £1,500 which would cover 3 months of absolutely no extra income.
    5. Anything more than that, use to make extra payments on debt.

    The priority at the moment is to make sure that your current budget stays workable to keep a roof over your head, everyone fed and the bills paid.

    I think you're very determined to pay the debt but sometimes it's resulted in you paying off too much that you can't afford, which means further borrowing, which is disheartening.

    Good luck with it all, hopefully 2019 is the year you manage to kick debt's butt!
    Debt Totals January 2019::
    £350 Natwest Credit Card / Now £0 (paid off and closed 04/2017) £15,500 postgrad loan from parents/ Now £8,250 £500 train ticket loan from parents / Now £0 (paid off 16/02/18) £2,000 Overdraft Now £0 (paid off 09/03/18) £1,967.83 Barclays 0% card Now £1,747.83
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 5th Jan 19, 10:43 AM
    • 7,665 Posts
    • 17,069 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    You have had some great advice and come up with a plan which I think sounds like a good plan. Why not try some challenges like the grocery challenge or NSDs? Get the family involved if you can so you don't feel so alone with it. Maybe put the credit card debt in your signature then just let the family debt tick on in the background. Silver queen particularly makes some good suggestions in the 5 steps above. This may not in the end avoid you going into some debt arrangement but you could look on this year as the year you turn things around and your position starts to improve. You will feel so much less stressed if you feel in control. I also would say try not to let the debt consume you because we have had many diary writers go into burn out because they cannot think of anything else. Do a plan every month or every week of spends for the week, payments which need making then forget about it (providing of course you won't go on a mad spending spree).
    Early retired in December 2017

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • motivated
    • By motivated 5th Jan 19, 10:44 AM
    • 2,403 Posts
    • 5,066 Thanks
    motivated


    Good morning to the new positive debtaghh.

    It's lovely to see you back in positive mode and to know you CAN do this. We teach our students at school

    "if you fail to plan, then you plan to fail"

    Chin up,chest out and onwards and downwards with the debt
    M
    I have arrived in DMP land and I like it, I may stay a while
    PDBX 19 #31 - £796/£7,000 = 11.3%
    SPC 12 #091
    365 penny challenge #10 - £30.00/£667.95
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 5th Jan 19, 11:40 AM
    • 1,520 Posts
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    debtaghh
    I will definitely do challenges. This month I'm just in my own challenge of just using vouchers for food until the 18th. With regards to nsd these should tie in nicely as I don't want to touch money in the account as it can go towards January's salary. I'm feeling very motivated... hope it lasts!
    Last edited by debtaghh; 05-01-2019 at 12:07 PM.
    4th January 2019 £52,975
    • WannabeFree
    • By WannabeFree 5th Jan 19, 12:02 PM
    • 2,670 Posts
    • 23,540 Thanks
    WannabeFree
    Good to see you feeling happier

    x
    “Once you hit rock bottom, that's where you perfectly stand; That's your chance of restarting, but restarting the way.”

    POAMAYC 19 #70 £450/£2070
    • MrsSave
    • By MrsSave 13th Jan 19, 9:28 PM
    • 1,634 Posts
    • 5,302 Thanks
    MrsSave
    I really feel for you Debtaghh. I can see that you really want to get out of debt, but can also see how much you're struggling. Increasing your income would obviously be a massive plus, and hopefully you'll be able to bring in enough each month to cover all your outgoings.

    I can see what you say about wanting to enjoy life, especially as this is such a long journey. We didn't give up everything on our debt free journey, but just found more frugal ways of doing things and made sure things were budgeted for. The problem I see is that you're not going to be able to do these things and pay off the debt. You need to first find a way so that each month all that basics are covered and you are paying off your debt. Once you've achieved that, then look at what income you have leftover and how about splitting it between overpaying the debt, putting a little into savings and using the rest to make your debt free journey that little bit easier.

    Remember, children don't remember the stuff they have when they're growing up, their memories will be about special times together. Things that will have made them smile and laugh. Not the money spent on them. Parent guilt is such a real thing, though. I think we all suffer from it in some way or another but you must remember that spending money on them isn't what makes them happy. I'd say from what I've read here that you're an amazing mum to your children.

    You just need a definite plan for 2019 for busting part of this debt. How amazing would it be to end 2019 with £5k or more less debt to pay off? How can you achieve that? What's your food budget for the month? Make sure you budget for everything for the month realistically, and then stick to it. I'd re-do your SOA (privately if you don't want to put in on here, though please remember everyone is here to help even if sometimes things can come across as harsh) and make sure you stick to that every month.
    Finally debt free (other than the mortgage) - 05/02/18
    Check out my debt free diary 'Mrs S.....life after debt' below:
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 14th Jan 19, 7:41 AM
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    debtaghh
    Thanks for your message Mrs Save.

    So me just using vouchers for food hasn't really worked that well. I have vouchers left over because you can't use them in many shops. I can't wait until pay day. The next month is going to be very expensive, I have 4 birthdays and a wedding! I will use money in the bday/Xmas savings for them.

    I have a feeling this month will be tight as I don't think my dh is due much overtime in his pay
    4th January 2019 £52,975
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 14th Jan 19, 8:26 AM
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    enthusiasticsaver
    Can you not use the vouchers for any of the birthday presents? I can't tell you how relieved I am that DH family and mine plus all of our friends now have agreed no birthday or Xmas presents. Just having to think of my immediate family is so much easier. 6 presents throughout the year and at Xmas. I think you have broached this in the past? I think at your level of debt I would say enough is enough and you are only buying for your DH and children. Your mum and dad are not that supportive and very judgemental so they should be pleased you are looking to save money.
    Early retired in December 2017

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 14th Jan 19, 8:51 AM
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    debtaghh
    They have all asked for cash for their bdays but I might give them less and then buy a token gift with the vouchers. We do only small token gifts at Xmas .
    4th January 2019 £52,975
    • motivated
    • By motivated 17th Jan 19, 12:07 PM
    • 2,403 Posts
    • 5,066 Thanks
    motivated
    Hi debtaghh

    Just popping in to see how you're doing. Hope you are still positive and upbeat.

    Birthdays come round so quickly and the token gift with vouchers is a good idea.
    M
    I have arrived in DMP land and I like it, I may stay a while
    PDBX 19 #31 - £796/£7,000 = 11.3%
    SPC 12 #091
    365 penny challenge #10 - £30.00/£667.95
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 17th Jan 19, 3:57 PM
    • 7,665 Posts
    • 17,069 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Are these close family members? Maybe my family are unusual but no one has ever asked me for cash for a birthday or Christmas present. I have given it and some have amazon wishlists but I think I would be inclined to give nothing if people presumed first of all I was getting them a present and then asked for cash for it. It sounds a bit entitled.
    Early retired in December 2017

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 17th Jan 19, 4:16 PM
    • 1,520 Posts
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    debtaghh
    Thanks motivated, all ok here. I'm just plodding along. DH gets paid tomorrow so looking forward in paying the minimums.

    The gifts are for close relatives and I asked what they wanted and they asked for cash towards a more expensive item.
    4th January 2019 £52,975
    • motivated
    • By motivated 17th Jan 19, 7:31 PM
    • 2,403 Posts
    • 5,066 Thanks
    motivated
    Once you make a round of payments it gives you a boost to carry on. I find it helps me. I have a written list of everything I need to pay out on my payday and I tick them all off once paid. Any DDs that go on different dates (a few small ones) I store the money in a different account and the night before I transfer it over. I check first thing in the morning and then tick that off too. It's like playing bank account tennis with myself
    M
    I have arrived in DMP land and I like it, I may stay a while
    PDBX 19 #31 - £796/£7,000 = 11.3%
    SPC 12 #091
    365 penny challenge #10 - £30.00/£667.95
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 17th Jan 19, 7:34 PM
    • 1,520 Posts
    • 5,721 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Once you make a round of payments it gives you a boost to carry on. I find it helps me. I have a written list of everything I need to pay out on my payday and I tick them all off once paid. Any DDs that go on different dates (a few small ones) I store the money in a different account and the night before I transfer it over. I check first thing in the morning and then tick that off too. It's like playing bank account tennis with myself
    M
    Originally posted by motivated
    Enjoy the match
    4th January 2019 £52,975
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