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  • FIRST POST
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 27th Jul 16, 10:00 AM
    • 1,220Posts
    • 4,486Thanks
    debtaghh
    I want to stop drowning
    • #1
    • 27th Jul 16, 10:00 AM
    I want to stop drowning 27th Jul 16 at 10:00 AM
    Hi,

    I am not sure where to start or what I want from this but here goes ...

    We are in major debt and things seem to be getting worse, I have been looking at this site for years and know there is no point me posting my soa as we literally can't cut back any more e.g

    food shop for fam of 5 240- if you can help me reduce this then that would be great. I shop at Aldi, Lidl etc and have most shops locally.
    We just got rid of sky and have reduced mobiles, gas etc.

    We can't do an iva or dmp etc as we are in rented accomadation and I know estate agents can use guarantors etc but we don't have one plus they are not that keen as I have mentioned it before to them. Where we live , it's really hard to rent as there are limited properties and having bad credit would just go against us which we really can't do.

    Our biggest issues are that I do things that I end up regretting e.g booking holidays in the uk which still add up, book parties for the kids etc. I don't know how we got into so much debt but assume it must be down to this and i've never been on a good salary. My business has been hit badly and never recovered. I'm currently looking for a part time job but can't see this happening soon as I need it to be enough salary to cover childcare for my baby. My husband is on a good salary but works shifts which means I can't rely on him for childcare help and we don't have any family that can help us. I've tried working for direct selling companies and sell things on music magpie, ebay and gumtree ( I literally have nothing else to sell). I use cashbaack sites too and did do surverys but never seem to be eligible but will stary back with that- any recommendations for good ones? Or any ideas of making more money from home?

    We are due to go away soon and I would love to have advice on how we can save money on food whilst staying at a hotel, I thought I will bring snacks from home and croissants, drink cartons for breakfast but don't want to be speending loads on lunch and dinners.

    I also feel pressure from my family when it comes to birthdays and christmas time with regards to buying expensive pressies. We have a holiday booked at christmas too ( I know not ideal).

    I supoose I'm writng this to start afresh as I can't carry on like this anymore. I am severly depressed and wake up exhausted every day and have no motivation to do anything. I feel like we are drowing in debt. I am currently receiving cbt but in all honesty the crux of the situation is the debt is the issue. I'm sick of having regrets and living life like this so fingers crossed to new me, it' going to take years but here goes.....
Page 64
    • Spendy Spenderson
    • By Spendy Spenderson 14th May 18, 10:33 PM
    • 4 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    Spendy Spenderson
    Hi debtagh (*waves hello* in absence of knowing how to use these smileys)

    I recently read through your diary from the beginning and now delurking to add my two pence worth. Firstly congratulations on the new job, that's fantastic and you should be really proud! I know it may not feel like a high wage for now but importantly it will be a regular income that you can reliably budget with. It's also a great opportunity to step back into the world of work and get some experience on the CV. This will help you when you're ready to move on to something else, or if you stay then you can work your way up learning new skills and grabbing hold of internal opportunities for progression that come your way.


    Anyway, moving on to the current situation I am not sure I can actually offer much advice on the house issue. You need 3 beds as a minimum and if there really isn't anything for less money, or those that do exist are so far out that it will result in the same outgoings overall, then this leaves little choice. But one thing I have been thinking while reading through your diary is that there really is a significant difference between your incomings & outgoings, even more so since the minimum payments were increased on the credit cards and now this increase in rent. I would encourage you to do a *realistic* SOA with the new rent figure. This should be an accurate reflection of what you spend on each category each month. This will give the true picture of what that minus figure really is. If it's significant, which I unfortunately suspect it is, then I believe a lot of advice would urge you to consider a DMP.


    As I said I have read your diary so I know how against this you are but that was for a specific reason - if you needed to rent again in the short term. You now know you do need to do this therefore you could try to negotiate a longer term in the new tenancy (ie 2 years with a 6 month break clause for protection) and once you are in this new property, can you look at applying for a DMP then? My understanding (someone correct me if wrong) is that your landlord or managing agent will not be told or informed if you go on a DMP. Your concern was that it would show up in a check and put you at a disadvantage property wise. But once you have your property you should not have to worry about this again for some time. And this may therefore be the opportunity to start this which should then allow you to actually afford all your outgoings and budget for food, entertainment etc and not constantly feel like it's just never enough, which is what I imagine it does feel like if every month you have a deficit of hundreds of pounds in what you'll bring in and what must be paid out. The stress and anxiety that causes you is not good. You budget really well and you try everything, but sometimes I just feel its a constant uphill battle and perhaps futile if the simple answer is you can never afford your outgoings.


    As I say it's just my suggestion for managing what I see as a precarious situation in the longer term. I am not overly experienced in these things though so happy for those who might know better to correct me here. You have a lot of lovely dedicated supporters (yes I'm looking at you ES amongst others ) who are here to help you every step of the way.

    Good luck with everything and I'll go back to cheering you on from the sidelines.

    Spendy
    Last edited by Spendy Spenderson; 14-05-2018 at 10:40 PM.
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 14th May 18, 10:48 PM
    • 6,369 Posts
    • 13,018 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Hi debtagh (*waves hello* in absence of knowing how to use these smileys)

    I recently read through your diary from the beginning and now delurking to add my two pence worth. Firstly congratulations on the new job, that's fantastic and you should be really proud! I know it may not feel like a high wage for now but importantly it will be a regular income that you can reliably budget with. It's also a great opportunity to step back into the world of work and get some experience on the CV. This will help you when you're ready to move on to something else, or if you stay then you can work your way up learning new skills and grabbing hold of internal opportunities for progression that come your way.


    Anyway, moving on to the current situation I am not sure I can actually offer much advice on the house issue. You need 3 beds as a minimum and if there really isn't anything for less money, or those that do exist are so far out that it will result in the same outgoings overall, then this leaves little choice. But one thing I have been thinking while reading through your diary is that there really is a significant difference between your incomings & outgoings, even more so since the minimum payments were increased on the credit cards and now this increase in rent. I would encourage you to do a *realistic* SOA with the new rent figure. This should be an accurate reflection of what you spend on each category each month. This will give the true picture of what that minus figure really is. If it's significant, which I unfortunately suspect it is, then I believe a lot of advice would urge you to consider a DMP.


    As I said I have read your diary so I know how against this you are but that was for a specific reason - if you needed to rent again in the short term. You now know you do need to do this therefore you could try to negotiate a longer term in the new tenancy (ie 2 years with a 6 month break clause for protection) and once you are in this new property, can you look at applying for a DMP then? My understanding (someone correct me if wrong) is that your landlord or managing agent will not be told or informed if you go on a DMP. Your concern was that it would show up in a check and put you at a disadvantage property wise. But once you have your property you should not have to worry about this again for some time. And this may therefore be the opportunity to start this which should then allow you to actually afford all your outgoings and budget for food, entertainment etc and not constantly feel like it's just never enough, which is what I imagine it does feel like if every month you have a deficit of hundreds of pounds in what you'll bring in and what must be paid out. The stress and anxiety that causes you is not good. You budget really well and you try everything, but sometimes I just feel its a constant uphill battle and perhaps futile if the simple answer is you can never afford your outgoings.


    As I say it's just my suggestion for managing what I see as a precarious situation in the longer term. I am not overly experienced in these things though so happy for those who might know better to correct me here. You have a lot of lovely dedicated supporters (yes I'm looking at you ES amongst others ) who are here to help you every step of the way.

    Good luck with everything and I'll go back to cheering you on from the sidelines.

    Spendy
    Originally posted by Spendy Spenderson
    Some good advice there Spendy. OP has looked into a DMP but a significant part of her debt is to family which is normally not allowed for when negotiating lower payments with creditors. Sometimes a self managed DMP is worth considering but there is no guarantee that the creditors would allow for the family debt monthly repayments. It is something which has been mentioned though.
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 15th May 18, 5:35 AM
    • 1,220 Posts
    • 4,486 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Thanks. Half of my debt is family debt plus with renting around here , we could have to move again in 12 months which means we will have the same issue of having bad credit so an Iva and dmp are not viable options.
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc 49,987- family 37,561: total debt 87549

    Current debt: Cc 42,775 , Family 39,608 total debt 82,383

    Frugal living challenge # 10- 8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 15th May 18, 8:31 AM
    • 52 Posts
    • 40 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    My understanding when i rented was that you were only checked for CCJ's on your file , nothing else
    As long as your income meets the affordability / salary required there isnt usually a problem
    I needed a gaurentor as my rent was 950 and my salary 20k so on paper I couldn't afford the rent

    This may have changed - Are you not entitled to any housing benefit ?
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 15th May 18, 8:48 AM
    • 1,220 Posts
    • 4,486 Thanks
    debtaghh
    The problem is where we live you have 5 families going for the same house, I don't want anything to jeopardise us not getting a house. I don't think we would be eligible to housing benefit as my sister isn't and she earns a lot less.
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc 49,987- family 37,561: total debt 87549

    Current debt: Cc 42,775 , Family 39,608 total debt 82,383

    Frugal living challenge # 10- 8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 15th May 18, 8:58 AM
    • 6,369 Posts
    • 13,018 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    The situation with renting in your area is dreadful if you are going to have to move again in 12 months and are having to pay 1450 in rent for a 3 bed house each month. I am not sure how anyone would afford that and with your anxiety very stressful for you. Near us in a nice area on Devon and Cornwall border my DDs friend and Her family have moved to a lovely 3 bed for 700 a month.

    Sometimes moving areas is the best but in the long term working towards it in a considered way is the best rather than rushing a decision so maybe look at this next year as preparing to move to a more sustainable solution. Moving every 12 months is unsettling and expensive. I think I would get the cheapest house you can in this area for now and you save/pay off as much debt as possible over next 12 months and you get some work experience in your new job because both of you earning is the only way you will get out of this. Then the next time you move you look to move as far out as possible and consider applying for new jobs in your new area which should be more affordable for you to live. It is hard but ultimately may make you happier. Use the next 12 months to research schooling, jobs and rents in your chosen new area. I know moving away from friends and family is hard and your anxiety may make this a step too far. You have to do what is right for you.

    Dh and I moved from Surrey to Cornwall almost 30 years ago with 2 young DDs due to high housing costs (we owned though rather than rented). My husband was an engineer and managed to get a transfer from London are to Devon and Cornwall with the same company.i was in banking so could work anywhere. We had no family or friends down here but we gradually built up a new life and never regretted moving away from South East. I am not sure if that is where you are but I think in your position I would not want to keep doing this every year. It depends on your DH profession though as to whether it is possible to move jobs and maintain current level of salary. Even if the debt reduces buying in an expensive area will be outside your means.

    Building up your admin experience in your new job is a definite must. At some point you might be able to apply for promotion, as Cumbria Lass says you will get 30 free hours childcare when your youngest is 3. Things will get better.
    Last edited by enthusiasticsaver; 15-05-2018 at 9:01 AM.
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 15th May 18, 9:14 AM
    • 1,220 Posts
    • 4,486 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Thanks. The actual rent us 1300 but the extra council tax and car expenses make 1450. That is pretty much the cheapest half decent property in the area. We are hoping we won't have to move again within 12 months but you never know. I would love to move areas but it's just not feasible at the minute. My aim is to try and increase my hours next year but I can't do more than I going to do due to my mental health.
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc 49,987- family 37,561: total debt 87549

    Current debt: Cc 42,775 , Family 39,608 total debt 82,383

    Frugal living challenge # 10- 8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 15th May 18, 9:29 AM
    • 6,369 Posts
    • 13,018 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Sounds like a plan.

    Maybe use the next month to have the whole family go through all your stuff and sell what is not needed or freecycle to make the moving of possessions as easy as possible. I usually find decluttering is good for making things seem clearer both in my head and physically.

    When do you start your new job?
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 15th May 18, 9:34 AM
    • 1,220 Posts
    • 4,486 Thanks
    debtaghh
    I'm not sure of a start day yet as I'm waiting on references etc but i'm hoping by the beg of June.
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc 49,987- family 37,561: total debt 87549

    Current debt: Cc 42,775 , Family 39,608 total debt 82,383

    Frugal living challenge # 10- 8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • Spendy Spenderson
    • By Spendy Spenderson 15th May 18, 4:36 PM
    • 4 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    Spendy Spenderson
    I agree that moving regularly is unsettling and expensive. I would urge you to discuss putting in place a 2 year tenancy with the estate agents of your next rented property. It is common practice to have a break clause in there at either the 6 or 9 month point, which would allow you to give two months notice to move out in case you do decide to go further afield after researching another area. But the benefit of this longer duration is that you won't have to renegotiate the agreement again in 12 months time, which would mean further admin fees from the estate agents and the possibility of rent increasing. Not to mention lots more stress and anxiety. Getting a 2 year tenancy should hopefully provide you with a feeling of more security.

    Note that it's not just in the renter's interest, the landlord gets to avoid the additional fees from the estate agent that they get charged when a tenancy needs renewing, and it also provides them with some level of security too. I have recently rented out my flat in outskirts of SE London and was encouraged to consider this 2 year tenancy and was happy to do so as it makes sense all round.
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 15th May 18, 4:43 PM
    • 1,220 Posts
    • 4,486 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Hi, we have asked for a two year one with a 12 months break clause.
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc 49,987- family 37,561: total debt 87549

    Current debt: Cc 42,775 , Family 39,608 total debt 82,383

    Frugal living challenge # 10- 8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 18th May 18, 5:23 AM
    • 1,220 Posts
    • 4,486 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Morning,

    Life feels so busy at the minute. I'm still waiting on a contract from the job and a contract about the house. We don't know if the landlord has agreed certain things including the two year contract.

    On the money side things aren't great. I need work clothes for a start as well as new shoes. Dh has been paid loads of overtime and has received I think the best pay he has ever had. We have an expensive time ahead though. The car needs it's mot and car tax. The move is going to cost us a fortune.

    Have a lovely day everyone.
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc 49,987- family 37,561: total debt 87549

    Current debt: Cc 42,775 , Family 39,608 total debt 82,383

    Frugal living challenge # 10- 8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
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