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  • FIRST POST
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 27th Jul 16, 10:00 AM
    • 1,268Posts
    • 4,808Thanks
    debtaghh
    I want to stop drowning
    • #1
    • 27th Jul 16, 10:00 AM
    I want to stop drowning 27th Jul 16 at 10:00 AM
    Hi,

    I am not sure where to start or what I want from this but here goes ...

    We are in major debt and things seem to be getting worse, I have been looking at this site for years and know there is no point me posting my soa as we literally can't cut back any more e.g

    food shop for fam of 5 £240- if you can help me reduce this then that would be great. I shop at Aldi, Lidl etc and have most shops locally.
    We just got rid of sky and have reduced mobiles, gas etc.

    We can't do an iva or dmp etc as we are in rented accomadation and I know estate agents can use guarantors etc but we don't have one plus they are not that keen as I have mentioned it before to them. Where we live , it's really hard to rent as there are limited properties and having bad credit would just go against us which we really can't do.

    Our biggest issues are that I do things that I end up regretting e.g booking holidays in the uk which still add up, book parties for the kids etc. I don't know how we got into so much debt but assume it must be down to this and i've never been on a good salary. My business has been hit badly and never recovered. I'm currently looking for a part time job but can't see this happening soon as I need it to be enough salary to cover childcare for my baby. My husband is on a good salary but works shifts which means I can't rely on him for childcare help and we don't have any family that can help us. I've tried working for direct selling companies and sell things on music magpie, ebay and gumtree ( I literally have nothing else to sell). I use cashbaack sites too and did do surverys but never seem to be eligible but will stary back with that- any recommendations for good ones? Or any ideas of making more money from home?

    We are due to go away soon and I would love to have advice on how we can save money on food whilst staying at a hotel, I thought I will bring snacks from home and croissants, drink cartons for breakfast but don't want to be speending loads on lunch and dinners.

    I also feel pressure from my family when it comes to birthdays and christmas time with regards to buying expensive pressies. We have a holiday booked at christmas too ( I know not ideal).

    I supoose I'm writng this to start afresh as I can't carry on like this anymore. I am severly depressed and wake up exhausted every day and have no motivation to do anything. I feel like we are drowing in debt. I am currently receiving cbt but in all honesty the crux of the situation is the debt is the issue. I'm sick of having regrets and living life like this so fingers crossed to new me, it' going to take years but here goes.....
Page 43
    • WannabeFree
    • By WannabeFree 2nd Jan 18, 11:35 AM
    • 1,625 Posts
    • 14,196 Thanks
    WannabeFree
    If people are funny about it speaks volumes about them not you!

    Don't let it upset you x
    ďOnce you hit rock bottom, that's where you perfectly stand; That's your chance of restarting, but restarting the right way.Ē
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 2nd Jan 18, 11:59 AM
    • 6,153 Posts
    • 22,636 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    I sent it and some ppl have been funny about it

    Oh well itís to help our future!
    Originally posted by debtaghh
    It's tough, they'll come round eventually.
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £6200.00 Cap 1: £395.80 BC: £6841.81
    AFD xxx LTW 6/16
    POAMAYC 2018 #041 PD £6288.87/£7000
    Savings for Christmas £191.84/£365
    20p Savers 2018 £2 Savers 2018 50p Savers 2018 SPC 11 2018 #003
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 2nd Jan 18, 2:37 PM
    • 6,616 Posts
    • 13,917 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    I cannot understand people who want to continue with the present merry go round. We had this with a family member this weekend as we spent new year with them. We don't normally buy for them as their side of the family is huge now with all the grandchildren and we never see them. Usually they don't buy for us either but the wife went to town on presents for our daughters and granddaughter. The husband apparently told her she was bonkers and she said it was only a little something. Trouble is when you buy a little something for more than 10 people on that side of the family it comes to more than £100. DH said oh perhaps we should get them something but I refuse to be guilt tripped into it when we agreed years ago we would stop.

    Particularly if you are not that close to these people then I would not worry if they are reluctant to stop present buying. You need to put your family first. They will soon adjust and I bet there are some people who are glad you raised the issue. I would stick with your kids and maybe your parents. We stopped with siblings as this got ridiculous as all their families expanded with nieces, nephews, grandchildren etc but I do buy for my brother who has no partner or children.
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 2nd Jan 18, 4:43 PM
    • 1,268 Posts
    • 4,808 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Thanks. I feel better knowing the saving I am going to make next Christmas.

    Another nsd here, letís hope it continues!!! Iím def on a roll, I feel very enthusiastic to not spend and make money last!
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc £49,987- family £37,561: total debt £87549

    Current debt: Cc £43,953 , Family £ 39,264 total debt £83,217

    Frugal living challenge # 10- £8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 2nd Jan 18, 4:57 PM
    • 1,913 Posts
    • 11,637 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    Happy New Year ! You have started the year on a flying start. The present conundrum is always hard , this is the way my friends and I have done presents. It does help we all have 2 children each , but we have transferred the idea to grandchildren of the friends now.

    We buy for babies birth, christening and 1st birthday . Then when they are 18 & 21 ., plus wedding . This list has worked for us over the past 28 yrs or so.

    Glad to hear you so upbeat, good luck on the job hunting front.
    CC1 £3475 May 2018
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 2nd Jan 18, 5:25 PM
    • 1,268 Posts
    • 4,808 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Happy New Year ! You have started the year on a flying start. The present conundrum is always hard , this is the way my friends and I have done presents. It does help we all have 2 children each , but we have transferred the idea to grandchildren of the friends now.

    We buy for babies birth, christening and 1st birthday . Then when they are 18 & 21 ., plus wedding . This list has worked for us over the past 28 yrs or so.

    Glad to hear you so upbeat, good luck on the job hunting front.
    Originally posted by Cumbria lass
    That sounds like a good idea!
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc £49,987- family £37,561: total debt £87549

    Current debt: Cc £43,953 , Family £ 39,264 total debt £83,217

    Frugal living challenge # 10- £8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • wishingthemortgaheaway
    • By wishingthemortgaheaway 2nd Jan 18, 5:35 PM
    • 1,478 Posts
    • 7,060 Thanks
    wishingthemortgaheaway
    A secret santa works well if you have a big circle of the same people. We do that with our uni friend group.
    The 100 payment countdown (each payment = £400) 2018 Starts at 13/100 o/s £34,750.
    Jan 18 14/100 Feb 15/100 March 18/100 April 19/100 May 20/100 June 21/100
    Term Mortgage free date: October 2029 Current mortgage free date: April 2025 March 2024 Jan 2024
    MFW 2018 Challenge Member #162 £1600ish/£2,500
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 4th Jan 18, 6:21 AM
    • 1,268 Posts
    • 4,808 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Morning,

    It feels like a funny time of year with things trying to get back to normal. In one way Iím wanting the routine and to get on with jobs but in another way I miss the children and the games that we have played and movies that we have watched. I spent time yesterday in writing a long list of jobs that need doing so I have plenty to do.

    Today I need to:

    Change bed sheets
    Clean bathroom surfaces
    Reapply for bigger bin
    Choose one other item off list at least
    Look for a job- this is daily

    Iíve had two nsd this year so far.

    Have a frugal day everyone.
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc £49,987- family £37,561: total debt £87549

    Current debt: Cc £43,953 , Family £ 39,264 total debt £83,217

    Frugal living challenge # 10- £8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 4th Jan 18, 9:21 AM
    • 1,268 Posts
    • 4,808 Thanks
    debtaghh
    I think my above post reflects how I feel when I say a funny time. I feel a bit down as I think how tight things are has hit home. Iíve told my son he canít have his once a week sch dinner after half term, he also asked why he doesnít get Capri suns anymore and I explained that they cost too much. My friend gave me some dates to meet up and I chose the latest date offered to prolong seeing her due to fuel etc. We have a local website that offers good deals eg £40 restaurant voucher for £20 , I would sometimes get this to use as a treat but I havenít as I donít need it.

    Iím scared that we are not going to manage financially. Iím looking for a job but there isnít anything suitable locally. My dh gave a good example yesterday, he said we are hanging off a cliff and anything could push us over and thatís exactly how I feel. If we have anything unexpected we will have major issues.

    I suppose this barclaycard situation has probably given me my full lightbulb moment that I needed. I wish it had been earlier!
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc £49,987- family £37,561: total debt £87549

    Current debt: Cc £43,953 , Family £ 39,264 total debt £83,217

    Frugal living challenge # 10- £8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 4th Jan 18, 2:29 PM
    • 1,268 Posts
    • 4,808 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Very proud of myself ( itís only something small) ,I was invited out and I said no and instead they came to mine for a coffee. In the past I wouldnít have even thought twice about popping to a coffee shop ( supermarket one)
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc £49,987- family £37,561: total debt £87549

    Current debt: Cc £43,953 , Family £ 39,264 total debt £83,217

    Frugal living challenge # 10- £8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 4th Jan 18, 2:34 PM
    • 6,616 Posts
    • 13,917 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Well done on resisting coffee shop. No sense in beating yourself up but if Barclaycard had not been taking a ridiculously low minimum payment you would have been forced to deal with this when the debt was presumably lower. I think the analogy of hanging off a cliff is good and shows your DH gets it even if he, like you, feels powerless to do anything. Small steps will make the difference though.
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 4th Jan 18, 2:46 PM
    • 1,268 Posts
    • 4,808 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Well done on resisting coffee shop. No sense in beating yourself up but if Barclaycard had not been taking a ridiculously low minimum payment you would have been forced to deal with this when the debt was presumably lower. I think the analogy of hanging off a cliff is good and shows your DH gets it even if he, like you, feels powerless to do anything. Small steps will make the difference though.
    Originally posted by enthusiasticsaver
    Thanks. Thatís why I thought of stopping dsís lunch , itís £2.40 per week but that added to the 20p Capri Sun a day is a £3.40 per week saving. £132.60 in a school year just by cutting on those two things.
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc £49,987- family £37,561: total debt £87549

    Current debt: Cc £43,953 , Family £ 39,264 total debt £83,217

    Frugal living challenge # 10- £8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 4th Jan 18, 2:50 PM
    • 6,616 Posts
    • 13,917 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Capri sun is loaded with sugar anyway so you are doing your son a favour health wise
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • Storm89
    • By Storm89 4th Jan 18, 7:46 PM
    • 517 Posts
    • 1,328 Thanks
    Storm89
    I've just read your entire diary and you've come so far from doing the money transfers all the time. I am rooting for you to pull through and get this debt down.
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 4th Jan 18, 7:52 PM
    • 1,268 Posts
    • 4,808 Thanks
    debtaghh
    I've just read your entire diary and you've come so far from doing the money transfers all the time. I am rooting for you to pull through and get this debt down.
    Originally posted by Storm89
    Thank you so much for taking the time to read it!
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc £49,987- family £37,561: total debt £87549

    Current debt: Cc £43,953 , Family £ 39,264 total debt £83,217

    Frugal living challenge # 10- £8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 4th Jan 18, 8:43 PM
    • 1,913 Posts
    • 11,637 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    You have really tightened your budget , and you can only see how the next couple of months go . You can still see your friends without spending lots of money as you have found out.
    CC1 £3475 May 2018
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 5th Jan 18, 6:05 AM
    • 1,268 Posts
    • 4,808 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Morning ,

    I sorted my low mood out yesterday by keeping busy which seemed to do the trick. I ticked a lot of things off my long list ( I only list priority jobs on here). I currently feel in a better mood and pleased with how well Iím doing. The aim is to clear as much as I can over the next few months to reduce the minimums. Itís quite exciting challenging myself seeing how long our entertainment money can last. I have £50 to last until 20th. I have £40 p/w on food but I have meal planned and I donít need too many bits other than the usual milk, fruit etc. My dh is def on the ball and is even starting to use the word frugal. My sister has picked up on the fact that this is my word of the year. My 16 year old hadnít heard of it and said I know as you want to be frubal or whatever it is

    Today I need to:

    Pack and post business item and answer offers
    Washing
    Food shopping

    Have a lovely frugal day everyone.
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc £49,987- family £37,561: total debt £87549

    Current debt: Cc £43,953 , Family £ 39,264 total debt £83,217

    Frugal living challenge # 10- £8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
    • wishingthemortgaheaway
    • By wishingthemortgaheaway 5th Jan 18, 6:49 AM
    • 1,478 Posts
    • 7,060 Thanks
    wishingthemortgaheaway
    Frubel - love it. That should be your word of the year

    Frugal, but with a hint of fun/silliness and 'I'm not going to let this s**t get me down' in it.
    The 100 payment countdown (each payment = £400) 2018 Starts at 13/100 o/s £34,750.
    Jan 18 14/100 Feb 15/100 March 18/100 April 19/100 May 20/100 June 21/100
    Term Mortgage free date: October 2029 Current mortgage free date: April 2025 March 2024 Jan 2024
    MFW 2018 Challenge Member #162 £1600ish/£2,500
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 5th Jan 18, 11:07 AM
    • 6,153 Posts
    • 22,636 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    Bless him, love it and definitely the word for the year lol

    You're doing great hun and your mindset has changed drastically xx
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £6200.00 Cap 1: £395.80 BC: £6841.81
    AFD xxx LTW 6/16
    POAMAYC 2018 #041 PD £6288.87/£7000
    Savings for Christmas £191.84/£365
    20p Savers 2018 £2 Savers 2018 50p Savers 2018 SPC 11 2018 #003
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 5th Jan 18, 3:18 PM
    • 1,268 Posts
    • 4,808 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Food shopping done £25.02, Iím very pleased with that.

    Iíve also cleared the very balance!
    Debt 16th October 2017: Cc £49,987- family £37,561: total debt £87549

    Current debt: Cc £43,953 , Family £ 39,264 total debt £83,217

    Frugal living challenge # 10- £8000 presents/ food/ entertainment/clothes/shoes/haircuts
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