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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,173Posts
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    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 532
    • AylesburyDuck
    • By AylesburyDuck 13th Nov 18, 12:08 PM
    • 864 Posts
    • 2,156 Thanks
    AylesburyDuck
    Yes I have aspergers as well as other things on top, had to be strong today I was seeing if the messages slowed down, if it does continue I may have to change number or at least I will keep the number but use another phone and sim I have instead, my friends and parents have it and currently its the backup number for DWP and bank etc so that way they can message all they want.

    The messages I ignored today did annoy me a bit though, ones telling me that they don't want to fall out with me over this (the cheek, when they owe me money) playing on my guilt saying its for the girlfriends relative who is on a breathing machine in hospital and its for medical costs its "only 20" I will get cash next week when they start new job, even hint they have to go to loan shark if I don't do this which will cause him more problems.

    I was drained today and slept 12 hours due to all the stress, after the weekend Im going to use my other phone for a while.
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    Greetings fellow Aspie,
    As i havnt read all the posts has it been suggested at all that you should contact the Police regarding this relative as its harassment.
    When they see all the missed calls and /or messages ect daily, they will be asked to stop, if they dont it can mean jail time. If anything will stop them, this will.
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 13th Nov 18, 7:23 PM
    • 40,659 Posts
    • 150,501 Thanks
    Pyxis
    Just popping in to tell you something.

    A friend of mine had her ESA revoked, so she appealed against it, and several months later attended the Tribunal hearing yesterday.

    The revocation and the following months leading up to the appeal, plus all the forms and paperwork caused her an enormous amount of stress, which I could see drastically affected her health, (as if she needed that on top of all her problems!).

    She nearly gave up on the whole thing a couple of times, due to the stress, but she did soldier on with it.
    She said that if a friend hadn't agreed to go to the Hearing with her, she wouldn't have gone, as the stress was too much.
    On the day of the hearing she was a total wreck, and she was convinced she wouldn't get any joy.

    Anyway, the Tribunal agreed straight away that she should get ESA!
    And then went on to consider whether she should get Support as well.
    Because she was there, and giving verbal evidence, which did emphasise her problems, they also decided she should get the Support element too!
    (The DWP hadn't sent a representative to defend their decision).

    So, this is just to say that, if you are in a similar position, don't give up hope, stay strong, and do, do, do, go to the hearing, however awful you are feeling, and however scary it seems. The Tribunal judge is a barrister, completely impartial, and very fair.
    Take a friend with you, especially if they can corroborate your difficulties and give personal examples of how those problems affected you.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • Gingernutty
    • By Gingernutty 13th Nov 18, 9:43 PM
    • 3,519 Posts
    • 10,694 Thanks
    Gingernutty
    I'm off the ADs.

    Just working on the ADHD meds now.

    No appreciable difference in mood.

    I've lost enough weight to be a size 12 (ish).

    WaS, you seem to have found your niche! Fabulous.

    Dekaspace. Tell everyone who needs to know, your 'other phone', leave your relative phoning and texting the old number and talk to the police about his harassment.
    Don't know what I'm doing, but doing it anyway...
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 14th Nov 18, 2:18 AM
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    • 22,086 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    So sorry to hear that Melly, OH has been through enough, you both have.

    That is good timing for me Pyxis as I was informed I will be having a PIP assessment soon. They are doing it at my home which is something at least. I am absolutely dreading it, knowing my luck I will panic so much that I end up catatonic throughout it and they will think I am not cooperating! This will be my first assessment, I have no idea what to expect or even if the assessor will know anything about my mental illnesses. Panic!
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 14th Nov 18, 7:38 PM
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    • 4,517 Thanks
    dekaspace
    Haven't heard from relative since weekend so thats good, yesterday saw a nice ex neighbour whom I hadn't seen in 2 years on bus and had a chat, today went with another friend for a meal.


    Been a little drained though, and doctor has said now I have been on the meds a month he has prescribed me the stronger dose (double the previous strength) going to wait until Sunday when my current dose runs out rather than start tomorrow.
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 14th Nov 18, 9:39 PM
    • 17,351 Posts
    • 45,717 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    So sorry to hear that Melly, OH has been through enough, you both have.

    That is good timing for me Pyxis as I was informed I will be having a PIP assessment soon. They are doing it at my home which is something at least. I am absolutely dreading it, knowing my luck I will panic so much that I end up catatonic throughout it and they will think I am not cooperating! This will be my first assessment, I have no idea what to expect or even if the assessor will know anything about my mental illnesses. Panic!
    Originally posted by Waves and Smiles
    One thing to remember WaS is that you probably have lots and lots of medical evidence, Christ i was awarded it and the most recent psych lettters for me were 6 years old and they still awarded me it. Try not to worry, i'm sure it will go fine. I know its not nice to focus on the negatives when we try our best to ignore them but you just tell them everything and i'm sure it will be ok.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    Weight loss attempt 23002 7lbs/127lbs lost
    • 20aday
    • By 20aday 17th Nov 18, 3:09 AM
    • 2,418 Posts
    • 1,030 Thanks
    20aday
    Good morning everyone, sorry I haven't posted here in a while.

    Am I overreacting here or am I right to feel disappointed/disgusted?

    I booked myself a ticket to an event in Manchester last night (Friday) and I'd been looking forward to it for ages.

    Was in said venue when I needed to use the bathroom and started to make my way through the crowds; moved past a group of men when one of them decided to put his hand (firmly) on my backside.

    I had my back to him, froze briefly, then walked away as quickly as possible-whilst waiting in the queue for the bathroom I didn't know what to think?

    When I left said venue a couple of security personnel told me once I'd left I couldn't re-enter but when I said why I was leaving they made no real effort to make sure I was OK.

    There's a very good reason why I'm probably reacting/feeling the way I am; I struggle in busy places as it is because because of the event in the past but I have to force myself to try and enjoy myself otherwise I'd never leave the house, other than for work.

    I've emailed said venue but don't hold out much hope; but regardless of my sexual orientation why do some people feel it's acceptable to do such things when it wasn't what I was there for.

    Thanks for listening x
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 17th Nov 18, 12:08 PM
    • 5,351 Posts
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    onomatopoeia99
    It's never acceptable and is an assault, doesn't matter the gender of the person doing it or that of the person it is done to. You're certainly not overreacting.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek. Home is where my books are.

    5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.
    • 20aday
    • By 20aday 17th Nov 18, 1:48 PM
    • 2,418 Posts
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    20aday
    Thank you for your replies.

    It's a shame we're still in an age whereby some people seem to have a 'don't care/what's the fuss' attitude towards such things; it's small wonder it often goes unreported.
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 17th Nov 18, 2:02 PM
    • 18,593 Posts
    • 47,177 Thanks
    elsien
    Practice a loud "oi, do you want to watch where you're putting your hands before you get yourselves in trouble".
    Slightly less confrontational but still shows them up.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 17th Nov 18, 6:07 PM
    • 4,822 Posts
    • 4,517 Thanks
    dekaspace
    Thats it, had enough with that relative number blocked withheld numbers blocked, phone and landline on silent just in case.

    Recieved a text today begging how his girlfriends sister has been rushed to hospital (as she does pretty much every week) and since its an emergency she needs 50 to pay for healthcare or she will be arrested and her possessions sold as its a crime in her country not to pay medical bills. Not even a please, not even a can I just its an emergency here is payment details (by Western Union)

    Has caused me great distress and on top of that my upstairs neighbour has been having a party since the morning people screaming in hall and dancing and loud music I don't need this today.
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 18th Nov 18, 6:24 PM
    • 5,173 Posts
    • 22,086 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Thank you for the reassurance with PIP, I need it. My 50th birthday is going to be horrible. The day before I have my first cardiologists appointment at the hospital, I am dreading the waiting room with people in it. I am going to ask if I can wait in the corridor. The day after my birthday is my PIP assessment! At least it isn't my birthday itself? I am already not sleeping or eating with worry, I will be a total mess by the time it gets here at this rate. I am just grateful that it is at home, there is no way I could make it to a centre. Panic!
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • 20aday
    • By 20aday 18th Nov 18, 9:55 PM
    • 2,418 Posts
    • 1,030 Thanks
    20aday
    Practice a loud "oi, do you want to watch where you're putting your hands before you get yourselves in trouble".
    Slightly less confrontational but still shows them up.
    Originally posted by elsien
    Hopefully next time, if it happens again, I won't freeze and will remark as such.

    Hindsight is a wonderful thing...
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 19th Nov 18, 5:32 PM
    • 4,822 Posts
    • 4,517 Thanks
    dekaspace
    Im not sure of next steps with relative, with the most recent begging before I totally blocked his number it made me think should I confront the "girlfriend" on social media, should I contact his parents? His parents are the sort if they found out the truth about his actions would fall out with him and get him to pay the cash back, I think in many ways that was one of this tricks as he knew I didn't want to rock the boat with his parents, and im a soft touch.


    Should I?
    • elsien
    • By elsien 19th Nov 18, 7:16 PM
    • 18,593 Posts
    • 47,177 Thanks
    elsien
    Im not sure of next steps with relative, with the most recent begging before I totally blocked his number it made me think should I confront the "girlfriend" on social media, should I contact his parents? His parents are the sort if they found out the truth about his actions would fall out with him and get him to pay the cash back, I think in many ways that was one of this tricks as he knew I didn't want to rock the boat with his parents, and im a soft touch.


    Should I?
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    Nope. No point entangling yourself even more when you're trying to cut contact. It's like closing the front door but leaving the back one open. He's an adult able to make his own choices. And if they're bad choices he gets to live with the consequences. It's not down to his parents to sort out.
    Last edited by elsien; 19-11-2018 at 7:19 PM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 19th Nov 18, 9:06 PM
    • 8,995 Posts
    • 16,458 Thanks
    calleyw
    Evening All,


    Hope everyone is well. Hugs and squishes and handshakes all round.


    I hate where I live. Think I need to move but that will only happen if I win the lottery or a long lost relative dies and leaves me loads of money neither will happen.


    I really don't like most of my neighbours. Been trying to get a parcel since saturday and they are either not there or wont answer the door. today I got back at 5pm and it was dark and as she never answer the door knew she would not if it was dark. So did not bother.



    I am gradually coming to peace with some issues in my life. I believe a lot of my issues have stemmed from a person who themselves had some serious MH issues and that is why they treated me that way. Its only be a few days. And yes I am sure I will have a relapse as some stage. But feeling a lot happier at the moment.


    dekaspace it sounds very childish to tell on your relative. His life let him get on with it. Sounds like children in the play ground who go I am going to tell your mum/dad on you. Do as you have been advised on here. Ignore him and get on with your life. He is a fool and being used and he must like it as he would not keep doing it.


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 19th Nov 18, 9:51 PM
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    dekaspace
    I only said it in the sense they have put up with his antics over the years and put a stop to anything that he tries to pull, so if I told them they would be angry and it would stop further contact with him, I get on with them well as they know about my disabilities and are sympathetic towards them and have in past stood up for me when people have taken advantage, so in that sense even if it wasn't their own son they would step in.


    And yes I think he does enjoy being used, in the sense that hes not stupid he likes the attention and right now he gets it for free as he begs for money to pay for the attention he gets, this was the relative that before his partner died was the life of the party, the charmer who when at college had every female on the course fancying him, not his words their own words 1 of them even became a model, he had a history of dating models even being offered a modelling contract himself at one point, it was the fallout of his partners death and loss of his daughter to social work that destroyed his personality, he was single for around 10 years until this girl came along, 10 years older, divorced and that in itself is interesting, shes from another country, married a man much older than her and when she had a kid with him divorced him and let him raise her kid, sounds like she married for a green card.


    The reason I thought I would tell his parents was mainly because its to show him I will not keep quiet over his harassment any more, and so others know what hes like.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 20th Nov 18, 1:17 PM
    • 1,649 Posts
    • 5,029 Thanks
    Izadora
    Have the radio on full blast when they arrive, that way they won't think you're turning it on to cover anything else
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 20th Nov 18, 3:15 PM
    • 40,659 Posts
    • 150,501 Thanks
    Pyxis



    I guarantee that would have earned a few complaints.



    It only took an hour in the end and no-one knocked. Was noisy, but only intermittently. I am shaking like a leaf and my jaw is locked from the clenching, but it's done and I'm happy with it, so at least it's over and I can put my stuff up and do some cleaning there to distract my hands from doing the silly stuff. Also turns out that a lot more of it is boarded than I thought would be, so I'm very glad I went with the smallest area.
    Originally posted by Sunny Intervals
    For future reference, Sunny, it would go a long way towards appeasing any neighbour annoyance just to pop a short note through their letterboxes with brief details of what the work is, when it's due to start and when it's due to finish, and apologising for any disturbance, etc.

    I always find that I don't mind noise nearly so much if I know why it's happening, and crucially, how long it might be going on for, and even more so if the "perpetrator" has been kind enough to forewarn me.

    It's often the not knowing that makes people anxious, and as a result, potentially annoyed.

    You don't have to speak to anyone, just pop a note through.

    (Apologies if you had done that, but I thought it was worth mentioning).
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 20th Nov 18, 3:19 PM
    • 40,659 Posts
    • 150,501 Thanks
    Pyxis
    I only said it in the sense they have put up with his antics over the years and put a stop to anything that he tries to pull, so if I told them they would be angry and it would stop further contact with him, I get on with them well as they know about my disabilities and are sympathetic towards them and have in past stood up for me when people have taken advantage, so in that sense even if it wasn't their own son they would step in.


    And yes I think he does enjoy being used, in the sense that hes not stupid he likes the attention and right now he gets it for free as he begs for money to pay for the attention he gets, this was the relative that before his partner died was the life of the party, the charmer who when at college had every female on the course fancying him, not his words their own words 1 of them even became a model, he had a history of dating models even being offered a modelling contract himself at one point, it was the fallout of his partners death and loss of his daughter to social work that destroyed his personality, he was single for around 10 years until this girl came along, 10 years older, divorced and that in itself is interesting, shes from another country, married a man much older than her and when she had a kid with him divorced him and let him raise her kid, sounds like she married for a green card.


    The reason I thought I would tell his parents was mainly because its to show him I will not keep quiet over his harassment any more, and so others know what hes like.
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    Personally, I think it's a good idea to tell his parents, as you have a good relationship with them, and they know his history, and crucially, they understand about your health too.

    He may be an adult, but he obviously needs things spelled out in no uncertain terms, and given how he is making you feel so unwell, Deka, if you think his parents could put a stop to it, then go for it.

    He obviously has mega problems, but his problems are adding enormously to yours, so if there's a way to stop him, then yes, do it.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
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