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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,158Posts
    • 21,977Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 532
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 8th Nov 18, 2:47 PM
    • 4,695 Posts
    • 4,319 Thanks
    dekaspace
    Thanks for all feedback so far, anyway still getting pestered by relative, I got really angry last night and sent a message saying don't bother me, she should get a job, I don't believe his stories etc. He went quiet until I got missed calls this morning and another text begging from him.
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 8th Nov 18, 4:05 PM
    • 31,432 Posts
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    seven-day-weekend
    Just change your number like others have said! You are making yourself a victim otherwise.
    Member #10 of 2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 8th Nov 18, 5:58 PM
    • 39,823 Posts
    • 146,683 Thanks
    Pyxis
    Thanks for all feedback so far, anyway still getting pestered by relative, I got really angry last night and sent a message saying don't bother me, she should get a job, I don't believe his stories etc. He went quiet until I got missed calls this morning and another text begging from him.
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    Just change your number like others have said! You are making yourself a victim otherwise.
    Originally posted by seven-day-weekend
    ^^^^^ what she said, or else......

    Deka, STOP TALKING TO HIM! Stop messaging/texting him! Don't have any contact with him at all! Hang up!

    This is the last I will say on this matter, because I just don't think we are getting through to you.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 8th Nov 18, 6:05 PM
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    calleyw
    ^^^^^ what she said, or else......

    Deka, STOP TALKING TO HIM! Stop messaging/texting him! Don't have any contact with him at all! Hang up!

    This is the last I will say on this matter, because I just don't think we are getting through to you.
    Originally posted by Pyxis

    Pyxis,


    Have read other threads by dekaspace? If you have you will know it will run for pages and pages. They get good advice and ignore it all as they know best.


    dekaspace has been told how to deal with this situation. SDW is correct. You block and ignore or carry on. They have options and choose to engage.



    I have had to block the bloke who messed my head up as he started to message me. It was only message every couple of months. I don't need or want it and I hope that my silence gives him my answer.


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 8th Nov 18, 6:14 PM
    • 39,823 Posts
    • 146,683 Thanks
    Pyxis
    Pyxis,


    Have read other threads by dekaspace? If you have you will know it will run for pages and pages. They get good advice and ignore it all as they know best.


    dekaspace has been told how to deal with this situation. SDW is correct. You block and ignore or carry on. They have options and choose to engage.



    I have had to block the bloke who messed my head up as he started to message me. It was only message every couple of months. I don't need or want it and I hope that my silence gives him my answer.


    Yours


    Calley x
    Originally posted by calleyw
    Yes, I have seen the subject brought up on other threads, but I felt this was the best thread to offer help and support on. However, it is all getting to ME now, so I shall desist in future, as it appears to be a waste of my effort, and everybody else's.



    Deka, I know you have issues, so I have really tried to be understanding, but you do have to try and help yourself a bit too. If you choose not to, then there must be a reason why you don't. Maybe you like to feel needed by someone, even if it is only by a grasping, lying so-called relative who is trying to con you and rip you off.

    I just don't know., but that's it. End of.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 8th Nov 18, 9:36 PM
    • 4,695 Posts
    • 4,319 Thanks
    dekaspace
    Pyxis,

    Have read other threads by dekaspace? If you have you will know it will run for pages and pages. They get good advice and ignore it all as they know best.

    dekaspace has been told how to deal with this situation. SDW is correct. You block and ignore or carry on. They have options and choose to engage.

    I have had to block the bloke who messed my head up as he started to message me. It was only message every couple of months. I don't need or want it and I hope that my silence gives him my answer.

    Yours

    Calley x
    Originally posted by calleyw

    Thats quite a upsetting answer, I tried in past explaining my way of dealing with things is to listen and try and do best I can, such as someone saying "try X" and I will say "already tried" and get told im not following advice and I know best, the point was if I was told to do something I had done multiple times and got nowhere if I stated that I was talked down to as not following advice/not helping myself and if anything I think I am strong for making as much effort as I have in recent years, like attempting to get social work support, going back to gym, going back to education, doing volunteer work, and I haven't turned to drink or drugs like others I know have I have said in past I only talk up when I am getting feelings out so it comes across as not taking advice or being negative but thats the problem as I only ask for help when I am the worst place rather than when I am in a good place, and the few times I have tried being postive when starting a thread people have brought up previous threads as a negative, sure I have other problems such as autism that means either I try and make a joke and its taken the wrong way and im shamed for it, or I say something innocent and im shamed for it as the wrong context is taken from it either way its treated as if I am the one with the problem, either way I think I am strong/good for ignoring the relative as much as I do rather than folding.

    Anyway no I hate the relative contacting me to the point now especially pre me starting medication I was stressing every time my phone went in case it was him begging, I never want to speak or see this relative ever again and if I do I want to punch them, they have set my mental health back years as when I gradually started recovering a few years ago thats when the requests started, I only went along with it at first as I thought if I cut all ties I would never get any cash back at all, now theres no doubt I will I don't want anything to do with them.

    I don't want to change my number as had it near 10 years, I have ignored the relative for days now, and have ignored them today whats upsetting is rather than focus on that and that I am making an effort people focus on that I spoke to them twice, I was venting to them, just as I am venting here so rather than let it get to me I told them how I feel and then ignore them

    I don't want to change my number also as that would feel like giving up to me, and I know they will easily find my new number as they got it last time from a relative I got on with.

    As far as I am concerned now I sent that text yesterday thats the end of it, and I was just venting here to get it out of my system.

    I don't talk about other things in my life as I cope with it even if its upsetting like a few days ago it was 2 years since my grandfather died, and a few days later was 8 years since my gran died, its sad to think about but unlike with the greedy relative it doesn't overwhelm me so I don't talk about it. I am also having social work problems now but I have accepted theres nothing much that can be done about it, and Im fragile as on top of the relatives harassment I had junkies thump my window on Monday night for a long time then smash in back window to block at 3am to get access, and a few weeks ago have a benefits issue meaning I am paid less till its sorted, added on top of the medication knocking me out Im not in a good place right now, but I don't speak about it as I don't know what to say, the relative thing stresses me most in some ways for multiple reasons as they know im on medication now, my benefits are lower, I had junkies break into building and they ignore it and beg because they think their own personal life is more important and I have no one in real life to speak to about it.
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 8th Nov 18, 11:51 PM
    • 17,272 Posts
    • 45,495 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    I cut my dad out of my life 11 years ago, i changed my phone number, told my mum not to tell anyone my new address and i haven't heard from him or seen him since. It was a toxic relationship and i needed to get away from it. It wasn't easy as i've essentially also cut off half of my family too (and didnt even go to my grandparemts funerals) but i had to do it for my own sanity.

    - - -

    I'm currently still stressing over universal credit. I can;t escape it. Everyday i read more and worry more, i toold Swain and his response was "i know you're worried but that isnt something we need to worry about now, it might not even happen" and he's right but i can;t stop panicking. I'm convinced i'm going to be forced to work full time,i read something today about a mentally ill woman who had to wait fir her limted capability assessment and for the 8 weeks she was waiting she was treated to full conditionality with no adjustments, i can see that happening to me. I already have brown envelope anxiety (those who've dealt with the DWP will know what i mean by that ) and im constantly fearing getting up and seeing if theres post from them. I have tried working full time, the ofrst time i had a breakdown and suicide attempt and it took me 3 1/2 years to recover and in tried it for the first year at my current job and again i felt overhwelmed and suicidal, occ health themselves say i cannot work full time. I know i shouldn;t be stressing but i can;t stop thinking about it, i'm terrified and this is before its even been rolled out !!!! knows how im going to cope if/when it is. Sorry for the rant
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    "I just need to be alone right now, i just wanna take a little breather"
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 9th Nov 18, 6:02 AM
    • 39,823 Posts
    • 146,683 Thanks
    Pyxis
    I cut my dad out of my life 11 years ago, i changed my phone number, told my mum not to tell anyone my new address and i haven't heard from him or seen him since. It was a toxic relationship and i needed to get away from it. It wasn't easy as i've essentially also cut off half of my family too (and didnt even go to my grandparemts funerals) but i had to do it for my own sanity.

    - - -

    I'm currently still stressing over universal credit. I can;t escape it. Everyday i read more and worry more, i toold Swain and his response was "i know you're worried but that isnt something we need to worry about now, it might not even happen" and he's right but i can;t stop panicking. I'm convinced i'm going to be forced to work full time,i read something today about a mentally ill woman who had to wait fir her limted capability assessment and for the 8 weeks she was waiting she was treated to full conditionality with no adjustments, i can see that happening to me. I already have brown envelope anxiety (those who've dealt with the DWP will know what i mean by that ) and im constantly fearing getting up and seeing if theres post from them. I have tried working full time, the ofrst time i had a breakdown and suicide attempt and it took me 3 1/2 years to recover and in tried it for the first year at my current job and again i felt overhwelmed and suicidal, occ health themselves say i cannot work full time. I know i shouldn;t be stressing but i can;t stop thinking about it, i'm terrified and this is before its even been rolled out !!!! knows how im going to cope if/when it is. Sorry for the rant
    Originally posted by xXMessedUpXx
    MessedUp, I know you can't stop worrying about UC. I would be exactly the same.

    In the meantime, though, you are doing sterling work about reducing your debts. While I doubt that you would be made to work full-time, concentrate on reducing your debts as much as possible. Not only will that have a positive effect on your well-being, but it would reduce any impact that a worst-case scenario might have.

    Every time you reduce a bit more of your debt, you can give yourself a pat on the back!
    You're doing so well.....you changed your place of work for the better and you're reducing your debts....so the brown envelopes can go and take a running jump!
    However, brown envelopes can bring good news too!
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 9th Nov 18, 8:16 AM
    • 5,906 Posts
    • 13,592 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    MU I get it, OH had his PIP assessment a few weeks ago so I'm waiting for the not getting nuffink letter and the tribunal thing.

    I have news
    I have a job, I am very very very worried about it because of the level of care OH needs and my small relapse.
    I don't know whether it will help my mental health or break me.

    ETA - MU remember that we only hear the horror stories, they are not the majority even though it feels like it xxxx
    Last edited by mellymoo74; 09-11-2018 at 8:40 AM.
    • Sunny Intervals
    • By Sunny Intervals 9th Nov 18, 8:36 AM
    • 710 Posts
    • 2,384 Thanks
    Sunny Intervals
    Deka -

    When I put my rubbish out yesterday, I found that someone else had used my bin, probably because they were too lazy to bring their own bin in/go outside and put their bag in their own bin. I only have a small bin, so it's only big enough for my own rubbish. I found this weirdly upsetting (it taps in to both my social paranoia and my OCD), so I ordered a bin lock. It means I'll have to remember to go downstairs the night before collection day to unlock it, but that inconvenience is worth it to avoid worrying about it all the time.

    This person's phone calls are obviously really upsetting you, to the point where it's affecting your mental health. Is it really not worth the inconvenience of changing your number in order to stop the thing that's upsetting you? It's not "giving up", it's making a positive change that will improve your life. If you don't do it, part of you is always going to think "is it him?" and get anxious every time the phone goes.

    When you give your new number to your other relatives, make it clear that the pest is not to be given your number as he's harrassing you for money and never pays it back. You have no social contact with the pest, so whatever lies he tries to tell to get your number are to be ignored and he is not to be given your number under any circumstances. If they can't agree to that, don't give them your number either.
    Last edited by Sunny Intervals; 09-11-2018 at 8:43 AM.
    • Sunny Intervals
    • By Sunny Intervals 9th Nov 18, 8:41 AM
    • 710 Posts
    • 2,384 Thanks
    Sunny Intervals
    Melly -


    Congrats on the job. Try to take things one day at a time. If it's too much, you can stop.



    Re: PIP, I just assume every assessent will go badly. I request a copy of the assessor's report from the DWP a couple of days after the assessment and start writing my mandatory reconsideration request before the official decision is made. It may seem like overkill, but it makes me feel a bit less powerless.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 9th Nov 18, 11:11 AM
    • 1,585 Posts
    • 4,624 Thanks
    Izadora
    Melly - huge congratulations on the job but please try not to push yourself too hard. Hopefully it will help you but please give it up if it's too much.

    MU - I know that you can't not worry about it but, as Melly said, all you're hearing are the bad stories. A friend of mine who works for the DWP said that, while it is a complete and utter mess in a lot of respects, there are also people who it's been really good for.

    Calley - Try to take care of yourself and remember that people who are only trying to mess with your head aren't worth listening to. Don't let the brainweasels listen to them either.

    Massive hugs to all who need them.
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 9th Nov 18, 11:30 AM
    • 5,906 Posts
    • 13,592 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Thanks sunny and Izzy

    PIP is partially why I'm doing it preparing for the worse.

    Calley - see!!
    Xxxx
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 9th Nov 18, 4:02 PM
    • 8,905 Posts
    • 16,199 Thanks
    calleyw
    Calley - see!!
    Xxxx
    Originally posted by mellymoo74

    I know Mel, But I wanted to be with him and the pain of the rejection is still there.


    Its silly as AM adores the very ground I walk on. And thinks I am amazing. But that bit of me still thinks I am unworthy. My own parents don't seem to care which helps feed the unworthy feelings. I always have to phone them. Only phone me when they need to tell me something not to see how I am.



    Mind you getting wound up about talking to my mum as I bought my mum afternoon tea for two at a local posh hotel for xmas last year. Cost 50 and it runs out out in about 7 weeks time. And I don't think she has used it yet. Me and AM will be mighty annoyed and wont be spending that sort of money on her again.


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 9th Nov 18, 4:51 PM
    • 4,804 Posts
    • 10,942 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Congrats on the job Melly and hope it all goes well for when you start.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 9th Nov 18, 5:12 PM
    • 7,681 Posts
    • 16,955 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    Calley - is she "saving it for a special occasion"? My mum does things like that. Like...I buy her nice jewellery and she "saves it for best". Last year she complained her hands were getting chapped while walking the dogs so I bought her some posh handcream and a nice pair of leather gloves to protect her hands...and she doesn't wear them "in case they get mucky".

    Part of it is that oddly she seems to have it ingrained that "nice things aren't for the likes of us", but part of it is just her It drives me mad!

    (Or has she forgotten about it? That's the kind of thing I would do hahaha!)

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • annandale
    • By annandale 9th Nov 18, 7:47 PM
    • 1,233 Posts
    • 2,833 Thanks
    annandale
    Uc will be rolled out everywhere by 2022 I think, everyone on WTC will be migrated over, but as I said before, if you are placed into another category other than the all work then you will not be pressured to work full time. The only other thing I could suggest and I dont know your plans going forward, but if you moved in with your bf and his wages and your wages covered the rent of a property you rented, you would not need to claim UC at all, if your joint income met all your rent and bills.

    Most people are trapped on UC because you cannot work part time and claim HB if you live in an area where UC is full rolled out, you must claim UC for housing element

    But if you dont need housing element you will not need to claim. It would just mean you living off his wages and your wages, as long as that covers all your rent and bills you dont have to claim it.

    Its not compulsory, that is what I am trying to say, you can terminate a UC claim at any time if you have enough money to live on

    And I know that might mean being 50 quid a week or so down on your WTC money if thats what you get just now, but if it takes the stress and worry off you then that might be better.

    Also just a reminder, even if you are in the all work category and lets say you have a job thats 20 hours a week part time, they cant actually do anything to you if you cant find full time work

    I have been on it almost 2 years no and all I have been able to get is zero hours and part time. But all they ask you to do is evidence that you are looking and turn up to see your work coach. That is the main thing. They will not stop your money as long as you look for work and turn up to appointments

    I have never been forced into an interview by them, in fact for me, I wish they would do more to help me (and I am pro active in trying to find work), keeping your journal and going to your appointments are the main thing

    You are more likely to be sanctioned for being ten mins late to an appointment (not trying to frighten anyone, this is reality) than you are to be forced into getting a 35 hour a week job if you are working 16 if there isnt much other work around.

    I live in an area of high unemployment and jobs are scarce here, you see that every time you go to the job centre, its packed

    And you also need to get as much evidence together from medical professionals who you engage with that working full time would have a negative impact on your MH

    Try not to worry, its easier said than done, but as long as you are looking (even if you dont get anything), they wont stop your money.
    • annandale
    • By annandale 9th Nov 18, 7:49 PM
    • 1,233 Posts
    • 2,833 Thanks
    annandale
    I believe Dekaspace has aspergers (sorry if I am wrong) which might have a bearing on how they deal with stressful situations.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 9th Nov 18, 10:39 PM
    • 8,905 Posts
    • 16,199 Thanks
    calleyw

    (Or has she forgotten about it? That's the kind of thing I would do hahaha!)

    HBS x
    Originally posted by heartbreak_star

    HBS,


    No as I reminded her about it a few weeks ago and as I told her she needed to book in advance. Where she retorted that she was not that stupid


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 9th Nov 18, 11:15 PM
    • 4,695 Posts
    • 4,319 Thanks
    dekaspace
    Yes I have aspergers as well as other things on top, had to be strong today I was seeing if the messages slowed down, if it does continue I may have to change number or at least I will keep the number but use another phone and sim I have instead, my friends and parents have it and currently its the backup number for DWP and bank etc so that way they can message all they want.

    The messages I ignored today did annoy me a bit though, ones telling me that they don't want to fall out with me over this (the cheek, when they owe me money) playing on my guilt saying its for the girlfriends relative who is on a breathing machine in hospital and its for medical costs its "only 20" I will get cash next week when they start new job, even hint they have to go to loan shark if I don't do this which will cause him more problems.

    I was drained today and slept 12 hours due to all the stress, after the weekend Im going to use my other phone for a while.
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