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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,159Posts
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    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 520
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 8th Sep 18, 11:53 PM
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    dekaspace
    So, not sure to call this a victory or not but that relative that always begs me for money rang me tonight of which was expected as they knew I was coming back from 7 days at parents house, went into the buttering me up stage of asking how I am and then saying after a long 30 minute call they have to go, but "oh" they have an emergency his girlfriend is £10 short of her rent and he asked me if I can send her it.

    I said no and he went "but I don't know what shes going to do now, she will worry" then this really annoyed me "I promised her the money, shes expecting it"

    I gave him a talking to where I said he promised her it as he knew he can easily ask me, he went on with his usual how hes getting paid next week for definite, he couldn't pay me back last week as get this "the bank told me as of April this year they don't take in cash payments and only deal with bank transfers" I told him she should take responsibility for her own actions and not constantly turn to other people.

    I got huffs and puffs and more "I don't know what I am going to do"

    What he didn't realise was his mum spoke to me last week and told me he had been on phone to her telling her how skint he was and how he was struggling (its more of a guilt trip with him to her rather than outright begging) so she sent him £35, but his dad sent him a further £20

    Last week surprise suprise he told he he had £55 he can give me which never materialised.

    He eventually backed down and told me he will find some other way to get her cash

    So as I said near the start, I expected this call as he knew I was back from visiting relatives today, which is why after every holiday/trip I go on now I am not refreshed after coming home as I come home to the stress.

    Oh and not sure if I stated it earlier in thread but think I have an severe allergy now but might be related to me being obese and having sleep apnea, what is happening is I woke in middle of night choking in that I couldn't even breathe at all and it made me literally sit up in bed and wake.

    I had some very spicy sauce on something to eat 30 minutes before bed, about 2 months ago I had some spicy sweets and some spicy noodles which had chilli oil in and was even worse i.e woke up choking so bad I was not breathing from throat for minutes.

    Both occasions I had a dry throat the next day and pain in my back, had a few smaller occasions in the past year where I wake woken for a few seconds and had to gulp to breath but only about a year ago had it severe like this again when I had something super spicy.
    • annandale
    • By annandale 9th Sep 18, 1:00 AM
    • 1,237 Posts
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    annandale
    Why don’t you just block his number. If you know him calling you is going to be stressful do not pick up the phone to him.

    As for your super spicy foods. If they upset you why do you eat them?

    If you can’t tolerate them avoid them. For your own healths sake.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 9th Sep 18, 11:51 AM
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    dekaspace
    Why donít you just block his number. If you know him calling you is going to be stressful do not pick up the phone to him.

    As for your super spicy foods. If they upset you why do you eat them?

    If you canít tolerate them avoid them. For your own healths sake.
    Originally posted by annandale

    His number is blocked so he hides it, for spicy food its strange as I can eat super spicy curries no problem the issue seems with a specific type of spice i.e chilli oil or bean paste which is why its only been noticable recently now I am trying spices and food from Asian supermarket.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 9th Sep 18, 1:41 PM
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    dekaspace
    And a update, got a long text from him now stating its "her birthday" and can't I reconsider.

    Cheek of that and trying to guilt trip me, he knows I am on benefits.

    I also don't think I mentioned before I went on his "secret" facebook account, as in he made one with a fake name for his girlfriend as he doesn't want her to know hes on benefits, on it he claims he has a business degree, highly paid job, does a lot of charity work.

    She isn't stupid, as stated in past shes easily a scammer wanting free money, she never visits him so its more a penpal arrangement and by his own admission he has never been intimate with her, shes from a country well known for scamming lonely men.
    • dandy-candy
    • By dandy-candy 9th Sep 18, 3:05 PM
    • 1,819 Posts
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    dandy-candy
    Honestly deka, the moment he starts with the "what am I going to do now" line I would say "don't know, don't care" and hang up. Do it enough times and he will give up. Better yet, the minute you hear his voice on the phone you should tell him to sling his hook and hang up.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 9th Sep 18, 6:31 PM
    • 39,838 Posts
    • 146,809 Thanks
    Pyxis
    His number is blocked so he hides it, for spicy food its strange as I can eat super spicy curries no problem the issue seems with a specific type of spice i.e chilli oil or bean paste which is why its only been noticable recently now I am trying spices and food from Asian supermarket.
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    Honestly deka, the moment he starts with the "what am I going to do now" line I would say "don't know, don't care" and hang up. Do it enough times and he will give up. Better yet, the minute you hear his voice on the phone you should tell him to sling his hook and hang up.
    Originally posted by dandy-candy
    ^^^^^^^^ this. I was just going to,say, hang up when you know it's him, without saying another word.

    It's the only way to deal with him.
    And don't answer calls from any withheld numbers, if that's what he's doing.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • Sleazy
    • By Sleazy 9th Sep 18, 6:47 PM
    • 12,999 Posts
    • 24,076 Thanks
    Sleazy
    So, not sure to call this a victory or not but that relative that always begs me for money rang me tonight of which was expected as they knew I was coming back from 7 days at parents house, went into the buttering me up stage of asking how I am and then saying after a long 30 minute call they have to go, but "oh" they have an emergency his girlfriend is £10 short of her rent and he asked me if I can send her it.

    I said no...
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    Deka, in my opinion you can definitely view this positively (as a victory). You said "No". Next time will hopefully be easier, and after a while they won't ask you any more.

    So, for what it's worth "Well Done" from me!
    (P)earl Of The Alphabetty
    Nabob Of None
    • dawyldthing
    • By dawyldthing 9th Sep 18, 9:17 PM
    • 3,125 Posts
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    dawyldthing
    Just say some bills has come in that will be using all spare cash going forwards so can they stop asking
    roll on end of April 2019 *17 done* = *23 to go*
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 10th Sep 18, 11:24 AM
    • 8,908 Posts
    • 16,201 Thanks
    calleyw
    Morning my lovelies,


    Hugs and squishes and handshakes all around.


    Special wave to WaS.


    AM is away for 2 weeks. I am use to being on my own all day with the dog. And the weekend has gone quickly with spending most of yesterday with friends. And he does go away once a month for a weekend. So kinda use to it. But this morning I am full of tears and I don't know why.



    Been up and out and did a few bits and pieces. Need to go and clean my ex's place. I have tons of things to in the house and garden to do.


    Just feel fat, useless and hopeless no idea why either.


    Any how need to dash.


    Everyone take care today.


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 10th Sep 18, 4:45 PM
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    dekaspace
    Went to doctor today (don't forget I changed surgeries a few months back) this doctor prescribed me anti depressants so at least now im on something who knows if it will make me better or worse though.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 11th Sep 18, 9:59 AM
    • 1,586 Posts
    • 4,625 Thanks
    Izadora
    Calley, it's totally understandable to feel down when AM's away for two weeks. Although you're used to being on your own during the day that's always tempered with the fact that you know he'll be there in the evening so it's going to feel strange at first. I hope that you feel happier soon.

    Deka, I hope they make you feel better
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 11th Sep 18, 7:29 PM
    • 8,908 Posts
    • 16,201 Thanks
    calleyw
    Calley, it's totally understandable to feel down when AM's away for two weeks. Although you're used to being on your own during the day that's always tempered with the fact that you know he'll be there in the evening so it's going to feel strange at first. I hope that you feel happier soon.

    Deka, I hope they make you feel better
    Originally posted by Izadora

    Thanks Izadora,


    I don't really have a routine but the one I do has done to pot. Going to bed late.


    I have access to the car so can get out and about if I need to. And I am also doing bits and pieces in and around the house. Trying to de clutter but don't think two weeks is long enough


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • Gingernutty
    • By Gingernutty 13th Sep 18, 6:56 AM
    • 3,518 Posts
    • 10,689 Thanks
    Gingernutty
    His number is blocked so he hides it,
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    Block all withheld/hidden numbers.
    Don't know what I'm doing, but doing it anyway...
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 13th Sep 18, 5:48 PM
    • 4,702 Posts
    • 4,345 Thanks
    dekaspace
    Block all withheld/hidden numbers.
    Originally posted by Gingernutty

    Problem then is I get job interviews from withheld numbers, sometimes even medical stuff so its bad to block withheld that being said I tend to notice he texts first before ringing to check im in so I can tell if hes going to ring me


    Anyway, been on tablets since Monday all was going well till 3 hours ago, shortly after I treated myself to a kiddie mini pizza at chip shop so not sure if thats related, since a hour after eating it till now I have been feeling sick im talking full on dizzy and queasy but not quite wanting to throw up, not sure if thats just normal side effects for now or the pizza did something as I think back to when I was on them before, 5 years ago when I was eating take aways near every day I did notice after I ate take aways then I was dizzy like this just assumed till now that was just a part of the depression not the tablets affecting my stomach, to add even more up to today sorry if this is too much information but my stomach was better than it has been in ages.
    Last edited by dekaspace; 13-09-2018 at 5:51 PM.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 13th Sep 18, 6:08 PM
    • 39,838 Posts
    • 146,809 Thanks
    Pyxis
    Problem then is I get job interviews from withheld numbers, sometimes even medical stuff so its bad to block withheld that being said I tend to notice he texts first before ringing to check im in so I can tell if hes going to ring me
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    # Don't open his texts.
    # Don't reply to any texts you inadvertently open.
    # If you answer a telephone call and realise it's him, hang up immediately, without saying a word. Not one word.
    # Keep doing all that. Not just once, but repeatedly. For as long as it takes.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • dandy-candy
    • By dandy-candy 13th Sep 18, 7:22 PM
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    dandy-candy
    Deka antidepressants can make you feel dizzy and a bit spaced out for the first 2 weeks, its completely normal. Once they are past that stage you will feel so much better. I'm glad you have a useful doctor now!
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 14th Sep 18, 11:51 PM
    • 5,159 Posts
    • 21,992 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Hi all!

    Here is a quick life update, things are rather frantic here. WaSp is out of hospital but still has a thrombosis. He is on blood thinners to hopefully disperse it and probably will be for life. He is doing better!

    A new landlord took over my flat and promptly evicted us within 2 weeks to turn the block into a residential home! I have 4 weeks until we have to move and I think I have somewhere but it is all a bit up in the air right now. My OCD isn't liking this one bit.

    Today I was diagnosed with Postural Tachycardia Syndrome at A&E after I couldn't breathe properly for 5 days. What this means is my nervous system is faulty, it sends the wrong instructions to my heart when I stand or move. Instead of telling my heart to quicken slightly to compensate it tells it to go faster without limit and not when to slow down again so it just keeps beating very quickly and irregularly until I rest or pass out, when it returns to normal within 5 minutes. No one is sure of the cause but there is a genetic link if there is a history of heart problems and autoimmune disorders in the family (which I have).

    The good news is this isn't life threatening at all (I'll faint before I die) and my heart and lungs are actually strong, the bad news is it's incurable and can be very debilitating with some people needing wheelchairs. I have thought for years the reason I get out of breath standing up, my limbs shake and I feel faint is due to other immune disorders, it isn't, it is because my heartbeat is way too high whenever I am not sitting or lying down. My standing heart rate was 175 after 3 minutes before I even try walking. I slowly walked for 3 minutes in the hospital and it hit 220 before they told me to stop. If I am sitting still my lungs, heart rate and blood pressure are perfectly normal, perhaps I just never move again? Shall I live in bed?

    The only real danger is I can faint easily and hurt myself if I push myself to be active. So I need to move very slowly, avoid extreme temperatures, avoid stress (erm I have mental health issues and I am being evicted...) and generally not do anything to increase my heart rate any more than my body is doing by itself. The doctor felt the worry over housing and WaSp being ill is making the tachycardia worse right now. I do have an appointment with a cardiologist who may have some ideas, but usually the treatment is just to slow life down and not exert yourself at all if you can help it. If I am going to be active I need to rest the day before and for 2 days afterwards, cardio exercise is completely out. Most importantly if I start to feel dizzy and/or breathless I am to sit down immediately before I faint. That kind of limits going out!

    Quite how this works when I have a flat to pack up I don't know, I am currently dizzy and gasping for air after a few minutes! I am sure somehow WaSp and I will manage between us...
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 15-09-2018 at 5:00 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • Sunny Intervals
    • By Sunny Intervals 15th Sep 18, 1:57 PM
    • 786 Posts
    • 2,618 Thanks
    Sunny Intervals
    WaS - If your new housing doesn't pan out and you need more time, bear in mind that the notice a landlord sends you doesn't actually end the tenancy--only a tenant or a court can end a tenancy. There a lot of really knowledgeable folk on the Housing subforum if you want to ask about your options.
    • annandale
    • By annandale 15th Sep 18, 3:12 PM
    • 1,237 Posts
    • 2,840 Thanks
    annandale
    He can’t just give you four weeks notice to end a tenancy. Get advice
    • elsien
    • By elsien 15th Sep 18, 7:55 PM
    • 17,584 Posts
    • 44,469 Thanks
    elsien
    Glad WaSP is out of hospital and getting there.
    Bit of a !!!!!! that you've got something else you didn't need going on. Still, if it's diagnosed at least there's a chance they can do something about it.
    You're an incredibly strong woman. Tell the voices to bog off if they're getting more prominent with the stress. Just do a bit of what you can when you can, and as others have said, check with Shelter if you need to know more about your rights not to be kicked out at will.
    Hang on in there - your next flat might be a much better one.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
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