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I think this is the place to speak - I'm sorry I haven't read everyone elses posts yet but I will do - so sorry if I tread on any ones toes.
I have 3 lovely children. 2 girls and a boy - they girls both have quite severe mental health issues (depression and anxiety) and we as parents have been through the mill over the last few years with them - I have suffered in the past with both myself but nothing of the magnitude they both seem to endure.
My problem now is I just no longer know how to support them and it is getting me down too, and then I feel guilty for feel down and I go round and round in a circle chasing my tail and getting nowhere. DD1 seemed okay for a while, but has a new job and a rented flat and is suddenly not going into work, and they are ringing me to find out where she is and if she is okay. We live 150 miles apart. I cant afford to pay her rent if she doesn't work. She would have to live at home which would mean moving 150 miles away form her very serious boyfriend and that wouldn't help her.
I just don't know what to say to her any more. We clashed when she was a teenager, in that I was a person she thought should be dead (and she planned how to kill me) and I continued to love her as much as possible, and to be there for her and support her as much as I was allowed. We have moved beyond it now, but I still feel she reaches out for me and then rejects everything I try to say or do because it is me saying it. Hubby is as supportive as is possible but isn't a 'talker'. I don't know how to help and am beginning to go under myself now. I am questioning all my parenting choices, trying to find out how it all went wrong, what I did that caused this at the same time as knowing this isn't my fault.
What do I do? How do I help? How do I keep myself sane?
Originally posted by TamsinC
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Hello Tamsin. Sorry for the late reply....had no internet for much of the day and then had to be out all evening, so have only just seen your post.
I really feel for you. You're in a terrible position.
Is your daughter getting any medical help for the depression/anxiety?
As she is in a serious relationship, is her partner supportive of her? Does he understand her problems? If so, then your burden is at least shared.
I've been trying to find a support group for relatives of people suffering with depression...... I'm sure they do exist, but haven't been able to track one down yet. It might be helpful for you to meet other parents in a similar situation.
Sometimes the feeling that you're alone with the problem is the worst thing ever.
I'll keep looking.