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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,143Posts
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    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 511
    • suki1964
    • By suki1964 4th Jul 18, 12:06 AM
    • 11,294 Posts
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    suki1964
    Does anyone have experience of changing doctors when you're not in their catchment area? I really really want to go back to my old GP she fought my corner like no other GP i've had. I feel if i could see her again i might get more support? I'm seeingmjy current GP next week, i'm going to be honest about the fatt that recently i have had suicidal feelings, urges to self harm and havng very paranoid thoughts (possibly, i mean i think there are cameras in streetlights filming me but that might actually be a real thing so don't know if its paranoia). In the past 3 weeks i;ve called the samratains 5 times due to being on the edge and not coping. I honestly dont know what its going to take to be refferd back to the mental health team but i can;t go on like this. I havent seen my gp since feb but in the past 4 months ive been more up and down that a seesaw. Ive been relcutant to go back because they just do nothing and it feels so pointless.
    Originally posted by xXMessedUpXx
    I was in the same boat many years ago, moved out of the catchment area of the most supportive understanding medical professional I have ever had the pleasure to meet. So I went to the senior partner and put my case and he agreed I could stay on the books as long as I signed a disclaimer saying I wouldn't ask for a home visit

    So go and ask, you have nothing to lose

    Good luck x
    if you lend someone 20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 4th Jul 18, 12:44 AM
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    Pyxis
    I think this is the place to speak - I'm sorry I haven't read everyone elses posts yet but I will do - so sorry if I tread on any ones toes.

    I have 3 lovely children. 2 girls and a boy - they girls both have quite severe mental health issues (depression and anxiety) and we as parents have been through the mill over the last few years with them - I have suffered in the past with both myself but nothing of the magnitude they both seem to endure.

    My problem now is I just no longer know how to support them and it is getting me down too, and then I feel guilty for feel down and I go round and round in a circle chasing my tail and getting nowhere. DD1 seemed okay for a while, but has a new job and a rented flat and is suddenly not going into work, and they are ringing me to find out where she is and if she is okay. We live 150 miles apart. I cant afford to pay her rent if she doesn't work. She would have to live at home which would mean moving 150 miles away form her very serious boyfriend and that wouldn't help her.

    I just don't know what to say to her any more. We clashed when she was a teenager, in that I was a person she thought should be dead (and she planned how to kill me) and I continued to love her as much as possible, and to be there for her and support her as much as I was allowed. We have moved beyond it now, but I still feel she reaches out for me and then rejects everything I try to say or do because it is me saying it. Hubby is as supportive as is possible but isn't a 'talker'. I don't know how to help and am beginning to go under myself now. I am questioning all my parenting choices, trying to find out how it all went wrong, what I did that caused this at the same time as knowing this isn't my fault.

    What do I do? How do I help? How do I keep myself sane?
    Originally posted by TamsinC
    Hello Tamsin. Sorry for the late reply....had no internet for much of the day and then had to be out all evening, so have only just seen your post.
    I really feel for you. You're in a terrible position.

    Is your daughter getting any medical help for the depression/anxiety?
    As she is in a serious relationship, is her partner supportive of her? Does he understand her problems? If so, then your burden is at least shared.

    I've been trying to find a support group for relatives of people suffering with depression...... I'm sure they do exist, but haven't been able to track one down yet. It might be helpful for you to meet other parents in a similar situation.
    Sometimes the feeling that you're alone with the problem is the worst thing ever.
    I'll keep looking.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 4th Jul 18, 12:45 AM
    • 38,791 Posts
    • 143,402 Thanks
    Pyxis
    This week is a year since we were told that his xray showed something and the last time he worked. How can that be right?

    Today I howled watching The Highland Midwife. I was screaming at him to forgive me for not giving him a child, he would have been a brilliant dad.

    I'm crying again posting this.


    Curtains closed early again, long days of sunshine are just painful
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    ((((((((((Torry))))))))))))

    I bet he would have said there's nothing to forgive.
    Last edited by Pyxis; 04-07-2018 at 12:47 AM.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • TamsinC
    • By TamsinC 4th Jul 18, 12:23 PM
    • 491 Posts
    • 602 Thanks
    TamsinC
    Hello Tamsin. Sorry for the late reply....had no internet for much of the day and then had to be out all evening, so have only just seen your post.
    I really feel for you. You're in a terrible position.
    thank you
    Is your daughter getting any medical help for the depression/anxiety? yes, GP is very supportive, but of course if she leaves the flat and job she will come home and leave him behind and our GP is rubbish
    As she is in a serious relationship, is her partner supportive of her? Does he understand her problems? If so, then your burden is at least shared.yes, yes, and yes - it helps but she is much much better when she is with him and she doesn't share with me much about him. Ideally they should move in together and I think that would really help her - but thats not my call to make

    I've been trying to find a support group for relatives of people suffering with depression...... I'm sure they do exist, but haven't been able to track one down yet. It might be helpful for you to meet other parents in a similar situation. that would be good
    Sometimes the feeling that you're alone with the problem is the worst thing ever. isn't it just
    I'll keep looking.
    Originally posted by Pyxis
    thank you - just writing it all down, though hard, has helped give some perspective. She DID jack in the job and now we have to deal with the fall out - no money for rent etc - luckily her LL is being very supportive and has agreed to be 'flexible' on the contract. What that entails we don't yet know. She will be coming home for a while (though we are moving soon and to the back of beyond) and at the same time looking for another job more suited and in London. I wanted to scream and shout at her yesterday as I could see the destructive behaviours, but that isn't helpful to either of us. So I held back and just played the supportive mum. She seems calmer today.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 4th Jul 18, 12:25 PM
    • 38,791 Posts
    • 143,402 Thanks
    Pyxis
    thank you - just writing it all down, though hard, has helped give some perspective. She DID jack in the job and now we have to deal with the fall out - no money for rent etc - luckily her LL is being very supportive and has agreed to be 'flexible' on the contract. What that entails we don't yet know. She will be coming home for a while (though we are moving soon and to the back of beyond) and at the same time looking for another job more suited and in London. I wanted to scream and shout at her yesterday as I could see the destructive behaviours, but that isn't helpful to either of us. So I held back and just played the supportive mum. She seems calmer today.
    Originally posted by TamsinC
    That gives you a little breathing space from the worry, then. Where is her partner in all this? If you don't mind me asking.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • TamsinC
    • By TamsinC 4th Jul 18, 1:04 PM
    • 491 Posts
    • 602 Thanks
    TamsinC
    That gives you a little breathing space from the worry, then. Where is her partner in all this? If you don't mind me asking.
    Originally posted by Pyxis
    He is around when he can be - he works odd hours s a peripatetic music teacher and so works some of every day (even Sunday) and he lives in London and she lives outside of London now. He comes over to see her whenever he can and she does the same to see him. (though when she comes home that will be much more difficult). He is incredibly supportive she says. Being away form him she finds incredibly hard and hence the want to get back into London.

    Getting the balance right is going to be the next hurdle - as she needs time to get better, but that means being at home with us, and away from the BF. She needs to be with the BF to feel better (he lives with his dad and no space for her too) but needs to be better to get another job and move back to London. We need to find the balance between the two.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 4th Jul 18, 6:32 PM
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    • 143,402 Thanks
    Pyxis
    He is around when he can be - he works odd hours s a peripatetic music teacher and so works some of every day (even Sunday) and he lives in London and she lives outside of London now. He comes over to see her whenever he can and she does the same to see him. (though when she comes home that will be much more difficult). He is incredibly supportive she says. Being away form him she finds incredibly hard and hence the want to get back into London.

    Getting the balance right is going to be the next hurdle - as she needs time to get better, but that means being at home with us, and away from the BF. She needs to be with the BF to feel better (he lives with his dad and no space for her too) but needs to be better to get another job and move back to London. We need to find the balance between the two.
    Originally posted by TamsinC
    I see. It's tricky.

    Is she on any medication for it? If not, that might be a useful step?
    Sorry if I'm stating the obvious.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • TamsinC
    • By TamsinC 4th Jul 18, 7:07 PM
    • 491 Posts
    • 602 Thanks
    TamsinC
    I see. It's tricky.

    Is she on any medication for it? If not, that might be a useful step?
    Sorry if I'm stating the obvious.
    Originally posted by Pyxis
    Yes she is, and in therapy
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 5th Jul 18, 12:57 AM
    • 17,206 Posts
    • 45,296 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    I was in the same boat many years ago, moved out of the catchment area of the most supportive understanding medical professional I have ever had the pleasure to meet. So I went to the senior partner and put my case and he agreed I could stay on the books as long as I signed a disclaimer saying I wouldn't ask for a home visit

    So go and ask, you have nothing to lose

    Good luck x
    Originally posted by suki1964
    I'm going to look into it. Had my appointment with my curret GP today explained ive been up and down and recently down to the point of feeling [penguin] suicidal and thinking of self harm [/penguin] and have come away with double the dose of my anti deprssant ad the contact details for IAPT. Seriously wondering what the hell state you have to be in to be seen by the mental health team *deep breathes*

    Now have the added worry that i'm going to get bad side effects from the dose increase. Not sure on the half life if it but ive missed 2 doses cos i ran out, so it could be like taking it from scrtach which last time resulted in feeling spaced out/dizzy/drunk like. I have pre warned work that i might not be 100%. Really canot affrd to be off sick and lose 3 days pay. I'm going to have to grin and bear it and see how i feel tomorrow.

    In other better news.......i've lowered my overdraft by 1000!!!!! Swain is kindly lending me the rest whihc will be paid in next week, then its gone forever! Granted i need to pay him back but we have a plan for that.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    "I just need to be alone right now, i just wanna take a little breather"
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 5th Jul 18, 6:28 AM
    • 5,143 Posts
    • 21,838 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Could I ask for some good thoughts for WaSp please? (that is my partner for those not familiar with that name). He has a deep vein thrombosis in his thigh between the femoral artery and the vein below it. They do not want to risk surgery so he is on strong blood thinners and we are hoping it will disperse. He is in an awful lot of pain. Thank you all.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 5th Jul 18, 8:18 AM
    • 38,791 Posts
    • 143,402 Thanks
    Pyxis
    Poor WaSp.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 5th Jul 18, 8:23 AM
    • 38,791 Posts
    • 143,402 Thanks
    Pyxis
    Yes she is, and in therapy
    Originally posted by TamsinC
    How are you getting on with her at the moment. Is she compliant?

    I think one of the worst aspects of this illness is how it affects the people around the sufferer. It really strains relationships, doesn't it?

    Unlike a physical illness, it's very hard to live with for any length of time. Let alone if the personalities concern clash at the best of times.

    Does she respond to being cuddled?
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 5th Jul 18, 9:20 AM
    • 19,250 Posts
    • 19,761 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    OMG loads of cuddles for WaSP. Sending good dispersal thoughts his way! xxxxxx


    Also good thoughts for you as I know it can be difficult living with someone in a lot of pain
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

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    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 5th Jul 18, 10:40 AM
    • 17,243 Posts
    • 26,811 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    WaS Hope he soon gets better. It's not easy.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 5th Jul 18, 10:51 AM
    • 38,791 Posts
    • 143,402 Thanks
    Pyxis
    OMG loads of cuddles for WaSP. Sending good dispersal thoughts his way! xxxxxx


    Also good thoughts for you as I know it can be difficult living with someone in a lot of pain
    Originally posted by jobbingmusician
    That's a good idea!

    Collectively we could all imagine the clot gradually melting away and dispersing as a harmless solution.



    Stranger things have happened! The power of collective thought is supposed to be huge.

    I won't call it prayer, though some people would see it as that. You could call it collective willing.





    Hi, Torry.....have a hug. ((((((((((Torry))))))))))))
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 5th Jul 18, 11:27 AM
    • 17,243 Posts
    • 26,811 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    My head hurts and I feel sick.

    Stressful day yesterday and got the form in for voting. Awful with just my name.

    My dad is waiting for an operation and is worrying about me.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 5th Jul 18, 11:42 AM
    • 19,250 Posts
    • 19,761 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    Hugs, Torry. And lots of positive thoughts beaming towards your dad. xxx
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • TamsinC
    • By TamsinC 5th Jul 18, 12:21 PM
    • 491 Posts
    • 602 Thanks
    TamsinC
    Could I ask for some good thoughts for WaSp please? (that is my partner for those not familiar with that name). He has a deep vein thrombosis in his thigh between the femoral artery and the vein below it. They do not want to risk surgery so he is on strong blood thinners and we are hoping it will disperse. He is in an awful lot of pain. Thank you all.
    Originally posted by Waves and Smiles
    Many thoughts for WaSp - I had two DVTs - not nice - hope the thinner s work. Once it's gone see if you can get physio on it. I never did and my arm (I had the clots in my armpit) has never regained the strength I once had.

    How are you getting on with her at the moment. Is she compliant? She is slowly compliant - I have to drip feed info and suggestions and let her think about them etc. She often goes off line the moment I message her and then comes back 1/2 an hour later when she has calmed down - she won't talk on the phone as she ends up crying

    I think one of the worst aspects of this illness is how it affects the people around the sufferer. It really strains relationships, doesn't it? It does indeed

    Unlike a physical illness, it's very hard to live with for any length of time. Let alone if the personalities concern clash at the best of times.

    Does she respond to being cuddled? I am only just now, after 8 years, allowed to touch her. (teenage years were hell) Sometimes I can cuddle her, sometimes not - she never responds back but I stop if she stiffens. I still do it if allowed.
    Originally posted by Pyxis
    Many hugs for Torry too - I cannot imagine how hard it is for you at the moment ((((()))))
    Last edited by TamsinC; 05-07-2018 at 12:32 PM.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 5th Jul 18, 1:23 PM
    • 38,791 Posts
    • 143,402 Thanks
    Pyxis
    Tamsin, you are doing what you can.
    You are sensitive to her mood and her body language, and not just steaming in with the big guns, which is great.

    It may sound trite, but ensuring she gets good food, and drinks enough water etc., will help too, as that will help the brain too.

    Have you read about the effects of gut probiotics on brain function? It's very interesting. I believe it can help with mood and some mental illness too, believe it or not.
    Obviously, it's not a short-term thing, but might be worth looking into.

    I have been taking good probiotics for a couple of years, and more recently have started drinking kefir water (not the milk-based one, which I didn't like).

    I'm sure you've looked into it, but it is worth noting the side effects associated with the medications she is taking. Sometimes they are surprising.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
    Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
    I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 6th Jul 18, 12:17 AM
    • 17,206 Posts
    • 45,296 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    So....i lasted 4 hours at work.Got to the point where i felt unsteady on my feet, spaced out and couldnt understand what customers were saying so got sent home early. Have taken the decision to call in sick tomorrow and saturday whilst my body and brain adjust to the medication and side effects.Feel like such a failure but i just couldn't cope with feeling so bad. probably going to get a disciplnery when i get back. Bu i'll just have to deal with it. Going to Swains tomorrow for some love and much needed TLC.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    "I just need to be alone right now, i just wanna take a little breather"
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