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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,136Posts
    • 21,799Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread !!!8220;Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2!!!8221;. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 486
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 4th Jan 18, 10:48 PM
    • 17,138 Posts
    • 45,098 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    New year is off to a positive start, i downloaded some money apps, one to record spending and one to record savings, its pay day tomorrow and i actually already still have money in the bank, im so used to living pay day to pay day so its nice to have a buffer and a bit more control of my spending.

    ive downloaded myfitnesspal and im recording all i eat (doing the 5:2 diet too) and exercise (im going to pay for a gym induction then payg as it works out cheaper with my discount card than actual membership, and go swimming as well)(

    oh and good news for Pyxis (i think it was you?) i'm cutting out the pepsi max addiction and drinking green tea instead!

    I'd like to lose 5st this year thats only 70lbs, and if i aim for 2lb a week should only take 35 weeks to get there.

    Mood wise i am a little tiny bit up, but not to the point of a full blown episode. I'll keep an eye on it and if it gets any worse will make a trup to my GP.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    "I just need to be alone right now, i just wanna take a little breather"
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 5th Jan 18, 6:02 AM
    • 35,720 Posts
    • 132,446 Thanks
    Pyxis
    New year is off to a positive start, i downloaded some money apps, one to record spending and one to record savings, its pay day tomorrow and i actually already still have money in the bank, im so used to living pay day to pay day so its nice to have a buffer and a bit more control of my spending.

    ive downloaded myfitnesspal and im recording all i eat (doing the 5:2 diet too) and exercise (im going to pay for a gym induction then payg as it works out cheaper with my discount card than actual membership, and go swimming as well)(

    oh and good news for Pyxis (i think it was you?) i'm cutting out the pepsi max addiction and drinking green tea instead!

    I'd like to lose 5st this year thats only 70lbs, and if i aim for 2lb a week should only take 35 weeks to get there.

    Mood wise i am a little tiny bit up, but not to the point of a full blown episode. I'll keep an eye on it and if it gets any worse will make a trup to my GP.
    Originally posted by xXMessedUpXx
    That's brilliant, MU!

    There were studies that showed that fizzy drinks and artificial sweeteners can lead to weight gain, so that will help!

    And green tea has anti-oxidants, so win win!

    By the way, I decided to take part in Dry January, as I was drinking too much alcohol and starting to get a bit dependent on it, and am now on my 5th day.

    So High Five!
    Denmark and Senegal
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • elsien
    • By elsien 5th Jan 18, 8:35 AM
    • 16,565 Posts
    • 41,814 Thanks
    elsien
    Well done Pyxis. I'm considering dry January. Then my next door neighbour came round with a bottle of wine to say thanks for doing their garden. It may be a dry-ish January.
    Anyone know how to improve will power?
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 5th Jan 18, 9:23 AM
    • 1,540 Posts
    • 4,459 Thanks
    Izadora
    I'd like to lose 5st this year thats only 70lbs, and if i aim for 2lb a week should only take 35 weeks to get there.
    Originally posted by xXMessedUpXx
    As great as it would be if you manage it in 35 weeks try not to get too hung up on losing 2lb every week. The only time I've ever been successful with a diet (I lost 5 stone in 11 months) I didn't focus on the total amount I wanted to lose, just set myself small targets and being relaxed about knowing that there would be some weeks where I'd gain a little back stopped me falling off the wagon.

    I now, having put 2 stone back on, need to try to take my own advice...

    Well done on the finances too.

    By the way, I decided to take part in Dry January, as I was drinking too much alcohol and starting to get a bit dependent on it, and am now on my 5th day.
    Originally posted by Pyxis
    Well done and good luck. IzHe's decided to try it as well because, even though he'd often only have a small beer, the number of days he was drinking had started to go up. We're both going to try to quit smoking again on Monday as well and not drinking should help that.


    Anyone know how to improve will power?
    Originally posted by elsien
    Seeing as I'm an overweight smoker who drinks I think it's safe to say I struggle with willpower. If you find any please let me know how!
    • Solarjunkie
    • By Solarjunkie 5th Jan 18, 10:41 AM
    • 356 Posts
    • 1,316 Thanks
    Solarjunkie
    My mother gave up smoking with the help of Terry Wogan on the radio! The most important thing he said was, you have already given up smoking. You have already gone 20 minutes/ an hour/ 2 hours since your last cigarette. None of that - omg this is my last smoke ever - that has already gone, you are already a non-smoker.
    Well done to everyone who is now saying, yes, I have done this for half an hour already, now to keep going! We also went somewhere completely different for the day, so the usual triggers were absent, which helped too.
    Deal with things as they are, not as they should be.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 5th Jan 18, 10:42 AM
    • 4,282 Posts
    • 9,657 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    I didn't even realise (or remember, I suppose) about dry January until after I'd had a small Baileys on new year's day, but since I average under one unit of alcohol a day I'm not worrying about it.

    Only reason for me not to drink is calories, I'd like to be a 34" waist again
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 8th Jan 18, 11:51 AM
    • 8,759 Posts
    • 15,787 Thanks
    calleyw
    Monring my lovelies,

    Hugs, handshakes and squishes all round.

    Hope everyone is well as a bit quiet in here.

    Not feeling good mentally today. No idea why I have got down. Not dressed or showered yet. Or even taken the dog out. Bet he is crossing his legs.

    Last night I tripped and fell up the stairs. Thought that hurt. Not until later did I find out that I had cracked a toe nail from the top until half way down the side. Only the nail bed keeping it on. So looks like I am going to wear socks all the time

    Ok one question. How deal with people being over generous. AM parents bought me some boots. Too small so took them back and changed for bigger size. I said you are going to let me pay for them. His dad said yes. but when the time came due to get a refund sorted and buying something else I did not get chance to pay. And when I said to AM about it and he mentioned it to his parents. They said oh its an extra christmas present. Its very kind and generous. But I am not really comfortable about it.

    Right time to get dressed and take the dog out.

    Anyone here drink red wine and can tell me a decent one. As want to gift someone a bottle of red wine for a favor they did.

    A waved out to the MIA's I hope you are well just busy.

    Everyone take care

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 8th Jan 18, 12:19 PM
    • 1,540 Posts
    • 4,459 Thanks
    Izadora
    Calley, I don't know what it's like where you are but it's really grey and miserable here. Adding that to the 'Oh well, Christmas is definitely over' now that all decorations are down and it's enough to leave anyone feeling a bit flat.

    Ouch about the toe nail, I hope it heals up soon.

    I don't know that it's possible to stop people being too generous, certainly not without risking offending them. I think all you can do is accept that they wanted to do something nice for you and thank them for it.

    Red wine will come down to personal taste - do you know if they like a particular type / full-bodied etc.? - but if you give me a rough idea of budget I can tell you what I'd get for my dad/IzHe as they both like red.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 8th Jan 18, 12:42 PM
    • 8,759 Posts
    • 15,787 Thanks
    calleyw
    Calley, I don't know what it's like where you are but it's really grey and miserable here. Adding that to the 'Oh well, Christmas is definitely over' now that all decorations are down and it's enough to leave anyone feeling a bit flat.
    Originally posted by Izadora
    Its grey and cold today. The corner where the christmas tree was does look very bare


    Ouch about the toe nail, I hope it heals up soon.
    Originally posted by Izadora
    me too. I am just clumsy

    I don't know that it's possible to stop people being too generous, certainly not without risking offending them. I think all you can do is accept that they wanted to do something nice for you and thank them for it.
    Originally posted by Izadora
    I don't want to offend them. Just not use to it. My own family don't do it. So find it a little bit uncomfortable. If its a low cost item fine. But this was 25. I often take flowers or a plant when we go to see them as they fed us sunday lunch as well. I took nothing yesterday. So better next time we go up there to see them.

    Red wine will come down to personal taste - do you know if they like a particular type / full-bodied etc.? - but if you give me a rough idea of budget I can tell you what I'd get for my dad/IzHe as they both like red.
    Originally posted by Izadora
    Cool. Thanks for that. I don't. There reply was I like red wine I am looking about 10ish a bottle. This was person who gave the starwars VR ticket to AM. The cost of the two tickets was about 65. So want to get something decent. And a couple of bottles.

    Thanks again

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 8th Jan 18, 1:30 PM
    • 19,163 Posts
    • 19,646 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    cally, I love red wine. I am a naked angel!!!!! (Naked are an online wine company, and angels have a regular subscription there lol) Naked wines are lush, but it's probably too much faff to join just to give a gift.

    Alternatively I find Lidl wines are really brill VFM. My favourite there is Australian Merlot (with a yellow label) but this is less than a fiver. I think you could trust them if you just bought a more expensive bottle there, that it would be much better quality than you would get in other places. (Their rhubarb and ginger gin is also rather good )
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

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    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 8th Jan 18, 1:38 PM
    • 1,540 Posts
    • 4,459 Thanks
    Izadora
    I don't want to offend them. Just not use to it. My own family don't do it. So find it a little bit uncomfortable. If its a low cost item fine. But this was 25. I often take flowers or a plant when we go to see them as they fed us sunday lunch as well. I took nothing yesterday. So better next time we go up there to see them.
    Originally posted by calleyw
    I understand why it would make you uncomfortable but if they're anything like my mum (IzHe's sometimes uncomfortable with the way she spoils us) then it's easier if you just accept that it's coming from a lovely place and it's something which makes them happy. It sounds like you do nice things for them too and I'm sure they appreciate it and the boots are probabaly their way of showing that.

    Cool. Thanks for that. I don't. There reply was I like red wine I am looking about 10ish a bottle. This was person who gave the starwars VR ticket to AM. The cost of the two tickets was about 65. So want to get something decent. And a couple of bottles.
    Originally posted by calleyw
    https://www.sainsburys.co.uk/shop/gb/groceries/sainsburys-morador-malbec--taste-the-difference-75cl

    That's well within your budget and currently IzHe's favourite wine.

    https://www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/289221866

    It's a little bit above your budget but one of my dad's favourite wines.

    https://www.sainsburys.co.uk/shop/gb/groceries/oyster-bay-pinot-noir-75cl

    This would be a bit lighter than the other two. I love their Sauvignon Blanc so Izhe tried this when it was on offer and enjoyed it.

    I don't really drink red anymore but when I did I used to like Australian Shiraz. I can't remember the exact brand but I would've thought anything around the 10 would be perfectly drinkable.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 8th Jan 18, 1:57 PM
    • 8,759 Posts
    • 15,787 Thanks
    calleyw
    Izzy,

    Thank you for info. I will take a look when I get access to the car.

    Yes. But they spent a decent amount at xmas on us. Dash cam, sd card and other bits and pieces.

    Mind you I got some reduced christmas cards for my mum. They where to my grandson ones. Cost me 20p each got 4 and she said how much do I owe you umm I went nowt mum.

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 8th Jan 18, 2:00 PM
    • 8,759 Posts
    • 15,787 Thanks
    calleyw
    cally, I love red wine. I am a naked angel!!!!! (Naked are an online wine company, and angels have a regular subscription there lol) Naked wines are lush, but it's probably too much faff to join just to give a gift.

    Alternatively I find Lidl wines are really brill VFM. My favourite there is Australian Merlot (with a yellow label) but this is less than a fiver. I think you could trust them if you just bought a more expensive bottle there, that it would be much better quality than you would get in other places. (Their rhubarb and ginger gin is also rather good )
    Originally posted by jobbingmusician
    JM,

    Thanks for that info. I don't drink wine at all so have no idea. I am more of a lambrini and koppar berg cider girly

    Will take a look if I can get the car tonight. To go shopping.

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 8th Jan 18, 2:29 PM
    • 4,282 Posts
    • 9,657 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    My approach with anything that seems perhaps too generous is to ask once "are you sure?" or similar, and if they say yes, then thank them, say they are very kind and no more about it after that. I figure that one chance to reconsider is enough, more would make me seem ungrateful.

    cally, I love red wine. I am a naked angel!!!!! (Naked are an online wine company, and angels have a regular subscription there lol) Naked wines are lush, but it's probably too much faff to join just to give a gift.
    Originally posted by jobbingmusician
    So am I! Never had a bad bottle from them, the only problem I have is actually finishing a bottle on my own over 3/4 evenings before it turns.

    In reds I like a Rioja or Malbec, but wouldn't be able to recommend one from an off licence or supermarket as I don't get wine in those places any more.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 8th Jan 18, 7:15 PM
    • 35,720 Posts
    • 132,446 Thanks
    Pyxis
    I don't know about willpower per se, but the Dry January app has some good articles, and one was about understanding cravings.

    It referred to drinking alcohol, natch, but the points it makes can just as easily apply to something else...... chocolate, coffee, coke etc., biscuits, smoking, etc. etc.

    This is the full article, but I have extracted a little bit of it below.

    https://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/blog/coping-with-cravings


    QUOTE
    If the desire for a ......... (fill in the blank) seems to get bigger and stronger and you fear that it won't go away until you give in here's a fun fact: the average craving lasts for just six minutes.

    If you can find a distraction for just a few minutes, your craving will diminish.

    What could you do in six minutes - make a cuppa, fire off a couple of emails, write a shopping list, phone a friend? Make a list of six-minute fillers so that the next time you get a craving, you've got something else to focus on.



    Cravings can be set off by cues - triggers that set you on the path to wanting a .......... (fill in blank).

    It's really helpful to be able to identify what's causing your craving - is it an emotion, a thought, time of the day, seeing someone else eating/drinking it?

    Once you have identified what led to your craving, you can start finding ways to beat them.
    UNQUOTE

    By the way, I'm on day 8 now!

    For me, three quarters of the battle is not having any in the house.
    I identified a couple of triggers, and temporarily I am having a glass of a sparkly soft drink when those triggers occur.
    As I'm not a great lover of fizzy drinks, I will gradually phase those out.
    Last edited by Pyxis; 09-01-2018 at 7:16 AM.
    Denmark and Senegal
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • elsien
    • By elsien 8th Jan 18, 7:57 PM
    • 16,565 Posts
    • 41,814 Thanks
    elsien
    For me it's not a craving so much, as being told that I can't do something which immediately makes me want to do it twice as much. I think I just like to be contrary, even when it's just me telling me. Bit silly really, but there you go.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 9th Jan 18, 9:31 AM
    • 1,540 Posts
    • 4,459 Thanks
    Izadora
    I don't necessarily need to cut down how often I drink (I could still decide to take part in dry January if I wanted to even though I've not been trying not to drink) but I would like to cut down on the amount I have on the occasions when I do drink. It's like I don't have an off switch once I've started.

    I'm on day 2 of dieting and not smoking and, even though it's in no way easy, it's not quite as bad as I feared.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 9th Jan 18, 9:49 AM
    • 4,282 Posts
    • 9,657 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    It's like I don't have an off switch once I've started.
    Originally posted by Izadora
    I used to be like that when the opportunity presented in company and I wasn't driving, not to falling down drunk, but "going to be a hangover I could do without" level of drunk.

    New Year's eve 1999/2000 cured me of getting properly drunk ever again , never want to feel like that again. After that I paid attention to the warning signs and stop drinking when I reach the "If I have any more I won't like the consequences" point.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 9th Jan 18, 11:17 AM
    • 35,720 Posts
    • 132,446 Thanks
    Pyxis
    I don't necessarily need to cut down how often I drink (I could still decide to take part in dry January if I wanted to even though I've not been trying not to drink) but I would like to cut down on the amount I have on the occasions when I do drink. It's like I don't have an off switch once I've started.

    I'm on day 2 of dieting and not smoking and, even though it's in no way easy, it's not quite as bad as I feared.
    Originally posted by Izadora
    One of the things the Dry January people said was that it resets your relationship with alcohol. It's not meant to be a give-up-for-good thing, but the 'pause' allows you to see what it's like when you don't drink in situations where you normally would, and to discover, possibly, triggers you didn't realise were there.

    It helps to put you back in control.

    I remember one time, a few years ago, when I went to a lunchtime party, and had to drive there, so I didn't drink. Everyone else was a neighbour, so they weren't driving, as so they drank as much as they wanted.

    They weren't blind drunk, but in my sober state, I could see how silly some of them were getting, with the odd slurred word or sentence that didn't make a huge amount of sense, plus the eyelids starting to drool and their gait becoming a bit wobbly.

    It made me feel that I didn't want to be in that 'state', and, as I said, they weren't even blind drunk, just tipsy, I suppose.

    I pretty much stopped drinking out of the house after that, even if I wasn't driving, and even on holidays where wine was included. (Well, I can't drink wine anyway, so that was another reason!)

    It's little eye-openers like that which make this dry month useful.
    Denmark and Senegal
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • Katapolt
    • By Katapolt 9th Jan 18, 2:31 PM
    • 216 Posts
    • 276 Thanks
    Katapolt
    Hi all, im new here so im sorry if i get any of the rules wrong. I've been debating for a little while about trying talking therapies again. i did CBT and counselling a few years back, but didnt really know what to do or say. I also think it would be good for my sister. Shes suffering really badly with her Depression at the moment and im at a loss as to how i can help.

    does anyone think talking therapies are worth it? i dont really earn enough to see a specialist or anything, but i dont know what else to do, i just dont want to keep feeling this way.
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