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    • MSE Martin
    • By MSE Martin 10th May 05, 5:57 PM
    • 8,115Posts
    • 42,285Thanks
    MSE Martin
    FAO: Skeletor
    • #1
    • 10th May 05, 5:57 PM
    FAO: Skeletor 10th May 05 at 5:57 PM
    If you're my age - 23 of course, uhumm - you may remember He-Man. If you do, I think this'll make you laugh. Seems like someone's finally told Skeletor a few home truths.
    Martin Lewis, Money Saving Expert.
    Please note, answers don't constitute financial advice, it is based on generalised journalistic research. Always ensure any decision is made with regards to your own individual circumstance.

    Don't miss out on urgent MoneySaving, get my weekly e-mail at

    Debt-Free Wannabee Official Nerd Club: (Honorary) Members number 000
Page 1
  • Quackers
    • #2
    • 10th May 05, 6:10 PM
    • #2
    • 10th May 05, 6:10 PM
    If you're my age - 23 of course, uhumm - you may remember He-Man. If you do, I think this'll make you laugh. Seems like someone's finally told Skeletor a few home truths.
    by MSE Martin
    Roflmao - I'm about the same age Martin - 23 this weekend. You're only 5 days older than me

    Being a girlie I admired He-Man a little more than She Ra.

    'By the power of Greyskull'
    Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold...But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow...
  • Jay-Jay
    • #3
    • 10th May 05, 11:07 PM
    • #3
    • 10th May 05, 11:07 PM

    Our next door neighbour is called Evelyn and we really do call her Evil Lynn

    By the power of Grayskull......I haaavvveee thhe powwweeerrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

    Just run, run and keep on running!

  • mrvolleyball
    • #4
    • 11th May 05, 3:56 PM
    • #4
    • 11th May 05, 3:56 PM
    Excellent letter, very funny indeed.
    Why do companies offer you "free gifts?"
    Since when has a gift NOT been free?
  • bargainqueen
    • #5
    • 11th May 05, 9:37 PM
    • #5
    • 11th May 05, 9:37 PM
    Same age, same level of amusement! I hope Skeletor writes back...
    Three years, six months, three weeks, 13 hours, 48 minutes and 30 seconds. 26011 cigarettes not smoked, saving $11,704.80. Life saved: 12 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 35 minutes.
    • sd8974
    • By sd8974 11th May 05, 9:47 PM
    • 63 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    • #6
    • 11th May 05, 9:47 PM
    Attention all aspiring Evil Overlords...
    • #6
    • 11th May 05, 9:47 PM
    In a similar vein, and what with Star Wars Episode III on its way, here are some good career tips for any aspiring evil overlord out there...

    [Apologies if this is too long, but it is good stuff!]

    > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there
    > are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However,every Evil
    > Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown
    > and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are
    > barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they
    > always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I
    > ever happen to become an Evil Overlord...
    > 1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not
    > face-concealing ones.
    > 2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
    > 3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept
    > anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
    > 4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
    > 5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the
    > Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of
    > Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box.
    > 6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
    > 7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, "Or are
    > you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just
    > sensible."
    > 8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me,
    > will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No" and shoot
    > him.
    > 9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a
    > quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which
    > the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
    > 10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary.
    > If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not
    > Push." The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of
    > bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch
    > will not clearly be labeled as such.
    > 11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined
    > to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.
    > 12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel
    > well outside my borders will work just as well.
    > 13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove
    > it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive
    > to show they pose no threat.
    > 14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm
    > not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.
    > 15. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I
    > simply choose not show them any.
    > 16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my
    > plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
    > 17. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of
    > ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff.
    > The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will
    > be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
    > 18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of
    > my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to
    > any other dress codes.
    > 19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other
    > form of last request.
    > 20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that
    > such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the
    > counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
    > 21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist
    > to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret
    > his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.
    > 22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you,
    > there's just one thing I want to know."
    > 23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally
    > listen to their advice.
    > 24. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to
    > usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a
    > crucial point in time.
    > 25. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but
    > one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
    > 26. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal
    > laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that
    > a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
    > 27. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my
    > legions of terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like
    > Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were
    > eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
    > 28. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not
    > consume any energy field bigger than my head.
    > 29. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in
    > their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power
    > generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops
    > will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
    > 30. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses.
    > Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never
    > utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is
    > usually instantaneous.)
    > 31. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of
    > machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually
    > inaccessible vulnerable spot.
    > 32. If I am engaged in a duel to the death with the hero and I am fortunate
    > enough to knock the weapon out of his hand, I will graciously allow him to
    > retrieve it. This is not from a sense of fair play; rather, he will be so
    > startled and confused that I will easily be able to dispatch him.
    > 33. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is
    > probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me.
    > Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
    > 34. I will never build only one of anything important. For the same reason I
    > will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
    > 35. If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to
    > safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will
    > not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.
    > 36. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape
    > and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
    > 37. Even though I don't really care, because I plan on living forever, I will
    > hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am
    > slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.
    > 38. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into
    > confusion.
    > 39. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly
    > thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes will surely
    > give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
    > 40. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly,
    > world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or
    > romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
    > 41. Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a
    > secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will
    > be outlawed and destroyed.
    > 42. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just
    > to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
    > 43. I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with
    > the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main
    > square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power,
    > rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in
    > case the real thing ever comes along.
    > 44. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a
    > stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code.
    > Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal
    > occasions.
    > 45. I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting
    > into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.
    > 46. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
    > 47. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic.
    > Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
    > 48. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let
    > alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key
    > to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every
    > bottom-rung guard in the prison.
    > 49. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a
    > battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
    > 50. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere,
    > I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them
    > to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
    > 51. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the
    > forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among
    > his army.
    > 52. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable
    > superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping
    > it in reserve.
    > 53. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel
    > devices.
    > 54. I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being
    > executed.
    > 55. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey,
    > ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and
    > filching keys happens to follow him around.
    > 56. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful
    > rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will
    > gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
    > 57. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for
    > the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the
    > other guy a sporting chance.
    > 58. I will not rely entirely upon "totally reliable" spells that can be
    > neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talisman.
    > 59. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for
    > what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up, I will not draw
    > my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then
    > suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
    > 60. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man
    > possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
    > 61. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay
    > him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
    > 62. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with
    > respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not
    > immediately come after me for revenge.
    > 63. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact that can destroy me, I will
    > not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead, I will send them out to seize
    > something else and quietly put a want ad in the local paper.
    > 64. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be
    > completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
    > 65. I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While
    > elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are
    > hard to close quickly in an emergency.
    > 66. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions
    > in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less
    > people-oriented position.
    > 67. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine
    > my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I
    > might not know about.
    > 68. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you!
    > Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say, "Oh well." and kill her.
    > 69. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being, then attempt to
    > double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
    > 70. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I
    > will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
    • Stumpy
    • By Stumpy 11th May 05, 10:52 PM
    • 1,092 Posts
    • 313 Thanks
    • #7
    • 11th May 05, 10:52 PM
    • #7
    • 11th May 05, 10:52 PM
    What a great site!! I particularly liked the ELC rant !!
    • Baz@rr
    • By Baz@rr 15th May 05, 6:07 PM
    • 163 Posts
    • 943 Thanks
    • #8
    • 15th May 05, 6:07 PM
    • #8
    • 15th May 05, 6:07 PM
    Cheers for posting this, Martin, it did wonders for my traffic, so it did! Never been as busy as I have been since you sent out the newsletter with the link in it.

    Thanks to everyone who read the letter and enjoyed it. Unfortunately Skeletor never did reply.

    As for Thundercats, there's an appearance by those very fellas in the first Charity Shop Tat Bag feature, and a full review of their video coming soooooon!

    Thanks again everyone, you've all made a tired and jaded webmaster very happy...
  • trace-j
    • #9
    • 15th May 05, 9:35 PM
    • #9
    • 15th May 05, 9:35 PM
    Brings back great memories.

    Anyone remember Thundercats?
    by Weyres
    Thundercats hoooooooooo!

    After you've listened to these infamous outtakes- Thundercats will lose its childhood innocence.- not for the easily offended!
    I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about
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