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  • FIRST POST
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    • 1,732Posts
    • 8,410Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK
    • #1
    • 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK 27th Aug 14 at 10:22 PM
    Bewildered, confused, terrified that will lose everything we have worked so hard to build up. Over 70 K unsecured debt and 28K owed to family. Have been self employed for 10 years but business gradually gone down hill in recession. partner went back t o work, on good salary 47K but not enough, plus some money still coming in from business/part time jobs. Have 3 years left of independent school fees (yes we could pull child out but it would destroy him - please don't judge), older child about to go to university and we won't be able to provide much support. Talked to debt charity earlier this year and wrote to some creditors but not all - kept thinking things would improve but they haven't yet, so now need to do the rest - wish I had listened and acted fully 6 months ago. Better late than never I guess. Desperately looking for a job but too stressed to produce good applications. Sleep deprivation and now relationship problems. Have a decent house but don't want to downsize as have elderly parents with health issues who will need our support and probably move in with us. Health beginning to suffer. Don't know how we got ourselves into this state - well educated, professionals, feel totally ashamed, so keep up the pretences with everyone that everything is hunky dory. So sad and depressed.
Page 99
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 1st Feb 18, 9:53 AM
    • 1,732 Posts
    • 8,410 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    A beautiful sunny but bitterly cold morning her today .
    Will try and get out in top the garden for a bit and clear up - weekend is going to be busy with taxi-ing DS to music and sports events, and a meeting at school tonight. Dropped into supermarket for top up shop on way home form school run. Was meant to buy pizza for tonight to take to school for DS to eat in car before meeting starts. Bought a whole load of other stuff but forgot the pizza Ive been having more than a few senile moments these past couple of weeks.

    Enthusiastic - Thank you, same suggestion as eco and it makes a lot of sense. The company forecast still looks good for next year, but as you say you never know. Perhaps need to look at cashing half this tax year.

    Yesterday managed to call mortgage company to find out how much overpayment I can make during fixed rate etc, still have another few questions, as to how they will treat the payments (ie towards the capital or off the interest. I wasn't clear on what they meant - I realised afterwards the adviser did not use the word "capital" even though I had , just said overpayments reduced the interest paid. Need to look up the actual calcs to used to check most effective way to pay off. haven't ever really looked at the mortgage threads on here, so will try and check those as and when I have time. What to be ready with a plan for when fees money is freed up.

    Fingers crossed things carry on well with SE this year, and with DH employment, They just had a big review with big bosses doing the rounds - everyone was wondering why

    SE work this morning, an hour gardening as my treat if I get enough done

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • jvr
    • By jvr 1st Feb 18, 10:21 AM
    • 420 Posts
    • 1,303 Thanks
    jvr
    Hi NOA


    Finally caught up on your diary. Firstly, I'm sorry that conversation with your husband would frustrate anybody. It just sucks that you end up having to deal with alone because its less hassle. Mine can be similar and I often find that when I leave things to him things go wrong which leaves me more anxious than if I had dealt with it myself! All I can say is remember your not totally alone in sorting this, there are so many of us here and its taken me till now to realise that getting support here with it from multiple people is better than getting frustrated with OH or feeling alone and overwhelmed!
    Debt: 10,006 now 8698.38
    Emergency Fund: 456.17/ 1000


    • eco farmer
    • By eco farmer 1st Feb 18, 8:52 PM
    • 110 Posts
    • 410 Thanks
    eco farmer
    toppermost post:
    debt free 1st October 2016
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 2nd Feb 18, 9:20 AM
    • 1,732 Posts
    • 8,410 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Hi NOA


    Finally caught up on your diary. Firstly, I'm sorry that conversation with your husband would frustrate anybody. It just sucks that you end up having to deal with alone because its less hassle. Mine can be similar and I often find that when I leave things to him things go wrong which leaves me more anxious than if I had dealt with it myself! All I can say is remember your not totally alone in sorting this, there are so many of us here and its taken me till now to realise that getting support here with it from multiple people is better than getting frustrated with OH or feeling alone and overwhelmed!
    Originally posted by jvr
    Thanks jvr, I absolutely know that, learnt it the hard way. This is my "go" to place when there is no one around that understands. Not sure where I would be now if it wasn't for all the support on here ... Good time to remember to say "Thank You" to everyone

    toppermost post:
    Originally posted by eco farmer
    ...of the poppermost
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 2nd Feb 18, 9:42 AM
    • 1,587 Posts
    • 9,449 Thanks
    redofromstart
    Much sympathy from me about the pain of talking to OH about finances. Always a triumph of hope over experience, and always depressing. I'm the same on money, cleaning and clutter now.
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 2nd Feb 18, 3:05 PM
    • 1,732 Posts
    • 8,410 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Thank You Redo, it seems there are more than few other halves that have this affliction!

    DH works really hard, but that's all he focuses on. If he decides to do DIY or gardening, that is his focus for the amount of time he has allocated, and woe betide anyone suggest anything different. I meanwhile flap between school, kids, SE, part time jobs, house, garden, voluntary work and my mum. I always feel like I never really get anything done (though I know that's not true). Life was so much simpler when we both had careers, it was a lot more even playing field, but I hated not being able to do things with the kids while they were little.

    Anyway.....I digress. I came on to list Postives for today

    1) SE Invoices paid - a little late but now done.
    2) A couple of hours work done this morning.
    3) Called Mortgage provider again, confirmed that all larger payments automatically come of the capital amount. SO now I can probably set up a spreadsheet to do projections and monitor closely for the next few years. Will work on that as and when.
    4)Weighed in and another lb lost so whats gone is staying off
    5) Ordered more oil, but got a bit of a shock when I heard the balance on our account, DD will need to go up again, waiting to hear by how much may decide to just pay off a small lump.

    3 letters to get ready to post for SE now, then I think I will do a bit more desk clearing.
    Anxiety levels are still high, check BP at home and it is better than at gps last week, but still not good. I hope its just a blip due to stress. I have a gift voucher for a spa just down the road, but that would mean having to do my legs again, thought I'd wait till its a bit warmer and I want to wear a skirt!

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 2nd Feb 18, 4:26 PM
    • 7,275 Posts
    • 35,683 Thanks
    brizzledfw
    Just checking in.. you!!!8217;re doing brilliantly just watch that BP!

    Have a great weekend xx
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    Winter 17/18 Savings Rate Goal: 25% [October 30%]
    Declutter 60 items before 31.03.18 9/60 ** LSDs Target 10 for March 03/10 **AFDs 10/15 ** Sales/TCB Target 2018 25/500 NSDs Target 10 for March 02/10 Trying to be a Frugalista
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 2nd Feb 18, 5:33 PM
    • 1,587 Posts
    • 9,449 Thanks
    redofromstart
    I think nature of both of us is that we focus on what didn't get done. Very thinly stretched sometimes, and extra difficult when someone else just sails through. You clearly do a huge amount, and it's fatal to get sucked into seething resentment. That's when the row happens round these parts, and it doesn't help. I'm trying to just get on with stuff, for me because it will make me feel better.
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 2nd Feb 18, 6:13 PM
    • 1,732 Posts
    • 8,410 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Yes, Redo, it doesn't get you anywhere. I went through the resentment phase a long while back before grabbing the bull by the horns as it were! I learnt to walk away and just get on with it. I only started to talk about it the other night as we seem to have been through a quiet phase, everything quite civilized, for a few weeks, so I guess I was dipping my toes in a bit but ....
    Never mind.

    I've been obsessed with calcs today re: mortgage. I was going to work on scenarios as and when next week, but it was more fun than filing
    Head is buzzing, I Almost feel excited!
    DH just called - he's doing school run today he's been waiting 10 minutes in the car for DS who had an away match, and ringing me to ask why he isn't out yet Told him they might not be back yet, or 101 other things. Told him go with the flow, I wait daily anything from 1-45 mins! Tee Hee Hee.
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 2nd Feb 18, 9:07 PM
    • 7,275 Posts
    • 35,683 Thanks
    brizzledfw
    Divine justice?!!
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    Winter 17/18 Savings Rate Goal: 25% [October 30%]
    Declutter 60 items before 31.03.18 9/60 ** LSDs Target 10 for March 03/10 **AFDs 10/15 ** Sales/TCB Target 2018 25/500 NSDs Target 10 for March 02/10 Trying to be a Frugalista
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 5th Feb 18, 9:07 PM
    • 1,732 Posts
    • 8,410 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Divine justice?!!
    Originally posted by brizzledfw
    He had to wait 40 minutes not a happy hubby

    Bit of a working weekend - caught up on some SE work - it was beginning to slip with me not having focused some days during the week.

    Nothing much happening really, just voluntary work Saturday, a jazz cabaret school event which was actually very pleasant in the evening, and working and chores Sunday. Had a lie in this am - didn't get up until 10 as DS stayed over at friend's house last night - they were watching the Superbowl in a big group - and went to school from there . Heaven - I actually fell asleep and dosed on and off, which helped with concentration today.

    Bath and bed now - it feels really late to me.
    Have a good week everyone
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 5th Feb 18, 9:25 PM
    • 1,587 Posts
    • 9,449 Thanks
    redofromstart
    Glad you got some sleep! I'm looking forward to half term next week, although I still have to get up for the animals at least I don't have to get dressed.
    • Drawingaline
    • By Drawingaline 5th Feb 18, 10:07 PM
    • 414 Posts
    • 1,402 Thanks
    Drawingaline
    I assume your son didn't get much sleep then, hubby came to bed at 4.30am once the Superbowl had finished! He always books the Monday after off work.
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 6th Feb 18, 9:30 AM
    • 1,732 Posts
    • 8,410 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Glad you got some sleep! I'm looking forward to half term next week, although I still have to get up for the animals at least I don't have to get dressed.
    Originally posted by redofromstart
    Me too Redo, , i love school holidays
    I assume your son didn't get much sleep then, hubby came to bed at 4.30am once the Superbowl had finished! He always books the Monday after off work.
    Originally posted by Drawingaline
    Hello Drawingaline,
    Last night he told me they went to bed about one? this morning (having seen your post - thanks for the heads up), I asked him what time he went to bed and he said about 2 to 2.30. Then I repeated the question and asked what time truthfully did you go to bed and he said about 3.30....I left it at that I knew he hadn't slept much because he went to bed at 8pm
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • Drawingaline
    • By Drawingaline 6th Feb 18, 11:16 AM
    • 414 Posts
    • 1,402 Thanks
    Drawingaline
    Apparently it was the kind of game that went to the wire! Plus that it's over means no sky sports until September (cancelled) so 30 savings a month until then.....
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 6th Feb 18, 9:12 PM
    • 1,732 Posts
    • 8,410 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Apparently it was the kind of game that went to the wire! Plus that it's over means no sky sports until September (cancelled) so 30 savings a month until then.....
    Originally posted by Drawingaline
    That's very MSE

    A productive day with lots of "bits" that having been hanging over me ticked off :-

    1) Headlight went yesterday so Car taken to garage and 4 bulbs replaced (27). While car in garage did all the bits below so no parking costs
    2) Drs appt, on antibiotics - more pills
    3) Oil arrived - DD doesn't need to go up again
    4) Id photos needed - got those done when in town 12
    5) Dropped of dry cleaning at same time
    6) Got car washed (it was caked in mud /salt) 5.50 drive through
    7) Banking done in one bank, the other bank had a powercut and was closed so will need to go when next in town
    8) Booked dentist/hygienist appts for us - got appt for half term
    9) Was out of A4 envelopes so bought a few, ordered more online
    10) Did SE work and client letters this am before all of above, and posted when out, including Recorded one at post office
    11) Cooked 2 meals to cover next 3 evenings as out at work tomorrow and Thursday.
    12) 2 lots of washing done, and dd made brownies which were yummy
    13) Updated creditor by phone, only took 5 minutes
    14) Emptied a pink box file, which DD wanted to colour coordinate
    her different modules - all old receipts for SE pre -2011 so put in pile for shredding

    DS just asked me about going to another party gave him a little spiel - about not letting it all go to pot...... etc etc

    Time for bed, feeling as if I have actually moved forwards today

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • Drawingaline
    • By Drawingaline 7th Feb 18, 8:20 AM
    • 414 Posts
    • 1,402 Thanks
    Drawingaline
    Wow, that is a busy day!
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 7th Feb 18, 11:36 AM
    • 1,732 Posts
    • 8,410 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Morning
    Off to part time work soon.
    Didn't really make the most of the 3 hours I should have had this morning as was late back from school run, DS was on go slow (Sunday night catching up no doubt) so I lost about 40 minutes as traffic then builds up and its stop start all the way. Car never really warmed up - it was -2 deg C. Hands were like blocks of ice even though I had gloves on, so I never really got going.
    Have done odds and ends though just pottering and clearing up.
    Did a 10 minute session on x-trainer, aiming to do that at least once a day , twice if I can. Not much but better than nothing.

    the new voluntary work I ve started dabbling in is frustrating - people say they are going to do things and then don't - really annoying as I just want to get things moving and I can't do the next bit until they have done their bit - trying to share responsibility with others who have come forward to help - but it would have been quicker just to do it myself Not the team spirit I know, but nevertheless.

    Have a good day everyone
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • try harder
    • By try harder 7th Feb 18, 12:07 PM
    • 745 Posts
    • 2,839 Thanks
    try harder
    At least you had a really good day yesterday and accomplished such a lot

    It is very cold here today too with sprinklings of snow and ice ,i usually take my dog out around now but not feeling much like venturing out of my lovely warm house today
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 7th Feb 18, 12:27 PM
    • 1,609 Posts
    • 8,501 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    Lots done then! And I am glad the DD for the oil has stayed the same.
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