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  • FIRST POST
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    • 1,757Posts
    • 8,562Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK
    • #1
    • 27th Aug 14, 10:22 PM
    Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK 27th Aug 14 at 10:22 PM
    Bewildered, confused, terrified that will lose everything we have worked so hard to build up. Over 70 K unsecured debt and 28K owed to family. Have been self employed for 10 years but business gradually gone down hill in recession. partner went back t o work, on good salary 47K but not enough, plus some money still coming in from business/part time jobs. Have 3 years left of independent school fees (yes we could pull child out but it would destroy him - please don't judge), older child about to go to university and we won't be able to provide much support. Talked to debt charity earlier this year and wrote to some creditors but not all - kept thinking things would improve but they haven't yet, so now need to do the rest - wish I had listened and acted fully 6 months ago. Better late than never I guess. Desperately looking for a job but too stressed to produce good applications. Sleep deprivation and now relationship problems. Have a decent house but don't want to downsize as have elderly parents with health issues who will need our support and probably move in with us. Health beginning to suffer. Don't know how we got ourselves into this state - well educated, professionals, feel totally ashamed, so keep up the pretences with everyone that everything is hunky dory. So sad and depressed.
Page 95
    • eco farmer
    • By eco farmer 29th Dec 17, 12:28 PM
    • 110 Posts
    • 410 Thanks
    eco farmer
    happy new yr NOA.
    keep on keeping on.

    eco
    debt free 1st October 2016
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 2nd Jan 18, 2:42 PM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Lovely message NOA , have a lovely Christmas yourself with your family x
    Originally posted by Cumbria lass
    Thank you Cumbria lass, I hope you have had a lovely Christmas too. xx


    Dear Noah,

    I hope that you and yours have a lovely relaxing Christmas and a healthy and wealthy 2018....

    Much Love...



    Puzz. xxxx
    Originally posted by Puzzcat
    Thank you for popping in Puzz, hope your Christmas went well too!
    xx

    happy new yr NOA.
    keep on keeping on.

    eco
    Originally posted by eco farmer
    Thanks You eco farmer, I very much plan to! I hope you have had a lovely Christmas break. xx
    NOA
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 2nd Jan 18, 2:56 PM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Hello Everyone.

    Can't get my thoughts together enough to do the long post I sat down to do, it's been a year of much reflection. So I will just say "A Happy New Year to you all"
    Much Love
    NOA

    xx

    !!!8220;Hope
    Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
    Whispering 'it will be happier'...!!!8221;

    !!!8213; Alfred Tennyson
    Last edited by NoOneAround; 02-01-2018 at 2:59 PM.
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 2nd Jan 18, 5:06 PM
    • 1,909 Posts
    • 11,612 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    I had a good Christmas and New Year NOA , I hope your reflection has been helpful.

    Happy New Year to you.
    CC1 3475 May 2018
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 3rd Jan 18, 9:39 PM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Thank You Cumbria Lass.

    2018 has started much as 2017 ended...Back to work tomorrow at part time job, school term starts, VAT returns due by end of week, and accounts looming ever closer!
    I have been catching up on a few diaries as and when but haven't had time to be on here really.
    Early night , got to find some clothes to wear to work now....
    Will update properly in next few days ...she says.....

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • try harder
    • By try harder 4th Jan 18, 6:13 AM
    • 787 Posts
    • 3,039 Thanks
    try harder
    I have been following your diary and meaning to post .You are doing brilliantly .Happy New Year to you.
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 8th Jan 18, 10:12 PM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    I have been following your diary and meaning to post .You are doing brilliantly .Happy New Year to you.
    Originally posted by try harder
    Hello try harder, Thank you for your lovely message. Happy New Year to you too, Hope it's a good one for you

    A week into the New Year already
    Too tired for a long post, Can't remember what I put in my last update so i'll put down the first few things that come into my head as bullet points - just to get into the habit again

    1)Family came over holidays from 24-30 Dec
    2)Christmas has been cleared away this weekend
    3)Several tons of washing/ironing done
    4)VAT accounts done and all paid up yesterday
    5)Driving lessons booked for DS- big spends coming
    6)Bag full of receipts checked/discarded /filed -more to do
    7)3 lbs lost (back to where I was before Xmas)
    8)Feeling very anxious about a lot of things, trying hard not to.

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • eco farmer
    • By eco farmer 12th Jan 18, 6:29 PM
    • 110 Posts
    • 410 Thanks
    eco farmer
    Hi,
    happy new yr. can i recommend this website.
    Its extremely good for teaching mindfulness. There are a series of short webinars that help along the way. Please ignore the title its for everybody. the funding for the website came from a farming charity in response to the huge pressures my industry is under

    farmerfocus.com

    good luck with it
    keep posting.
    Eco
    debt free 1st October 2016
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 13th Jan 18, 10:16 AM
    • 1,765 Posts
    • 10,783 Thanks
    redofromstart
    Well done you for losing the Christmas pounds.

    Hope you have a restful weekend, and that the anxiety eases off.
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 14th Jan 18, 5:42 PM
    • 1,909 Posts
    • 11,612 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    Mindfulness is something we have at work monthly , I have found it very useful sometimes. Hoping the anxiety is better.
    CC1 3475 May 2018
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 14th Jan 18, 6:59 PM
    • 385 Posts
    • 1,563 Thanks
    jaxsmar
    Just reading this post. Thanks for posting it does help other people experiencing the same problems.
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 150/1000.
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 15th Jan 18, 10:26 AM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Hi,
    happy new yr. can i recommend this website.
    Its extremely good for teaching mindfulness. There are a series of short webinars that help along the way. Please ignore the title its for everybody. the funding for the website came from a farming charity in response to the huge pressures my industry is under

    farmerfocus.com

    good luck with it
    keep posting.
    Eco
    Originally posted by eco farmer
    Thank You Eco, That's really useful.
    I will take a look at it, a quick search keeps taking me to farmers weekly links though, and I couldn't see any obviously links through to the webinars. Internet very slow at the moment so will search again later
    I did do a mindfulness mass online course maybe a couple of years ago, and do take a few mins when I remember, mostly when trying to relax to get to sleep. Not good at remembering during the day though.

    NOA
    x

    Well done you for losing the Christmas pounds.

    Hope you have a restful weekend, and that the anxiety eases off.
    Originally posted by redofromstart
    Thanks Redo,
    Trying to roughly calorie count using an app on phone - though not being very strict - just trying to be aware.

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 15th Jan 18, 10:36 AM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Mindfulness is something we have at work monthly , I have found it very useful sometimes. Hoping the anxiety is better.
    Originally posted by Cumbria lass
    Thanks you Cumbria Lass, that's a really good idea for your work place to do. i just need to try and fit more relaxation in, always easier said then done, just lots going on at the moment.

    NOA
    x

    Just reading this post. Thanks for posting it does help other people experiencing the same problems.
    Originally posted by jaxsmar
    Thank you for posting Jaxsmar. I have found a lot of support in reading other peoples stories, makes you feel less alone.

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 15th Jan 18, 11:51 AM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Today is my first proper day at home and I'll make it the start of my New Year. It might end up being quite incoherent as I'm just going to try and get everything down in black and white. I should really be trying to get on top of accounts but just need some time out to clear my head. Apologies for spelling and autocorrect in advance!

    Work has been full on over the last year or more It's kept us afloat, and whilst we have only made small progress % wise into paying off debts, but it's been draining/stressful and we're struggling to make time to relax and actually live. One exception was big holiday, in summer, much needed, glad to have done it but much guilt attached.
    Quieter on SE front now, which brings on different anxieties.

    Still continuing with 2 part time jobs, these cover extras like driving lessons/car insruance for DD and DS etc . Money from them allocated even before its earned! Both DD and DS are in a good place, I can honestly say I couldn't have done more for them, and I think they have shown a certain resilience and got on with things when they needed to. With DS now flapping his wings in readiness for uni in 18-120 months, more parental anxieties (or perhaps its sadness?). Having said that I survived DD leaving home and she's back again, so I know I'll be OK.
    Biggest fear is not having much left in common with DH, though he has been trying hard to be helpful. Maybe there just be more time to to talk, we'll have to find our feet again on that front.

    Personal -Have felt very much adrift the whole of the last year. 16 months after losing Dad, I now go some days without crying when I think about him, and can sometimes even talk about him with out crying. People say I should try and remember the happy times, problem is his last few years just weren't, looking back in photos he looks so sad all the time. The only times this sadness isn't overwhelming is when I throw myself into work. So I take evrrything that is offered in both part time jobs. Also still do the volunteering and have just committed to more volunteering this past week, setting up a local support group. I'm not sure it's for me really but even in the first meeting i helped link up two older ladies (70 and 82) who live near each other, and it made me feel something positive had been achieved adn I was on a bit of a high for the rest of the day. I can count on my fingers the number of weekends I have been at home and not visiting mum in 16 months. This means that our family together time is virtually non existent. Mum is doing OK. I think I 'm not any where near as far along the process of accepting as she is. Now I have also committed taking mum on a week long visit to see some of her family (she wont travel alone), one close member having been very ill, because if I don't and something happened I could not live with the guilt. So a little part of me is feeling quiet tired of it (which makes me feel even worse). I bet none of that makes any sense!

    MOney
    Meanwhile one creditor is being a pain, never defaulted - our ex current account. Bank started calling again in evenings and as its been 3 years seem to have forgotten I wrote to them about finances and our situation, but they are saying I have no formal plan with SC in place, yet the other accounts I had with tehm have been deafulted, past on through the process and one even sold on.
    I called last week, and had to explain everything from scratch again. and ended up in tears. the (young) guy didn't know what to say and says he's filed it as a complaint but I wont hold my breath.
    They have added 3 months of interest at over 75/month, they seemed to say that SC would need to write to them to request freezing interest, I had to say that that happened 3 years ago as it wwas SC who helped me compile the I&E and sent me the template letters to use - I explained that I had the option of going through them of dealing with it myself. etc. So all of this has been causing more anxiety, link back to where I started as SE a bit on the quiet side at the moment.

    Housese/Garden - well - it gets neglected, we have to pay some big outlays to get on top of it all again, driveway needs attention, huge overgrown hedge and trees need attention, we are working all the time so don't have time to do it all ourselves. Plus I can't physically do anything heavy in the garden due to carppy strength /dodgy joints. DS helps some but its got beyond managing. Which reminds me I need to make time to exercise - health neglected of late.

    I forgot to add, Christmas was nice but very busy and exhausting, family came and went from Christmas Eve to New Year. Seems a long time ago now.

    I have spent ages rambling So I'll end now and try and do some chores/work/account. To end on something nice, I got a Christmas card from an old uni friend (he sent one last year but with no address) and many years ago I had a card returned to sender fromt he address I had for him, so we lost touch. I have managed to find him from electoral register (I think - right age group, right name - hope its one and the same!) so will send a letter today

    NOA
    XX
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 15th Jan 18, 12:15 PM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    GOALS for 2018
    Starting point.

    Urgent tasks for Jan
    Accounts/tax returns
    Home insurance review for Mum
    Creditor letters x 2 (this week)

    Ongoing
    Health
    Lose 14lbs /six months - starting @ 11st
    Do some strength/flexibility exercise daily
    Increase aerobic activity
    Make time for hobbies/relaxation.
    Meet a friend every two weeks.

    House/garden
    20mins /day one task at a time.
    Last edited by NoOneAround; 15-01-2018 at 3:47 PM.
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 15th Jan 18, 3:54 PM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    A good start made on the accounts, checked spreadsheet vs bank statement, and a bit of paper reduction. Starting to flag so will do a few domestic chores (that side of house is freezing before school run.
    Left overs for dinner so no cooking to do tonight. Must get back to bulk cooking healthier meals now excesses of Christmas break have been shed/used up!

    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 15th Jan 18, 4:10 PM
    • 1,765 Posts
    • 10,783 Thanks
    redofromstart
    I'm just sat trying to decide what to do for dinner, wish we had leftovers.

    I think you are doing the right thing breaking it down into small steps.
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 16th Jan 18, 9:53 AM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Good morning,
    There's a strange round bright yellow thing in the sky today

    School run done, washing in, dishwasher cleared, at my desk now to have a short blitz
    Walking upstairs to do something domestic for 10 minutes in between desk work (which will add 100 steps minimum to my count each time I do that) -Buoyed by the fact that scales very slightly under the 11st mark (I know you're not supposed to keep checking) but I can't help it!
    Also wrote out a check list of the various joint flexibility/ strengthening exercises I'm meant to be doing but have neglected since before Christmas, so that I do a good rotation of them at different times during the day, instead of trying to find 30 m ins in one go.

    Hope its bright where you are. Have a lovely day.
    NOA
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • NoOneAround
    • By NoOneAround 16th Jan 18, 9:54 AM
    • 1,757 Posts
    • 8,562 Thanks
    NoOneAround
    Oh and Thanks Redo, Leftovers are my favourite sort of meal
    x
    Feb2014 Total unsecured debt 72,520>>01/06/16 68166>01/02/17 66,600=8.18%PAID
    Mortgage Jan14=209,800 Jan15=200,300 Jan17180,700>OCT17 170,200
    Health/Fitness Challenges Priority#1 Stay Fit and healthy - whatever it takes
    Wombling Free Cash May2016 51
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 16th Jan 18, 1:12 PM
    • 1,761 Posts
    • 9,635 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    Sighted the same bright object in the sky from my window - lovely, isn't it?!

    I have been having problems posting recently but it seems to be working today. I just wanted to say (a bit belatedly, sorry) that you've had a very hard year-and-a-bit since your Dad passed away and I really hope for a brighter year this time around. Is it possible to book in a weekend away from your Mum from time to time? I have had to do this, both when my Mum was alive and more recently while I've been spending some of my days off working on her house. It does make it all the more difficult to get back into the routine but it makes a huge improvement in how I feel. Just a thought - I know that what works for me isn't necessarily what works for you.

    Lovely to hear you had a card from your friend. I hope he replies soon (and gets into the habit of putting a sender's address on envelopes ). I bumped into an old friend in the supermarket yesterday and have said I'll ring her and arrange coffee sometime. Now I have to do it!
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