Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 20th Apr 14, 11:12 PM
    • 5,984Posts
    • 13,819Thanks
    mellymoo74
    talk me down please
    • #1
    • 20th Apr 14, 11:12 PM
    talk me down please 20th Apr 14 at 11:12 PM
    Ok 10 years ago me and OH took MIL and Aunty away the plan was during this break we would invite em to the wedding.
    Before we could they stormed off and refused to answer any of my OHs calls.
    OH tried to get them to talk didn't happen and the wedding went ahead.
    Eventually OH and MIL are reconciled 2 years on another argument is provoked eventually reconciled then a big bust up about her not being at our wedding then reconciled rinse and repeat.
    MIL has been diagnosed with terminal cancer we have been ensuring she has company food etc (regular visits) I went to her appointment with her last Fri then last Sat OH goes around to see her and the wedding row was provoked again she went in for an op Mon telling OHs sister the auntie nephews etc to not tell my OH she was in or the ward or when the op was.
    OH is upset so I get the hospital info so at least we can find out how she is.
    We went to see her at the hospital on Fri aft and discovered shed been discharged in the morning.
    Still not called OH no contact nothing.
    I am livid my OH has been beside themselves and deeply upset (which is the intention) she can't even allow people to say she is ok.
    So how do I keep my OH on a nice even keel and stop myself from telling her off?
Page 180
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 14th Apr 19, 7:08 PM
    • 2,743 Posts
    • 25,627 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    Is Mr Moo someone who knows every single item he possesses such as a cable from a long defunct piece of tech? If not could you "lose" some of the stuff during the move . Keep the really important stuff but weed out the Justin Case things. If there's room in your friends shed maybe leave the stuff there clearly labelled to go to the tip later.


    If he wants it all is he likely to be convinced that moving to somewhere smaller minus iffy neighbours and other problems means more peace and privacy and not being surrounded by stuff is a new start for you both and less stress and knowing where things are which matter and do have a use?
    pollyx
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 14th Apr 19, 7:13 PM
    • 5,984 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Tried explaining hoarding to his family
    Let's put it this way, I did a small throw out when he came back from hospital, one of these was a box for something, he remembers that he HD that box. This was lost 2 years ago
    Cant remember if he took his meds, can remember a a 7 year old box
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 14th Apr 19, 7:17 PM
    • 2,743 Posts
    • 25,627 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    I missed your post about the migraine. Is it possible to get a few days off work to deal with the packing ? You're trying to juggle too many balls at the moment . I know your husband struggled with the noise etc in the flat so is he keen to move but maybe overwhelmed by the process . It's been a while since you mentioned any support sharing some of the caring .
    pollyx
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 14th Apr 19, 7:22 PM
    • 2,743 Posts
    • 25,627 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    Reading your reply about the stuff he's a real hoarder so you've got your work cut out there. It is amazing how they can remember the tiniest thing from years ago . Sadly storing all those items in their heads is very bad mentally . It's like physically carrying the weight on their shoulders.
    pollyx
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 14th Apr 19, 8:22 PM
    • 5,984 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Gonna have to I think
    Yep he's a real hoarder, as was his mum, as was his uncle.
    There isn't any additional care its just me. Nephew came to help me do a tip run and Oh was having a meltdown.
    Nephew knows it's the change, we move, his whatever the hell is in the spare room, bedroom, bath, living room won't be all around him and that makes him feel safe.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 14th Apr 19, 8:48 PM
    • 2,743 Posts
    • 25,627 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    I understand what you mean Melly. I know someone who has dragged a pair of near ceiling height massive speakers to various bedsits and flats over about 15years . Many of those years they were stored in friends garages etc .He's never used them through the years but they were an expensive buy after a deeply traumatic loss at a young age .
    He's been in a lovely flat with lots of space for a few years but they live in the spare room unused and blocking the daylight.
    If anyone mentions them he will say they cost a lot of money and he will use them , he never does and the reality is times have moved on and if he was buying now he would be looking at more advanced models .The idea of selling them for a low price is unthinkable to him . He's trapped back in the past and living with the reminders of that time. I find it very sad.


    All the stuff, needing to work and not having any support dealing with your husband is a very heavy load Melly, apart from somehow trying to get rid of stuff or finding support I don't know what you can do . It's a safe place thing to your husband but it's trapping him in the past and keeping those times alive.
    pollyx
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 15th Apr 19, 5:29 AM
    • 5,984 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Made me cry Pol

    I have called in as I have a migraine
    Not a surprise lots of chopping and changing hours, walked a lot last week, didn't drink enough, tons of pressure
    Rest today get 8t to dull roar.

    Its a family thing, his mum and uncle both hoarded. I am getting frustrated with the just throw it all out chats as HE needs to be able to let it go or it will just be replaced
    Not you, his family nag him, he gets worse.
    I need to chase the support.
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 15th Apr 19, 3:40 PM
    • 5,984 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Who wants a pm of the outside.

    Not you Cal you already seen it to death lol
    • elsien
    • By elsien 15th Apr 19, 3:45 PM
    • 18,792 Posts
    • 47,653 Thanks
    elsien
    Me please. I'm a nosy beggar.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 15th Apr 19, 9:50 PM
    • 5,984 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Just measured here so we can do a proper comparison
    Same HA as current place tomorrow but this means don't need to move doc and stuff.
    Wednesday is council and 1 bed but has a private garden
    Last edited by mellymoo74; 15-04-2019 at 10:57 PM. Reason: I'm a fool
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 16th Apr 19, 8:14 AM
    • 2,743 Posts
    • 25,627 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    Oh I didn't mean to make you cry Melly. I hope the migraine has gone and you're looking forward to the viewing today. I would be strongly influenced by a private garden. I know you loved your seat and pots at the front of your flat. A private outdoor space would be good for you to potter and rest and recharge your batteries . I'm not sure how your husband is about being outdoors nowadays but it may even tempt him outside.
    Of course you need to consider the pros and cons of each property before making a decision . I know you said they are closer to work so that's a plus . If they're outside your present GP practice area it's worth checking online which practices nearby are taking on patients, any local shops etc.

    I know you'll be taking pictures of today and tomorrows viewings so give your yourself time to come to a decision . You should have a few days to make your mind up.
    Hope today goes well.
    pollyx
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 16th Apr 19, 11:05 AM
    • 5,984 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    We are moving
    Er
    Kinda need here to be neat by Thursday
    Oops
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 16th Apr 19, 11:21 AM
    • 2,743 Posts
    • 25,627 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    Melly if I wasn't all the way up the NW coast I'd gladly help.
    Maybe bin bags, tip are a way to go if you can get some help and more things in the friends shed.


    Does your husband seem to like the new home? He's going to have to let you clear some stuff to be able to get it . I take it's a final inspection of your flat by the HA . No good advice I'm afraid . I would risk getting rid of stuff as it's not really helping him but holding him back but you know him best .


    Hope you have some time off work this week . Seems like you need it.
    pollyx
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 17th Apr 19, 6:27 AM
    • 5,984 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Very proud
    Able. To let go of some stuff go OH

    Right nap
    Very tired
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 17th Apr 19, 8:26 AM
    • 2,743 Posts
    • 25,627 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    Wonderful news Melly . Well done your husband and yourself . I never thought he'd be able to do it. They do say the longest journey starts with a single step so this could be the the start of freeing himself and you from all the stuff.
    Get some rest love.
    pollyx
    • Archergirl
    • By Archergirl 17th Apr 19, 4:10 PM
    • 1,277 Posts
    • 750 Thanks
    Archergirl
    Wouldn't the council place with the garden give you more security of tenure and no unexpected just for the sake of it rent rises?
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 17th Apr 19, 7:43 PM
    • 5,984 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    The one we have accepted is walking distance from work, shops, docs has a private yard, shared garden and drive Archergirl we are Housing Association and its still with them so affordable rent
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 17th Apr 19, 10:05 PM
    • 2,743 Posts
    • 25,627 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    You can make a garden and have a restful space in a private yard . As you know you can grow many things in pots.


    I've had a frustrating time with posts disappearing into the mse black hole so just popping in to say I hope the inspection goes well tomorrow. I'll be out most of the day but will catch up in the evening.
    pollyx
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 18th Apr 19, 9:39 AM
    • 5,984 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Well today is Meltdown day
    OH has piled boxes on all of the spaces I needed to clean
    He is having a paddy
    I am fed up lol
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 18th Apr 19, 3:54 PM
    • 5,984 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Not moving yet xx
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

40Posts Today

1,121Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Have a great Easter, or a chag sameach to those like me attending Passover seder tomorrow. I?m taking all of next? https://t.co/qrAFTIpqWl

  • RT @rowlyc1980: A whopping 18 days off work for only 9 days leave! I?ll have a bit of that please......thanks @MartinSLewis for your crafty?

  • RT @dinokyp: That feeling when you realise that you have 18 days of work and only used 9 days of your annual leave! Thanks @MartinSLewis h?

  • Follow Martin