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    • Claudie
    • By Claudie 3rd Jul 07, 9:39 PM
    • 1,309 Posts
    • 692 Thanks
    Claudie
    • #2
    • 3rd Jul 07, 9:39 PM
    • #2
    • 3rd Jul 07, 9:39 PM
    As long as I can remember (and that is quite a while!) in Canada, this has been an informal custom and is known as "greenback" wedding i.e. please give cash instead of presents.

    I don't think they need to tell guests how much they are paying for the wedding - they can just add a nice note stating they are Canadian I don't think they should ask for a contribution to the wedding but ask for cash presents; same thing but nicer manner.
    Last edited by Claudie; 03-07-2007 at 10:01 PM.
    The smallest deed is greater than the grandest intention ~ Anonymous
  • Penny Farthing
    • #3
    • 3rd Jul 07, 9:41 PM
    • #3
    • 3rd Jul 07, 9:41 PM
    I think it's a bit tacky to ask specifically for funds for the wedding itself. As a guest, I'd be much happier to make a contribution to their honeymoon fund. I don't know why. I just don't get the whole thing of spending an absolute fortune on one day that flashes past in a bit of a blurr. Fine if you can easily afford it but silly if you can't. I think being married is more important than getting married.
    • cshowell
    • By cshowell 3rd Jul 07, 9:45 PM
    • 59 Posts
    • 28 Thanks
    cshowell
    • #4
    • 3rd Jul 07, 9:45 PM
    Fine
    • #4
    • 3rd Jul 07, 9:45 PM
    I think it is fine to ask for a donation. We are in a similar position with our family over our wedding (lived together 3 years and house fully kitted out). However, our families objected so we circumvented it by announcing we were going to get married abroad, and if they wanted to come, they would have to pay for it themselves. It was amazing how quickly the idea of others contributing to the reception became popular. However, by that time they were too late!

    Grant and Tiffany should ask for a contribution, or ask people to pay to attend. Barring that, head overseas!
    • tallgirld
    • By tallgirld 3rd Jul 07, 9:55 PM
    • 476 Posts
    • 317 Thanks
    tallgirld
    • #5
    • 3rd Jul 07, 9:55 PM
    • #5
    • 3rd Jul 07, 9:55 PM
    If someone asked me to contribute to their wedding I wouldn't attend. I think it is cheap!!!!
    • zzzLazyDaisy
    • By zzzLazyDaisy 3rd Jul 07, 10:17 PM
    • 12,134 Posts
    • 18,762 Thanks
    zzzLazyDaisy
    • #6
    • 3rd Jul 07, 10:17 PM
    • #6
    • 3rd Jul 07, 10:17 PM
    Weddings are ridiculously expensive. When OH and I married, we went abroad and combined the wedding with a fabulous honeymoon.

    We had a party when we got back for friends and family, but it was a much more informal affair than a full blown reception would have been (and cost a lot less too)

    People still gave us presents but quite a few people gave us money as we were saving up to have extensive alterations done to the house, so a lot of people contributed to the 'brick fund'
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 3rd Jul 07, 10:20 PM
    • 31,439 Posts
    • 60,520 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    • #7
    • 3rd Jul 07, 10:20 PM
    • #7
    • 3rd Jul 07, 10:20 PM
    I think thy should simply have a 'collection bin' at the back of the room for those who wanted to give cash. That way it is anonymous and no-one need feel embarrassed if they can't afford much.
    Member #10 of 2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • delluver
    • #8
    • 3rd Jul 07, 10:22 PM
    • #8
    • 3rd Jul 07, 10:22 PM
    We didn't go to an old friend's wedding because they asked for cash even though they'd not spoken to us for years. lol. Plus it was bloody miles away and you had to buy your own drinks. CHEEK!
  • Judith Proctor
    • #9
    • 3rd Jul 07, 10:24 PM
    • #9
    • 3rd Jul 07, 10:24 PM
    They should ask people to pay, but make it clear that they don't want any presents.
    • bye bye band G
    • By bye bye band G 3rd Jul 07, 10:29 PM
    • 132 Posts
    • 101 Thanks
    bye bye band G
    I guess I'm old fashioned and would feel a bit shocked if I was asked to pay to be a guest at a wedding.
    I think my gut instinct is to have the wedding you can afford, without contributions. Genuine friends will enjoy the day just as much no matter how much has been spent. 75 a head? If you can't afford to buy it yourself, don't book it.
    And if nothing is needed for the house, ask for contributions to your favourite charity.
    I just feel that people may say they'll pay to be a guest but will resent it deep down, I know I would if I'm honest.
    • Middlestitch
    • By Middlestitch 3rd Jul 07, 10:30 PM
    • 1,320 Posts
    • 2,410 Thanks
    Middlestitch
    Pay to attend a wedding? You have to be joking (I'd pay NOT to go if that happened to me).
  • scattynobrain
    Why is the cost £75 per head? Your wedding day is a special day but it is only one day. If your wedding is costing that much you need to look at where you're spending the money and work out what you can cut out and what you really need.
  • peteypete
    I am already paying over £100 to stay at a hotel to attend a wedding, not including outfit, drinks etc. (and paying over £300 to attend the hen weekend!), I don't mind buying a gift but the wedding costs the guests enough, without being expected to pay even more, if they can't afford it, don't have it!
  • Lamarr
    I'd be very unlikely to ever go to a wedding where I was asked to pay 75 towards it! We've had lots of friends get married over the last few years & when the cost of outfits + drinks + presents + accommodation + hen/stag parties are added together then an additional charge would have been shocking.

    Contributions towards a honeymoon fund in lieu of presents, as mentioned before, is fine though. After all you could use it to pay for part of the wedding. Asking for simple cash though, is just rude!
  • Weez
    No, no and no again. Weddings don't have to be expensive, you should have the wedding that you can afford.

    It's really basic manners: (1) if you can't afford to invite people - don't invite them. (2) don't mention gifts / requests for cash in the invitations - it's rude and makes you look greedy (that includes gift list cards and those 'cute' begging letters disguised as poetry).
    • Kaz2904
    • By Kaz2904 3rd Jul 07, 11:09 PM
    • 5,791 Posts
    • 37,638 Thanks
    Kaz2904
    Weddings are ridiculously expensive. When OH and I married, we went abroad and combined the wedding with a fabulous honeymoon.

    We had a party when we got back for friends and family, but it was a much more informal affair than a full blown reception would have been (and cost a lot less too)

    People still gave us presents but quite a few people gave us money as we were saving up to have extensive alterations done to the house, so a lot of people contributed to the 'brick fund'
    Originally posted by zzzLazyDaisy
    Was it you I saw on ebay? I thought that was a marvellous iea because it was written really nicely and the bricks were 4.99 each- though I dread to think about the paypal fees!
    Debt: 16/04/2007:TOTAL DEBT 92727.75 49395.47 43332.28 repaid 100.77% of 43000 target.
    MFiT T2: Debt 52856.59 6316.14 46540.45 repaid 101.17% of 46000 target.

    2013 Target: completely clear my 6316.14 0 mortgage debt. 6316.14 100% repaid.
  • liz105
    I think it is selfish to ask your guests to foot the bill for the style of wedding YOU chose. If YOU chose to blow a huge amount of money thats your issue to cope with, not theirs.

    I wouldn't attend out of principal.
    • Lakeuk
    • By Lakeuk 3rd Jul 07, 11:33 PM
    • 1,062 Posts
    • 558 Thanks
    Lakeuk
    I would see it as a dam cheat to stipulate a charge, for a family of 4 that would be 300 which could be well spent else where, I would decline due to other arrangements intentionally made.
  • essaym
    I think saying to people if you want to come its 75 each is a bit cheeky, but a polite notice on the invertations saying how the house is kitted out so please dont buy presents, and that cash gifts or vouchers would be better is not cheeky in the least.

    Friends of mine are getting married soon and are in this situation, and unfortunately I cannot attend the wedding and so will be sending a card with either money or vouchers instead. They havent asked specifically for money, but everyone who knows them also knows the situation and so wont buy gifts anyway, so I think in the most part its self explanitory.

    Worst case scenareo guests buy presents, if the couple already has the items whats to stop them taking them back to the shop and swapping them for other things or even selling them on ebay?
    • jackieb
    • By jackieb 4th Jul 07, 1:10 AM
    • 26,981 Posts
    • 78,788 Thanks
    jackieb
    I'd be shocked if I got asked to contribute to the cost of their wedding. I'd probably have given them a good present, probably even a cheque, as their house is already kitted out. But that would be because I wanted to, not because i'd been asked to. If they can't afford the wedding of their dreams, then save up, or scale down. If I were them I wouldn't want such an expensive wedding if I thought my guests were only there because they'd paid to be there (and probably bearing a grudge to boot).
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