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  • FIRST POST
    • Watty1
    • By Watty1 2nd Sep 13, 12:25 PM
    • 2,989Posts
    • 21,286Thanks
    Watty1
    This Time I'm Really Going To Do It
    • #1
    • 2nd Sep 13, 12:25 PM
    This Time I'm Really Going To Do It 2nd Sep 13 at 12:25 PM
    I've loved this little bit of the forum and over the years have often stopped by for a bit of motivation. And from time to time have even made moves to become mortgage free, making an overpayment here, and thinking about it and even once setting a date (12/12/12) when there was a great thread here about that.

    And then poooffff ... I make a start and it all fades away.

    A year ago I decided that we would be mortgage free by January 2014 ... and paid off 10% of the mortgage..found that was the maximum we could pay off without penalty and then I sort of gave up. But not totally. I have been saving and over the last few weeks been looking forward to the start of september because .....drumroll....today I can make a repayment without penalty. And so I am currently on hold to the Mortgage company to do just that.

    And whilst holding I thought I would also start a diary here to keep me motivated... I mean January 2014 Thats only 4 months away...surely I cant do it by then????

    But rather than give up once again I'm going to see just how far I can get by that date and hopefully posting on a nice friendly board will keep the motivation up.

    Back later with more figures.
    Last edited by Watty1; 02-09-2013 at 2:09 PM.
Page 159
    • FloppyDisk
    • By FloppyDisk 9th May 18, 10:22 AM
    • 629 Posts
    • 4,223 Thanks
    FloppyDisk
    I'm tempted to agree with themadvix, it doesn't have to be permanent, just a bit of breathing space to look after yourself.

    Mortgage- £417,249
    BTL- £162,915

    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 9th May 18, 2:37 PM
    • 29,189 Posts
    • 166,630 Thanks
    Karmacat
    I guess he can't work towards a goal yet, when he's still going through crisis it must be awful to live with, Watty, very upsetting, and very tiring. It's good that he's realised he needs to be apologising to you.

    About moving out ... would you have done it if a friend hadn't offered a space? Don't do it just because its there, do it because you want to do it, if you actually do. I suppose I'm saying step back and have a think, and know *why* you're making any particular move.

    Thinking of you xx
    Retired August 2016
    • gallygirl
    • By gallygirl 9th May 18, 6:11 PM
    • 16,589 Posts
    • 109,545 Thanks
    gallygirl
    About moving out ... would you have done it if a friend hadn't offered a space? Don't do it just because its there, do it because you want to do it, if you actually do. I suppose I'm saying step back and have a think, and know *why* you're making any particular move.
    Originally posted by Karmacat
    Wise words from KC Watty .

    Another dodgy hug, plus some chocolate
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    Mortgage Balance = £0
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
    • Watty1
    • By Watty1 10th May 18, 10:52 AM
    • 2,989 Posts
    • 21,286 Thanks
    Watty1
    Wise words KC. I think the temptation is that the place would be so ideal. I can take the horses and live on site with them. And it is affordable. And it is available now.

    I don't actually want to do it. And I realised this morning that part of why I want to go is that I can't take the 'other woman' contact much more. And Mr Watty is not going to stop that. But - I also realisd that it should be me that makes the decision to go not feel forced into it by another woman.
    Last edited by Watty1; 10-05-2018 at 11:00 AM.
    Mortgage at start of diary Sept 2013: £132,995 Aug 2015 £0
    Overpaid next mortgage. £79,491 down to £27152
    Changing focus for now
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 10th May 18, 2:34 PM
    • 29,189 Posts
    • 166,630 Thanks
    Karmacat
    Absolutely, don't let yourself be forced into something - and yes, basing your decision to stay or go based on the actions of someone you dislike/ distrust/ don't live with/ don't want in your life, that's not going to build anything positive.

    I know this might sound nit-picking, but when you first described the place your friend is offering you, you describing it as "not that nice". It's perfect in terms of access to the horses, maybe, which is huge, but living in a place that's not that nice might feel bad in itself.

    I've had a thought about this woman's continual contact - the question I wanted to ask you was how you could block her from your life, but you're very clear that the contact is through telephones etc. Can you block her numbers from the house phone? If she wants to contact Mr Watty, she can contact his mobile? He'd have to make an effort, I suppose, and whether or not he makes that effort may also tell you something, though I'm not sure what, right now.

    Or don't you want her to be out of your sight, so to speak? There can be a "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer" sort of thing.

    I don't know, sorry I know that even if you decide to stay for now, you have options of some sort. None of the options feel good though
    Retired August 2016
    • Firegirl
    • By Firegirl 12th May 18, 9:10 AM
    • 726 Posts
    • 2,956 Thanks
    Firegirl
    Sorry to hear youíre having such a hard time. No words can make a difference but my advise would be just focus on getting yourself through each day. Give yourself a small focus like at 12 Iíll have a cup of tea even. Ride the storm and see what happens.
    Mortgage balance Feb 2015 start of MFW Journey-£245316.06/Aim to be mortgage neutral 2022
    Current Mortgage Balance £191, 098
    Target for May 2018 - Somewhere inbetween 2 figures below!!
    19 Year Target Balance MF55= £205, 020
    14 Year Target Balance MF50= £191, 314
    • Watty1
    • By Watty1 15th May 18, 9:51 AM
    • 2,989 Posts
    • 21,286 Thanks
    Watty1
    Hanging in there. Trying to do one day at a time. The other woman and Mr Watty use his mobile and his work phone number to communicate. As far as I can see it is daily. He told me Saturday his intention was to reduce the contact.
    I told him my intention was to be a world chess champion but unless i learn to play that is not going to happen. That to have an intention with no action is pointless. He didn't get that and we had a circular argument. I know it is time to stop discussing it. If he wants to reduce the contact he will. He says it is his intention to so do. He is either lying or he is not. I have no idea.

    That was Saturday. Its Tuesday today and I am fairly certain that they will have another of their hour chats today because it is one of his days of long train journeys and he always spends at least an hour of those on the the phone to her.

    On the positives I have found a life coach for me and had the first session. Next one next Saturday. That one requires me to travel into London so I suggested we went together as he is working, and then realised that would eat into his train chat time. Well he can figure that out.. We won't be travelling home together.
    Last edited by Watty1; 15-05-2018 at 9:56 AM.
    Mortgage at start of diary Sept 2013: £132,995 Aug 2015 £0
    Overpaid next mortgage. £79,491 down to £27152
    Changing focus for now
    • FloppyDisk
    • By FloppyDisk 15th May 18, 10:09 AM
    • 629 Posts
    • 4,223 Thanks
    FloppyDisk
    One day at a time sounds like a very good approach. I can't quite believe how brazen Mr Watty is behaving, I'm not sure I would be quite so tolerant and patient with his 'crisis'! I think you have incredible strength, the same strength that has kept you plodding along with your mortgage all this time and holding everything together. You are allowed to take a break from that, you know... drop a few balls and throw them at him if you feel like it

    Mortgage- £417,249
    BTL- £162,915

    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 15th May 18, 10:58 AM
    • 29,189 Posts
    • 166,630 Thanks
    Karmacat
    FloppyDisk has a good point, Watty! And so do you about "intentions", several in fact. You can't control what he does with those intentions, or even whether he's being truthful. What a nightmare situation.

    OTOH, I *love* the idea of a life coach. It's just right - you need space for you, but not necessarily a counsellor, because this issue didn't *start* with you. And coaches in particular help you find the right steps to take, which counsellors don't really do quite so actively. As for the travel time eating into his chat time ... ha! is all I can think of to say to that!

    Thinking of you.
    Retired August 2016
    • Watty1
    • By Watty1 15th May 18, 2:33 PM
    • 2,989 Posts
    • 21,286 Thanks
    Watty1
    Yes I went to a counsellor and really I just found it was winding me up and setting me off. The life coach however is I think more promising. Have done the initial work and had first session which left me feeling very fragile whilst we got to heart of issues. But she promises it gets better now moving forwards as we put a plan in place.
    I think I am tolerant because I have been making excuses for his behaviour. Gradually with encouragement from coach and lovely 'part brother' that is changing. I can see the Mr Watty is in crisis, and is deeply traumatised and the PTSD diagnosis does make sense and I have been making allowances, but, gradually I think I am working towards a point where in return I will expect reasonable behaviour.
    Last edited by Watty1; 15-05-2018 at 2:37 PM.
    Mortgage at start of diary Sept 2013: £132,995 Aug 2015 £0
    Overpaid next mortgage. £79,491 down to £27152
    Changing focus for now
    • greent
    • By greent 16th May 18, 8:39 AM
    • 7,008 Posts
    • 71,557 Thanks
    greent
    Glad to hear that you have something useful for You xx
    I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul
    Repaid mtge early (orig 11/25) 01/09 £124616 01/10 £104927 01/11 £89873 01/12 £76317 01/13 £52546 01/14 £35356 01/15 £12133 07/15 £NIL
    BTL Mtge 12/16 £69786. 2018 OPs (#18) £877.49/£4000
    Net sales 2018 £491.03/£1000 PAYDOX18 (#15) £13869.38/£18694.38
    • apple muncher
    • By apple muncher 16th May 18, 7:26 PM
    • 7,277 Posts
    • 54,771 Thanks
    apple muncher
    A life coach sounds superb. Glad you can see her quickly.
    NST May #1; NSD 14/19 ; Ex 17/20 ; craft 3/30 (66); remove 31 (402)
    2018 Pay off: £1626; 2
    018 sell

    Mortgage £21,422 (01/14: £78,201; 01/15: £59,629; 01/16: 39,915; 01/17: 27,295; 01/18 23,143) MFWDate Dec 2018
    • Watty1
    • By Watty1 17th May 18, 11:56 AM
    • 2,989 Posts
    • 21,286 Thanks
    Watty1
    Thanks. Looking forward to it.

    I am slowly getting used to what has happened and finding it easier to not respond. I am learning to stick to facts that I know only.
    Tonight my intention (there we go again with the intentions) is to go running and when Mr Watty tells me he has been on the phone to say I expected that because it is usual. And frankly rather boring. And leave it.
    Mortgage at start of diary Sept 2013: £132,995 Aug 2015 £0
    Overpaid next mortgage. £79,491 down to £27152
    Changing focus for now
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 17th May 18, 1:35 PM
    • 29,189 Posts
    • 166,630 Thanks
    Karmacat
    Facts that you know ... going running and looking after your own needs ... minimal response to a statement about the phone calls. That's a perfect little trifecta of focussing back onto yourself and your needs. Love it. Stops any drama, shifts the attention, wonderful stuff. Good luck tonight.
    Retired August 2016
    • themadvix
    • By themadvix 17th May 18, 2:06 PM
    • 1,652 Posts
    • 9,646 Thanks
    themadvix
    Glad the life coach sounds promising.

    Response tonight sounds like a super plan.
    OPs 2017 = £3103
    S&S ISA 2017 = £626
    OPs 2016 = £6142.12
    Starting balance 2012: £132000; balance Dec 2017: £96,822
    MFW2017 no. 38
    • apple muncher
    • By apple muncher 21st May 18, 6:41 AM
    • 7,277 Posts
    • 54,771 Thanks
    apple muncher
    How was the life coaching meeting? I bet London was sweltering and full of police / guards / or at least a gazillion barriers in readiness for Sunday...
    NST May #1; NSD 14/19 ; Ex 17/20 ; craft 3/30 (66); remove 31 (402)
    2018 Pay off: £1626; 2
    018 sell

    Mortgage £21,422 (01/14: £78,201; 01/15: £59,629; 01/16: 39,915; 01/17: 27,295; 01/18 23,143) MFWDate Dec 2018
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