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  • FIRST POST
    Swishter
    From Chaos to Eternity
    • #1
    • 28th Apr 07, 4:52 PM
    From Chaos to Eternity 28th Apr 07 at 4:52 PM
    In three little months time I'm going to bo 30! I always had certain ideas about what things would be like when I hit the big 3-0. Its safe to say that I never imagined that I would turn 30 with shedloads of debt, a cluttered disorganised flat, chain smoking, a body like a wobbly blancmange, a rubbish wardrobe and horrible hair and skin (hey guys I bet your kicking yourself on missing out on an amazing catch like me ), whilst simultaneously realising that I have moved on in my career to the extent where I am fed up to the back teeth with my current job but am unable to move up in the direction that I want because both options are pretty much closed to me. I'm an Investigator and the jobs I really want need a better education which I can't afford to get right now, the other option is the Police, I could handle the two years on the streets before progressing, but I think my level of debt would give me an immediate knock back, plus i'm no where near fit enough yet. I'd love to take time out and go to Uni but I can't even afford to live on my salary yet alone a student loan and more debt!

    Two weeks ago I was awake at night worrying about all this and crying my eyes out at what a failure I am. But then I discovered this place. And I'm not 30 yet, a lot can be done in three months. I'm not kidding myself that I can clear all my debt and make everything peachy and perfect but I can make big changes and get my thirties off to a fantastic start!

    So here is the plan I reckon I can turn things round clear my overdraft, Argos and Egg cards, lose excess weight and sort out the way I look and feel, flylady my flat, quit smoking and get a plan in place for what I CAN do with my job and my life.

    It would be with babysteps of course, and this time I would babystep properly, the first time I read FlyLady I ignored the whole babysteps and sat down and wrote out a very detailed and intricate plan of what I was going to start doing straight away, needless to say the next morning my bed was far to comfortable to get up and that was that!

    I want to tackle it all together as I feel all areas of my life are in a mess and they are all interlinked.

    I've decided not to diet as such, more try and bring myself to eating normally, if I have a bag of crisps so what.

    Here are my goals for week one:

    1, Start doing FlyLady properly.
    2, Have at least 2 portions of fruit a day, I can eat that chocolate bar if I want but I must have a piece of fruit first, and 50% of each main meal must be veg.
    3, Menu plan using up the stuff I have first!
    3, Drink a big glass of water each morning and afternoon.
    4, Sit down and eat my meals, chewing rather than bolting it down.
    5, Take the stairs at work.
    6, Get to bed at a decent hour.
    7, Spend diary.
    8, Leave my purse at home - not got = can't spend.
    9, Find 2 things each day and load them into my turbolister to be listed at the weekend.
    10, Noting down in my notebook anything that makes me feel upset/or anxious so I can start to understand why and turn round my negative thinking.

    Going to sort out my sig tomorrow as my BF wants to use the computer (actually yes I do have a lovely BF so am probably not at bad as I feel) so I can note my progress.

    Any thoughts, advice, major flaws? Anything appreciated.

    Swishter

    xx
Page 1
  • NorthernAngel
    • #2
    • 28th Apr 07, 5:50 PM
    • #2
    • 28th Apr 07, 5:50 PM
    I could not read this and let it slip...i cant give you any advice but i just wanted to say a big GOOD LUCK!! and i hope everything pans out for you.
  • GirlRacer
    • #3
    • 28th Apr 07, 6:02 PM
    • #3
    • 28th Apr 07, 6:02 PM
    Hi Swishter welcome to debt free wannabbee's. It's good that your feeling so positive about things. Don't forget to log on when you need the support of the guys on here - they are really fabulous when things get on top of you.

    Good luck with your quests.
  • notanothergreyhair
    • #4
    • 28th Apr 07, 6:04 PM
    • #4
    • 28th Apr 07, 6:04 PM
    Hey there,

    Just wanted to wish you the best of luck.

    It was somewhat strange reading your post as for the past 48 hours I have been working out some kind of plan to change my life over the next 3 months (to be precise it is going to be a '101 days to change my life challenge'). I have been debating whether to start a thread or not but I don't think I will; instead I will sit back and admire yours whilst I try and sort my life out too.

    Sorry, I am starting to ramble about my stuff in your thread. I am sure everything will work out for you and I hope you keep posting with your progress.

    ps. If you can find me a nice man I will be more than grateful
  • archived user
    • #5
    • 28th Apr 07, 6:07 PM
    • #5
    • 28th Apr 07, 6:07 PM
    Hey Swishstar, welcome to your world. I started reading your thread and thought your next sentence would be along the line of topping yourself - but it wasnt, well done you! Boy it is hard - the slog that is, but boy is it worth it when you get there - a bit like conquering Everest I would say. You have a strong committed plan and you'll get out of it what you'll put into it. So join in. If you can't beat em, join em - DFW that is. Good luck, Lenny
  • hypno06
    • #6
    • 28th Apr 07, 6:26 PM
    • #6
    • 28th Apr 07, 6:26 PM
    Is your head in the right place right now (not meaning is it sort of perched on top of your general neck area)? If it is, then everything will happen as you want it to, one step at a time. If it isn't then you will find you are expecting too much of yourself.

    Sit down, make yourself comfy, close your eyes and just think for a minute. Think of what you have, what you need, what you have to do, and where you are going to be when you have achieved it.

    If you can do that, then do it every day - couple of mins a day. Will really focus your mind on each thing and help you get where you want to be. Nothing can stop you getting there............except yourself, so don't let yourself get in the way!

    Hope that makes sense - it does to me, but then that doesn't mean anything at all
    Successful women can still have their feet on the ground. They just wear better shoes. (Maud Van de Venne)
    Life begins at the end of your comfort zone (Neale Donald Walsch)
  • briona
    • #7
    • 28th Apr 07, 7:28 PM
    • #7
    • 28th Apr 07, 7:28 PM
    Hi Swishter

    I'm afraid your post made me laugh!

    In three months I will also be the BIG 3-0 so I know where you're coming from. And as for the 'certain ideas about what things would be like at 30', yep, been there, thought that! Obviously I was gonna be married, a home-owner, able to drive, in a job I love, couple of kids... and funnily enough NONE of that happened!!!

    And now I have everyone going "oh you're gonna be 30 this year..." and the 'not married, no house, no kids, STILL catching the bloody bus' bit hangs in the air unspoken...

    But you know what? I AM going to be 30 this year, but better than that I am actually LOOKING FORWARD to it!!! In the past 18 months my life has changed beyond recognition ok, so I still rent and have nowhere near enough money saved up for a house deposit, I STILL can't drive (despite almost 4 years of lessons!!!) and I'm certainly not married with kids BUT I'm happier than I've ever been!

    I think part of the problem is other people's expectations of where your life should be at certain ages and the pressure to conform to these 'ideals' is huge. So the new almost-30 year old me says screw what other people think, I'm out to please myself!!!

    Despite living in Cardiff for almost five years I still know hardly anybody, which obviously makes socialising a bit difficult! And hence I 'do' very little with my life... correction: 'did' very little. 18 months ago, I took my life in hand, cleared my debt in 6 months (there wasn't that much of it though!), signed up to two evening classes, joined a gym (not very money saving, I know!), and, having missed my bus home from work one evening, I accepted a lift from a rather nice man now my gorgeous boyfriend who had seen me standing in the same bus stop for around 3 years!!!

    In addition to the above, I feel more 'grown-up' and capable of dealing with life's problems than I was throughout my swiftly-disappearing 20s, so you know what, let's celebrate being almost 30! (I just hope you get there before me!)

    Whilst being in debt may limit your options, there's probably a lot of lifestyle changes you can make that will enable you to feel better in fact many of them are on your list already! Re. the debt itself, paying off and closing high interest cards like Argos is probably the first step. Personally I found that by paying off a couple of smaller debts in full as opposed to chipping away at all of them, I felt much better. Then I could say I only have X number of debts instead of XX...

    Finally, once you start making changes to your life, you'll find it easier to continue. Every positive change I made (whether improving my social life or clearing a debt) inspired me to make another!

    Over and out...

    Briona
    If I don't respond to your posts, it's probably because you're on my 'Ignore' list.
    • FrugalJo
    • By FrugalJo 29th Apr 07, 5:20 AM
    • 544 Posts
    • 791 Thanks
    FrugalJo
    • #8
    • 29th Apr 07, 5:20 AM
    • #8
    • 29th Apr 07, 5:20 AM
    Swishter
    Like your plan. A list of acheivable goals got me focussed last year. Even if the first thing on the list was 'write a list' it meant I could cross something off.

    Sometimes I feel like I like lurch from one day to the next without actually doing anything, but a bit of organisation and 5 minutes fly ladying works wonders.

    I certainly agree that little things we do - or don't do - affect the bigger picture and it's all linked.

    Good luck with it

    Off to shine my sink !
    The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. - Chinese Proverb
    Jo
    • Molanole
    • By Molanole 29th Apr 07, 5:55 AM
    • 1,391 Posts
    • 1,025 Thanks
    Molanole
    • #9
    • 29th Apr 07, 5:55 AM
    • #9
    • 29th Apr 07, 5:55 AM
    In three little months time I'm going to bo 30! I always had certain ideas about what things would be like when I hit the big 3-0. Its safe to say that I never imagined that I would turn 30 with shedloads of debt, a cluttered disorganised flat, chain smoking, a body like a wobbly blancmange, a rubbish wardrobe and horrible hair and skin (hey guys I bet your kicking yourself on missing out on an amazing catch like me ),
    by Swishter
    Swishter - Are you sure you're not me, in some kind of time warp where it's three months later???

    I hit the big 3-0 two weeks ago and I never imagined I would be like this (pale, fat ahem voluptuous, tired, needing to visit the gym a bit lot more) either. I always thought I would be like a chic Parisienne, all sleek hair, pencil skirts and heels, elegantly drinking coffee outside a cute little cafe, reading Le Monde. Now, where in my life I would have been able to actually become a French person I'm not sure but you get the picture.

    Being 30 is not all that bad. To be honest I don't feel any different. Just a bit more "ahhh don't sweat the small stuff" which can only be a good thing.

    You've found us, which is a great place to be. You've already realised that things need to be tackled in small chunks. The size of the chunk will depend on how much you like goals and challenges but start small so you have some wins to get you motivated.

    You've probably already read it but take a look at southernscouser's sticky for first time posters and put together an SOA. You don't have to post it if you don't want to but the simple act of getting everything down on paper is really really helpful in terms of feeling a little more with it. If you do decide to post it then all the really helpful nerds on here will be able to chip in with their advice on where you can make savings.

    Good luck Swish. I'll be looking out for your progress with interest!
    Debt Free Nerd No. 89, LBM: April 2006, Debt at highest (Sept 05): 40,939.96
    NOW TOTALLY DEBT FREE!!!!!!!! Woooo hooooooo!!! DEBT FREE DATE: 23 December 2009
  • Bunnyinthelights
    Welcome!

    You'll get loads of help and advice from this lot-they saved me from a pit of despair!

    (can someone please explain Flylady to me?)

    Bunny
    Empty pockets never held anyone back, only empty heads and empty hearts can do that -Peale
  • chocaholic110
    Hi, Swishter, got to admit your post hit a chord with me. This time last year my life was a partial mess (I am lucky enough to have a lovely hubby and kids) - in thousands of pounds of debt, disorganised house, overweight, thinking we would be stuck in our tiny house forever, just generally a bit in a rut.
    After discovering this thread I have made progress in some areas - paid off a good percentage of what we owed (though there's still a way to go), flylady-d the house, de-cluttered all the rubbish through ebay, discovered Pigsback and Quidco etc
    To be fair I still haven't got the greatest figure, but one step at a time, eh? And my hair and wardrobe are possibly worse, due to not spending a lot of money but I feel more in control than I did last year, and hopefully everything else will come with time (or maybe not - have never been one to be stylish!!).

    Anyway, I think what i'm trying to say in among the rambling is Good Luck with your plan. I find it helps to chart my progress, ambitions, achievements, even setbacks on here, then when I do have blips then I can look and see how much better things are now than when I started!

    Good Luck again and I will be watching keenly to see how it goes!
    • Molanole
    • By Molanole 29th Apr 07, 11:10 AM
    • 1,391 Posts
    • 1,025 Thanks
    Molanole
    Welcome!

    You'll get loads of help and advice from this lot-they saved me from a pit of despair!

    (can someone please explain Flylady to me?)

    Bunny
    Originally posted by Bunnyinthelights
    Hey Bunny

    I think you'll find information on Fly Lady over on the Old Style board. I might be wrong but I think the general gist is to break the cleaning down into 15 minute chunks, blitz your chosen area/task for those 15 minutes so it all seems more manageable and less chore like. I could be wrong though, I must admit I haven't given it much attention as I am a bit slovenly from time to time
    Debt Free Nerd No. 89, LBM: April 2006, Debt at highest (Sept 05): 40,939.96
    NOW TOTALLY DEBT FREE!!!!!!!! Woooo hooooooo!!! DEBT FREE DATE: 23 December 2009
  • Swishter
    Thanks for all your messages and support - it really helps.

    I think my head is in the right place at the moment, its not been in the past and I think I have crippled myself by trying to do too much and setting myslef up for failure. Right now I feel it is straight in my head that I can't just wake up tomorrow and start doing everything perfectly. But I can start making small acheivable steps and building new habits and over time they will add up to big things. I don't expect I can solve all my problems in the next three months but I can make a big difference in establishing good habits so the bad times are well behind me.

    I am actually pretty excited by the prospect of turning 30, its like a new start, a new time of fresh challenges.

    notanothergreyhair - maybe we can do it together, help motivate each other when things are tough?

    Bunny - www.flylady.net will tell you all you need to know. There is a thread on the OS board but I think I need to get more established before i'm at their level, they scare me they are so organised!

    Swish
    xx
  • Swishter
    I hit the big 3-0 two weeks ago and I never imagined I would be like this (pale, fat ahem voluptuous, tired, needing to visit the gym a bit lot more) either. I always thought I would be like a chic Parisienne, all sleek hair, pencil skirts and heels, elegantly drinking coffee outside a cute little cafe, reading Le Monde.
    Originally posted by Molanole
    Yes I think my plans where very similar, plus a flash car and flat and lots of travel to exotic places! :rolleyes:
  • oojakapipi
    Hi Swishter,

    What a great set of goals!

    Thanks for making us aware of flylady, was just looking at the chaos around me and wondering where to start!

    I turned 30 a few years ago and everyone said that I should prepare myself for the turning-30-meltdown, well, it never happened! It's great being in your 30's, this is how it went for me:

    became more sensible/realistic about my future/finances.

    stopped beating myself up for not looking like a catwalk model.

    stopped wasting so much money on make-up, clothes, shoes that promised to make me look like a catwalk model.

    stopped fantazising about pulling up in the sexy little soft-top, long silky hair gently tossed by the breeze, and decided that my sensible 10 year old Polo is all I need, and the advert-quality hair is unachievable!

    became more realistic about what constitutes the 'perfect' man.

    became less critical in general.

    stopped worrying about what I eat, discovered that healthy eating means actually eating something!

    became much more comfortable about who I am, how I look.

    So, congratulations on the great decade you are about to join!
    Last edited by oojakapipi; 29-04-2007 at 2:28 PM.
  • notanothergreyhair

    notanothergreyhair - maybe we can do it together, help motivate each other when things are tough?
    Originally posted by Swishter
    That works for me. I have to admit that I do not have any specific aims just yet for the next 101 days, but rather general areas I would like to get to. Think of it like snooker, a player wants the cue ball to end up in a region of the table after each shot as they know a specific millimeter of the cloth is unrealistic.

    So, I will go off and scribble down some targets for the next week which will move me a few steps closer towards the finishing area. I will post them later.
    • james32_uk
    • By james32_uk 29th Apr 07, 3:13 PM
    • 1,187 Posts
    • 483 Thanks
    james32_uk
    What a fantastic post from Swishter! May I wish her all the very best and stay with it! You know, I think you've spurred me on to do a bit of life-sorting too!

    Thanks
    Debt as at 12th July 2006 - 61,345
    Debt free 21st Oct 2011.

    All thanks to
    • CAFCGirl
    • By CAFCGirl 29th Apr 07, 3:58 PM
    • 8,708 Posts
    • 19,327 Thanks
    CAFCGirl
    I wanna get sorted now too!

    Ohhhhhhh please do post the 101 day challenge. I think that would be fantastic for other people, as well as yourself. I for one would definitely be on there.

    I'll confess I've got a lot of things in my head that I wish I could achieve by the time I'm 30, admittedly I'm not there just yet but like you've said, your 20's are over in the blink of an eye.

    I've not yet thought of what I can do within 101 days, whether i want to totally achieve them within 101 days or be well on my way, but Im certainly going to sit down with a cup of tea and a biscuit and think about it....

    10 years and still don't have a clue what I'm doing

    Trying to get by on a single Emergency Services income
    Fashion On The Ration Coupons 43\66 IT'S THE YARN
  • southernscouser
    You've got it right from a 'diet' point of view aswell Swish. You need to change your lifestyle not going on a fad diet.

    You will feel tonnes better about, and in, yourself.

    And don't forget to eat breakfast! It's a great way to lose weight as it kick starts your body into burning fat!

    Good luck and stick around!
  • notanothergreyhair
    In which case I will start a thread shortly then CAFCGirl, just because you asked so nicely.

    I don't want to take anyone away from this thread though as it was a great post by Swishster and I know full well that she can achieve everything she wants too.

    ...right, I'm off to think about a new thread
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