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    I can't believe I'm in this position again!!!
    • #1
    • 21st Nov 12, 5:51 PM
    I can't believe I'm in this position again!!! 21st Nov 12 at 5:51 PM
    hello, I guess I'm just here to offload how I feel and about how disappointed I am in myself.

    I'm afraid I've gotten myself into debt again to the sum of 15,000 approx.

    I am so ashamed and disappointed in myself. I have been worrying about this for the past couple of days I have no one I can talk to. I can't tell my husband if I do, I will lose my family because I've done this before. I've let him and my 2 kids down.

    I know this is no excuse but for the past 9 months or so, I was really really depressed and this is how the debt has been run up. I would buy things for the house, my kids, my husband and myself to make me feel better. The things I bought for myself were to make me feel like I was good enough as the next person because I've always felt as if I wasn't good enough.

    I don't have the guts to post an SOA but can say after all the bills and minimum payments are paid, there is approximately 550 left per month which is for food, petrol and anything else that crops up.

    In October I realised I was sailing close to the wind and needed to do something, so I cut my sky, switched utility bills etc and saved approx 80 per month, then my hours and wages got cut at work, so that wiped out any savings I made.
    I can't looked for another job because I need to work round the kids as I don't have anyone to look after them. If I did get another job I would need to put them into after school care and any extra money I earned would go to pay that, so I wouldn't be better off.

    I feel so low and down, I even considered ending it all but then thought what's the point my husband would still have my debts to pay. Even if I did end it, God wouldn't accept me because I ended my own life.
    My family probably would be better off without me.

    I'm too scared to contact the credit card companies etc to see if I could come to some sort of arrangement, because we have a lot of equity on our home (approx 200,000 if we go by what the other houses in the area sell for) and I would be too frightened incase they tried to take the house or something.

    I am such a waste of space I really don't know why I was put on this earth!
Page 2
    • StressedSteph
    • By StressedSteph 22nd Nov 12, 5:41 PM
    • 2,807 Posts
    • 10,875 Thanks
    My greatest weakness is internet shopping = Ebay, Amazon etc.

    If I could leave these sites alone for a few months I think I would actually get somewhere.

    We live 10 miles away from a large town, so if I have to actually drive into town and use cash i think that would stop me spending the money.

    It is just too easy clicking on the computer, its like its not real money. Do you do the same?

    We will get there somehow. is it worth you posting an SOA?
    I also did MSE Budget Brain which helped me see that I do have spare cash each month, and if I cut out all the little spending then I would be able to start over paying and chipping away at the debt.

    Good luck xxx Hope you are feeling more optimistic now. x
    OOverdraft 594 / Very 587 / Bank of Scot - 1535 /
    Lloyds cc - 2679 / Barclay cc 2994 / MBNA 5596
    September 2017 = 13985
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 22nd Nov 12, 7:19 PM
    • 31,462 Posts
    • 19,866 Thanks
    OP I've just posted thison another thread:

    When you do your food shopping try going in with just cash rather than cards, you might find you actually think "do we need/want this" rather than just putting it in the trolley.

    But also:

    Dont forget theres wilko, the 99p/1 shops, B&M/home bargains and shops like pound stretcher that might well sell things cheaper than the supermarkets (might even be cheaper than aldi/lidl)
  • alwaysworried
    Thanks DC will be checking those out too.
    • missladyannie
    • By missladyannie 22nd Nov 12, 8:11 PM
    • 587 Posts
    • 1,617 Thanks
    Sorry to hear about your worries, its horrible keeping things to yourself (I do it too so know where you are coming from), I hope this thread helps you, there are lots of friendly people on this site xx
    Nov NSD: 8/7 Dec NSD: 1/10
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    • kittycatfan
    • By kittycatfan 23rd Nov 12, 8:35 AM
    • 208 Posts
    • 596 Thanks
    hi im sure there will be a solution long term to your debts my other half dont no about all my debt either , im slowly paying of one thing at a time but itll be about 3 years till im debt free, try look on bright side and stay positive
    • bluebag
    • By bluebag 23rd Nov 12, 11:00 PM
    • 2,400 Posts
    • 23,311 Thanks
    Thanks DC will be checking those out too.
    Originally posted by alwaysworried
    Another one here that's been down the dark debt/depression hole. Oh have I got that t-shirt! So pleased your feeling a bit more positive.

    Take a look at the old style board for more ways to save on the grocery bill. Lots of good recipes and easy ways to save on cleaning stuff.

    Just remember that what you borrow today, steals from tomorrow.

    Wishing you all the very best.
    • skintandfat
    • By skintandfat 24th Nov 12, 1:13 AM
    • 180 Posts
    • 114 Thanks

    I have been in serious debt before and we never learned the lesson and made another series of stupid decisions several years later

    Don't worry- I had cancer and this made me stop taking crap from credit companies.

    Take control-
    • go and see your doctor
    • List all your debts and detail them by how much the interest chages are- pay the higher interest ones first
    • Stop having the same account for EBAY and your current account- I cancelled my EBAY direct debit and use an account I don't keep money in to pay things. I transfer money to the account as I buy things and paypal takes payment immediately via debit card
    • Set up a seperate account (without a credit facility) and use this for every day spending. I take cash out each week and use it only when buying in person. It's a think once, think twice, hand in pocket and spend on the third strike (or put it in the later file)
    Above all - take control and stop worrying
    • StressedSteph
    • By StressedSteph 24th Nov 12, 11:11 AM
    • 2,807 Posts
    • 10,875 Thanks
    Some great advice coming out here.

    BlueBag's = Just remember that what you borrow today, steals from tomorrow. Fantastic advice - I will remember that one.

    Great stuff from Skintandfat too, like the idea of the separate account for every day spending - Think if I saw REAL money more often it would make me think twice before spending.

    Just remember AlwaysWorried that you have your family and your health, money isn't worth worrying about. As soon as you take control you will feel more positive about it.

    OOverdraft 594 / Very 587 / Bank of Scot - 1535 /
    Lloyds cc - 2679 / Barclay cc 2994 / MBNA 5596
    September 2017 = 13985
    • vasseur
    • By vasseur 24th Nov 12, 12:36 PM
    • 3,055 Posts
    • 9,881 Thanks
    I found the thing that helped me a lot was setting the grocery budget and transferring it to another account then try to stay within your weekly limit. I always enjoyed my food shopping and was an adman's dream - I was so easily swayed by offers in the supermarket and as a consequence this was my downfall and where I used to spend too much. The good news is it's also the area that you can cut back on quite easily.

    Plan your meals for the week from what's in your fridge/freezer/cupboards
    Make a shopping list and don't deviate from it.
    Check out the cheaper supermarkets - A1di has saved me an absolute fortune over the last couple of years - good quality but less choice - saved me time too!
    Batch cook at the weekend - spag, chilli, curries, lasagnes, shepherds pies and freeze for the following week(s). You don't have to do all thisat once but over the weeks you'll build up a good store in the freezer.
    It's not how far you fall - it's how high you bounce back....
    Happiness is not a destination - it's a journey
    • StressedSteph
    • By StressedSteph 5th Dec 12, 2:27 PM
    • 2,807 Posts
    • 10,875 Thanks
    Hi AW,

    Just checking in to say hi, and hope all is going well.

    Keep posting hun, let us know how you are getting on xxx
    OOverdraft 594 / Very 587 / Bank of Scot - 1535 /
    Lloyds cc - 2679 / Barclay cc 2994 / MBNA 5596
    September 2017 = 13985
    • black cat
    • By black cat 5th Dec 12, 7:30 PM
    • 674 Posts
    • 5,949 Thanks
    black cat
    Always Worried - I hope you managed to follow some of the good advice given and that you're feeling more positive. Look after yourself x
    • gfplux
    • By gfplux 6th Dec 12, 6:29 PM
    • 4,106 Posts
    • 3,562 Thanks
    Some posters have suggested your husband is controlling and I assume they understand this from various posts you have made.
    However if he is controlling one area he has completely missed is your spending.
    If my other half had endangered my family by getting into debt, one thing I would "control" would be the money. However he appears to have left you to get into debt again. Strange.
    As at April 2019 Brexiters are unable to name ANY ADVANTAGES for Britain in leaving the EU. However they have a large wish list.
    "Brexit Blight of Uncertainty" sums it all up. Although "The Curse of Brexit" or "Brexit Disaster" come close.
    • meg72
    • By meg72 6th Dec 12, 7:01 PM
    • 5,013 Posts
    • 45,718 Thanks

    I feel so low and down, I even considered ending it all but then thought what's the point my husband would still have my debts to pay. Even if I did end it, God wouldn't accept me because I ended my own life.
    My family probably would be better off without me.

    I am such a waste of space I really don't know why I was put on this earth!
    Originally posted by alwaysworried
    No actually if the debts are in your name your husband wouldn't have to pay and I am told by believers that God does accept a person who takes their own life BUT don't you ever think that your family would be better off without you.

    My Son thought we would be better off without him, We are not.
    Our lives have been changed forever, the pain is devastating, the loss cannot be described.

    Its only money love, and if the debt was 10m times as much it would still be only money. Debt is sortable Death isn't. Hope you feel better soon.

    Hugs Meg
    Slimming World at target
    • quintwins
    • By quintwins 6th Dec 12, 7:06 PM
    • 5,023 Posts
    • 29,314 Thanks
    If you find online spending your downfall, take money out you need in cash when your paid and do a jars system (or envelopes it's the same idea) then pay all your bills, change all dd to the same day (only not payday incase your pay is a few days later one month) then send the rest to your higest interest debt, or your smallest debt if you feel paying them off quicker will help motivate your more, simple fact is it you don't have it you can't spend it.

    I'm also abit confused in that your husband must know something is up, he will surely have relised 15k of stuff coming into his house and now he'll def have noticed if your cutting everything to the bone he's bound to relise somethings up.
    DFW 7632/28996 26.3%
    • purple.sarah
    • By purple.sarah 7th Dec 12, 12:12 AM
    • 2,374 Posts
    • 26,499 Thanks
    The most important thing is to get help for your depression. Your family would not be better off without you, that is your illness talking. Your children need you, losing you would be far more devastating than the debt. Children don't need their parents to be perfect, they need them to be there. Please seek help and let your doctor know you have been experiencing suicidal thoughts/urges. Remember that there are people who care about your welfare.

    You can contact Samaritans in the following ways:

    08457 90 90 90* (UK)
    1850 60 90 90* (ROI)

    24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
    *call charges apply


    Find your local Samaritans branch.

    Write to
    Freepost RSRB-KKBY-CYJK, Chris, PO Box 90 90, Stirling, FK8 2SA

    You could also contact Citizen's Advice Bureau for free, impartial debt advice.

    Take things one step at a time and you will get through this. It is really positive that you have contacted Step Change and you're meeting your monthly payments and should have two things cleared by June 2013, you are doing really well. Take care, thinking of you.
    • DebtClearer
    • By DebtClearer 7th Dec 12, 12:21 AM
    • 279 Posts
    • 128 Thanks
    I suffered with depression in the last 2 years and within the last year I've also lost my long term partner and am now back living at home until Feb/March. At 26 I'm young enough to take stock and start over but it has been incredibly hard. This depression and desperation caused me to start gambling excessively and wiped away my savings and put my about 11k in debt....

    I'll never get over the hurt of my ex and I've just had to pretend they are dead in many ways but I am determined to live my life how I want and I am back heading the right way. I am making a big effort with my debts and savings now and you can too. Take it day by day and make sure those payments keep being made. Start making a diary for your spending too!

    We all have to believe and with belief and careful planning we can achieve a hell of a lot in life all by ourselves.

    • immie
    • By immie 9th Dec 12, 6:24 PM
    • 239 Posts
    • 781 Thanks
    Does your husband contribute enough to the household expenses? If what you have coming in isn't enough to meet the outgoings of the entire family, then cutting back is only going to solve part of the problem. The expenses of running a household is a joint responsibility, it's unfair for you to take the fall if he's earning more than you.
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