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  • FIRST POST
    • MSE Martin
    • By MSE Martin 5th Apr 07, 1:44 PM
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    MSE Martin
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA Should Sandy pay off Dannyís debts?
    • #1
    • 5th Apr 07, 1:44 PM
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA Should Sandy pay off Dannyís debts? 5th Apr 07 at 1:44 PM
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

    Should Sandy pay off Dannyís debts??

    Danny and Sandy have just got engaged. Sandy's very careful with her cash and has got some savings, but Danny's systematically run up some electrifyingly large debts from suping up his car. While we all know Danny better shape up, should Sandy pay off his debts for a fresh start?

    Enter the Money Moral Maze: Should Sandy pay off Dannyís debts??

    Previous MMDs: Should Elizabeth tell Charles he can't go on the trip? and Should little sis get a holiday too?


    Martin Lewis, Money Saving Expert.
    Please note, answers don't constitute financial advice, it is based on generalised journalistic research. Always ensure any decision is made with regards to your own individual circumstance.

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Page 1
    • Phirefly
    • By Phirefly 5th Apr 07, 2:24 PM
    • 1,572 Posts
    • 1,925 Thanks
    Phirefly
    • #2
    • 5th Apr 07, 2:24 PM
    • #2
    • 5th Apr 07, 2:24 PM
    heh heh. Sure you mean Phirefly & Mr Phirefly?!

    Sandy should make like Phirefly and support Danny through setting a good example and supporting him as he takes steps to sort his own debts out.

    Mr Phirefly is debt free in 2007
    • MushyPeas
    • By MushyPeas 5th Apr 07, 2:26 PM
    • 2,994 Posts
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    MushyPeas
    • #3
    • 5th Apr 07, 2:26 PM
    • #3
    • 5th Apr 07, 2:26 PM
    No, I don't think she should. Otherwise how will Danny learn that it is his responsibility? She should support him sorting his own debts out, but not by paying them off.
    Previous debt: £14K Debt free: Sept '03 Mortgage OP savings £42.92 Started dating OH Mar '12, married Oct '12, Walnut born Dec ' 12
    • mountainofdebt
    • By mountainofdebt 10th Apr 07, 8:15 PM
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    mountainofdebt
    • #4
    • 10th Apr 07, 8:15 PM
    • #4
    • 10th Apr 07, 8:15 PM
    Personally I think it would be better if Sandy supported Danny in his attempts to clear his debts, perhaps by paying more towards joint bills.

    However at the first sign of him using this as an excuse to spend more rather than pay off more then it would be back to 50:50.

    Of course it could be that this is just a blip (perhaps Sandy will spend more on the wedding!) but Sandy should be aware that this could be a sign that they have different spending habits which could have serious consequences if not discussed before their finances become more entwinned.
    2014 Target;
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  • Sarahsaver
    • #5
    • 10th Apr 07, 10:13 PM
    • #5
    • 10th Apr 07, 10:13 PM
    No way José! If he has a souped up car I think the engagement may have been in haste. We all know that a fancy car is a man's way of making up for a lack in the 'particulars'
    Next!
    Member no.1 of the 'I'm not in a clique' group
    I have done reading too!
    To avoid all evil, to do good,
    to purify the mind- that is the
    teaching of the Buddhas.
  • johnny5a
    • #6
    • 11th Apr 07, 12:30 AM
    Nah
    • #6
    • 11th Apr 07, 12:30 AM
    It's a self inflicted debt, I wouldn't pay off his debts - if it is through bad luck no fault of his own - fair enough. My view is suping up a car is not a neccessity
  • The Dragon
    • #7
    • 11th Apr 07, 1:06 AM
    • #7
    • 11th Apr 07, 1:06 AM
    Nope! if it was a mortgage or something then maybe yes - but pimping his ride no!

    The Dragon
    • Mics_chick
    • By Mics_chick 11th Apr 07, 2:14 AM
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    Mics_chick
    • #8
    • 11th Apr 07, 2:14 AM
    • #8
    • 11th Apr 07, 2:14 AM
    A long while ago a friend's OH was £6000 in debt so she paid it off for him when they only been together a few months but they were moving in together - he immediately went out and bought a motorbike on hp for £6000 She went mad and said if he wanted their relationship to have any future he had to return the bike coz she didn't pay off his debt so he could rack up more straightaway. He obviously decided his OH was more important than the bike coz he took it back but it cost him a few hundred quid to get out of the hp agreement. They had got married and had kids the last time I heard of them but they moved away so we lost touch.

    I don't know if I would take the same attitude as my friend - I think I would ant to help them to learn how to handle their finances better themselves instead.
    You should never call somebody else a nerd or geek because everybody (even YOU !!!) is an
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    • Marisan
    • By Marisan 11th Apr 07, 6:26 AM
    • 96 Posts
    • 62 Thanks
    Marisan
    • #9
    • 11th Apr 07, 6:26 AM
    • #9
    • 11th Apr 07, 6:26 AM
    No,she should not pay off his debts,since he would probably just run up some more.Sandy should help Danny to become financially savvy using her skills,and when she can see that he is making an effort,then press ahead with the engagement plans.If Danny cannot control his spendthrift ways,the relationship will struggle.
    .Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
    • King Drax I
    • By King Drax I 11th Apr 07, 7:02 AM
    • 72 Posts
    • 45 Thanks
    King Drax I
    No way. He'll probably roll his blue-underlit car soon anyway. Break off the engagement too - who want to marry a Chav???
  • debs66
    if i was Sandy, then Danny would be John Travolta, so i'd empty my pockets!!! Oh the God of a man he is....

    seriously, they are only engaged. I was married for 12 years after a 4 year relationship and engagement, during which time all money was pooled. when we split he told me i didn't deserve any of our joint assetts as for the last 8 years together i didn't work (i stopped work to have two babies and bring them up, and then ran the roofing business we set up together, on top of ALL household duties).

    Never will i pool again. I'm now Miss Independence.

    Sandy shouldn't marry Danny (even though he could be John Travolta) until he has settled his debts, and until he shows signs of being responsible with money she should no way get involved in any joint finances/debts with him, especially a mortgage.
  • trueman
    Heavens NO!!!
    It happened to me and I'm still paying. If he's selfish and irresponsible with money now, he'll be the same when the wedding and subsequent family come along. Rows will be inevitable and everyone will suffer. Make him get his own act together.......unfortunately leopards rarely change their spots!!
  • georgiasmum
    I did it once and it caused my own circumstaces to take a nose dive. One of them needs to be solvent and he will never learn responsibility if she keeps bailing him out. She is not his mother, his future wife and therein lies a BIG difference!
    • peteskies
    • By peteskies 11th Apr 07, 10:17 AM
    • 22 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    peteskies
    Danny should show his love for Sandy but commiting to some hard-work and overtime and have a clear plan to get rid of his debt so that him and Sandy can live happily ever after.

    Sandy should occasionally treat them both to the occasional night out so that their early years still have the all important enjoyable memories together.
    • feesh
    • By feesh 11th Apr 07, 10:25 AM
    • 329 Posts
    • 225 Thanks
    feesh
    My OH has some debts. I struggled for years to lose my student debts and was only truly debt free for the 1st time last month.

    OH's debts are, I'm afraid, his problem! Since we got engaged, we put a fixed amount into a joint account each month (worked out on the ratio of our salaries). This covers bills and joint spending such as meals out.

    The rest is ours to do as we please. I worked for years to pay off my debts so now I am enjoying my spare cash, so I'm sure as heck not going to start paying his debts off
  • teilo
    Its a difficult situation but I think if Danny is commited to the relationship and willing to change his spent thrift ways, then he should be given a chance.

    Sandy should help him out as much as she feels comfortable with, and Danny should continue to work hard to pay off his debts.

    Sandy should be sure that Danny is not a spend happy guy or they might get into trouble later on in their marriage.

    Ideally I wouldn't want to enter a marriage with a guy with debts and a poor credit rating. This will affect your future togather, getting a mortgage etc?
  • Kaminari
    I've been in the same situation. My OH was in debt when i met him (5 years ago) and the bank and other financial institutes we chasing him and some of the debt had an interest rate of 40%. He tried to keep it from me but it was making him stressed and depressed and high strung. I told him i couldn't live with debt or people breathing down our necks. I made him right a list of everything he owe and to who, i paid them all off and then worked out a reasonable amount he could afford each month to repay me. The rules were that he was to pay all his bills (including the money that he owed me) as soon as he got paid and the rest of his money was to last him to the end of the month, no more credit to be taken out unless he talked to me about it and he must talk to me if anything else reared its head so we could factor that into our plan. I knew it was risky but his last payment to me is in July and he has not missed a payment or gone overdrawn since. What has it cost me? The interest of that money sitting in the bank. What have a gained? I boyfriend that trusts me and open communication. I would never have paid it all off for him to have a clean slate. They were his debts to deal with but it was my quality of life that was deteriorating by having a highly strung stressed out boyfriend because of it all.

    But i guess the question is would i bail Danny out? Definately not. I don't think he is ready to address the problem yet.
  • sachalegge
    Absolutely no way
    No way should Sandy pay off his debt! He needs to grow up
    She will no doubt be sweet talked into paying off the debt & they will eventually get married . Then they will have a joint account & guess what the debts will grow & grow much to Sandy's horror. There will only be some normality when they have separate accounts & Sandy takes control of the finances
    Believe me I know - been there got the tee-shirt etc
    • NatFeerick
    • By NatFeerick 11th Apr 07, 1:03 PM
    • 86 Posts
    • 106 Thanks
    NatFeerick
    I've been in this situation - only my partner was needing me to pay his mortgage so he didn't lose the roof over his head. But it didn't make him get to grips with his overall financial problems, and after many similar repetitions I've concluded that until something happens that really scares you, many people aren't shocked into getting their heads out of the sand and tackling their finances head on.
    • JayD
    • By JayD 11th Apr 07, 1:10 PM
    • 517 Posts
    • 326 Thanks
    JayD
    I believe that when you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, then you should both share everything in your lives - including old debts, and no matter how they arose. So I think that they should work together to resolve all debts and to plan future budgeting. Tackling everything together is what being a committed couple is all about.
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