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  • FIRST POST
    • Butti
    • By Butti 25th Jul 12, 7:49 AM
    • 4,620Posts
    • 12,381Thanks
    Butti
    Butti's Journey: A matter of loaf and death
    • #1
    • 25th Jul 12, 7:49 AM
    Butti's Journey: A matter of loaf and death 25th Jul 12 at 7:49 AM
    Hello Peeps

    Well here we are at my diary or my cry for help as you may like to call it! Shortly, when someone from Aaardman actually get back to me and tells me it's trade marked we may be calling it something else entirely, but in the words of a psychotic lover 'they haven't returned my calls'.

    Oh dear this is going well, I'm rambling already.

    So where am I in my journey.
    At the moment it feels like hurtling towards a situation in which I am waiting for Kharma to join the dots. I have four days in which to declutter, sort, paint and start repairing a hoose. On the fifth day I shall move about 170 miles away and start a new job on the seventh. As the kharmic quote is from Steve Jobs I am kinda hoping for divine intervention from him in helping join the dots. C'mon Steve.

    Anyway having tired of living the high life on benefitsI am getting a job. A real permanant job down south where I am led to believe they still have jobs.

    I have decided to start a diary so you can all keep me on the straight and narrow (you may prefer to call it shouting at me!) I did wonder whether to start in about a month because;
    1. I'll have been paid
    2. I'll have spent MORE MONEY on having a fitted wardrobe put in that actually works with doors that actually slide, paint, more paint and a new sink. Why do I need a new sink? Because my lovely 1970's brown version has a leak and the tap is integral to the sink. Then we let the house (we being me and the friend of a friend who is my agent who in setting deadlines has just made the job real and the timescale real and the amount of work real!)
    3. I shall be living on a narrowboat close to a pub with free wi-fi so in order to;
    a. See any Olympics
    b. Communicate with any of you lot
    I shall have to spend some time in the pub. See how I suffer for your entertainment!

    But we're starting now so I'm just warning you. My debt will go UP in the short term but it has to or I will not let the house when it will start to go down.

    So there we are. I'm sure a budget (or several) will pass in the next few days. I'll have to give you lot something to do .
    First job for today - some paint for the garage door! More money

    Butti
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
Page 144
    • ZTD
    • By ZTD 24th Dec 17, 3:46 PM
    • 23,730 Posts
    • 42,865 Thanks
    ZTD
    Overpay by £1k lump and continue with £750 a month which is an overpayment of £260 a month.
    Originally posted by Butti
    Well, that's significantly better than what I'm doing right now.

    Interest is now about £210 a month.

    Have to get Cuba out of the way and then focus.
    Originally posted by Butti
    Make sure you enjoy Cuba - or there will be trouble...

    In other news I have told both brothers. Both believed me ( which was very important) and both are sympathetic.
    Originally posted by Butti


    Although it shouldn't be, I bet that's a relief for you.
    "Follow the money!" - Deepthroat (AKA William Mark Felt Sr - Associate Director of the FBI)
    "We were born and raised in a summer haze." Adele 'Someone like you.'
    "Blowing your mind, 'cause you know what you'll find, when you're looking for things in the sky."
    OMD 'Julia's Song'
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 29th Dec 17, 8:16 PM
    • 54,063 Posts
    • 214,235 Thanks
    beanielou
    Glad that you were able to tell your DB's.
    Good news on the mortgage.
    Hope 2018 is a good one for you xxx
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • Butti
    • By Butti 7th Mar 18, 11:26 PM
    • 4,620 Posts
    • 12,381 Thanks
    Butti
    So really should be in bed but I'll tell you this and then go....remember the conversations we had about working from home and some people not liking it.

    We have about 11 people in my area of expertise across the company. We lost one last year, two just after Christmas and another has just resigned. I'm actively looking. Wonder if they've noticed.

    The people leaving have a LOT of knowledge and a LOT of experience. The ones coming in don't. I was told at a 'company conversation' recently that I would get my learning from the company.

    The company doesn't know everything.
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 8th Mar 18, 11:23 AM
    • 54,063 Posts
    • 214,235 Thanks
    beanielou
    You could just not make it up.

    Hope all is well in your world?
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • Butti
    • By Butti 8th Mar 18, 1:44 PM
    • 4,620 Posts
    • 12,381 Thanks
    Butti
    Not bad Beanie. Sorry to hear about your bad news.
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
    • ayupmeduck
    • By ayupmeduck 11th Mar 18, 3:00 PM
    • 21 Posts
    • 30 Thanks
    ayupmeduck
    Have been reading this whole tread. You had me at beer festivals, currently at the start of 2015. Was your drawing course at one of the Nottingham unis? The mention of trams and I 'think' you're in the area ish.

    I'm from there but now on the south coast with some of the best micro pubs in the country
    Debt: 13066 (March 2018) | Weight loss: 0/25kg
    • Butti
    • By Butti 11th Mar 18, 11:07 PM
    • 4,620 Posts
    • 12,381 Thanks
    Butti
    Have been reading this whole tread. You had me at beer festivals, currently at the start of 2015. Was your drawing course at one of the Nottingham unis? The mention of trams and I 'think' you're in the area ish.

    I'm from there but now on the south coast with some of the best micro pubs in the country
    Originally posted by ayupmeduck
    WHAT?
    You are going to have a name "Ey up me duck" and say you come from here! Surely not.

    Thank you for reading the whole thread. I'm a bit patchy now and need to get more focused. I did a contruction one semester course at Nottingham Trent. It literallly nearly killed me! Now contemplating my next move. My employer needs a kick, and is getting it from a number of employees.

    What breweries would you recommend on the south coast?
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
    • Butti
    • By Butti 11th Mar 18, 11:28 PM
    • 4,620 Posts
    • 12,381 Thanks
    Butti
    See you've just encouraged me to go back to Dec 2015/ Jan 2016 which was an interesting time!!

    I'm looking back and I have come some way in the meantime.
    So I have had some therapy and come to the conclusion that my family in part (not in whole) ARE A NIGHTMARE.

    My father, I believe, is a narcassist, possibly with borderline personality disorder. In English, what this means, is his ego has been destroyed as a child. Thanks to Hitler, his father was absent from 4-10 and he was left in the care of his mother. She was either 'evil' if you believe my brother or possibly favoured a golden child and a scapegoat, if you are trying to understand how twin boys can be so different and have the 'same' upbringing.

    My father likes to verbally prod you with a stick until he provokes a reaction. I avoid this by avoiding him! This seems to be working quite well.

    This is difficult for people who have had a 'normal' / 'non-narcissistic' upbringing to understand. Seriously it is really weird and designed to gas light you continually. If you would like to try and understand I suggest googling 'Richard Gannon and narcissism'. Having read this back, It is general non specific advice, not directed at one person.
    Last edited by Butti; 12-03-2018 at 12:02 AM.
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 12th Mar 18, 7:27 PM
    • 54,063 Posts
    • 214,235 Thanks
    beanielou
    Good to see you Butti
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • Butti
    • By Butti 4th Apr 18, 7:33 PM
    • 4,620 Posts
    • 12,381 Thanks
    Butti
    Just contemplating a change of job - closing date is in 10 days time.
    Same job, in an office with people about 15 miles away rather than 45 for about £1.5k less if they appoint me at the bottom of the scale

    But with real people

    In other news.....

    Have bought a 'First Aid' course to repair my head.
    It has about 8 bits of which the starting point is Affirmations and a 25 minute hypnosis section. Basically it puts calmness and assertiveness in at a subconscious level. Feel very positive and quite upbeat.

    ....and I've had an NSD so wondering if to do that challenge this month


    B x
    Last edited by Butti; 04-04-2018 at 7:36 PM.
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 4th Apr 18, 7:43 PM
    • 54,063 Posts
    • 214,235 Thanks
    beanielou
    Get that application in Butti
    People & less milege both sound damm good to me.
    Go girl.

    First aid for the head sounds good.......
    As does the NSD challange.
    I am no 4!!
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • ZTD
    • By ZTD 4th Apr 18, 8:31 PM
    • 23,730 Posts
    • 42,865 Thanks
    ZTD
    Just contemplating a change of job - closing date is in 10 days time.
    Same job, in an office with people about 15 miles away rather than 45 for about £1.5k less if they appoint me at the bottom of the scale
    Originally posted by Butti
    So, £1.5K per annum which is about £28.85 per week, which is (armwaving) about £20 after tax, NI, etc etc.

    Working 5 days a week, you will do approx 30x5=150 miles pw as opposed to 90x5=450 miles pw - or approx 300 miles less.

    Assuming 30 mpg, that's 10 gallons saved pw. Ten gallons vs £20...

    Why are you just contemplating this?

    But with real people
    Originally posted by Butti

    Do it!
    "Follow the money!" - Deepthroat (AKA William Mark Felt Sr - Associate Director of the FBI)
    "We were born and raised in a summer haze." Adele 'Someone like you.'
    "Blowing your mind, 'cause you know what you'll find, when you're looking for things in the sky."
    OMD 'Julia's Song'
    • Butti
    • By Butti 4th Apr 18, 8:32 PM
    • 4,620 Posts
    • 12,381 Thanks
    Butti

    First aid for the head sounds good.......
    Originally posted by beanielou
    I was super cynical two years ago when I went for EMDR. But I felt so sh*t and so depressed and so MEH....I thought what have you got to lose. At the end of it I was so much calmer and positive and not stressed.

    This is amazing. I sit down for 25 minutes and listen to an audio where very reasonable suggestions are made like "I can choose to live on my own terms" and "Do not seek for conscious awareness where there is none". And at various points during the day, about 10, I sit and breathe deeply to take myself into a relaxed state and say;

    "I am allowed to say No"
    "I am allowed to express anger"
    "I can do confrontation without emotion"

    It's a bit of a revelation TBH.
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
    • Butti
    • By Butti 4th Apr 18, 8:36 PM
    • 4,620 Posts
    • 12,381 Thanks
    Butti
    I don't drive to the office everyday if you remember because if I did they wouldn't pay me any mileage.

    Hobson's choice

    1. Be office based drive 90 miles a day and have them take the 90 miles off any mileage you do i.e. all your miles to do your job are 'social' miles
    2. Be based from home, get your mileage, feel isolated, feel depressed, watch the business suffer because communication is none existant.

    You are right folks. If it's interview practice it's good. If it's a stepping stone it's good. If its with people it's good.
    Last edited by Butti; 04-04-2018 at 8:40 PM.
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 4th Apr 18, 9:14 PM
    • 54,063 Posts
    • 214,235 Thanks
    beanielou
    Go girl, go
    Nowt to loose.
    Watching Yorksire Housing on 5.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • Butti
    • By Butti 4th Apr 18, 9:20 PM
    • 4,620 Posts
    • 12,381 Thanks
    Butti
    Been to see my Dad on Planet Dad...what a surreal and bizarre place it is. Come away thinking what a bizarre man he is and how the complete lack of communication skills between him and his parents is still like ricocheting around like an unexploded bomb affecting all of us. It's like his reality completely ignores how he is with other people. Has made me laugh a bit.
    Originally posted by Butti
    See, when trying to understand my mental outlook really I just needed to have a look back through my diary! This seems a very apt description from 2013!
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
    • ZTD
    • By ZTD 4th Apr 18, 9:21 PM
    • 23,730 Posts
    • 42,865 Thanks
    ZTD
    "Do not seek for conscious awareness where there is none".
    Originally posted by Butti
    What is "conscious awareness" mean in this context?
    "Follow the money!" - Deepthroat (AKA William Mark Felt Sr - Associate Director of the FBI)
    "We were born and raised in a summer haze." Adele 'Someone like you.'
    "Blowing your mind, 'cause you know what you'll find, when you're looking for things in the sky."
    OMD 'Julia's Song'
    • Butti
    • By Butti 4th Apr 18, 9:22 PM
    • 4,620 Posts
    • 12,381 Thanks
    Butti
    Go girl, go
    Nowt to loose.
    Watching Yorksire Housing on 5.
    Originally posted by beanielou
    Are they trying to flush bags of nappies down the loo in Yorkshire Beanie? I'd like to think other professionals suffer too!!
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
    • Butti
    • By Butti 4th Apr 18, 9:27 PM
    • 4,620 Posts
    • 12,381 Thanks
    Butti
    What is "conscious awareness" mean in this context?
    Originally posted by ZTD
    So some people with personality disorders or narcissism are exactly aware of how they provoke other people. They feel momentarily better when they have made you feel worse or provoked a reaction from you. Some it seems are not, they just provoke you but not intentionally.

    It's about just being okay with yourself, not looking for answers in other people.
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (2/15 )£7790
    Diary 'Butti's journey : A matter of loaf or death'.
    Diary 2 'The whimsical tale of the Waterbed of Debt'

    'one day I will be rich and famous…for now I'll just have to settle for being poor and incredibly sexy'. Vimrod Member of MIKE'S MOB
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 4th Apr 18, 9:35 PM
    • 54,063 Posts
    • 214,235 Thanks
    beanielou
    Some of the bahavior is dire Butti.
    Some is sad & some is mind boggling.
    One family appeared to get a brand new house after telling lies & dont even live in it.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
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