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  • FIRST POST
    • MSE Martin
    • By MSE Martin 27th Feb 07, 11:13 AM
    • 8,111Posts
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    MSE Martin
    Should Monica keep dating Bill?
    • #1
    • 27th Feb 07, 11:13 AM
    Should Monica keep dating Bill? 27th Feb 07 at 11:13 AM
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:


    Should Monica keep dating Bill?

    Monica has been dating Bill for a month. While she doesn’t think he’s Mr Right, Bill is worth a bob or two and has taken her on dates to some trendy restaurants, showering her with expensive gifts. Monica really enjoys being spoilt and driving around in his TVR, yet feels a bit guilty as she knows he’s not the one, in fact he's not even in the top dozen. Should Monica keep dating Bill?

    Martin

    Click reply to enter the money moral maze (please remember, be polite to other MoneySavers, even if you disagree with them).

    Previous MMDs: Should Madge flog Harold’s stuff on eBay? and Should Jenny kick them out?


    Last edited by MSE Archna; 27-02-2007 at 8:27 PM.
    Martin Lewis, Money Saving Expert.
    Please note, answers don't constitute financial advice, it is based on generalised journalistic research. Always ensure any decision is made with regards to your own individual circumstance.

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Page 1
  • findingmyownway
    • #2
    • 27th Feb 07, 9:30 PM
    • #2
    • 27th Feb 07, 9:30 PM
    I guess it depends if Mr Right is in her life right now. And if Bill is aware of the situation and how she feels?

    If both of them are happy to enjoy life and have fun together then YES of course she should keep seeing him.

    However, if Bill wants more than she can offer and she is having to pretend to be in love with him for the sake of the money then NO thats not fair on him. Also if her real Mr Right is around right now then she should focus on him and drop the casual liasons.

    If it were me and i was free and single with no more-long-term prospects atm then i'd definatly enjoy the relationship while its good!!
  • bindods
    • #3
    • 28th Feb 07, 12:08 AM
    • #3
    • 28th Feb 07, 12:08 AM
    excellent answer hmm? just have "fun"? what happens when that "fun" ends in broken hearts, changed feelings, or worse still an "unwanted" pregnancy. it might start off that theyre not serious about each other but the nature of such relationshps is that feelings change
  • bobby_g
    • #4
    • 28th Feb 07, 1:34 AM
    • #4
    • 28th Feb 07, 1:34 AM
    The answer to this depends on the sort of person Monica is, and whether Bill is aware of this and is happy with it.

    If Bill is unaware and Monica is taking him for a ride (perhaps in return for a ride), then she is little more than a vacuous, shallow !!!!!. If Bill had any self-respect, he'd do what he could to suss her out and immediately get rid.

    If she's open and honest i.e. "I'm just with you for your cash and a few good times", I'd be surprised if Bill stuck around, unless he didn't give a monkey's and/or Monica was putting out and good in the sack. Frankly, I can't imagine anyone would be so brave and honest as to admit such a thing.

    I'm sure there are plenty of people who are together for financial rather than loving reasons, but I wouldn't want to be one of them.
    • purplepatch
    • By purplepatch 28th Feb 07, 2:17 AM
    • 2,524 Posts
    • 1,507 Thanks
    purplepatch
    • #5
    • 28th Feb 07, 2:17 AM
    • #5
    • 28th Feb 07, 2:17 AM
    One of my bestest mates found herself in a similar position when she was much younger. I remember her sending me a letter which I won't quote exactly (I still remember the toe curling way she phrased it!) but it certainly made it clear that she was seeing a rich guy from work who was older, duller and less attractive than her usual conquests. But seriously loaded

    What happened? That was 15 years ago - she fell in love with him (really him not the money!), they got married and have two lovely kids (not to mention a massive house, posh car and all the trimmings). I do sometimes have to remind her about that letter though

    Monica - you go girl! Watch out for the cigars tho
  • lesandflynny
    • #6
    • 28th Feb 07, 2:50 AM
    Yop Yop
    • #6
    • 28th Feb 07, 2:50 AM
    Its a month, they are dating, there is no mention of committment on either part from what I can see yet. Perhaps Bill enjoys having Monica on his arm and he knows she is not Mrs Right...... maybe Bill has the capacity to understand it is casual and either of them can end it when they have had enough.

    Monica is starting to feel guilty though and us women are conditioned to feel guilty (I won't bore you with why or how) ......... so if I were Monica I would have to tell Bill I feel a little guilty as I have no intention of settling down etc and seek out his views. Who knows he may say "thank god for that, I can't stand it when women get all clingy on me". Or he may say well off you go then,

    Either way its a win win, Monica will not be able to continue enjoying herself unless she rids herself of guilt and Bill will be delighted that Monica just wants fun .... and they all lived hapiily evr after until ???????
    Oh how I dream............
    • Coveredinbees!!!!
    • By Coveredinbees!!!! 28th Feb 07, 7:01 AM
    • 3,173 Posts
    • 1,961 Thanks
    Coveredinbees!!!!
    • #7
    • 28th Feb 07, 7:01 AM
    • #7
    • 28th Feb 07, 7:01 AM
    Yea, marry him then dump him in a couple of years time and take half the cash.

  • darranps
    • #8
    • 28th Feb 07, 8:40 AM
    • #8
    • 28th Feb 07, 8:40 AM
    Well, it's only a matter of time before the TVR breaks down and then she won't be impressed
    • serendipity2706
    • By serendipity2706 28th Feb 07, 9:02 AM
    • 1,828 Posts
    • 2,842 Thanks
    serendipity2706
    • #9
    • 28th Feb 07, 9:02 AM
    • #9
    • 28th Feb 07, 9:02 AM
    Depends what Bill wants/is looking for? If he thinks she's "the one" then she should stop using him and tell him.
    Or treat him now and again

  • SunnyBrighton
    If everyone reviewed a relationship after one month, in terms of Mr or Ms Right, then there'd be hardly any long term relationships! There's no way to rule against heartbreak either.
    Maybe Bill's only dating Monica because she's fabulous looking?

    Keep dating until boredom sets in and the natural end happens, or new people appear on the horizon.
  • miriam
    Should Monica keep dating Bill?
    The longer she keeps dating him, the harder she will find it to let him go in the end.........she will get used to the good life !

    Poor chap...

    She should follow her heart and find someone she REALLY fancies.

    There is a lot more to life than money.She needs to find her real values ..

    Miriam
  • trawden
    Whats the difference between dating a guy for money and being a prostitute?

    Prostitutes are up front about it and its a 'business' deal, but dating a guy for his money is the lowest of the low as you are messing with his feelings.

    I hate people who do this - go out and earn your own money or learn to live and love without it!!!!!
    • bobmccluckie
    • By bobmccluckie 28th Feb 07, 10:02 AM
    • 60 Posts
    • 26 Thanks
    bobmccluckie
    We've already ascertained what sort of a girl Monica is. Now we are merely negotiating the price.
    • madjohn
    • By madjohn 28th Feb 07, 10:32 AM
    • 372 Posts
    • 376 Thanks
    madjohn
    My Answer: Err, no.

    Come on, don't be daft..!
    If she is just going out with him for his cash (which she obviously is) then Monica is one awful person.

    And it doesn't matter whether she is the one for him or not (...serendipity2706!) as in either case she is just USING HIM!

    The only 'way around' this is for Monica to find out how he feels for her. If he doesn't then carry on, I guess.
    Or, to put it more simply - she should carry on only if he is using her too. How she does that is a different thread, methinks.

    But why carry on then anyway? She should be out of there looking for the right guy and she will be happier than any gifts poor old Bill could ever offer her.

    Cupboard love? End of discussion, methinks!
    That window's cracked on both sides!!
  • stoobee
    Well, it depends if the guy knows he's in the "friends zone" or not. My guess is he doesn't otherwise he'd stop ploughing her with gifts in the hope that she'll magically fall for him.

    Of course it'll never happen. She'll never respect a guy who kisses her *ss. She'll just use and abuse him while keeping an eye out to trade up to a guy with more leadership qualities, rather than be alone.

    No good deed goes unpunished!
  • automaticlindsey
    Been there myself and couldnt keep it up to due to guilty feelings....
    If you can live with yourself Monica then fine.
    i Could not!

    Hi by the way!
  • flipflopnick
    Should Monica keep dating Bill?
    Isn't this a waste of everyone's time?
    Monica just likes Bill's money, like most partners. If Bill is a subscriber to MSE, this may point to hidden qualities. Monica should take him for all the money Bill's got then buy her own TVR. Join the TVR owners club, meet more people like Bill, form more casual relationships with fellow TVR owners. Then buy an MG and do the same. Oops! revealing too much.
    Flipflopnick
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    • Lady E
    • By Lady E 28th Feb 07, 12:21 PM
    • 1,025 Posts
    • 479 Thanks
    Lady E
    A month is still early and we dont know the nature of the relationship ,let alone questioning if it is going anywhere. My guess is both Monica and Bill will each be wondering what is going on and may have a little chat about the future , if indeed there is going to be one. If Bill is a pompous arrogant twit then Monica should enjoy the rewards for being with him . If Bill is a hard working successful Mr Nice Guy then Monica has got to be honest with him and say (if she truly means it) that she doesnt thing anything is going to come of it. There are shallow people out there , who would see nothing but ££££$$ but that must get boring after a while ...surely?

    Ps ..Dont wear the black dress love
    Last edited by Lady E; 28-02-2007 at 12:23 PM.
  • Kernow Kid
    Prostitute NOUN 1 A woman who engages in sexual intercourse for money or other gains. 2 A man who engages in such activity...

    Need I go on?
    Be Pure, Be Vigilant, Behave!
  • harryhound
    Wake up Bill, if you are asset rich as well as cash rich, you could be in for a nasty experience.
    Wake up Monica, you might not be as emotionally fire proof as you think you are, and are you sure this Bill is really rich ?
    You could both be fooling each other.

    It all comes down to the difference between character and personality.

    Perhaps you deserve each other. (Can anyone see a "train-wreck" on the emotional and financial horizon ?)
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