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  • FIRST POST
    Former MSE Natasha
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Lisa exchange her gaudy expensive engagement ring?
    • #1
    • 9th Jan 07, 5:18 PM
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Lisa exchange her gaudy expensive engagement ring? 9th Jan 07 at 5:18 PM
    This week's Money Moral Dilemma


    After four years together, Michael proposed to the love of his life, Lisa. She said yes immediately, and he handed her a huge diamond ring. It had cost two months of his salary, a stretch, but he thought she was worth it. Unfortunately, while Lisa loves Michael she immediately hated the ring; to her it was gaudy, over elaborate, tasteless and totally against her usual style. Should she grin and bear it, as it's the sentiment that counts, or ensure his hard earned money is spent on something she adores?

    Click reply to enter the money moral maze

    Please remember, be polite to other MoneySavers, even if you disagree with them

    Also read the last MMD: Should Richard have a ring of truth?


    PS. And just to confirm this is an entirely hypothetical situation. Each week in the email I will be asking those questions. And yes, the lack of detail, the phrasing, all of it is deliberate to invoke debate (nice debate too). Enjoy the money moral maze.

    Last edited by MSE Archna; 10-01-2007 at 5:17 PM.
Page 1
  • Gabriel-Ernest
    • #2
    • 9th Jan 07, 5:20 PM
    • #2
    • 9th Jan 07, 5:20 PM
    Oh that's a tough one. It depends how offended he'd be; if he would be really upset, I'd say she should grin and bear it. Maybe women are more picky about jewellery than men.
    Touch my food ... Feel my fork!
    • skylight
    • By skylight 9th Jan 07, 5:24 PM
    • 10,424 Posts
    • 16,875 Thanks
    skylight
    • #3
    • 9th Jan 07, 5:24 PM
    • #3
    • 9th Jan 07, 5:24 PM
    Tell him. Why start married life on a lie/pretence etc.

    He loves her and wants her to be happy. Its just a rock at the end of the day and he would want her to have something he loves.
  • teb
    • #4
    • 9th Jan 07, 5:59 PM
    • #4
    • 9th Jan 07, 5:59 PM
    nah, she should change it. rings are supposed to be close to a womans heart (so i'm told) and if she hates it now, it aint gonna grow on her. she should change it for one that suits her, and if he takes the huff then he aint much of a man imo. he should know that his taste isn't necessarily hers and its a bit off if she has to put up with something FOR HER that she hates just cos he likes it.
    • chergar
    • By chergar 9th Jan 07, 9:51 PM
    • 184 Posts
    • 91 Thanks
    chergar
    • #5
    • 9th Jan 07, 9:51 PM
    • #5
    • 9th Jan 07, 9:51 PM
    This actually happened to me. DH took me away for lovely romantic weekend and then produced the ring, obviously I was flattered and pleased at the thought and at the time I put it on and wore it for a while BUT then I told him that I would much rather of picked my own ring as it is me who has to wear it, actually it wasn't really that expensive and I kept it and got a new one.
  • drsims
    • #6
    • 9th Jan 07, 9:54 PM
    • #6
    • 9th Jan 07, 9:54 PM
    Lisa should tell her beau that she loves him very much but the ring is not her style. They should go together to the jeweller to exchange. When he sees the beautiful beaming smile on her face as she chooses the right ring, he will not care one bit that she rejected his initial choice. I didn't - and we lived happily ever after!!!
    "He that goes a borrowing goes a sorrowing" Benjamin Franklin 1706-1790
    • Murtle
    • By Murtle 9th Jan 07, 9:59 PM
    • 4,024 Posts
    • 2,576 Thanks
    Murtle
    • #7
    • 9th Jan 07, 9:59 PM
    • #7
    • 9th Jan 07, 9:59 PM
    Tell him - she has to wear it not him!! If he's that easily offended he should have asked first and bought later!!
    • Lee73
    • By Lee73 9th Jan 07, 10:17 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    Lee73
    • #8
    • 9th Jan 07, 10:17 PM
    Diamond Ring
    • #8
    • 9th Jan 07, 10:17 PM
    She should think her self lucky that she managed to bag herself a bloke at all, if she's as thoughltless and selfish to even consider exchanging the ring.....lol.
  • emmajg
    • #9
    • 9th Jan 07, 10:27 PM
    • #9
    • 9th Jan 07, 10:27 PM
    she should tell him the truth and get a new ring as she has to wear it forever
    Em Tysoe
    about 12k debt & 7 years left to pay
  • kelticangel
    reverse situation
    I think she should tell him change it for something she will really cherish, kind of in the same situation myself ...

    we chose the ring together but because we were heading up to Christmas we both decided to go pretty cheap (thought that counts and all that) I have a silver cubic zirconia solitaire which I love but im afraid it won't last an it will tarnish, do we swap it for something that should stand the test of time or keep what I have as it's what he bent down on one knee with help
    • gingercordial
    • By gingercordial 9th Jan 07, 11:07 PM
    • 1,248 Posts
    • 1,317 Thanks
    gingercordial
    If they're that much in love, and getting married, then of course she should be able to tell him. I mean, he might be a bit put out, possibly even sulk for a day (as my OH would do!) but clearly he loves her and he's not going to dump her over it, surely?

    My OH has said that if the time comes he'll be choosing my ring himself, and I'm worried as he absolutely hates jewellery so somehow I'm not sure he's going to do very well at it. But if it comes to it, I would definitely ask for it to be changed.

    do we swap it for something that should stand the test of time or keep what I have as it's what he bent down on one knee with help
    by kelticangel
    kelticangel, if you don't think your cheap one is going to last very long then you should probably get a new one as you wouldn't want to lose the original. You can still keep the old one for sentimental purposes of course - maybe wear it on your wedding anniversary or the anniversary of the date he proposed? Or wear it on a chain round your neck so less wear and tear?
    • BNU
    • By BNU 10th Jan 07, 7:22 AM
    • 502 Posts
    • 174 Thanks
    BNU
    I would say change it.

    It's a lot of money to waste on something that doesn't give you pleasure and the ring is really only a token to symbolise the commitment you have made to each other it's the proposal and acceptance that is important.

    You'll need to handle the situation carefully so as not to hurt his feelings - but could you disguise your dislike of the ring by saying you needed one that would sit better beside a wedding ring for example? Or say it catches on your clothes or something? Just a thought!

    I'm very proud to add....
    ....that my engagement ring (diamond & topaz) cost just £135 (before credit charges - grrr! - but it was the only way he could afford it without me knowing at the time - back in 1988)

    But slightly ashamed to say....
    ....that in true moneysaving style I traded in an engagement ring from my previous partner in part payment of my wedding ring!

    Such is life....

    I can resist everything except temptation.
    Oscar Wilde
    • deborah007
    • By deborah007 10th Jan 07, 8:06 AM
    • 64 Posts
    • 493 Thanks
    deborah007
    But slightly ashamed to say....
    ....that in true moneysaving style I traded in an engagement ring from my previous partner in part payment of my wedding ring!



    love it!!

    She should tell him that although she loves the idea that he can think for himself he really isn't very good at it and now that they are to be married he should leave all the difficult stuff to her!

    Deb
    • BNU
    • By BNU 10th Jan 07, 8:10 AM
    • 502 Posts
    • 174 Thanks
    BNU
    She should tell him that although she loves the idea that he can think for himself he really isn't very good at it and now that they are to be married he should leave all the difficult stuff to her!

    Deb
    by deborah007
    Oh - so cutting - but funny though...

    Is this the voice of experience?

    I can resist everything except temptation.
    Oscar Wilde
  • rach
    definitely tell him and change it. she'll hate it more and more over the years!
    Mum to gorgeous baby boy born Sept 2010
  • heather38
    funnily enough my work mates and i talked about this when i got engaged, and of 5 married collegues only 1 liked their ring and 2 had kept the one they didn't like coz their OH had chosen it and 2 had exchanged theirs for nicer ones!!
    do what feels right or she could just not wear it when they get married and just wear a wedding ring.

  • Money~Bunny
    She should wait a couple of weeks to see if the ring grows on her. If she still dislikes it then do as drsims said - explain that she loves him very much but the ring isn't her style. Yes he will be miffed for a few days, but if she doesn't tell him, she'll be stuck wearing an item of jewellery she hates. Not the best way to start a marriage!
    Old-styler, crafter and freebie junkie!
    Frogga's Amazing Weight Loss Campaign: Member no.20 since 2/9/07 -- lost 10lb
    Wedding bells 04/10/08
  • gazbert
    This is the best plan in my opinion.

    I bought my OH a cheap ring for when I proposed because I wanted it to be a surprise, with the plan in mind that we'd go shopping later to buy one that she really loves. So we went shopping and she chose a lovely ring, and we also bought our Wedding Bands to match her nice new Engagement Ring.

    She was well happy.
    Marillion - A Better Way of Life.
    • Paul_Herring
    • By Paul_Herring 10th Jan 07, 11:18 AM
    • 6,462 Posts
    • 3,173 Thanks
    Paul_Herring
    and he handed her a huge diamond ring. He'd paid two months of his salary for it
    Wow - DeBeers are certainly reaping from their advertising! Everyone on here does realise, I hope, in true MSE style, that diamonds aren't that expensive and it's only DeBeer's advertising that has enabled jewelers to sell diamonds for such extortionate prices?

    From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/De_Beers
    In the past, De Beers was able to create an artificial scarcity of diamonds through its wholly-owned Central Selling Organization (CSO), thus keeping prices high. The modern tradition of diamonds as a part of engagement in many cultures has been largely created by De Beers through an amazingly effective advertising campaign started in 1938. The "A Diamond is Forever" campaign not only convinced the public that the only suitable gift for engagement is a diamond, but also served to limit the market in used diamonds. [1]
    by Wikipedia
    My answer? Take it back, get the 2 months wages back. Don't bother getting a replacement - the wedding band should be sufficient.
    Conjugating the verb 'to be":
    -o I am humble -o You are attention seeking -o She is Nadine Dorries
  • pootle55
    This happened to me!
    He took me to the top of Mount Snowdon to propose and I instantly said yes, but in the same sentence said ' but i'm not wearing that!' He knew me well enough not to be offended, as he knows i always speak my mind. When we took it back to be exchanged and he got 500 cash back and i got a ring that i liked we were all very happy!
    No reliance should be placed on the above.

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