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  • FIRST POST
    Former MSE Lee
    Real Life MMD: What should I do about the bridemaid's weight?
    • #1
    • 8th Jul 11, 3:17 PM
    Real Life MMD: What should I do about the bridemaid's weight? 8th Jul 11 at 3:17 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: What should I do about the bridemaid's weight?

    I bought some bridesmaid dresses some time ago at a good price. One bridesmaid has always had yo-yo weight but is normally a 14ish. Since I asked her to be a bridesmaid she has been on and on about how she'll diet to look good in the photos (no prompting by me). I got her dress in a 16 so it could be taken in if needs be. I recently saw her and she is bigger than ever. Close to an 18 at least. There are about 6 weeks to the wedding and the dress is no longer in stock to get it in a bigger size. I don't want to offend her and ask if she'll be able to fit into the dress, but if I put her in a different one that will be like making her chief bridesmaid when she isn't. What should I do?

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    Last edited by Former MSE Lee; 13-07-2011 at 11:02 AM.
Page 1
  • Pee
    • #2
    • 19th Jul 11, 9:58 PM
    • #2
    • 19th Jul 11, 9:58 PM
    It doesn't sound like you have shown her the dress. I think she should have been consulted at the time and then it would now be her problem, but if she doesn't know what size the dress is, then I don't see how she can be expected to fit in it...

    If it's a matter of a few pounds to make it fit better, then I think now is the time for a dress rehersal. It sounds like it is more than that. You say that her weight fluctuates a lot and presuambly she is a really good friend of yours for you to have chosen her as bridesmaid, in which case maybe she could lose the weight? You'd have a better idea of that than I would, but I do know it wouldn't happen with the two people I would probably pick to be bridesmaids... and although if I was your friend I would try very hard to fit into the dress, it probably wouldn't happen with me.
    • Techno
    • By Techno 19th Jul 11, 10:01 PM
    • 1,081 Posts
    • 691 Thanks
    Techno
    • #3
    • 19th Jul 11, 10:01 PM
    • #3
    • 19th Jul 11, 10:01 PM
    Sorry Pee I think we were posting at the same time
    Have you had a trying on session with your bridesmaids yet - maybe you could invite her round (on her own) for a glass of wine and a trying on session - if she can see it's going to be too tight, 6 weeks is enough time to lose a healthy 12 pounds (or unhealthily much more) and may be the push she needs to start to lose weight. She might need a bit of support though so could anyone join a slimming club with her (if this is the route she wants to go down) or could you and all the bridesmaids start going to the gym, zumba, cycling to 'get fit' for the wedding?
    If you think you are too small to make a difference, try getting in bed with a mosquito!
  • sysky
    • #4
    • 19th Jul 11, 10:24 PM
    • #4
    • 19th Jul 11, 10:24 PM
    if it was me id ask for a dress rehearsal and give 3 options if it doesnt fit, a) she can pay for the alteration herself, b) loose the weight, c) not be a bridesmaid at all. may seem harsh but someone who has so little self controll to balloon like that in such a short time I'm afraid I have no sympathy or patience with.
    • currantbun
    • By currantbun 19th Jul 11, 10:24 PM
    • 143 Posts
    • 50 Thanks
    currantbun
    • #5
    • 19th Jul 11, 10:24 PM
    • #5
    • 19th Jul 11, 10:24 PM
    I agree with the two previos posters - get her to try the dress on with you there. If it fits then fine, if its too small then the onus is on her to slim into it!!!
  • leabrook
    • #6
    • 20th Jul 11, 12:20 AM
    • #6
    • 20th Jul 11, 12:20 AM
    Yea give her the dress to try on. then she might starve herself to fit in it, if not drop her as bridesmaid.
    • jax1305
    • By jax1305 20th Jul 11, 12:41 AM
    • 47 Posts
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    jax1305
    • #7
    • 20th Jul 11, 12:41 AM
    • #7
    • 20th Jul 11, 12:41 AM
    wow, some way harsh comments! why not really pile on the pressure - that'll really help with dieting. mmm, maybe a little more supportive attitude might help. i know it's the brides day etc but if she was a real friend, she'd be trying to help rather than getting stressed and compounding the problem. think the comments about not being the chief bridesmaid seems to suggest that maybe the OP is having issues with her choice of attendants and looking for a way out. I'm with techno on this - be supportive, get all the girls (and guys?) to the gym for some body combat, spin, zumba, whatever. and weightwatchers - but realise that if she is overweight she might feel uncomfortable about it. There are probably some very good seamstresses who will be able to expand the dress if needs be - if you really are a good friend then you'll want your mate there as bridesmaid and do what you can to have her there feeling comfortable. if you're not, then it's not your friends weight that's the problem here!
  • robynprincess
    • #8
    • 20th Jul 11, 2:03 AM
    • #8
    • 20th Jul 11, 2:03 AM
    wow yes, very harsh comments, we dont know the bridesmaid's reason for weight gain. I would ask her to try the dress on and then if/when it doesnt fit, let HER come up with a solution?
    • Fujiko
    • By Fujiko 20th Jul 11, 6:27 AM
    • 149 Posts
    • 183 Thanks
    Fujiko
    • #9
    • 20th Jul 11, 6:27 AM
    • #9
    • 20th Jul 11, 6:27 AM
    Six weeks to the wedding and the bridesmaids still haven't tried on their dresses? How do you know any of them will fit? The difference between sizes for different makes is well-known, sometimes as much as two inches, so you could be facing alteration problems not just for the overweight girl. Taking a garment in can also be a problem depending on the design, but letting out is nearly always impossiblre given the meagre seam allowances on most bought garments.
    My advice - a mass trying on session without further delay. There is no grreater spur to losing weight than seeing other girls fitting into dresses when you can't even do up the zip!
    • MadamMim2013
    • By MadamMim2013 20th Jul 11, 8:13 AM
    • 582 Posts
    • 7,156 Thanks
    MadamMim2013
    "we don't know the reason for the weight gain"
    Sounds to me like she might have been over eating .
    Originally posted by foxy54
    Hmm, how nice! I wouldn't want to be bridesmaid to someone so shallow.. no thanks!
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  • Jaynne
    wow yes, very harsh comments, we dont know the bridesmaid's reason for weight gain.
    Originally posted by robynprincess
    In all but a minority of cases, such as people with a medical problem such as hypothyroidism, weight gain is caused because calories in > calories out.
    • jamespir
    • By jamespir 20th Jul 11, 8:31 AM
    • 18,725 Posts
    • 19,767 Thanks
    jamespir
    i think your all being harsh why didnt you try the dress on with your freind there she could have a medical problem
    Replies to posts are always welcome, If I have made a mistake in the post, I am human, tell me nicely and it will be corrected. If your reply cannot be nice, has an underlying issue, or you believe that you are God, please post in another forum. Thank you
    • bexster1975
    • By bexster1975 20th Jul 11, 8:41 AM
    • 1,313 Posts
    • 6,226 Thanks
    bexster1975
    No surprise so many people are being harsh with this question. For some reason being fat is the last thing people are still entitled to take the p*** out of someone for. Also good that people still see being overweight as simply self-inflicted.

    Shame you didn't have fittings for the bridesmaids like you will have done for yourself. As a previous poster mentioned, you could have problems with any of your bridesmaids if none have tried on their dresses yet.
    Is it possible your "overweight" friend is pregnant?
  • bennett2kuk
    Personally upon buying said dress I would have delivered it to the bridesmaid in the protective cover. That way they could have tried it on at the time and known exactly what they needed to do to fit into it.
    Personally I would still do this, just give her the dress. If it doesn't fit then she ain't a bridesmaid on the day or she buys herself a new dress. Or it will scare her into losing the weight for your day.
    Bear in mind though that it's your day, not theirs. It's special to you but you have no right to demand they be a certain size just because you say so.
    • jamespir
    • By jamespir 20th Jul 11, 8:52 AM
    • 18,725 Posts
    • 19,767 Thanks
    jamespir
    Personally upon buying said dress I would have delivered it to the bridesmaid in the protective cover. That way they could have tried it on at the time and known exactly what they needed to do to fit into it.
    Personally I would still do this, just give her the dress. If it doesn't fit then she ain't a bridesmaid on the day or she buys herself a new dress. Or it will scare her into losing the weight for your day.
    Bear in mind though that it's your day, not theirs. It's special to you but you have no right to demand they be a certain size just because you say so.
    Originally posted by bennett2kuk
    but what if she cant just lose weight as you say it
    Replies to posts are always welcome, If I have made a mistake in the post, I am human, tell me nicely and it will be corrected. If your reply cannot be nice, has an underlying issue, or you believe that you are God, please post in another forum. Thank you
  • fekq
    foundation garments are great!
    if she's only about a size bigger (as you suggest, saying she must be around an 18) a strong girdle - with proper boning - will pull her in a size. so get her to try it on as soon as poss, and have some positive suggestions (such as this - and offer to shop with her/find some online) to hand ready. she's probably worrying about fitting into the dress - she can't not have noticed her other clothes getting tighter...

    and if she really can't fit, don't be angry with her. she'll be beating herself up enough. you've other bridesmaids by the sound of things?
  • Scubee
    but what if she cant just lose weight as you say it
    Originally posted by jamespir
    If her weight yo-yo's it is unlikely to be anything other than an inability to stop eating.

    The issue isn't bout why she is too fat for her dress, but what to do about it.

    The way I have done mine is that all the bridesmaids have tried their dresses on, and I have paid for the dresses, including the fitting. If, before the big day, they get fat, then they can chose to either pay to get it fixed, lose weight, or not be bridesmaid. If they can afford food to get fat, they can afford to get the dress fixed.

    Harsh, but fair. She may look in the mirror every now and again,and being fat isn't something you don't know.
    • iwanttosavemoney2008
    • By iwanttosavemoney2008 20th Jul 11, 9:47 AM
    • 429 Posts
    • 550 Thanks
    iwanttosavemoney2008
    I would let her try on the dress and explain you can't get the dress changed (in a nice way) she can then make up her mind as to what to do, whether to lose the weight or alter the dress, or not be a bridesmaid.

    end of the day I would hate to look squashed in on all my friends wedding pics, and would rather either look good in my own clothes or slim down to fit the dress.
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  • foxy54
    And where does all the fat go with a girdle? A fat neck?
    Save on food costs and stop eating so much simple.
  • Tuizner
    tell her to lose weight

    better for you

    better for her
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