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  • FIRST POST
    nogoodwithmoney11111
    Re the too frugal post
    • #1
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:11 PM
    Re the too frugal post 20th Mar 11 at 12:11 PM
    Hopefully not a strange post but wanted some views as been mulling on this for a couple of months now, with Christmas being a trigger point. We have been debt free for a year now and have continued living as if we were still trying to clear the debts off. Our revised soa (I think we will do one of these forever!!) is showing a really good surplus each month now and we have been able to save. We are still doing spending diaries and have a very open and equal way of dealing with the finances together. In the past keeping things secret was the root cause of things getting worse. I would recommend the view that was a previous post by someone in that when you become debt free the debt repayments become an effective pay rise as you have been living within a tight budget and will now have a lot more disposable each month.

    There is no doubt that getting into debt was one of the worst things to happen to us and I feel that trying to get out of debt has changed us for the better.

    But I feel that I am now completely adverse to taking on additional credit of any kind. We have a cash back credit card that we use and pay off by dd and therefore are using credit to our advantage. I think the compulsion to write was triggered by finding the post on here earlier about being stingy, (12signs of being too tight,) I now worry if thats what we are becoming!! I am so afraid of having to go through another 5 year debt journey. There must be a name for debt phobia just like spiders or heights.

    But have been having a few pangs of guilt of not going on a nice holiday that the twins wanted to go on to eurodisney so we can see the bank balance grow. And we did Christmas on a shoestring out of habit and think we could have pushed the boat out a bit more.

    Sorry for the rambling thoughts, it would take a lot for us to genuinely fall off the debt wagon and we are not about to go out and buy a load of stuff but I worry that we are holding on too tight as a result of a long and hard road.

    I wouldn't change where we are now for anything, or the journey we have made as a family together, and my kids will be taught finance management always. But i don't want to pass on a debt phobia either.

    Thanks for your views

    Ngwm



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    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 29-03-2011 at 7:13 PM.
    Debts paid off now after a life changing journey
Page 1
    • boredofbeingathome
    • By boredofbeingathome 20th Mar 11, 12:16 PM
    • 15,386 Posts
    • 37,539 Thanks
    boredofbeingathome
    • #2
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:16 PM
    • #2
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:16 PM
    I wouldn't even give it a second thought. I am frugal as much as i can be, i don't care what anyone else thinks and there is nothing wrong with having come through everything and being worried about getting back in debt.

    Be proud of what you have achieved and stop feeling guilty..you are planning for your futures, one day they will thank you. Trust me, they never remember how much has been spent on a holiday, my DD1's memories of holidays merge into one. The same with Christmas, consumerism makes us feel like this but i refuse to.
    Blackadder: Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
    Still lurking around with a hope of some salvation
    • mildredalien
    • By mildredalien 20th Mar 11, 12:33 PM
    • 1,016 Posts
    • 2,198 Thanks
    mildredalien
    • #3
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:33 PM
    • #3
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:33 PM
    You don't have to use credit to be less frugal - if you are living within your means you can pay cash for items that you would never have dreamed of splurging on when you were still paying off debt.

    It's great to see the bank balance grow, but is it growing for any particular reason? If there's something you are saving for then it's worth carrying on your 'frugal' ways to meet your next goal!
  • 415SanFran
    • #4
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:43 PM
    • #4
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:43 PM
    You know I was having a conversation with a friend of mine around christmas time who was feeling quite guilty about how little she had to spend in comparison to some others at the school. I then told her to think back to her Christmas's and asked her what she got when she was 10, she had to idea, she said out of all the childhood gifts she could really remember was her brothers lego and her etch-a-sketch because that was the two main things that they had played with for the next couple of years to come.
    My children have had lots of holidays over the years but they one that they remember the most was a 10pound holiday out of the Sun newspaper to Wymouth, that had cost the least.
    Do not feel quilty, feel proud that your children do not have to go to the door and tell lies that you are not there because it is another dept collector that you cannot face.
    (I had to do this the other day at my sisters house, mostly she does not answer her door)
    Ebay 13 ........1583.46/2000.00 Amazon sales 54/50 Etsy sales 63/50
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  • RecoveringAlcoholic
    • #5
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:46 PM
    • #5
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:46 PM
    Being in debt just makes The Fat Cats fatter.
    • mildredalien
    • By mildredalien 20th Mar 11, 12:54 PM
    • 1,016 Posts
    • 2,198 Thanks
    mildredalien
    • #6
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:54 PM
    • #6
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:54 PM
    You know I was having a conversation with a friend of mine around christmas time who was feeling quite guilty about how little she had to spend in comparison to some others at the school. I then told her to think back to her Christmas's and asked her what she got when she was 10, she had to idea, she said out of all the childhood gifts she could really remember was her brothers lego and her etch-a-sketch because that was the two main things that they had played with for the next couple of years to come.
    My children have had lots of holidays over the years but they one that they remember the most was a 10pound holiday out of the Sun newspaper to Wymouth, that had cost the least.
    )
    Originally posted by 415SanFran
    I was fortunate enough to go on a few holidays as a kid - some sunny places in europe and some places in the UK. I remember enjoying them all pretty equally, from torrential rain in a little chalet in Norfolk to a sunny beach in Greece. We never went to Disneyland as we just couldn't afford it, and I haven't turned into a bitter horrible adult because of it, so I'm pretty sure it's not an essential childhood experience!!

    I can't remember what I got for xmas last year let alone as a child....
  • Poosmate
    • #7
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:59 PM
    • #7
    • 20th Mar 11, 12:59 PM
    Congratulations on getting debt free and long may it continue!

    I would imagine (as I haven't reached the dbtfreeness yet) that what you are going through is therapy. I do wonder how I will cope when I have made my last payment off my debt. I'll still have about 7 years left on my mortgage but I worry that if I don't immediately start putting the debt repayment money away to pay for the mortgage will I ever go without that extra cash again?

    Once I won £200 (in the form of vouchers useable in a range of shops) in a raffle. Most people would be delighted. I was terrified. I didn't spend it for months. I was absolutely petrified that I'd spend it on the wrong thing. I thought about stocking up on foodstuff and household shopping but the only food outlet where I could spend them was M&S and I couldn't justify spending so much on so little, with M&S being rather expensive. In the end, I bought a pair of trousers and a blouse for work and a good bra and a bottle of perfume. I sold the rest of the vouchers to someone who would use them in the more expensive shops.

    I hope I will be like you and always be careful of my spending once I am debt free.

    Keep it up (to an extent). Be aware of building an emergency fund, stick it somewhere a little less accessible and build up a spending pot I think. Then when you feel happy with your emergentcy fund and happy with your spending savings, then allow yourself some extra treats.

    I think that's what I will do anyway.

    Good luck

    Poo
    One of Mike's Mob, Street Found Money £1.66, Non Sealed Pot (5p,2p,1p)£6.82? (£0 banked), Online Opinions 5/50pts, Piggy points 15, Ipsos 3930pts (£25+), Valued Opinions £12.85, MutualPoints 1786, Slicethepie £0.12, Toluna 7870pts, DFD Computer says NO!
  • nogoodwithmoney11111
    • #8
    • 20th Mar 11, 1:00 PM
    • #8
    • 20th Mar 11, 1:00 PM
    Thanks for views, not saving up for anything in particular, the surplus is simply accumulating as a consequence of more coming in than going out. I just feel guilty about spending money on things!!! We bought a new computer recently using cash back site and cash back credit card getting a further 5% off an already great deal after trimming the spec down and keeping our old keyboard and mouse!!! so all bought and paid for but then couldn't stop thinking about how the old pc would have been ok for another year......aaarrgghh
    Debts paid off now after a life changing journey
  • NeverAgain
    • #9
    • 20th Mar 11, 1:03 PM
    • #9
    • 20th Mar 11, 1:03 PM
    I agree about children and holidays.

    We used to go to Butlins, partly because it was cheap, but there was another reason.

    As I child, I used to moan if mother didn't book us in each year.

    I loved it.

    It was true some of my friends had what I now know to be more expensive holidays.

    But I never felt I'd missed out in any way.
  • nogoodwithmoney11111
    I really like the idea of a spending pot, never thought about it like that!!
    Debts paid off now after a life changing journey
  • Hannah_10
    Just because you have money now it doesn't mean you have to spend it. I can totally appretiate why you're feeling scared and I think when you have a nice little savings cushion you will naturally feel more relaxed. How about saving a fixed proportion of your income by having a standing order set up between your current and savings accounts, then just living into the rest?

    The trick is going to be to find comfortable a middle road between splurging and scrimping, so that you are living within your means and are still comfortable. So with Eurodisney how about a nice self-drive camping holiday in France with a day, or even two, at Eurodisney instead? Disney is famous for being poor value, to not immediately up and fly all 4 of you over for a week is hardly the height of mean! I'm another fan of the £10 holidays, I wont be going on any other kind for some years yet, unless they cancel them, but I'm sure they wont. If you use TripAdvisor you can see which locations are nice and which aren't worth the bother. I think I've even seen £10 holidays to France come to think of it, although I can't think who with. That would level out the cost of Disney!
    I refuse to be afraid of the big bad wolf, spiders, or debt collection agencies; one of them's not real and the other two are powerless without my fear.
    (Ok, one of them is powerless, spiders can be nasty.)


    As of the last count I have cleared
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  • Domino9
    You've said that you still keep a close eye on your SOA, start including a monthly "treat" section. This way you know that you have budgeted for it, you know that you can afford it, and you can spend it guilt free.

    Decide on an amount that will give your family a monthly treat, like a day out somewhere, or a meal out somewhere together (remember you can still use vouchers and offers too!), that way you know that your family are getting small treats without breaking the bank! (And you can still save too).

    D9
    A Mortgage wannabe! 😄
  • CH27
    You've said that you still keep a close eye on your SOA, start including a monthly "treat" section. This way you know that you have budgeted for it, you know that you can afford it, and you can spend it guilt free.

    Decide on an amount that will give your family a monthly treat, like a day out somewhere, or a meal out somewhere together (remember you can still use vouchers and offers too!), that way you know that your family are getting small treats without breaking the bank! (And you can still save too).

    D9
    Originally posted by Domino9

    Great idea
  • WarriorPrincess
    ds (16) never went to EuroDisney - but days out to Legoland or Chessington or Thorpe Park happened every year from age 2 to 14. There are usually offers / free tickets with newspapers / Tesco voucher deals - we never paid anything like full price & generally went completely free, except for travel & icecreams. Its much nicer like that- if you'd paid oodles to get there & get in you'd feel stressed about getting the most out of the day.

    I used to have a budget for summer holiday activities with ds but most of it actually went on travel - there's lots of fun things to do with kids that cost very little if you keep an eye open for offers & deals.
  • getagrip83
    Hello i have spent a lot of time reading but have only now dared to post!
    I so understand what you mean about being too frugal there is this enormous fear that the situation will change and its sooo much easier to rocket out of control.

    but there is also the point that there is no gain from being debt free if life is not enjoyable

    concepually i just love the idea of controlling the pleasure! control freak or what!
    • Jinx
    • By Jinx 20th Mar 11, 9:05 PM
    • 1,738 Posts
    • 2,882 Thanks
    Jinx
    My other half and I were discussing something along these lines today - he is more naturally frugal than me - I have to control my generous/impulsive nature.

    We decided that for us its about priorities ie having a cash cushion in case of redundancy and financial emergency of our daughter who is at uni and to offset against our mortgage. This is tempered against enjoying having a life worth living.... Travel to places I want to go, recreational classes at nightschool, the odd fabulous meal out. We always have a pleasure budget which covers red wine, expensive chocolate and things above. You need one of these for guilt free spending
    Light Bulb Moment - 11th Nov 2004 - Debt Free Day - 25th Mar 2011
    • SkintGypsy
    • By SkintGypsy 20th Mar 11, 9:15 PM
    • 571 Posts
    • 1,568 Thanks
    SkintGypsy
    We became debt free last year, and our budget has stayed about the same. The only difference, apart from a new baby and all the extra costs that go with him, is that if we need/want something, we have the money to get it. I added two board games to the shopping this week. An extra £12 or so, but that would have been completely out of the question last year. I like that we still have the security of the budget, but that we can still treat ourselves/our daughter when we want. Still too tight to buy Jenga for real. Got the cheapie version instead. Old habits....
    • Jinx
    • By Jinx 20th Mar 11, 9:18 PM
    • 1,738 Posts
    • 2,882 Thanks
    Jinx
    Still too tight to buy Jenga for real. Got the cheapie version instead. Old habits....
    Originally posted by SkintGypsy

    I think we all relate to that one.....why pay more for a branded bit of wood?
    Light Bulb Moment - 11th Nov 2004 - Debt Free Day - 25th Mar 2011
    • Snowy Owl
    • By Snowy Owl 20th Mar 11, 9:22 PM
    • 435 Posts
    • 770 Thanks
    Snowy Owl
    It's noce to know others feel the same way!!! Hubby is in a DMP, and doing up his flat to sell. i bought the mariotal home as I was in a position to do so (married last year). He's now on a clear path to clearing his debts and coping with his finacial past (all accrued before we'd got together and have seen him when debt weas at it's worth - thankfully open about it all). Whilst I'm coping with the marital home, we know that when i'm on maternity ;eave hopefuuly in the futue and on half pay, we will be able to cope financially. i'm saving a bit more as hubby turns 40 next year and i want to trwat him. i save for christmas. whenever i'm tempted to dip into these, i remember why i'm saving..........
    I feel I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe
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    • Butti
    • By Butti 20th Mar 11, 10:52 PM
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    Butti
    Maybe you could continue as you have but set up two little pots of savings - one for a holiday each year and one for Christmas. If your kids still want to go to EuroDisney maybe you can do it this year.

    I do applaud your conviction but it also concerns me slightly. It can become a habit, infact a bit of an obsession. Cautionary tale - Do note, but also note I don't want to terrify you. My friends has two boys. Her husband was 'fanatical' about saving. Bar petrol, lunch and his half of the big bills he would save his entire salary just about. She clothed, fed and looked after the four of them on a part-time teachers salary. He was fixated about paying the mortgage off and then was talking about saving for the boys university fees once that was done. He was a bit obsessed. Basically from working hard and paying loads more attention to the bills than to his own health he ensured he had a fatal heart attack at 38. He did ensure she had a lifetime pension and the boys were provided for, but what a bloody cost!

    Anyway, well done, continue but remember you are only here once so some controlled saving for treats would be good.

    B x
    Debt LBM (08/09) £11,641. (08/12) £22,734. (10/18 )£5826
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