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  • FIRST POST
    isy1011
    Children helping parents get out of debt
    • #1
    • 30th Sep 10, 2:38 PM
    Children helping parents get out of debt 30th Sep 10 at 2:38 PM
    I have read a few threads on here now about 'children' helping their parents get out of debt.

    Im not sure what people think about it but it does seem to be too much of a burden for 20,30,40 somethings who are trying to build their own lives, raise children, afford much more expensive mortgages than their parents, have cuts to their savings and pensions that they also have this burden aswell.




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    Last edited by Former MSE Lee; 05-10-2010 at 3:23 PM.
    Egg April 10 £6600 Jan £4678 now £0
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    So far paid off 17% of c.c. debt
Page 1
  • Barricade
    • #2
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:01 PM
    • #2
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:01 PM
    I see where you are coming from, but I wouldnt be where I am without my parents support.
    I'm not a big earner, but if my parents ever needed anything, I'd do what I could for them.
    Geek by Nature.. Geek by Profession!
    Home Owner as of 01/10/2014
    • tasha-debt
    • By tasha-debt 30th Sep 10, 3:21 PM
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    tasha-debt
    • #3
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:21 PM
    • #3
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:21 PM
    I think familes should stick together, help each other if they can. I have helped my parents out a few times and they have helped me.

    I know when me and my BF have children my Mum would childmind them for me for free (I wouldn't let her do it for free but she would never ask for money), I doubt we could afford children without her help or at least not for a long while.

    Iím back and more determined than ever!!!!!
  • isy1011
    • #4
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:21 PM
    • #4
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:21 PM
    Oh yes that is true. We all contribute to my mums nursing home fees but we always anticipated that would be the case and we do that happily. It does seem to me though that there is a generation of people who are shouldering the financial burden from both ends.

    For example when my mum was raising her kids she didnt pay for nursery, there wasnt a nursery she could have paid for - her mum helped out. Unfortunately society is not structured in the same ways anymore. There was recently a report in Spain to say that Grandparents were striking because they feel they are being exploited. Yet the 20, 30, 40 year olds have to both work now or they couldnt survive.
    Egg April 10 £6600 Jan £4678 now £0
    Santander Jan £3414 April £3338
    Virgin April£2643 Aug £3155 April £7109
    Barclaycard Oct £1476 April £1287
    So far paid off 17% of c.c. debt
  • Stowmum
    • #5
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:22 PM
    • #5
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:22 PM
    I see where you are coming from, but I wouldnt be where I am without my parents support.
    I'm not a big earner, but if my parents ever needed anything, I'd do what I could for them.
    Originally posted by Barricade
    Very true
    A Mother Is Someone Who Lets Her Heart Run Around Beyond Her Body.....
    Mummy Of Two & Bride Too Be August 2011.
    • tasha-debt
    • By tasha-debt 30th Sep 10, 3:32 PM
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    tasha-debt
    • #6
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:32 PM
    • #6
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:32 PM
    What annoys me is people like my friend who lives at home and pays no rent, buys no shopping and her parents bought her a new car last year. She also does not household chores. She is 29 years old, yet she will get annoyed when I say my budget will not allow for another night out this month!!!!

    I live at home but pay rent, buy shopping and do my fair share of the house hold chores. My family are a team, we all pitch in and pay our own way but if someone had a problem we would help. I was very silly when I was younger, hence my debt but I do know thw value of money now unlike my friend.

    I would feel guilty not paying towards the cost of me living at home..... but then there is always the flip side, I have another friend whose parents charge her £500 to live at home.....thats a bit excessive I think to make a profit of your children I think.
    Last edited by tasha-debt; 30-09-2010 at 3:37 PM.

    Iím back and more determined than ever!!!!!
  • isy1011
    • #7
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:36 PM
    • #7
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:36 PM
    But dont you think the girls parents have allowed that situation to happen? Buying her a car and not charging rent etc. Your parents probably taught you the value of things.
    Egg April 10 £6600 Jan £4678 now £0
    Santander Jan £3414 April £3338
    Virgin April£2643 Aug £3155 April £7109
    Barclaycard Oct £1476 April £1287
    So far paid off 17% of c.c. debt
    • tasha-debt
    • By tasha-debt 30th Sep 10, 3:39 PM
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    tasha-debt
    • #8
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:39 PM
    • #8
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:39 PM
    I totally agree but I always think that she is an adult now earning a good wage, I always wonder why her concious has not kicked in yet.......

    Iím back and more determined than ever!!!!!
  • isy1011
    • #9
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:40 PM
    • #9
    • 30th Sep 10, 3:40 PM
    some people have no shame- its a fact.
    Egg April 10 £6600 Jan £4678 now £0
    Santander Jan £3414 April £3338
    Virgin April£2643 Aug £3155 April £7109
    Barclaycard Oct £1476 April £1287
    So far paid off 17% of c.c. debt
    • tasha-debt
    • By tasha-debt 30th Sep 10, 3:42 PM
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    tasha-debt
    Mmmmm very true.

    But back to the original point, I would help my parents if I could afford to as I know they would always do the same for me. But If I say cleared a credit card and they then run it up again I would be pi$$ed off and not help again.

    Iím back and more determined than ever!!!!!
  • Fiddlestick
    I'm quite lucky in that my mum doesn't have any debts or anything that she needs help with in that regard.

    She doesn't have a lot of money though, so I give her some to buy shopping with whenever I'm over visiting.

    Everything helps
  • katu
    I had to help my family out when they had no money, trouble was that it wasn't always for essential things like food.
    Now they have gone down the IVA route and I owe in excess of £25,000 and struggling and no doubt going to end up having to enter into a DMP myself.

    Tasha-Debt, I pay no board to my mum but it is because I have no spare money left over at all and it's not like I haven't contributed
    I didn't go out everynight, got my own car, didn't go out on mega shopping trips I wear clothes that are about 10 years old!

    Yes families should stick together but my family didn't help me out it was always the other way round. When I said no because I was at the limit .......................
    • themull1
    • By themull1 30th Sep 10, 5:20 PM
    • 4,195 Posts
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    themull1
    i would always help my parents with regards to care homes etc,although mine are well off through saving their money but i would begrudge a parent that was really lax with money, running up huge bills and then expecting their son/daughter to pay for it because they couldn't afford to.
    • kezlou
    • By kezlou 30th Sep 10, 6:22 PM
    • 3,280 Posts
    • 43,067 Thanks
    kezlou
    I think families / friens need to stick together, especially now.
    If my grandparents asked then fair enough straight away. They brought me up and i was expected to contribute at £10 a week towards bills etc when i was 13. I moved out at 16 financially sound. Since helping family out its gone down the pan.

    But i myself will not be helping my mother out, not after what she's done. Over the years i have paid well over £3000 worth of debt for her, whilst getting myself in debt doing it. Which i'm still paying off now .
    She has even got loans in MY name without my knowledge, which i've then paid, stupidly.

    I found out last week, she got another loan out, now the last loan she had i paid £600 off with my credit card as she couldn't afford to pay it as they were going to take her to court. I couldn't allow it to happen, so i paid for her, now she's gone and done it again. My words "You've wiped me clean, the banks empty there is literally no more money". She hasn't spoken to me since.

    Not nice but hey i'll help people in everyway in can, i'm owed money from all over but i know what kind of financial pressures my friends are under so i never do. So now instead of finance i provide food and money on the gas / leccy that way i know its not going on booze, cards or fags, in my mothers case anyway.

    Yes i am a hard nosed beatch but they's only so much debt you can pay off for someone.
  • barefootlinzi
    Its a tricky one...we recently helped out my in laws because my fil needed money to pay for a solicitor or he would have lost his licence and as a private hire driver, his job. we got a loan and they are paying it back (well, they will in the new year). i believe that families help each other out, and i know they would do the same for us if we needed them to. but on the other hand, my grandparents were bled dry by my uncle and his business - they gave him a loan, the company got in trouble, they threw more and more money at him until the re mortgaged their house, then the company went bankrupt and they lost their house. now, he still complains he doesnt have enough money to feed his family and they empty their bank and give him their pension. so, in this case i think they should have thought of them selves (i know the wrong way round from the question but its still money troubles within family)
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  • bluejeans53
    Hiya, I have helped my mum out financially, when i had it and she has helped me. My daughter has helped me. Very level headed and organized girl . She was very poorly for 6 month, nearly lossed her, travel 20 mile a day after a 8 hour shift to hospital for 4 weeks, until she was moved nearer home. We all there for each other, regardless of situation. I have always been U.S with money, told my DD I was On this site, now she come on too, too get all the money saving tips and is very happy I am now getting sorted but still tells me she is there for me. She has offered to clear everything for me and pay her. But I refused, doing it myself and the struggle, will make me stronger and mor money savvy.

    Do I need this or just want it.
    If you always do what you always do...You will get what you always get.
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    • neneromanova
    • By neneromanova 6th Oct 10, 2:13 PM
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    neneromanova
    I would help my parents out in a heartbeat...can't say the same about my soon to be in laws though.

    My feelings behind this are because my parents have worked their bums off through life, taking jobs here there and everywhere, mortgaging themsleves to the hilt and now they are very comfy and proud of themsleves.

    My In laws on the otherhand had a house at one point, then couldn't afford to pay it anymore as they had started to run up debts elsewhere. Now they live in rented accommodation, his mum doesn't work as "she's ill", his father works 6 days a week so they can live, they have mounds of debt which they have only just started taking care of since my OH said what they should do, yet they can still afford to go on 2 week holidays and always buy stupid little things my kids don't need. Oh and the best bit is they are waiting for his mums parents to die so they either get some money for a house or get to move into their house!
    DD1 Born 31st March 2008
    DD2 Born 29th August 2010
    DS1 Born 28th October 2013
    Got Married 15th September 2012 Now Mrs Clark


    • ghostmadlittlemiss
    • By ghostmadlittlemiss 6th Oct 10, 4:32 PM
    • 1,778 Posts
    • 1,813 Thanks
    ghostmadlittlemiss
    I recently lent my dad £500 to buy a cheap little car as he had no other transport for long distance travel (he has a van from work, which he can't take out of the local area, and a campervan that's in for repair after someone ran into the back of it) and I don't regret it at all, even though I'm hardly well off. He lets me stay at his house rent free when I go home, doesn't charge me for all the stuff that's been left there and has helped me move house 3 times, at his own expense, so I'm still very much in his debt there. Families help each other out.
    Kayleigh

    • barbiedoll
    • By barbiedoll 6th Oct 10, 6:49 PM
    • 4,914 Posts
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    barbiedoll
    My mum was a single parent who brought up three children on her own. She always worked, often two or three different part-time jobs, she always paid her way and had an absolute horror of debt and owing anyone anything. (My dad was the complete opposite and left her with loads of HP debts for furniture, tv's etc etc.) Although she doesn't know the full extent of our money worries, she knows that we've been struggling because of reduced hours at work and so on. We've not been able to afford to give her money as such but we have taken her out for day trips, we take bits of shopping over to her, pay her vet bills and do what we can, especially now that she's a pensioner. When I saw her last week, she showed me a savings stamp card that she has been collecting from our local supermarket, so that we will have a few quid extra at Christmas. I always cook Christmas dinner for the family and she knows that this year we will struggle to pay for it. But now, I have £50 to put towards the extra food that I have to buy, all thanks to her. Which did make me cry a bit when I got home. (I have been buying the saving stamps too so we will all be able to have a good scoff at Christmas this year, plus we have three family birthdays just afterwards. I may even be able to stretch to a party too )
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
  • isy1011
    Golly they sound like a right pair of losers nene!
    Egg April 10 £6600 Jan £4678 now £0
    Santander Jan £3414 April £3338
    Virgin April£2643 Aug £3155 April £7109
    Barclaycard Oct £1476 April £1287
    So far paid off 17% of c.c. debt
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