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    • mudgekin
    • By mudgekin 28th Sep 10, 1:26 PM
    • 495Posts
    • 2,846Thanks
    Help needed for interview problems
    • #1
    • 28th Sep 10, 1:26 PM
    Help needed for interview problems 28th Sep 10 at 1:26 PM

    I hope that someone can offer a bit of advice here. My DH was made redundant after 13 years with the same employer in a management position. He is 56 years old and perhaps unrealistically he expected to get work fairly quickly.

    The main problem that he has is lack of confidence despite being extremely good at what he does and also being very well qualified. I think that suddenly being made redundant was a huge shock to his self esteem.

    The main issue is that when he gets interviews he now goes into meltdown, becomes tongue tied and looses the plot. This is from a man who was voted as employee of the year at the company national awards. He has applied for numerous jobs at all levels in his profession, some that have even been part time and way lower that what he had previously been doing. With each rejection he looses more confinence until now it has become a vicious circle.

    The latest blow was at an interview for a job that he had been told that he was in the frame for, and he went to bits at the interview and needless to say, didn't get the job. He can stand up and give presentations and talks at his governing body conferences but is stuck at interviews.

    I have suggested counselling to see if we can break through this barrier for him and I think he may agree to this, he is a very private "deep" person though so that will be hard for him.

    Can anyone offer any advice please as it is breaking my heart to see the errosion of an extremely talented man who always had an extremely strong work ethic.

Page 1
  • MrsManda
    • #2
    • 28th Sep 10, 4:15 PM
    • #2
    • 28th Sep 10, 4:15 PM
    Each interview where he doesn't get a job is likely to mean he puts more pressure on himself.

    Has he looked into doing some voluntary work? This may not help him directly with interviews but it may help build his confidence back up and give him something else to focus on, hopefully helping him relax abit more about getting a new job.

    Have you tried mock interviews with him?

    Is he claiming JSA? His advisor may be able to set up mock interviews for him to practise.
    Last edited by MrsManda; 28-09-2010 at 4:17 PM.
  • greytroot
    • #3
    • 28th Sep 10, 5:31 PM
    • #3
    • 28th Sep 10, 5:31 PM i feel the same way too, always shocked that employers cant see what a great asset i would be for them.

    Has he tried speaking to a life coach?
    You cant take the trousers off an elephant!
    • ellie101
    • By ellie101 28th Sep 10, 8:59 PM
    • 153 Posts
    • 181 Thanks
    • #4
    • 28th Sep 10, 8:59 PM
    • #4
    • 28th Sep 10, 8:59 PM
    OP, I had real issues with interviews. I got made redundant a few years ago, then looked after a terminally ill relative and when I started looking for work again my confidence was shot to pieces due to depression after a bereavement, along with not being in the job market for 18 mths.

    It all became a vicious circle as whenever I got feedback I lost even more confidence.

    I did finally get a job. A friend got me some freelance cover in a different field, but made it clear it was only for a month or so as budgets were being cut...but I still couldn't get another job as my interview nerves weren't improving.

    So I went for hypnotherapy, I've had it for other stuff before and I was so desperate. I finally did get a decent contract after that. It doesn't work for everyone but woman I saw was really good. Within two sessions it helped me. Something just clicked and I then got it together. Unfortunately when going for jobs and you're not feeling confident it can be easy to lose heart, especially in today's recession.

    I'd advice your other half to do all they can to keep up their confidence (voluntary work suggestion above is great, I got chatting to people about potential roles just by going in for applications...counselling, hypnotherapy, courses, whatever you can do/afford). If you can get your partner to see someone make sure it's someone he feels comfortable with, I've seen a couple of people who weren't right. One was plain weird, other was nasty.. so if you decide to do that I'd try and get a recommendation (you are not in London are you otherwise I'd PM you details?). I've had CBT counselling for free from my docs in the past (it looks at re-framing your beliefs) but that didn't help me, others say otherwise.

    The job centre couldn't help me with interview/application advice (first time around) as they saw my CV and said I was assertive, think they couldn't get why I didn't get a job, but I wasn't nervous with my advisor as it wasn't an interview. I spoke to a career advice line and I asked about doing mock interviews with others in same situation at the job centre and got laughed at as they said we may cause more harm than good if someone official didn't run it. But strangely, when I signed on for one week a couple of months ago (luckily I got called back for my contract again) I got offered a day's training to help with applying for jobs.. it was aimed at graduates and I'd just got my degree through the open uni. But they did have non-grads and it was really useful. Couldn't work out why I hadn't been offered it before. So it is worth asking.

    Anyway... I am going on, but if you have any questions shout. I know it's dire to be in that situation, so wish him luck. He just needs to do what he can to not get too down.
    • mudgekin
    • By mudgekin 29th Sep 10, 8:48 AM
    • 495 Posts
    • 2,846 Thanks
    • #5
    • 29th Sep 10, 8:48 AM
    • #5
    • 29th Sep 10, 8:48 AM
    Thank you so much for the replies. One of the things he did fairly quickly after being made redundant was to do voluntary work 2 days a week. He still does this and it is hard manual work which he has been enjoying. It is extremely different from what he always did before.

    He doesn'5t sign on now as he exhaisted his JSA and the jobcentre was actually making him worse. Our local one isn't renowned for its help/tact. He has been trying to get some consultancy work here and there so decided not to sign on any more.

    I have ran mock interviews with him and he is fine, it is just at the point of actual real interviews that he falls apart. Financially we are managing on my salary but obviously 2 would be better but I have always told him that there is absolutely no financial pressure to at least try and stop that being another trigger for anxiety.

    It is just all so heartbreaking watching him. He has always been very highly regarded with anyone who knows him it is just this spiral of anxiety that is almost crippling him at interview.

    Last night he sat down and applied for a ticket collector job on the trains, something completely different but he has great people skills and a great personality so fingers crossed that comes up positive.
  • purplerose
    • #6
    • 29th Sep 10, 9:12 AM
    • #6
    • 29th Sep 10, 9:12 AM
    Along with mock interviews, he should come up with and practice answers to possible questions. Have a look at the STAR method to answering interview questions

    It helps provide a structure to the answers and you can come up with numerous examples prior to the interivew. The benefit of it is that it helps to avoid being floundered by questions and having a stock of answers to draw from will help with the nerves.

    Hope that helps.
    Debt: Started at £4780, now at £4190
    Comp Wins 2014: None yet

    • Blitzwing85
    • By Blitzwing85 29th Sep 10, 9:15 AM
    • 106 Posts
    • 39 Thanks
    • #7
    • 29th Sep 10, 9:15 AM
    • #7
    • 29th Sep 10, 9:15 AM
    It's a shame the people who conduct interviews generally have zero understanding of the job role. Or you could simply tell them you have problems with interviews, but that your experience and expertise on the job were the important things and you'd excel at those.

    I see our HR department employ idiot after idiot and they are never right for the job. I'm only 25, but i was taught 1to1 by an older guy ready to retire. There was a group of them who kept this company going and they are all gone now...and without bigging myself up i'm the only one who is a suitable replacement. (due to being taught by him and directly from 16 years old).

    Unfortunately way too much is made of interviews. In reality, they are worthless when it comes to finding the right person for the job because the 'wrong' person does the interview.

    But i'd just try it anyway. Just say look, i get nervous at interviews but my attitude towards work and my experience in the job second to none. Easier said that done for someone who has problems with interviews but i couldn't think of anything else that hasn't been suggested already.

    In all honesty it's something i was worried about myself as i'll be leaving here soon to move up the ladder but this was the one and only interiew i ever had 9 years ago.
  • pusscat
    • #8
    • 29th Sep 10, 10:23 AM
    • #8
    • 29th Sep 10, 10:23 AM
    Vested Interest Declaration……I am a Hypnotherapist and I quite often see people with similar issues – OK, have got that out of the way J

    Ellie101 has provided some great advice – I am just going to add a bit more “meat to the bones” about hypnotherapy.

    The basic problem is that your husband now focuses on fluffing his interviews rather than focussing on the interview itself is just a problem with the way he is thinking…. If I say “don’t think of a big pink flying elephant” then that is exactly what you think of……

    He is anxious and thinking “don’t fluff the interview” so strongly that it has become his elephant…..

    If he called me I would probably recommend 2 sessions (approx 75-90 mins each) about a week apart with a treatment plan something like this:

    Session 1
    Medical questionnaire just to ensure that he is not taking any drugs or have any conditions that may affect/be affected by his treatment
    General talk about what has happened in the past and why he feels the interviews went so wrong (max 10 minutes – not a counselling session!)
    Light relaxation hypnosis to get used to the sensation and allay any fears (20 mins)
    General chat about how they hypnosis felt and discuss what to cover in next deeper hypnosis session (10 mins)
    Deeper hypnosis session (30 mins)
    - General confidence building under hypnosis
    - Run through a good interview and enjoy the feelings from it
    - Release of any blockages he may have
    Post hypnosis chat and self hypnosis instruction (10 mins)

    To write down answers to interview questions that I set
    To carry out some self hypnosis every day from a CD that I provide (20 mins a day)

    Session 2
    Chat about how different he feels from last session (10 mins)
    Light relaxation and confidence building hypnosis (20 mins)
    Work through homework and use these questions as the basis for an action plan going forwards (20 mins)
    Deeper Hypnosis session to focus on a good interview (either real or imagined) and how he responded to it (30 mins)
    - Release of any further blockages
    - Confidence building
    How to use self hypnosis to focus himself before an interview and to give confidence
    Finish on a high of a real confidence boost and send him out of the door looking forward to getting his teeth into the next interview!

    I am “up north” and would charge £65 for each session

    One of the difference between hypnosis and counselling is that with hypnosis the client does not need to reveal any of the blockages/secrets they uncover to me (or to anyone else) as it all happens inside the clients head. I always ask a client if they would like to talk about it or not – it is their choice. Some people have full on tears and can’t wait to tell me all about it, some people have just a changed facial expression and don’t want to tell me anything, both are fine with me. My sessions are very relaxed and I don’t ask clients to do anything they are “uncomfortable” with. Being under hypnosis does not mean that you blurt out your life’s secrets, in fact it is very much the opposite, trying to understand what clients say in hypnosis is one of my biggest challenges, I stick to yes/no questions and nodding or shaking heads!

    The two sessions would be based on the assumption that it is “just” the interview that he is having problems with – sometimes it becomes apparent that although the interview is the “presenting problem” that some clients have huge problems in many areas of their lives, 2 sessions would possibly not be enough if this was the case (but I think you would have put more details in your OP if this was the case….)

    Advice on looking for a therapist - Hypnotherapy is an unregulated industry so you have to be careful (it is moving towards regulation/self regulation thank goodness) as there are a few “interesting” therapists out there. One of the main industry registers is the GHR (General Hypnotherapy Register) which at least ensures that your therapist has a standard level of training. (declared interest – I am a member) and I would also check that your therapist has proper insurance cover (ask to see a copy of the current certificate) as although this is not totally foolproof it helps. The main quality that you are looking for in a hypnotherapist is someone who works in a way that you are happy with – for example, I am a “clinical hypnotherapist” and I work in a very practical, focussed way, I don’t do “past lives or anything new age” as this is just not my style – so anyone who wants to talk about their spirit guides or auras is probably not gong to find me a good match for them, but they would be a great match for one of my colleagues who is very “new age”.

    I don’t put clients in a big chair and recline them for my sessions as I think this is intimidating, I use a normal, comfy chair and everything happens whilst you are sitting upright and in a very informal way. Some clients are wary of hypnosis after seeing films or stage shows where people are “put under a spell” so if this is the case I usually recommend that they come for a short session and bring along someone for support – once most people have done a light hypnosis session they actually find that they really enjoy it and it is nothing like they thought.

    Hope this gives you some ideas...

  • MzFitz
    • #9
    • 29th Sep 10, 3:34 PM
    • #9
    • 29th Sep 10, 3:34 PM
    I'm dreadful at interviews (and have been told so by interviewers who have gone on to become friends). I'm so tied up in the - what impression am I giving, o crap I'm chewing my lip, should have worn the other outfit, are my nails/shoes/teeth dirty - that I don't hear what they are saying and get the rabbit in headlights look in my eyes.
    To the point that I've stopped applying for jobs because I can't deal with the stress. So I'm frustrated in a dull job going nowhere and disappointed in myself for not trying.
    Hypnotherepy, huh ... (will raid the money jar).
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