Is this miserly or just moneysaving?

I called my OH a miser before he went off to work this morning...poor man :o

Things I have asked for that he has said no to in the last wee while....

A bed rail for our toddlers new bed. In her lifetime we have moved house twice and introduced a new sibling and nothing has upset her more than moving from her cot to a bed. She loves her bed but instead of falling asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow at 7pm as she has always done she is running about til 10pm in her room. Then she'll roll out of bed or just cry during the night. I wanted to get her a bed rail not only to keep her from falling out but to make her feel more secure. OH put a footstool beside her bed and said..."that works and they didn't have bed guards 50 years ago"

A radio/cd player for the kitchen. We don't have one so I can't listen to the radio or play a cd while I am at home with the kids. Its tv or silence! He said I'll have to wait til Christmas.

Cans of fizzy drink in the weekly big shop....he said we can get squash!

He discourages me from driving more than a 5 mile radius from our house to save money on petrol.

I go about in cheap clothes. I have one pair of shoes that now have holes in. I'm still wearing my maternity bras. I only get my hair cut about 3 times a year and I always try to get my friends to visit me at home to save on buying lunch/coffee out. Yet he always calls me a spender :( We only spend about £80 a week on groceries that includes baby milk and nappies but he moans about that.

In his defence we are living on one income plus tax credits because I'm at home with our 2 kids under 3. He says as long as I keep spending on "silly things" we'll never get a holiday. He's a great OH and dad and I love him to bits. I just think he's really tight!

Does he sound tight to you or just sensible with money and looking at the bigger picture????
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Comments

  • Proc
    Proc Posts: 860 Forumite
    He sounds like he's got his head screwed on to me.

    If the income is low, you've got to cut back on non-essentials. Fizzy pop, CD players and long drives aren't really essentials. If more people had this attitude towards money, we wouldn't be such a debt-heavy country. You want a holiday...he's making sure you'll get it.
  • I think you need to separate out the quite important from the nice to do.

    Bedrail; what price your daughter's good night sleeps? If she falls out onto a stool, will this knock her spine out of kilter and potentially cost you some chiropractor visits?

    Radio - can you get one from freeycycle?

    Fizzy drink - squash is perfectly adequate and probably better for you

    Driving 5 mile radius - actually short journeys would be better off walked, and only use the car for longer ones if needs be.

    Clothes; a decent bra and shoes are essential, but it's up to you and your friends to go to each other's houses if you don't have the cash to waste on coffee shops - which are overpriced.

    However, it sounds to me like you need to do an SOA and get both of you aligned together on what spends the family needs and what is left over.
    If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.
  • andrealm
    andrealm Posts: 1,689 Forumite
    Does he live frugally himself, or does he ever treat himself to the things he likes?

    I think he's being very unreasonable over the bed rail and you shouldn't have to wear shoes with holes in them. What are his own shoes like?

    As for the saving on petrol, I suppose that depends where you live.
  • shelley_crow
    shelley_crow Posts: 1,644 Forumite
    There are ways around the rest of the issues but decent fitting shoes, the bedrail and decent bras are essential. Asda do good bras for £4. Ask on freecycle for a bedrail.

    Haircut wise, make OH look after the kids and get yourself down your local college, the hairdressing tutors need models for the students to practice on later in the year once the students are almost quallified. I can't remember if they do charge, I think they do it free under close supervision.
  • aliasojo
    aliasojo Posts: 23,053
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    In his defence we are living on one income plus tax credits because I'm at home with our 2 kids under 3.

    Does he sound tight to you or just sensible with money and looking at the bigger picture????

    I think it depends on the size of that 'one income'.

    We can't really judge if your OH is tight or sensible as we simply don't know if money is tight generally or if there may be cash there for incidentals but he personally doesn't feel they are worthy so wont spend on them.

    Bed rail, maternity bras and holey shoes are ridiculous. I'd be putting my foot down about those regardless of anything else.
    Herman - MP for all! :)
  • peachyprice
    peachyprice Posts: 22,346
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    Perhaps being the only earner is making him over-cautious through fear of not having enough money? But I do think he's taking it to the extreme. Shoes with no holes, a DD who feels safe in her bed and a wife who is happy with her appearance is more important than a holiday IMO. How much would those few things eat into the holiday budget? Not much.

    I have two spare bedrails I will happliy send you, PM me if you want them. They're the Ikea ones, in wood rather than white.
    http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/30099293
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
  • The bed rail is important. My little girl had an accident on hers and the cover wasn't washable. I made the choice to bin it, thinking she didn't need it anymore. How wrong could I have been. Just a week later she was in hospital with a broken bone. A new bed rail is now in place and it is staying there.
  • Jacks_xxx
    Jacks_xxx Posts: 3,874 Forumite
    :wave: I agree with him about the fizzy drinks my lovely :D - but a rail for littl'un's bed so everyone can sleep is a whole different matter. Can you try and get one on Freecycle, eBay, the local paper or one of those shops that people sell their used baby things in?

    Speaking of, can you eBay any duplicate, outgrown or no longer used baby bits to pay for a cd radio? I got mine for Crimbo, ;):D but it's really good and only about £25 in Argos. (There's probably even cheaper out there.) In the meantime can you play tunes in the computer or the dvd player to keep you going? Ooh... or use the radio stations on sky tv? What about borrowing one from friends or family? In this ipod age lots of people have unused ones lying around. Put the word out and see if somebody offers you one for free. :D

    What about making a deal with your OH that you'll walk everywhere humanly possible for a month so that you can have the petrol money for new shoes or new bras. (I don't know how much you usually spend on petrol but one month's worth is probably not enough for both.)

    Maybe if you had a really lean shopping month there'd be some spare cash. It's hard with nappies I know, but there's always cuts to be made if you're prepared to make them. It might not be fun for a month but it's an either / or situation when money's tight isn't it?

    I get that you're fed up hon, but your OH is being the way he is because it's necessary I suspect? Out of love for you and the little ones, and the need to take care of you all. I can empathise with him because for the two years that we were paying off debts and the 9 months that we were unemployed I was the bad guy in my house.

    A sizeable chunk of the reason that we were in such a debt mess was that my gorgeous hubby couldn't ever bear to say no - to me, the kids, his mum, his granny - or anyone that he loved.

    You know that expression "Generous to a fault"? That's my Hubby.

    Thanks to your OH being a different breed I expect you'll never find yourself in the situation we found ourselves in.

    I hope this hasn't come over as a lecture sweetie, I'm just giving you my perspective in the hope that it makes you feel a bit better about this lean time. Most of us have been there chick.
    Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. Einstein
  • mrcow
    mrcow Posts: 15,170
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    For goodness sake woman - go and buy yourself a new pair of shoes!


    The rest of it is garnish and yes, could be construed as a complete waste of money depending on your point of view.
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
  • The radio/CD player.. you can get one pretty cheaply from Argos: http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/5135451/Trail/searchtext%3ECD+PLAYER.htm

    For another fiver you could get something a bit nicer looking: http://direct.tesco.com/q/R.200-8441.aspx
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