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    • Sunnylooloo
    • By Sunnylooloo 12th Aug 10, 3:22 PM
    • 4,245 Posts
    • 13,586 Thanks
    Sunnylooloo
    • #2
    • 12th Aug 10, 3:22 PM
    • #2
    • 12th Aug 10, 3:22 PM
    If your family are like mine all you will get is support!

    I know for a fact if they could they would bail me out - but I don't want that I am getting myself out of it and all I needed from them was some understanding and support which is what I have got

    Good luck and let us know how you got on
    The worst cliques are those which consist of one man ~ George Bernard Shaw
    Holiday Saving fund 2010 = £25.00 WeightLoss 2010 = +6lbs
    BSC 292
    June NSD 11 July NSD 15August NSD 14September 9 October 19November 15/11
  • hollyjohnson
    • #3
    • 12th Aug 10, 3:23 PM
    • #3
    • 12th Aug 10, 3:23 PM
    youll be fine, im sure you will feel better when its off your chest, never know they may help you out!
    • alona1
    • By alona1 12th Aug 10, 3:33 PM
    • 291 Posts
    • 337 Thanks
    alona1
    • #4
    • 12th Aug 10, 3:33 PM
    • #4
    • 12th Aug 10, 3:33 PM
    Good luck xxx
  • vyvyan
    • #5
    • 12th Aug 10, 3:55 PM
    • #5
    • 12th Aug 10, 3:55 PM
    I am honestly not looking for a bail out. It is not the answer. I couldn't accept that sort of help without feeling worse than I do now. Besides I know they can't afford it so it won't happen!

    It's the understanding and support I desperately need, and to be able to share it. The risk is that it will become a worry for them too ~ different generation and all that.

    (£11k debt)
  • Angyles
    • #6
    • 12th Aug 10, 4:16 PM
    • #6
    • 12th Aug 10, 4:16 PM
    Good luck! I felt so much better when I told my mum and sister, however my mum is now so worried about me, whenever I see her she asks about it so be prepared to for tears and lots of questions.
    Debt-Free Wannabe / Long Haul Supporter 238 - Proud to be Dealing with my Debts
    LBM Moment June 2010 DMP with CCCS Started August 2010
    Total Debt at LBM = £17,602.74 / Current Debt = £16,285.76 / Cleared = £1.316.98 (7.5%)
    CWU Cashback Referral Link = http://www.cwucashback.co.uk/r/?l=1439965
  • Cuppatea1982
    • #7
    • 12th Aug 10, 4:58 PM
    • #7
    • 12th Aug 10, 4:58 PM
    Good luck vyvyan. I'm sure everything will be fine!
    • FOURCANDLES
    • By FOURCANDLES 12th Aug 10, 5:21 PM
    • 648 Posts
    • 340 Thanks
    FOURCANDLES
    • #8
    • 12th Aug 10, 5:21 PM
    • #8
    • 12th Aug 10, 5:21 PM
    Go and tell them but my view is do not borrow off them to get yourself out of this mess, get out of it yourself and you will not do it again , well that is hope anyway.But they are your family all stand together through good and bad and you will always have some one close to talk to .
    • kingfisherblue
    • By kingfisherblue 12th Aug 10, 5:35 PM
    • 8,122 Posts
    • 17,586 Thanks
    kingfisherblue
    • #9
    • 12th Aug 10, 5:35 PM
    • #9
    • 12th Aug 10, 5:35 PM
    Vyvyan, your family might be cross at first - not just because you have the debt, but also because you kept it from them for a while. They will more than likely offer you the support that you need, though. I hope that everything works out for you xx
    • fatbelly
    • By fatbelly 12th Aug 10, 5:41 PM
    • 12,982 Posts
    • 10,053 Thanks
    fatbelly
    Martin's advice seems very appropriate here:

    Many people hide their debts from friends and family or sometimes even themselves (by not opening statements or not totalling their liabilities). If thatís you, then it's time to come out of the closet. You can only sort your debts out if you know the scale of them. It may feel better not to know, but in the real world it makes things worse.

    For those hiding debts from partner, spouses, family or loved ones...

    Seek help, or work out an action plan first, so you're telling them about solutions, not just problems. It's easier to break the news if you can show you're determined to improve.

    Itís much easier that way and remember; if you're prepared to take action the question isn't "will I ever get through this?", but "when will I be through this?"
  • Silvafox
    Hope it went well, as I think anyone in debt has had to do this with friends or family.

    My dad always said to me, after a confession of a problem, 'a problem shared is a problem halved'.

    He was right!
  • vyvyan
    I failed

    I couldn't go through with it

    I just didn't have enough courage
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 13th Aug 10, 5:45 PM
    • 11,541 Posts
    • 48,331 Thanks
    whitewing
    You'll get the courage at some point. It's all a step in the right direction so don't worry too much.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • RAS
    • By RAS 13th Aug 10, 5:50 PM
    • 27,996 Posts
    • 48,414 Thanks
    RAS
    Ok

    So you tried.

    if it is too big to do in one go, can you split it down into a first step and try to do just that?
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 13th Aug 10, 5:53 PM
    • 11,541 Posts
    • 48,331 Thanks
    whitewing
    Have a read of steph's story: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2568809
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • barbiedoll
    • By barbiedoll 13th Aug 10, 6:34 PM
    • 4,914 Posts
    • 13,488 Thanks
    barbiedoll
    It's always worth confiding in family and/or friends even if it just means that you don't have to worry when it comes to buying Christmas and birthday presents. 11K is not such a huge amount in the grand scheme of things and there's no shame in being in debt, everyone on here has a horror story to tell. If you can't talk to them, don't forget that you can let off steam here!

    As long as you're taking steps to deal with your debt, you shouldn't feel as though you have to hide anything, plenty of brilliantly clever, high achievers are in the same boat. Tell them in your own time, you'll probably be surprised at their support. Mind you, having said this, I'm quite happy to tell certain members of my family about my debt problems but one or two, I know would be quite judgemental so I've just not told them!
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
  • vyvyan
    Thanks for all the advice and support.

    To be honest I feel totally rubbish at the moment.

    As someone said, I probably need a plan of action in place before anything else before just landing everyone with my massive problem.

    No-one has ever had so much as a late library book in my family!
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 14th Aug 10, 1:41 PM
    • 11,541 Posts
    • 48,331 Thanks
    whitewing
    No-one has ever had so much as a late library book in my family!
    Originally posted by vyvyan
    The families that have no problems are actually most probably the families with the biggest secrets and lies. Says the person who has just told her brother this morning that their father may in fact not be his biological father.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
  • nanna58
    hey
    families are not only that but bessy mates too .Always there for you xxxxx
    form filler extrordinaire
  • Youdontseeme
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2572903 I was (still am!) in the same situation, but from my thread the overall opinion was to tell them.
    I bottled out too, seeing them again BH wkd and I will try again, I just cant stand the thought of them being more disappointed in me.

    I know I should tell them, but I just cant seem to say the words.

    Good luck

    YDSM
    I wish I would take my own advice!
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