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    • MSE Jenny
    • By MSE Jenny 14th Jul 09, 2:49 PM
    • 1,233Posts
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    MSE Jenny
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Napoleon wait till after the holiday to ditch Josephine?
    • #1
    • 14th Jul 09, 2:49 PM
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Napoleon wait till after the holiday to ditch Josephine? 14th Jul 09 at 2:49 PM
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

    Napoleonís decided to break up with girlfriend Josephine. Yet the couple have an expensive holiday to the Maldives booked for two weekís time. If he tells Josephine itís over now, it would mean losing £900, as he would never go away with an ex. Theyíre not quarrelling, Napoleonís just decided he wants to be single again. Should Napoleon dump her now, or keep up the act until they get back?

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    Last edited by MSE Jenny; 14-07-2009 at 8:36 PM.
Page 1
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 14th Jul 09, 3:49 PM
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    • #2
    • 14th Jul 09, 3:49 PM
    • #2
    • 14th Jul 09, 3:49 PM
    I've actually been in this exact situation. I made the decision to remain together until after the holiday because frankly I wanted to go away and I didn't want her to try and argue that I'd have to pay her back the money she'd spent on the holiday.
    • Flickering Ember
    • By Flickering Ember 14th Jul 09, 6:24 PM
    • 11,623 Posts
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    Flickering Ember
    • #3
    • 14th Jul 09, 6:24 PM
    • #3
    • 14th Jul 09, 6:24 PM
    From his point of view: He'd be giving her a good last memory of their relationship. I also couldn't, if I were in his position, stomach the pretence of being there with someone I don't want to be with, for that period, pretending everything's fine, although I would try and work on our friendship in that time to make a possible transition to being friends (if that's what he wants afterwards, seeing as they seem to get on ok).

    From her point of view: She'd be very confused, being dumped after a week or 2 in paradise. I'd feel the holiday had been a lie and a pretence and I'd be angry and realise it was about the money. I'd rather he'd dumped me, and we could have either gone as friends or gone together, but asked to upgrade to separate rooms upon reaching the hotel and spend the duration of our break, apart.
    Flickering Embers grow higher and higher...I need a break and I wanna be a paperback writer!
    • scotsbob
    • By scotsbob 14th Jul 09, 8:15 PM
    • 4,462 Posts
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    • #4
    • 14th Jul 09, 8:15 PM
    • #4
    • 14th Jul 09, 8:15 PM
    It's a no brainer. Go on holiday, he's bound to get lucky in the Maldives and he won't be out of pocket.
    • aloiseb
    • By aloiseb 14th Jul 09, 11:07 PM
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    • #5
    • 14th Jul 09, 11:07 PM
    Of course he should tell her, the rat!
    • #5
    • 14th Jul 09, 11:07 PM
    Is he seriously planning to have the holiday of a lifetime with a girl he's going to ditch the minute he gets home? What a rat! He doesn't deserve even to have had £900 in the first place - how did he come by it? Schmoozing rich widows, perhaps?

    Has he thought at all of how she will feel about this? After he's strung her along for a fortnight (always supposing he doesn't blow it with a fit of honesty, some evening on a moonlit terrace ) she's just going to hate herself, more even than she's going to hate him, for having enjoyed the holiday at the time, then finding out it was all a lie.

    People like that make me REALLY mad ......*?:""*****
    • RuthnJasper
    • By RuthnJasper 14th Jul 09, 11:11 PM
    • 3,647 Posts
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    • #6
    • 14th Jul 09, 11:11 PM
    • #6
    • 14th Jul 09, 11:11 PM
    Wow! My first ever post here!

    OK - I agree with the first paragraph posted by Flickering Ember - go out with a bang and a smile. Have a wonderful time, enjoy the weather, the beach and the holiday and then let her down as kindly as possible afterwards.

    Possibly mean - but he need not tell the girl that he was thinking of breaking-up before the holiday. A small white lie (but that's a whole other moral issue) AFTER the holiday would be the kindest thing to do.

    In any case, "Napoleon" doesn't know what's going through "Josephine"'s mind - maybe she's thinking about ending it too. This is not what I'd always advise in similar (non-financial) situations, but the holiday is paid for, unlikely to be refunded by the travel company/the soon-to-be ex-girlfriend on such grounds, so it is there to be enjoyed. Whether our diminutive and ultimately-unsuccessful French dictator is concerned, he should take the holiday. Financially sound - and he might even enjoy himself.

    Roo x
    Last edited by RuthnJasper; 14-07-2009 at 11:15 PM. Reason: Re-think
    • Kirri
    • By Kirri 14th Jul 09, 11:28 PM
    • 6,134 Posts
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    • #7
    • 14th Jul 09, 11:28 PM
    • #7
    • 14th Jul 09, 11:28 PM
    Tell her before they go - someone did it to me, about an hour after we got home from holiday and I found out later he'd planned to move away before we'd gone - let alone the fact I had to put up with a moody, selfish bloke on holiday who barely spoke to me on the journey home, not knowing what was wrong, it was horrible going into work the next day with everyone asking how my holiday went and I didn't even want to talk about it and I couldn't stand looking at the photos. I'd have rather gone on my own. People should just be honest.
    • zzzLazyDaisy
    • By zzzLazyDaisy 14th Jul 09, 11:29 PM
    • 12,134 Posts
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    • #8
    • 14th Jul 09, 11:29 PM
    • #8
    • 14th Jul 09, 11:29 PM
    I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I hadn't definitely decided to end the relationship, but I was having serious doubts. But the holiday was booked and paid for, so I went ahead with it anyway. In fact the holiday wasn't too bad, considering, but it confirmed my doubts and I ended the relationship a couple of weeks after we got back.
    I'm a retired employment solicitor. Hopefully some of my comments might be useful, but they are only my opinion and not intended as legal advice.
  • Sopheline
    • #9
    • 15th Jul 09, 12:45 AM
    • #9
    • 15th Jul 09, 12:45 AM
    My housemate was in this situation, except that they've now come back from the holiday (it was with a group of friends) and she's the one doing the splitting up. They've been fairly on-off already, so I'm not sure how successful she'll be at breaking up with him.
  • dopolous
    I think he should tell her, and see if he can get a mate to go with him at a discounted rate, or is she wants seperate rooms when you get out there, although I do not think that would work.
  • chrissie55
    Tell her & have done with it! If he can afford £900- for a hol, **** his luck! They might still salvage the hol as singles anyway.
    • olliedog
    • By olliedog 15th Jul 09, 7:22 AM
    • 40 Posts
    • 24 Thanks
    He should not just go and pretend things are allright whilst they are away. Men aren't that good actors at the emotional stuff. It's better to be honest about the relationship than pick fault with her all holiday and sulk as men usually do.

    He should tell her things aren't working out, he wants to remain friends but still go on the holiday, paying extra for separate rooms if she wants it. That way she is under no disillusion that he may even propose.

    If she doesn't want to go with such a fickle person, then he deserves to lose the money.
  • MelissaC
    If they're not arguing and the lady is none-the-wiser then there's no reason why he shouldn't keep the act up until they get back from the holiday. There is no point ruining both of their excitement. You never know he may even find that rekindles his feelings for her; and even if it doesn't he can break it to her gently using the experiences of the holiday: "I had a really good time this last week with you" etc.
  • pinksusan
    A chance to rekindle the relationship
    Napoleon should go on the holiday and use it as a relaxed time to really remember what it was he saw in Josephine in the first place and to treat her as if she were a brand new girlfriend. I'm sure he'd find that at the end of the hoiday he was back in love, and wouldn't have to leave her - or tell her!
  • slackboy
    Act like a gentleman - tell her now and give her the option of taking someone else with her instead.
    If he's decided to split up but is just debating timing she's already an "ex." Why bother with the pretence.
    • A.Jones
    • By A.Jones 15th Jul 09, 7:55 AM
    • 506 Posts
    • 441 Thanks
    Dump her at the airport on the way home.
    • relaxtwotribes
    • By relaxtwotribes 15th Jul 09, 8:17 AM
    • 259 Posts
    • 118 Thanks
    OK - I agree with the first paragraph posted by Flickering Ember - go out with a bang and a smile.
    Roo x
    Originally posted by RuthnJasper
    Mmmmm, nice idea.
  • kpepper42
    I had a similar situation a few years ago with a boyfriend who I wanted to leave, but I felt trapped because we'd paid for an expensive holiday.

    I decided I couldn't pretend everything was hunky dory for 2 weeks so I was honest with him and finished it. Initially he wasn't happy (what else can you expect!) but eventually agreed that it was for the best. We also agreed that if we could find a friend willing to buy one half out, then they could go instead. As it happened, his friends had just paid for a "lads" holiday to the Canaries so the buying-out fell to one of my friends.

    Result: he got his money (and the chance for a holiday with his friends that he otherwise wouldn't have been able to afford),
    and I got an end to an unhappy relationship and a relaxing break with my friend.

    Honesty was therefore the best policy in my case!!!!!
    • relaxtwotribes
    • By relaxtwotribes 15th Jul 09, 8:27 AM
    • 259 Posts
    • 118 Thanks
    He's paid £900 for a holiday in the Maldives - what a cheapskate.

    Anyway, doesn't Napoleon realise that Josephine is already having an affair with Hippolyte? He's better off dumping her and hitching up with Pauline.
  • fabs88
    In my experience men are not good at hiding their feelings when something is wrong!!

    I can't imagine anything worse than spending 2 weeks with someone who didn't really want to be with me. It would probably turn in to an awful break and not create any of the beautiful memories that holidays should.

    I say be honest with her now and try to sort out an alternative option; sell both tickets to someone else, one of you keep a ticket and try and get a friend to buy the other, go together as friends (probably wouldn't work), go together and get separate rooms!! Even if you have to lose some of the money you paid (which would only be fair as someone would have to pay for a name change) it's better than having wasted £900 on a holiday you didn't enjoy!!
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