Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

    • Former MSE Wendy
    • By Former MSE Wendy 23rd Jun 09, 5:12 PM
    • 868Posts
    • 1,782Thanks
    Former MSE Wendy
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Cilla give Graham a quick reminder for the date cash?
    • #1
    • 23rd Jun 09, 5:12 PM
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Cilla give Graham a quick reminder for the date cash? 23rd Jun 09 at 5:12 PM
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

    Cilla's been set up on a blind date with Graham (a friend of a friend), but surprise suprise at the end of the evening when splitting the bill, Graham discovers he's left his wallet at home so she has to cough up the 40. He promises to repay her at the next date. A few days later and he's texted, but not mentioned the money. As our Cilla wasn't very enamoured with him anyway, should she go on another date to get it, chase for the cash anyway, or leave it?

    Click reply to have your say

    Previous MMDs: View All

    This Forum Tip was included in MoneySavingExpert's weekly email

    Don't miss out on new deals, loopholes, and vouchers

Page 1
    • scotsbob
    • By scotsbob 23rd Jun 09, 6:18 PM
    • 4,462 Posts
    • 6,958 Thanks
    • #2
    • 23rd Jun 09, 6:18 PM
    • #2
    • 23rd Jun 09, 6:18 PM
    Depends if she's a looker or not.

    If she isn't, then she certainly shouldn't go chasing him for money because she will end up getting dumped.
    • robpw2
    • By robpw2 23rd Jun 09, 6:20 PM
    • 12,647 Posts
    • 26,389 Thanks
    • #3
    • 23rd Jun 09, 6:20 PM
    • #3
    • 23rd Jun 09, 6:20 PM
    leave it ..she shouldnt lead him on

    Slimming world start 28/01/2012 starting weight 21st 2.5lb current weight 17st 9-total loss 3st 7.5lb
    Slimmer of the month February , March ,April
  • Fridge3
    • #4
    • 23rd Jun 09, 6:33 PM
    • #4
    • 23rd Jun 09, 6:33 PM
    More fool her for falling for that one. leave it.
  • TheFlyingGerbil
    • #5
    • 23rd Jun 09, 9:43 PM
    • #5
    • 23rd Jun 09, 9:43 PM
    Hmmm, my first instinct is when the bill comes on the second date say "since I got the first one, I think it's your turn". Unfortunately you may just end up paying for two dates with a guy you don't even like! I'd probably tell my friend to mention it to him next time they meet and steer clear of the cheapskate!
    • hundredk
    • By hundredk 23rd Jun 09, 10:06 PM
    • 1,062 Posts
    • 976 Thanks
    • #6
    • 23rd Jun 09, 10:06 PM
    • #6
    • 23rd Jun 09, 10:06 PM
    Graham's promise was to pay at the next date which may have been reluctantly agreed but that's his take on it. Cilla could go on the second date and jokingly check he has his wallet this time and ask for the 20 when he says yes. If he offers to pick the tab up for the meal instead then get the lobster
    • Fuchsia_a
    • By Fuchsia_a 23rd Jun 09, 11:38 PM
    • 110 Posts
    • 238 Thanks
    • #7
    • 23rd Jun 09, 11:38 PM
    • #7
    • 23rd Jun 09, 11:38 PM
    Depends if she's a looker or not.

    If she isn't, then she certainly shouldn't go chasing him for money because she will end up getting dumped.
    Originally posted by scotsbob
    Because obviously the only worthwhile quality in a woman is her physical beauty, and every woman who isn't stunning should be so desperate for attention that she should act like a complete doormat, and pay up all the associated costs of anyone being so charitable as to spend time with her. :rolleyes:
    • pixwix
    • By pixwix 24th Jun 09, 1:36 AM
    • 120 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    • #8
    • 24th Jun 09, 1:36 AM
    Dump him
    • #8
    • 24th Jun 09, 1:36 AM
    Dump him!

    Any man can forget his wallet - we've all done it at some time. But it's totally impossible for any decent man simply to forget an incident like that. Any genuine guy would have been sleepless until he'd sorted it - and on the phone the very next morning with a serious attempt at apology.

    The guy's a jerk, clear and simple - Cilla needs to forget him and move on.
  • Susan Frost
    • #9
    • 24th Jun 09, 5:50 AM
    • #9
    • 24th Jun 09, 5:50 AM
    If the date was set up by a friend, I would check with that friend as to whether he is the type of guy to pull a trick like that. Probably not as I would not expect a friend of mine to think he was a suitable date.

    Would he bother texting, and arranging another date if he's pulling a scam? Surely he would just keep the 20 and keep away.

    So I would go on the next date, start off with a drink where it would be "You get the drinks while I get some seats". If he has his wallet to pay for the drink then he surely has at least 20 on him. Earlish on I would give a friendly reminder about the 20 he owes and get it back then.

    I may or may not stay for the rest of the date depending on how I feel about him. But give the guy a chance and, hey, who falls in love on the first date anyway. She managed to stay the course on the first date, so he cannot have been that bad. I'd have left early if I had not liked him.
    • Taffybiker
    • By Taffybiker 24th Jun 09, 5:53 AM
    • 917 Posts
    • 499 Thanks
    Cilla should politely refuse the date, giving that she hasn't been paid yet as her reason, and should Graham forget his wallet again they would both be in the proverbial mess.
    Try saying "I have under-a-pound in my wallet" and listen to people react!
  • KittyCat
    It was worth the 20.00 to find out he's not great.
    Don't waste time on another evening but do tell the friend who set it up, that he didn't pay.
    • andyroberts1967
    • By andyroberts1967 24th Jun 09, 7:10 AM
    • 357 Posts
    • 407 Thanks
    Move on - get a life - we all make mistakes but he should have mentioned it on the phone. Plenty more fish in the sea Cilla!!
    • suiko
    • By suiko 24th Jun 09, 8:04 AM
    • 285 Posts
    • 36 Thanks
    Text him her bank details and ask him to pay it in.

    Why go on another date if she doesn't like him and will in any case probably spend more money? If you had to spend 20 for every dodgy date, you'd soon be sleeping under a bridge...
  • siber
    I think she ought to go on another date. 1st date nerves, the awkwardness of having a one on one with a new person, the embarrassment/annoyance of the wallet situation. 'Not really that enamoured' might be the best that could be expected on the night in question.

    I'd give it another shot, and rather than demanding the money back, say 'It's your turn to treat me this time' at the restaurant. Cilla will also be able to earn some 'interest' on her loan, and reward for her risk, by selecting/suggesting a posher restaurant or dish.

    If she's still not enamoured, she hasn't lost anything other than an hour or so of her life. And, who knows where the date might lead.

    If it's worth looking once, it's worth looking twice. She's paid for two looks - she should use them both.
    Last edited by siber; 24-06-2009 at 8:21 AM. Reason: Spelling. D'oh!
    New Year's Resolution:
    Make sandwiches the night before. DON'T BUY LUNCH AT WORK!
    • jintyb
    • By jintyb 24th Jun 09, 8:31 AM
    • 1,737 Posts
    • 17,924 Thanks
    No second chances, I'd put the cash down to experience but not see him again!

    you will always be rich enough to be generous.
    • runmichellerun
    • By runmichellerun 24th Jun 09, 8:33 AM
    • 849 Posts
    • 2,681 Thanks
    Cilla should cut her losses and give up. If a guy can't even make the effort to remember his wallet then what else will he not make the effort with in the future?
    LBM February 2008. DFD March 2013 19 August 2011
    Debt at LBM 14,395.48. Debt Now 0
    • Ebenezer_Screwj
    • By Ebenezer_Screwj 24th Jun 09, 8:36 AM
    • 427 Posts
    • 230 Thanks
    Cilla must get even with this creep. She should go on a second date making it quite clear that he has to make up for "forgetting" his wallet on the previous occasion. After wining and dining (preferably at a venue of her own choosing) she should go to the ladies room and "forget" to come back.
  • spankygoodtime
    I went out with a friend once and left my wallet at home. It can be done! She paid our fares, food and admission expenses for the day. When we got home (she was staying with me) I asked her what my contribution should be, she said half and named a figure and I was happy to pay up. Even though she was my guest I would not have expected her to bear this cost, because I knew she couldn't afford it and it was something she hadn't budgeted for.

    So I'd go on another date and give the guy a break - we all make mistakes. I'd suggest a drink and set a time limit on the date, saying I had to be up early or whatever to save a further drain on my pocket if he is a sponger. If he didn't offer me back my share of the previous date's expenses I'd mention it. The current economic climate has got me and I really can't afford to pay for someone else like that.

    If he didn't have the money that would be the last meeting. And I'd tell the friend who set this up, so no one else could get caught out.

    Incidentally as a single lady I do go on blind dates and have tried internet dating. I won't go for a meal on a first date, I prefer to meet for drinks or a coffee. I've had one female friend who got caught out by a man who had to take an mobile call outside because of "bad reception". He didn't come back leaving her with a bill for 80!
    • haveiwon
    • By haveiwon 24th Jun 09, 8:56 AM
    • 7 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Go on another date
    Don't get mad - get even. Go on another dinner date but meet at the restaurant. Suggest champagne would be lovely. If this is not forthcoming ask to choose the wine, because some can give you a headache, and choose the costliest bottle. Order the most expensive food, all three courses, plus coffee and the tipple of your choice. All through dinner act as though he's the best thing since sliced bread and behave in such a way that he's certain tonight's the night. Just as the bill arrives, excuse yourself for a comfort rest and get to your car as quick as you can and go home alone. SORTED ---SIMPLES!
  • oldandwise
    What a sorry lot you are with all your advice and thoughts.Whether she is a good looker shouldn't come into it. Anyone who goes out without their wallet is a pillock. she should just move on. life's like that. All this she should this or that is irrelavent. One of lifes lessons.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

85Posts Today

1,025Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Have a great Easter, or a chag sameach to those like me attending Passover seder tomorrow. I?m taking all of next?

  • RT @rowlyc1980: A whopping 18 days off work for only 9 days leave! I?ll have a bit of that please......thanks @MartinSLewis for your crafty?

  • RT @dinokyp: That feeling when you realise that you have 18 days of work and only used 9 days of your annual leave! Thanks @MartinSLewis h?

  • Follow Martin