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  • FIRST POST
    wishiwasquidsin
    Please help me to be a scrooge
    • #1
    • 6th Jun 09, 2:25 PM
    Please help me to be a scrooge 6th Jun 09 at 2:25 PM
    Please help me to be a scrooge...Ive a pile of debt that I WANT to get rid off, I sell on ebay to pay for the debt i have ran up...except I go looking and end up spending it back on there for the kids Ive got 3 of the little treasures.
    Then I have a next directory and i see loads of lovely things for the kids and well.....

    Then i go shopping and see nice clothes in top shop and yes!!!!!

    So im trying to be a scrooge Ive started with my wardrobe Ive now got a capsule wardrobe. taken away the things I won't wear or haven't. now there on ebay. Ive sorted out my bathroom stuff and make up... I dont need any thing there..

    I surpose I should sort the kids wardbrobes out now to see what they don't really need

    I did start to put just 10 in my purse evey monday but by wednesday I was back at the bank as OH would say when your out taking the kids to school can you get.. so hence why i was back at the bank.

    We started the 20p challenge but every day he would say put your 20ps in the pot so that made me short in the week.

    Shopping Is now done by asda.com so were not putting things in the basket but when I go to log in to put some thing in that were running out of hes added stuff and before weve added the normal you buy each week its already around 20 make

    I know where I owe to just not the total amount all together I did go to the bank and ask for yet anoughter loan to put it all to gether they said no. I dont owe that much to do one of those TV ad things but then that scares me

    Im trying fill the hole but feel as though hes digging it out again. His mum is bad for spending buying new clothes and then never seeing her in it or buying stuff for the livingroom ect being there for a few weeks then its gone saying she got fed up of looking at it.

    Where do I go from here without divorcing my DH and putting MIL in the hole to fill it in:confused:

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Page 1
    • lynzpower
    • By lynzpower 6th Jun 09, 2:46 PM
    • 24,746 Posts
    • 39,940 Thanks
    lynzpower
    • #2
    • 6th Jun 09, 2:46 PM
    • #2
    • 6th Jun 09, 2:46 PM
    Please help me to be a scrooge...Ive a pile of debt that I WANT to get rid off, I sell on ebay to pay for the debt i have ran up...except I go looking and end up spending it back on there for the kids Ive got 3 of the little treasures. ( if is things they need they should have a budget- ie school uniform, shoes other clorthe. If they have grown out of things what about selling them before/ during buying more.

    Then I have a next directory and i see loads of lovely things for the kids and well.....

    Then i go shopping and see nice clothes in top shop and yes!!!!! WHY KEEP THIS OR OTHER CATALOGUES? You are paying for this too am I right ( about 4?) Te interest on next directory is astonishing. I suggest getting rid of it.Why sit around with temptation in your life?

    So im trying to be a scrooge Ive started with my wardrobe Ive now got a capsule wardrobe. taken away the things I won't wear or haven't. now there on ebay. Ive sorted out my bathroom stuff and make up... I dont need any thing there..
    I think this sounds like the need for self discipline.

    Im not too sure what MILs shopping habits have to do with things.

    I totally agree wih you aboutbudgeting and the 20p challenge- I never could get it to work either. I tried the 2 coin one. I had 20 quid for the week for lunches and tube fares- the tube fare machine gave me 18 quid in 2 coins- if Id have saved them Id yhave starved. I personally think it makes it impossible to budget.

    ONe thing you COULD do to stop spending the ebaty money is to have another paypal account nominated, so you cannot spend out of it- or get OH tyo change the password so you cannot spend it. Then when you have sold some cash you can withdraw it and then pay your debts off with it?
    Well aint funny how its the little things in life that mean the most? Not where you live, the car you drive or the price tag on your clothes.
    Theres no dollar sign on piece of mind
    This Ive come to know...
    So if you agree have a drink with me, raise your glasses for a toast
  • wishiwasquidsin
    • #3
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:00 PM
    • #3
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:00 PM
    I think this sounds like the need for self discipline.
    Originally posted by lynzpower
    Your right about that
    I need a big kick up the booty

    The good thing is as ive sorted my clothes out I did a gok and pulled every thing out and put things together so I could see I didnt need any thing

    But the shopping thing it drives me mad that he keeps adding thing on to the billd its as bad as being in the shop, Its good in they that weve haven't stepped foot in asda for 4 weeks now just the local shop bread when weve run out.

    My next dirrectory I guess has to go in the brown paper bin for the bin men on wednesday
    Then i can start there
    • lynzpower
    • By lynzpower 6th Jun 09, 3:31 PM
    • 24,746 Posts
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    lynzpower
    • #4
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:31 PM
    • #4
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:31 PM
    Have you got a big enough freezer to freeze loaves? Im sure its cheaper to buy bread & milk there, than locak shops like a spar.

    Im sorry but the end of the day you just have to say No to the extras. He will need to learn that budgeting is writing it on a list and getitng it ( if at all!) on shopping day and not any point in between. If your OH is anything like mine, this lesson could take some time to sink in
    Last edited by lynzpower; 11-06-2009 at 6:23 PM.
    Well aint funny how its the little things in life that mean the most? Not where you live, the car you drive or the price tag on your clothes.
    Theres no dollar sign on piece of mind
    This Ive come to know...
    So if you agree have a drink with me, raise your glasses for a toast
  • cady
    • #5
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:38 PM
    • #5
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:38 PM
    get rid of the catolouges and cut up any cards you dont need IE credit cards/store cards ect and only spend what you have - have you tried having seperate bank accounts like a bill account a food shopping account and a spending moneyu account ? that way when you get paid transfer how much you need into these and thats what you have for the month that way things dont get mixed up!!! its all about finding something that works for you!!! good luck !!

    Cady x
    • tallyhoh
    • By tallyhoh 6th Jun 09, 3:42 PM
    • 2,161 Posts
    • 2,228 Thanks
    tallyhoh
    • #6
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:42 PM
    • #6
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:42 PM
    How about thinking of something to aim for when the debts are paid off? I want another house & see money as bricks, everything I spend thats not strictly necessary I see as another brick removed from my dream home.

    Also helpful if you work & can convert unecessary items into hours worked: i.e. a top from Next would equal about 2 hours work in my world, is it worth it?
    Tallyhoh!

    Stopped Smoking October 2000. Saved 21,840 so far!
    • staffie1
    • By staffie1 6th Jun 09, 3:47 PM
    • 1,606 Posts
    • 1,315 Thanks
    staffie1
    • #7
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:47 PM
    • #7
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:47 PM
    Agree with the other replies. You need to change the way you think about spending money. There is temptation all around you every day when you're trying to cut back on your spending. It's like quitting smoking - there's always an excuse to start again.

    Would be helpful to do a SOA http://www.makesenseofcards.co.uk/soacalc.html
    and let us suggest where cuts can be made.
    Then you will have some motivation to see just how quickly your debts could be cleared and how you could start saving instead of spending all the time.
    You could be 'quids in' sooner than you think
    If you will the end, you must will the means
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 6th Jun 09, 3:54 PM
    • 5,407 Posts
    • 6,743 Thanks
    theoretica
    • #8
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:54 PM
    • #8
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:54 PM
    You could always take things out of the asda.com shopping basket- there is probably an empty or clear all button even!
    • SueP19
    • By SueP19 6th Jun 09, 3:58 PM
    • 1,706 Posts
    • 14,488 Thanks
    SueP19
    • #9
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:58 PM
    • #9
    • 6th Jun 09, 3:58 PM
    Please help me to be a scrooge...Ive a pile of debt that I WANT to get rid off, I sell on ebay to pay for the debt i have ran up...except I go looking and end up spending it back on there for the kids Ive got 3 of the little treasures. Make a promise to your self to leave your money in paypal for a week or a month, allow it to build up
    Then I have a next directory and i see loads of lovely things for the kids and well..... ..................get rid of this, nice but pricey

    Then i go shopping and see nice clothes in top shop and yes!!!!! Don't go, change your routine

    So im trying to be a scrooge Ive started with my wardrobe Ive now got a capsule wardrobe. taken away the things I won't wear or haven't. now there on ebay. Ive sorted out my bathroom stuff and make up... I dont need any thing there..

    I surpose I should sort the kids wardbrobes out now to see what they don't really need Yesss I bet they have loads of nice next clothes they have outgrown

    I did start to put just 10 in my purse evey monday but by wednesday I was back at the bank as OH would say when your out taking the kids to school can you get.. so hence why i was back at the bank. Oh the story of my life, I would be interested if you have an answer to this one

    We started the 20p challenge but every day he would say put your 20ps in the pot so that made me short in the week. So try 1p, 2p and 5p's ........a treat for christmas!!

    Shopping Is now done by asda.com so were not putting things in the basket but when I go to log in to put some thing in that were running out of hes added stuff and before weve added the normal you buy each week its already around 20 make Do this in one sitting at the pc, used to do mine when the OH had gone to work at about 7am, so by the time he came home and asked it was too late, hehe!! Change your password!!

    I know where I owe to just not the total amount all together I did go to the bank and ask for yet anoughter loan to put it all to gether they said no. I dont owe that much to do one of those TV ad things but then that scares me Done tthe consolidation a few times never works, do an SOA for the great guys here, they will help you cut back, to have extra money to reduce your debts

    Im trying fill the hole but feel as though hes digging it out again. His mum is bad for spending buying new clothes and then never seeing her in it or buying stuff for the livingroom ect being there for a few weeks then its gone saying she got fed up of looking at it. LOL I had the same conversation this morning with my OH but I was shouting and infered D.I.V.O.R.C.E. as Dolly says

    Where do I go from here without divorcing my DH and putting MIL in the hole to fill it in:confused:Use the MIL to fill in the hole and threaten that OH will join her, hehe
    Originally posted by wishiwasquidsin
    Sorry could not resist cos boy oh boy, Do we live in the same house. Seriously though I don't know how long this has been going on but I am at the 21 year mark this year with the same attitudes at my house and I have had enough. So stand tall be firm and visit here alot...................good luck
    Mort Oct 15 70,353 66,422 58,804 MF Dec 31 Jun 31(191 176 mnths)
    EF 2016 700/1,000 Debt May 09 30,217Oct 17 14,093Nov 18 6,336.12[/B]
  • wishiwasquidsin
    Sorry could not resist cos boy oh boy, Do we live in the same house. Seriously though I don't know how long this has been going on but I am at the 21 year mark this year with the same attitudes at my house and I have had enough. So stand tall be firm and visit here alot...................good luck
    Originally posted by SueP19
    Use the MIL to fill in the hole If i could only do that.

    Ive been on asda web sit and removed a few bits no doubt they will be back when I send the order sunday night.

    My next catalogs are in the brown bin as we speak

    I do have 4 accounts with the natwest
    1 bill account, only money does go in her for bills but that is always over drawn but does have an over draft on there
    2 WTC and CB goes in there and thats what i use for my spending
    3 I use for ebay the money is MEANT to go in there for me to pay my bills debts but that goes back to ebay
    4 savings

    We do have another account we put holiday money in for spends ect

    But i feel as though why should I bother getting out of the hole when all he does is go on about it the money i owe on cards and he owes on one card (which is more than I owe on 2) Then goes and buys a new jacket cos its got a diffrent button on or pockets on the front hes got 8 jackets/bomber type things and 2 winter coats. plus fleeces:confused:
    • tealady
    • By tealady 6th Jun 09, 4:50 PM
    • 2,868 Posts
    • 3,536 Thanks
    tealady
    Hi. I cured my ex of putting things in the shopping basket by taking them out at the till and making him pay for them. He only did it once!
    If he asks you to buy something when you are at the shop tell him you haven't the money this week so he will have to either pay you or wait for you to take the next weeks budget out of the bank!
    You never know!
    Proud to be an MSE nerd
    Judge people by their achievements, not by their mistakes
    • lynzpower
    • By lynzpower 6th Jun 09, 4:54 PM
    • 24,746 Posts
    • 39,940 Thanks
    lynzpower
    Do you both hav ea proper budget, that you stick to? Or could stick to?

    It sounds like not.

    I mean, if for example you said ( up to you how much/ what you can afford) Ok weve both got 30 a month to spend on clothes each. if he wants to use that money and that alone to buy something with, then surely thats fine. Even if you can only spare a pound a month, then he can save

    The budget is THE most important thing, If you havent got one sorted, then you cant control anything. You cant say yuou cant spend that- if youve never said what "that" is

    It might be worth choosing another savings account ( seperate) for all the "extra" money you have. For example, making money on ebay, making money on a car boot sale, any other ways you can raise cash/ free bingo/quidco etc etc. IF you start that on the 1st of the month then you can see wht youve got at the end of the month and pay off a debt with it.

    This will be really motivating. I speak as someone who thought she had nothing left worth selling on ebay and one item has over 50 watchers

    Also if you get any Money off vouchers, you can take the money saved off those - outof your shopping budget. Even if you saved a fiver a week, thats over 20 per motnh and makes a huge difference to your DFD.

    Have you got clearly defined budgets- whats in your holiday fund at the mo?
    Well aint funny how its the little things in life that mean the most? Not where you live, the car you drive or the price tag on your clothes.
    Theres no dollar sign on piece of mind
    This Ive come to know...
    So if you agree have a drink with me, raise your glasses for a toast
    • SueP19
    • By SueP19 6th Jun 09, 4:55 PM
    • 1,706 Posts
    • 14,488 Thanks
    SueP19
    Do you deal with paying all the bills????

    You see for the past 20 years I have always dealt with everything in semi-secret, the OH used to argue, threaten to give up on life etc blackmail me, convince me he needed this the other. Last year I took a stand and stopped treating him like my child and I think you are the responsible adult here..................sorry if thats harsh but your comment on the jacket kinda hints at a teenage son syndrome!!!
    It took alot for me to realise that by allowing my OH to behave this way I had done him a diservice by not allowing him to grow up. The down side, for me now is, he is mean with us but not himself.................he NEEDS things, but we on the other hand get "well do you really have to have that" Not in a nasty way but inhis mind his things are important, thats what comes with having run around after him!!!

    LOL this is funny, after just a few weeks of letters from DCA's he can't cope with it anymore and wants to know when they will stop..........................my answer, you aint seen nothin yet try putting up with it for years, then I say "speak to the hand baby" and "put up with it" LOLOLOL
    Mort Oct 15 70,353 66,422 58,804 MF Dec 31 Jun 31(191 176 mnths)
    EF 2016 700/1,000 Debt May 09 30,217Oct 17 14,093Nov 18 6,336.12[/B]
  • JOANNESAPHINE
    I had to bin my Next catalogue and others, paid them off and just don't have catalogues any more - the temptation is too great. I avoid going to town because if I go into shops in a certain mood I will just buy. I also find when it comes to my daughter I love to buy her things more than for myself and I find she doesn't even wear some of the clothes that much or at all. I found staying away from temptation, a spending diary and trying to only buy things I need a great help. Fortunately I have now converted DH which makes life so much easier now he is on board.
  • wishiwasquidsin
    if I go into shops in a certain mood I will just buy. I also find when it comes to my daughter I love to buy her things more than for myself and I find she doesn't even wear some of the clothes that much or at all.
    Originally posted by JOANNESAPHINE
    Thats me all over I have 3 girls

    When it come to bills
    The bill account is the one i set up when I was a single mum and put my bill money in there, so I knew what was mine.

    DH puts so much in a week and I do the same each month and that is always the same amount.
    We use an ASDA card for the shopping and the petrol that way we earn points we only started to use the card late last year when the petrol was high,
    There is never nothing owed on that card it does get paid of straight away when the bill comes.

    A lot I know is down to me as i did loose a lot of weight and found clothes, then its buying stuff for the girls that is new as when i was growing up in the 80s all was handed down unless it was xmas.

    Think im going to do a diary on here would it be any good doing that just got to get a holiday out the way first we go away monday

    But the next directory is in the bin
    • staffie1
    • By staffie1 6th Jun 09, 6:21 PM
    • 1,606 Posts
    • 1,315 Thanks
    staffie1
    But the next directory is in the bin
    Originally posted by wishiwasquidsin
    Close the account as well otherwise when the next book comes, you'll be at it again.
    If you will the end, you must will the means
  • cady
    Have you looked on the OS board for meal plan ideas ? if you plan your meals together for the week then only buy what you need with one treat each? might get OH more on board! but if the financila situation is that bad he needs to realise he cant keep buying things like this or it will never get better - failing that put the order through on your own and remove some of the more expensive items he has added and blame the store for forgetting or being out of stock!!!

    Good luck i know its hard to change and sometimes it dawns on us but not the ones we live with but it can be done - and yes it is worth paying your cards off dont let OH's attatude get you down - your doing well to make a start!!!

    Cady x
  • wishiwasquidsin
    Close the account as well otherwise when the next book comes, you'll be at it again.
    Originally posted by staffie1
    When I come to close the account won't they want all the money in one go?

    I do do a menu each week and we do stick to it for 5 weeks then change it thats down to me to do that and it does get done
    A lot is wanting nice things
    Before I met my DH I was tight as a nats but when it came to money...then i had they secrotity to go spending when we married as i had him to fall back on..

    But i think he does have his head in the sand about things...when he was growing up his parents had no money to pay the bills but could afford to buy a new dress or shoes and go out.. but couldn't afford to pay to put the fire on or heat the water to have a bath:confused:
    • staffie1
    • By staffie1 6th Jun 09, 7:44 PM
    • 1,606 Posts
    • 1,315 Thanks
    staffie1
    When I come to close the account won't they want all the money in one go?
    Originally posted by wishiwasquidsin
    I suppose you could ask them not to send you more catalogues, then when you've paid them off, close the account
    If you will the end, you must will the means
    • lynzpower
    • By lynzpower 6th Jun 09, 7:52 PM
    • 24,746 Posts
    • 39,940 Thanks
    lynzpower
    When I come to close the account won't they want all the money in one go?

    I do do a menu each week and we do stick to it for 5 weeks then change it thats down to me to do that and it does get done
    A lot is wanting nice things
    Before I met my DH I was tight as a nats but when it came to money...then i had they secrotity to go spending when we married as i had him to fall back on..

    But i think he does have his head in the sand about things...when he was growing up his parents had no money to pay the bills but could afford to buy a new dress or shoes and go out.. but couldn't afford to pay to put the fire on or heat the water to have a bath:confused:
    Originally posted by wishiwasquidsin
    I might have missed this, did you do a SOA and show him it :confused:
    Well aint funny how its the little things in life that mean the most? Not where you live, the car you drive or the price tag on your clothes.
    Theres no dollar sign on piece of mind
    This Ive come to know...
    So if you agree have a drink with me, raise your glasses for a toast
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