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    • Former MSE Wendy
    • By Former MSE Wendy 28th Apr 09, 10:11 AM
    • 868Posts
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    Former MSE Wendy
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids?
    • #1
    • 28th Apr 09, 10:11 AM
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids? 28th Apr 09 at 10:11 AM
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

    Do you give cash to just one of your kids?

    Mick's 21 year old son Gavin has always been rubbish with money and has difficult credit card and overdraft debts, yet his twin sister, Stacey's, always been money savvy and never owed a penny. After an unexpected bonus at work Mick has spare cash, he's promised to help Gavin out of difficulty but then there's nothing left to give Stacey. Should he simply give each child the money equally?

    Click reply to have your say

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    Last edited by MSE Archna; 28-04-2009 at 8:34 PM.
Page 1
    • scotsbob
    • By scotsbob 28th Apr 09, 10:03 PM
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    • #2
    • 28th Apr 09, 10:03 PM
    • #2
    • 28th Apr 09, 10:03 PM
    Obviously give it all to Gavin, the female child will just waste it on shoes and hairdos and nails and stuff
    • mrscb
    • By mrscb 28th Apr 09, 10:16 PM
    • 1,144 Posts
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    • #3
    • 28th Apr 09, 10:16 PM
    • #3
    • 28th Apr 09, 10:16 PM
    he should give them an equal amount each,but also give help to his son to help him manage his debts and ensure he gets out of his bad situation.
    Am thinking of a new one
  • Pinky4ever
    • #4
    • 28th Apr 09, 11:01 PM
    S'not fair!
    • #4
    • 28th Apr 09, 11:01 PM
    Yes, of course Mick should share the money out equally, otherwise he's just teaching his son that it's ok to be rubbish with money, and punishing his daughter for being good with hers. I speak as a person who has one sibling who is absolutely terrible with money! Boys, huh!
  • BurningSnowman
    • #5
    • 28th Apr 09, 11:05 PM
    • #5
    • 28th Apr 09, 11:05 PM
    ... I speak as a person who has one sibling who is absolutely terrible with money! Boys, huh!
    Originally posted by Pinky4ever
    Yeah, good thing you're getting your guidance from that Martin chick.
    • scubaangel
    • By scubaangel 28th Apr 09, 11:25 PM
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    • #6
    • 28th Apr 09, 11:25 PM
    • #6
    • 28th Apr 09, 11:25 PM
    I would say give each child the same amount - if it helps the son deal with some of his debts then great, and the daughter can use her portion however she chooses, but to give all the money to the son would be horribly unfair.
    Itís not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you werenít doing it.
    Sir Terry Pratchett
    Find my diary here
    • nearlyrich
    • By nearlyrich 29th Apr 09, 12:08 AM
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    • #7
    • 29th Apr 09, 12:08 AM
    • #7
    • 29th Apr 09, 12:08 AM
    I would always treat my two fairly it's how we were treated by our parents and I would feel bad giving one child more than the other.
    Free impartial debt advice from: National Debtline or Stepchange[/CENTER]
    • tallgirld
    • By tallgirld 29th Apr 09, 6:00 AM
    • 481 Posts
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    • #8
    • 29th Apr 09, 6:00 AM
    • #8
    • 29th Apr 09, 6:00 AM
    It would be unfair to only give to one child.

    Maybe he should keep it for himself !!!!!!
    • Taffybiker
    • By Taffybiker 29th Apr 09, 6:05 AM
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    • #9
    • 29th Apr 09, 6:05 AM
    • #9
    • 29th Apr 09, 6:05 AM
    The kids should get equal amounts. The best way for Gavin to learn to handle his money is to make him realise how difficult it is to become debt free, and to achieve that he will have to do it the hard way. A semi bail-out will help a lot. A full bail out will achieve nothing since Gavin would be likely to go straight back in again.
    When Gavin sees his sister going on holiday/buying new items the daftness of his financial history should hammer home what could have been.

    It would certainly make me think twice!
  • julieflicker
    Of course not!
    Always treat children exactly the same - if you want your kids to love you! Even if they don't tell you, they WILL NEVER forget you treating their sibling differently like this. My philosophy is to help each child when they need it, making sure that in the longer term they both get the same. I explain this to them as and when it happens and they have no doubt, if one has it, the other will get it when they need it. So if there's no chance of being able to give them help later on - just split it now. Help the son by taking partial control of his finances (in other words, get access to his accounts so you can watch what he's doing, don't take over completely or he'll never learn) and if he won't let you do that, he doesn't want help!
  • ailuro2
    Spend it on a holiday for himself, if he keeps bailing out the boy, then the boy will never learn.

    Buy Gavin a copy of anything by Martin Lewis (or Alvin Hall) and offer to help go through his finances with him to see where he might cut back. He has only promised to help him out of difficulty, not promised to pay off his debt for him!

    Give the daughter a present equal to the book, or even take them both out to dinner, time spent with family doesn't really have a price does it?
    Member of the first Mortgage Free in 3 challenge, no.19
    Balance 19th April '07 = minus £27,640
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  • elcoline
    He should give it all to the female child.

    Even if the male does not die before she does, he will not be financially competent enough to look after his father in his dotage anyway. Much more savvy investment to treat the daughter better and reap the benefits later in life.

    Alternatively you could just be a NORMAL HUMAN BEIING and treat the kids equally...
    • Dorrie
    • By Dorrie 29th Apr 09, 6:33 AM
    • 66 Posts
    • 46 Thanks
    This is not as clear cut as people think - if you read the quote carefully you will see that Mick 'promised' to help his son clear his debts. If Mick has any integrity at all he must honour that promise. It does make him an idiot for promising in the first place, but there you go.

    Personally I would never promise to bail any of my children out financially, especially when it is their own fault that they are in a mess. I would point Gavin in the direction of a CAP (Christians Against Poverty) Money-coaching course, which will help teach him how to manage his money better!
  • meames
    I think the difference is "help" not completely solve the boys finanicial difficulties. That way he can give both equally a share
  • thursday
    Mick should give it all to his son to get him out of debt, but on the condition that he pays back half of that amount to his sister with an average interest rate applied to the money owed at the moment.
  • jud!th
    give it all to Stacey and tell Gavin to read the parable of the talents...

    (might help him more in the long run)

    ... or maybe not
  • Cerisa
    Equally. If he doesn't help Stacey as well, Stacey will learn that being competent, intelligent and money savvy isn't rewarded, wheras Gavin will be bailed out yet again. the flip side to that is that it isn't good for Gavin either, because he will constantly feel infantilised - it'll stop him learning to be capable of sorting himself out.
    £1600 overdraft
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    • tim_n
    • By tim_n 29th Apr 09, 7:27 AM
    • 1,569 Posts
    • 1,316 Thanks
    Everyone makes mistakes. Money makes and breaks relationships.

    Split it 50:50 and as a parent, sit him down and try and help him review his finances and sort out a plan to deal with his problems. That'll help more in the long run.
  • purplegaily
    I would always treat my children fairly, but as the dilemma states - he's promised to help the son out of debt - which his daughter obviously has no need for at the moment.

    Mind you, I suppose if he is a traditional father, and she a traditional daughter, there may be a wedding to pay for in the future - which Mike should probably start saving for now!!!

    My parents saved money, and as I had student debts to settle on leaving Uni, they gave me some of my portion to help clear that when I left. My brother didn't get his share on leaving Uni, as he didn't need it at the time - he got it a few years later when he was looking for money for a deposit.

    Swings and roundabouts - as long as both children are treated equally in the long run, and appreciate that it will even out over a period of time.
    Always on the look out for a bargain. Thanks if you've helped me bag one.
  • millema
    Do you give cash to just one of your kids?
    From reading this thread it seems my feelings are controversial . I have one brother who's useless with money, and a sister who simply doesnt have much - so i have never , ever felt jealous that on the odd occasion my parents have a little extra money they have chosen to spend on the other two . I dont agree at all that just because they are not financially savvy that they should be left without in order 'to teach them ' . Some people are just made that way . I dont have a DIY bone in my body , and no matter how many times i try its as if my hand has an affliction but my wife doesnt just let me keep on relentlessly attempting in vain to master it . She accepts it and just happens to be a dabhand at such ventures , ts horses for courses !
    You can publish all the mass of great saving information on this website but to some its just gobbledygook .
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