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  • FIRST POST
    • Verbatim
    • By Verbatim 12th Aug 08, 10:19 AM
    • 4,584Posts
    • 13,663Thanks
    Verbatim
    ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread
    • #1
    • 12th Aug 08, 10:19 AM
    ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread 12th Aug 08 at 10:19 AM
    There seem to be a good few posts recently from people who are in debt due to gambling and I wondered if anyone else thinks a support thread or a sub-board like the bankruptcy sub-board or giving up alcohol thread would be a good idea?
    CCs @0% £24k Dec 05 £19,621.41 Au £13400 S 12600 Oct £11,981 £9481 £7500 Nov £7250 D £7100 Jan 6950 F £5800 Mar£5400 May £4830 June £4660 July £4460 Aug £3200, S £900, £0 18/9/07 DFW Nerd 042
Page 88
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 30th Jun 17, 9:06 AM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 1,268 Thanks
    cantcope
    How is everyone?
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • HEROWHENZERO
    • By HEROWHENZERO 30th Jun 17, 1:32 PM
    • 89 Posts
    • 177 Thanks
    HEROWHENZERO
    Doing great now thanks cantcope :-)

    over 15 months in recovery, over £10K paid off my debt, life is more manageable and I'm taking the time to understand and discover things about me that I never really had time to explore.

    All the time I spent in active addiction, I was emotionless and didn't really know who I was, working the 12 step program in GA is helping me to find out who I am, and it's making me a much better person.

    I actually do care about other people, and actually feel empathy.

    One day at a time

    Hero
    Just for today I will not try to solve all my life problems at once. | DFD: April 2033 Aug 2023
    Original Debt: £96K Mar 2016 | Current Debt: £48450
    Jun 2018
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 3rd Jul 17, 12:51 PM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 1,268 Thanks
    cantcope
    Briliant turnaround Hero

    I definitely found out by being in GA how much i really wanted to be a good person. compassionate, open minded, humble, helpful while also looking after myself.
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 11th Sep 17, 12:20 PM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 1,268 Thanks
    cantcope
    How is everyone?
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • HEROWHENZERO
    • By HEROWHENZERO 13th Sep 17, 2:50 PM
    • 89 Posts
    • 177 Thanks
    HEROWHENZERO
    I'm ok thanks, you? I'm still working the program, still going to GA, will be 18 months this Friday. Debt is going down month by month. Accepting that it's not a quick fix is paramount for my recovery.
    Just for today I will not try to solve all my life problems at once. | DFD: April 2033 Aug 2023
    Original Debt: £96K Mar 2016 | Current Debt: £48450
    Jun 2018
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 14th Sep 17, 12:42 PM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 1,268 Thanks
    cantcope
    That's great news and 18 months off is a fantastic achievement!!!

    All ok here. Had to slow down a bit in life after a big MS relapse in July that put me in hospital but recovering well and back at work now
    Gambling certainly wouldnt have made it better!!!
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • HEROWHENZERO
    • By HEROWHENZERO 18th Sep 17, 1:07 PM
    • 89 Posts
    • 177 Thanks
    HEROWHENZERO
    Glad you are recovering well, it's a reminder that it's not just gambling that has to be dealt with in life, even though whilst gambling it seemed to be the only thing that was important.
    Just for today I will not try to solve all my life problems at once. | DFD: April 2033 Aug 2023
    Original Debt: £96K Mar 2016 | Current Debt: £48450
    Jun 2018
    • jools1985
    • By jools1985 30th Sep 17, 4:33 PM
    • 70 Posts
    • 118 Thanks
    jools1985
    I've had a series of major slips and feel so ashamed. I was right back to not being able to stop when winning and not being able to stop when losing either. My debt has grown alarmingly and I feel so bad
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 2nd Oct 17, 12:15 PM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 1,268 Thanks
    cantcope
    Don't feel bad. Realise what you did wrong and put steps in place to correct it for now.
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 11th Dec 17, 11:55 AM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 1,268 Thanks
    cantcope
    How is everyone on the run up to Christmas.
    Remember, don't put pressure on yourself to get expensive gifts you cant afford.
    Christmas is a time for family. They would not want you buying things you cannot afford. Be kind to yourselves x
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • jools1985
    • By jools1985 9th Jan 18, 5:34 PM
    • 70 Posts
    • 118 Thanks
    jools1985
    Hi CC and everyone else. I didn't overspend at Christmas and shopped using Tesco, Boots and Sainsbury points. As for the gambling..... I was back on it big style. I had a decent win on Virgin games and the money hadn't gone into my bank. I was on live chat trying to get it and the advisor asked me 3 times if I was happy with my current level of spending. I eventually replied saying I wasn't and needed to reduce it. She then came back to me saying that as I wasn't happy with my spending she had suspended my account for 6 months and had also done that on the 4 sister sites I was a member of. I was upset and angry and am ashamed to say I begged her not to do that. Too late though there was no going back. I'd been carrying this secret gambling addiction for a few years. I actually told my partner about it (e don't live together) and he was shocked but very supportive and I really felt like a weight had been lifted off me. Fast forward 6 weeks - I'm sleeping better not feeling anxious all the time and feel in control of my life again. I've run up huge debts and I reckon it will take me 5 years to pay them off but I'll get there.

    I feel so much better for writing this down Onwards and Upwards
    • zackyv6661
    • By zackyv6661 9th Jan 18, 5:44 PM
    • 67 Posts
    • 80 Thanks
    zackyv6661
    I hope you don!!!8217;t mind me posting here. I!!!8217;m really looking for any advice you could give, as my brother has a gambling problem. A couple of years ago, he told my mother that he was in debt with payday loans he had taken out to fund his addiction. He didn!!!8217;t want to go see someone about his problem, but he had found a very helpful forum that he had been using and said it was helping him. My mother took control of his finances (he was 25 then, 27 now), and this month he was due to pay his last payment to his debts. However, he has had a relapse and has spent over £1k in Just a week.

    His girlfriend doesn!!!8217;t know he has a problem. They are supposed to be saving for a home, and she thinks he has been saving towards a deposit - he hasn!!!8217;t. She!!!8217;s expecting them to be able to buy a home next year!

    We just don!!!8217;t know what to do, so any advice/suggestions would be so greatly appreciated.
    Last edited by zackyv6661; 10-01-2018 at 7:06 PM.
    Credit Card: £5350 (£5210 remaining)
    Overdraft: £1498.68
    Loan 1: £5000 (£2252.26 remaining)
    Loan 2: £1656.90 - PAID!!
    Very: £703.97 (£553.97 remaining)
    Make £2018 in 2018 Challenge: £291.51/£2018
    • jools1985
    • By jools1985 9th Jan 18, 11:51 PM
    • 70 Posts
    • 118 Thanks
    jools1985
    Zacky I don;t really know what to suggest. You are in a difficult position knowing about your brother's gambling whist his girlfriend does not. He needs to get help with his problem and most people on here would point him to Gamblers Anonymous (GA), If he would go to a meeting they do have some where family/friends have their own meeting. Would he be receptive to that?
    • zackyv6661
    • By zackyv6661 10th Jan 18, 7:23 AM
    • 67 Posts
    • 80 Thanks
    zackyv6661
    Zacky I don;t really know what to suggest. You are in a difficult position knowing about your brother's gambling whist his girlfriend does not. He needs to get help with his problem and most people on here would point him to Gamblers Anonymous (GA), If he would go to a meeting they do have some where family/friends have their own meeting. Would he be receptive to that?
    Originally posted by jools1985

    We had suggested GA to him before - I canít remember why he didnít want to go. Itís definitely something that I would suggest to him again though! He may be more receptive this time around to it. Thank you for taking the time to reply
    Credit Card: £5350 (£5210 remaining)
    Overdraft: £1498.68
    Loan 1: £5000 (£2252.26 remaining)
    Loan 2: £1656.90 - PAID!!
    Very: £703.97 (£553.97 remaining)
    Make £2018 in 2018 Challenge: £291.51/£2018
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 10th Jan 18, 10:37 AM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 1,268 Thanks
    cantcope
    Hi CC and everyone else. I didn't overspend at Christmas and shopped using Tesco, Boots and Sainsbury points. As for the gambling..... I was back on it big style. I had a decent win on Virgin games and the money hadn't gone into my bank. I was on live chat trying to get it and the advisor asked me 3 times if I was happy with my current level of spending. I eventually replied saying I wasn't and needed to reduce it. She then came back to me saying that as I wasn't happy with my spending she had suspended my account for 6 months and had also done that on the 4 sister sites I was a member of. I was upset and angry and am ashamed to say I begged her not to do that. Too late though there was no going back. I'd been carrying this secret gambling addiction for a few years. I actually told my partner about it (e don't live together) and he was shocked but very supportive and I really felt like a weight had been lifted off me. Fast forward 6 weeks - I'm sleeping better not feeling anxious all the time and feel in control of my life again. I've run up huge debts and I reckon it will take me 5 years to pay them off but I'll get there.

    I feel so much better for writing this down Onwards and Upwards
    Originally posted by jools1985
    massive steps Jools well done!!! Dont pressure yourself to pay the debt off as fast aspossible as this can make you want to take a short cut. make manageable payments x
    feel free to post whenever you need. I'm happy to support. I've not gambled for over 11 years now. doesnt mean i dont sometimes want to though. i just use the support i have around me to keep me focussed.
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 10th Jan 18, 10:45 AM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 1,268 Thanks
    cantcope
    We had suggested GA to him before - I canít remember why he didnít want to go. Itís definitely something that I would suggest to him again though! He may be more receptive this time around to it. Thank you for taking the time to reply
    Originally posted by zackyv6661
    Hi Zacky,

    I'd second the GA as without it theres no way i could stop for more than a few months. I've now not gambled for over 11 years and have a good life!

    He needs to tell his partner as while she doesn't know he is under pressure to magic up money he doesn't have... And his answer is clearly to try and win it.
    Having big lies like that also wont help his mental health. Life is so much easier without having to remember what lies you've told and to who!

    Ga will advise him to be honest, hand over his finances, put blocks on all smart devices and computers so that he cant gamble online.
    The more people that know he has a problem the easier it will be for him as not only will he get support but i found i no longer had to squirm or lie if friends invited me to bingo/dogs/casino etc.
    he needs to stop ALL gambling, so no lottery, raffles, online, bookies and other establishments.

    I hope he accepts your help and support. x I'm happy to send an orange book (its a book from GA, i read it most days, only short). it might help you to understand and maybe give it to him to have a read through.

    this is a good place for him to start. http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/content/20-questions

    i answered yes to 15....if he answers (honestly) 7 or more then GA is the place for him x
    also be aware that if he does go, there is no cure, he needs to go always.... its not a quick fix and then everything will be fine. he has a problem, he'll always have a problem. There's nothing wrong with that if hes willing to do something about it.

    good luck x
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • zackyv6661
    • By zackyv6661 10th Jan 18, 11:22 AM
    • 67 Posts
    • 80 Thanks
    zackyv6661
    Hi Zacky,

    I'd second the GA as without it theres no way i could stop for more than a few months. I've now not gambled for over 11 years and have a good life!

    He needs to tell his partner as while she doesn't know he is under pressure to magic up money he doesn't have... And his answer is clearly to try and win it.
    Having big lies like that also wont help his mental health. Life is so much easier without having to remember what lies you've told and to who!

    Ga will advise him to be honest, hand over his finances, put blocks on all smart devices and computers so that he cant gamble online.
    The more people that know he has a problem the easier it will be for him as not only will he get support but i found i no longer had to squirm or lie if friends invited me to bingo/dogs/casino etc.
    he needs to stop ALL gambling, so no lottery, raffles, online, bookies and other establishments.

    I hope he accepts your help and support. x I'm happy to send an orange book (its a book from GA, i read it most days, only short). it might help you to understand and maybe give it to him to have a read through.

    this is a good place for him to start. http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/content/20-questions

    i answered yes to 15....if he answers (honestly) 7 or more then GA is the place for him x
    also be aware that if he does go, there is no cure, he needs to go always.... its not a quick fix and then everything will be fine. he has a problem, he'll always have a problem. There's nothing wrong with that if hes willing to do something about it.

    good luck x
    Originally posted by cantcope
    Thank you so much for your reply, this is wonderful.

    The orange book sounds like it would be very helpful to have a look at.
    Last edited by zackyv6661; 10-01-2018 at 7:04 PM.
    Credit Card: £5350 (£5210 remaining)
    Overdraft: £1498.68
    Loan 1: £5000 (£2252.26 remaining)
    Loan 2: £1656.90 - PAID!!
    Very: £703.97 (£553.97 remaining)
    Make £2018 in 2018 Challenge: £291.51/£2018
    • jools1985
    • By jools1985 10th Jan 18, 12:15 PM
    • 70 Posts
    • 118 Thanks
    jools1985
    massive steps Jools well done!!! Dont pressure yourself to pay the debt off as fast aspossible as this can make you want to take a short cut. make manageable payments x
    feel free to post whenever you need. I'm happy to support. I've not gambled for over 11 years now. doesnt mean i dont sometimes want to though. i just use the support i have around me to keep me focussed.
    Originally posted by cantcope
    Ah thanks CC, your support on this thread is amazing. I had an email the other day from another gambling site. I've been getting them almost daily but couldn't see how to unsubscribe so logged on the site and promply excluded myself for 5 years. I then got about 6 emails for linked sites confirming I was excluded for 5 years. The worrying thing was I didn't even remember joining most of them, although I must have done at some point. It felt very satisfying though.

    As for debts, well I'll be 60 later on this year and really hope I'll have paid them off before I retire at 66. I have a hefty mortgage payment of £767 per month, but only have 30 more payments to go on that which will ease up my finances considerably.

    I look back and thinj what an idiot I've been, starting to gamble at the age of 56. All online, I've never been inside a bookies or ever bought a lottery ticket. I try to only look forward now though. Onwards and Upwards
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 11th Jan 18, 12:48 PM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 1,268 Thanks
    cantcope
    im sure with determination and hard work you'll have a debt free and serene retirement Jools x
    Ah thanks CC, your support on this thread is amazing. I had an email the other day from another gambling site. I've been getting them almost daily but couldn't see how to unsubscribe so logged on the site and promply excluded myself for 5 years. I then got about 6 emails for linked sites confirming I was excluded for 5 years. The worrying thing was I didn't even remember joining most of them, although I must have done at some point. It felt very satisfying though.

    As for debts, well I'll be 60 later on this year and really hope I'll have paid them off before I retire at 66. I have a hefty mortgage payment of £767 per month, but only have 30 more payments to go on that which will ease up my finances considerably.

    I look back and thinj what an idiot I've been, starting to gamble at the age of 56. All online, I've never been inside a bookies or ever bought a lottery ticket. I try to only look forward now though. Onwards and Upwards
    Originally posted by jools1985
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
    • cantcope
    • By cantcope 11th Jan 18, 12:50 PM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 1,268 Thanks
    cantcope
    if you private message me your address im happy to send you one.
    please dont put your address on here though!
    Thank you so much for your reply, this is wonderful.

    The orange book sounds like it would be very helpful to have a look at.
    Originally posted by zackyv6661
    my eyes are like mirrors. They reflect whats going on around me rather than whats inside
    Original debt May 06 £16569,25th Feb 08 DEBT FREE

    Last bet : 26th October 2006
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