Cutting ties with a sibling

I have very little to do with my brother. He is 2 years older than me (51) and constantly scrounging off my parents, turning up asking for money for various things, my dad is in the process of buying him new van for his business. He is self employed (probably pays no tax!) he lives rent free with his girlfriend (is not officially on any records so pays no council tax, utilities etc) so why my parents feel the need to constantly help him, I don't really understand. I work hard, bring up my daughter on my own (my partner died 2 years ago) and never ask them for anything and feel very angry that he is such a drain on them, financially and emotionally.

Things came to a head a couple of years ago at my late partner's funeral, my brother turned up unannounced, drunk, scruffy, loud, and proceeded to force his way into the front row of the crematorium to squash in beside me and make a big show of crying loudly and being ridiculously over the top (he barely knew my partner!) At the end of the funeral, he draped himself over the coffin again crying loudly, and had to told to move by my late partner's mum. Everyone was staring at him in disgust. I will never forgive him.
If you say anything to my parents about his behaviour, they just say "Oh you know what he's like!"

If I bump into him at my parents, I usually am icily polite then leave very quickly. My parents normally forewarn me if he is going to be at any family events, so I can prepare myself or not go.
I could go on and on, he really is not a nice person at all and I have no time for people like that in my life.

Your mother is forgetting one vital thing here...and it's all the out you need.

YOU are not his mother and therefore the buck stops with him!

As an added thought - don't be surprised if she leaves all or most of her estate to him in her will. A woman who is :-

1.effectively enabling him

2.putting enormous pressure on you to continue to mollycoddle him

3.thinks so little of you that she 'shouts' down your refusal/protest

4. conceals the reality (instead of urging him to seek help)

is not going to change her behaviour just because a little thing like death intervenes.

My mother, sisters and I cut a relative out of our lives twenty years ago and the only feeling all of us had, and still have, is relief that our lives are now peaceful without that malignancy in them.

You are not in the wrong here and your mother should realise that she is asking far too much. Good luck.

I have cut off relations with my sister and although I do sometimes wonder if I made the right decision these moments are only fleeting.

I gave her plenty of chances but it soon became apparent she was never going to change. In the end I cut tied when I started a family of my own.

My sisters life style has seen her serve time in prison for assault, lose custody of her children and she is generally a drain on society never having worked in her life.

I try my hardest to bring my kids up as hard working, respectful individuals so accepting or condoning that behaviour in any way would impact on that as well as the disruptive influence she would have.

My only real regret is that I have no relationship with my nieces or nephews

As others have said, any regret, guilt or feeling of loss would soon be outweighed by the other negatives that keeping that person in your life would bring.

I think you also need to make it clear to your mother that you are on your own too and have nobody, andnot even a partner or boyfriend to help and support you, financially or emotionally, if you fall on difficult times after she has gone.

Perhaps you need to ask her if she expects you to support your brother's bad financial habits while ending up yourself in a position where you could be out on the streets because you can,t pay your own bills.

Your mother obviously brought you both up in the same way. Ask her why she thinks you should punish yourself for following the rules she taught you while your brother is allowed to flaunt them and yet still expect to be supported financially and bailed out. I think your mother will find this a hard question to answer but it's one she has to confront.

Argh families.

Yes we have similar in our family.

My lot are just crazy