Wife doesn't love me anymore

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  • gettingtheresometime
    gettingtheresometime Posts: 6,911 Forumite
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    Scorpio33 wrote: »
    Yep, I meant 30% CGT.

    I may be getting ahead of myself, but even if we agreed split custody, neither of us can afford to move out to a 3 bed place. With 2 kids we would need a 3 bed house. Also with kids, it would need to be within the catchment of the school (like we currently are). So to minimise disruption, one of us stays in the house and that would be her. That is what the courts would say.
    So I am being punished for a choice she is making. I am losing an investment (the house), familiar surroundings no to mention the costs associated with moving.

    As I earn more, I would pay her for the kids (even though our costs would be equal). That gives her more cash to spend as she wishes, meaning she would be better off than I would.

    Why would it be have to be the woman that stays? If you want to be the main carer and stay in the house then for goodness sake fight for it. I'm not saying that by fighting for it, it would definitely happen but there's a strong chance of that being the case if you do.
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,620 Forumite
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    edited 16 November 2017 at 3:15PM
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    I don’t know how practical this is but I would absolutely refuse to be the one who moves out, at least in the short term. There must be divorced couples who live under the same roof for a long time, and if your emlllyer will allow you to reduce your hours, joint custody ought to be possible

    Don't automatically take the “husband has to move out” route. If you let your wife know it,s not going to happen she may be forced to change the way she plans her future. You have a perfect right to stay in your own home. Can the bedrooms be allocated in such a way that you have your own space and privacy.?

    Frankly I think you need a very tough solicitor and need to show that you're Not going to allow a drug user to push you around and wreck your life, even if you still love her
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    Scorpio33 wrote: »
    Yep, I meant 30% CGT. - That's 30%, less personal allowance, on the profit made. It wont be anywhere near 30%

    I may be getting ahead of myself, but even if we agreed split custody, neither of us can afford to move out to a 3 bed place. - I don't know your area, but locally a 3 bed house is £500-600 a month, fairly affordable. With 2 kids we would need a 3 bed house. - not necessarily, age and gender dependant. Also with kids, it would need to be within the catchment of the school (like we currently are). - Once you're in, you're in, moving away a few miles wont make a difference. So to minimise disruption, one of us stays in the house and that would be her. That is what the courts would say. - You literally don't know that
    So I am being punished for a choice she is making. - sort of I am losing an investment (the house) - no you still own a share of the house , familiar surroundings - how far out would you have to move? no to mention the costs associated with moving. - its a one off, and typically a few hundred pounds

    As I earn more, I would pay her for the kids - says who? (even though our costs would be equal). That gives her more cash to spend as she wishes, meaning she would be better off than I would.



    If you split contact, why would you pay anything?


    And if you're paying child maintenance, that sum is meant to cover half of ALL the costs involved. I can tell you now, unless you earn millions, it wont come close.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
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    Scorpio, this is why you need advice from a solicitor. The old position of 'the wife stays in the marital home whilst the husbands get to move out, and has to wait until the youngest kids is 18' is not set in stone any longer.
    It very much depends on the situation.

    A court won't care much about you or your wife but will consider start at a 50/50 of everything, unless this impacts negatively on the kids.

    If the situation is that your wife is earning a decent income, that would allow her with the equity of the sale of this house, to buy another reasonable house in a reasonable area, so that your kids would not be significantly affected, then it is not unlikely at all that the judge would order the sale of the house.
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,550 Forumite
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    Primrose wrote: »
    Don't automatically take the “husband has to move out” route. If you let your wife know it,s not going to happen she may be forced to change the way she plans her future. You have a perfect right to stay in your own home. Can the bedrooms be allocated in such a way that you have your own space and privacy.?

    My ex-wife asked me to move out. I said no. It stumped her a bit because she also thought that when a marriage breaks down, the husband automatically has to move out.

    I can't say that both of us living in the same house was ideal though.
  • Scorpio33
    Scorpio33 Posts: 745 Forumite
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    Gloomendoom wrote: »
    My ex-wife asked me to move out. I said no. It stumped her a bit because she also thought that when a marriage breaks down, the husband automatically has to move out.

    I can't say that both of us living in the same house was ideal though.

    What happened eventually? Did one of your move out once you met someone new?
  • Archergirl
    Archergirl Posts: 1,767 Forumite
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    OK Scorpio you want it to be amicable, it can be (if she lets it) but it needs to be truthful.
    Start documenting her drug use (I would have hoped you have done so already but I doubt it) Do you think the courts would give sole custody to a junkie?
    You started this thread in April, just think how far along you would be now if you had taken the advise right from the start, you need to grow a pair and get rid of her she is using you as well as drugs.
    Please come back and tell us you are going to do this, you have so many people willing you on and hoping that you can get on with your life as we know you can have a better one than you have right now xx
  • PeacefulWaters
    PeacefulWaters Posts: 8,495 Forumite
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    The Wikivorce site can feel helpful.

    I listed all the things that were concerning me around financial settlement and kids and paid £200 for an hour with a solicitor. That gave me the basis of answers for everything.

    The ex was surprisingly compliant in agreeing a DIY divorce and settlement with minimal costs.
  • Sarastro
    Sarastro Posts: 400 Forumite
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    Bless you sweetheart, you sound like such a gentle soul. I don't know how to advise you, you both sounds like you have had more than your fair share of difficult things. I can only say, be brave and be honest.
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  • Rachel24
    Rachel24 Posts: 214 Forumite
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    Hi Scorpio, I read your post and just wondered how you are getting on? Hope things are improving for you.
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