Wife doesn't love me anymore

1…1718202223

Comments

  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,620 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary I've been Money Tipped!
    This is sad but probably inevitable.
    I definitely think you need to see a lawyer if she intends to remain in the house because the first thing you need to be aware of going further down the line is that if she gets the right to remain in the house until yiur xhilden become 18 and the house is then sold you will not get the entire equity to which yiu will be entitled. This is because wherever you are living, this property will no longer be regarded as your prime residence and you will be liable to c 30% capital gains tax on your share of the equity.

    Many divorce cases end up being acrimonious simply because by being “gentlemanly” many men suddenly are forced realise that they are going to end up being screwed into the ground financially, often by a partner who is going to be taking advantage of their good nature. Taking cocaine when you want custody of your children definitely has to be cited.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Scorpio33 wrote: »
    Any advice from people that have been through divorce and how to keep things as amicable as possible will be welcomed. I'd love to hear any coping tips as well.

    I am not coping very well as my only thoughts are that I am getting my life taken away from me for something I have not had much control over and can't do anything about.

    Worth reading through https://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/ and
    https://fnf.org.uk/
    http://www.separateddads.co.uk/
    https://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/
  • Ozzuk
    Ozzuk Posts: 1,884 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    Normally saying 'what if a kid got injured' is laughed at on the internet, but if they live with her, and she continues her coke habit, however frequently, what happens if one of the kids came across it? I can't see anyway you can just let it slide/ignore it.

    Tough times ahead, chin up, focus on the kids and your health and you will get through this but act smart now!
  • Tabbytabitha
    Tabbytabitha Posts: 4,684 Forumite
    First Anniversary
    Ozzuk wrote: »
    Normally saying 'what if a kid got injured' is laughed at on the internet, but if they live with her, and she continues her coke habit, however frequently, what happens if one of the kids came across it? I can't see anyway you can just let it slide/ignore it.

    Tough times ahead, chin up, focus on the kids and your health and you will get through this but act smart now!

    I don't think you can describe something as "a habit" when it only occurs once a month as the very word implies frequency. "An infrequent habit" is something of a contradiction in terms.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Tabbytabitha wrote: »
    I don't think you can describe something as "a habit" when it only occurs once a month as the very word implies frequency. "An infrequent habit" is something of a contradiction in terms.



    Not quite:


    1.
    a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.






    Seems a perfect description.
  • gettingtheresometime
    gettingtheresometime Posts: 6,911 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post I've been Money Tipped!
    If I was the OP I'd be asking myself if I was the occasional Class A drug user, would my soon to be ex partner use that fact against me to get what they want.


    I understand that the OP wants things to be as amicable as possible but unless both sides want that, then the chances are they aren't.
  • Scorpio33
    Scorpio33 Posts: 745 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    I am awaiting my first solicitors appointment, but can anyone confirm my fears?

    We have a house with £100k equity. She wants to divorce me.

    In my mind, she wants to finish us, so she moves out.

    But in the law, she works 3 hours a week less than me, so she gets to stay in the house with the kids as the main care giver. I then have to pay her for that privilege. When the house is then sold (when the kids are out of full time education), my current share is then taxed at 30% as it won't be my primary residence?

    So, I don't want this to happen, yet she gets a nice house to herself and I fund her lifestyle? Mean while, I am left penniless and homeless and have to ask her for access to my children?!

    I am prepared to reduce my hours (my work will let me) and be the main carer, I have no problems with that and in fact is what I would prefer. The only reason I currently work full time is to support my wife as I Love her.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Scorpio33 wrote: »
    I am awaiting my first solicitors appointment, but can anyone confirm my fears?

    We have a house with £100k equity. She wants to divorce me.

    In my mind, she wants to finish us, so she moves out. - Neither of you needs to move out at this stage.

    But in the law, she works 3 hours a week less than me, so she gets to stay in the house with the kids as the main care giver. I then have to pay her for that privilege. - what do you mean? When the house is then sold (when the kids are out of full time education), my current share is then taxed at 30% as it won't be my primary residence? - No, not sure where you got the 30% from, do you mean CGT?

    So, I don't want this to happen, yet she gets a nice house to herself and I fund her lifestyle? - why would you be funding her lifestyle? Mean while, I am left penniless - not unless you quit your job? and homeless - i suspect there's plenty of properties to rent? and have to ask her for access to my children?! - no?

    I am prepared to reduce my hours (my work will let me) and be the main carer, I have no problems with that and in fact is what I would prefer. The only reason I currently work full time is to support my wife as I Love her.
    There's no reason not to split contact if work allows.
  • Scorpio33
    Scorpio33 Posts: 745 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Comms69 wrote: »
    There's no reason not to split contact if work allows.


    Yep, I meant 30% CGT.

    I may be getting ahead of myself, but even if we agreed split custody, neither of us can afford to move out to a 3 bed place. With 2 kids we would need a 3 bed house. Also with kids, it would need to be within the catchment of the school (like we currently are). So to minimise disruption, one of us stays in the house and that would be her. That is what the courts would say.
    So I am being punished for a choice she is making. I am losing an investment (the house), familiar surroundings no to mention the costs associated with moving.

    As I earn more, I would pay her for the kids (even though our costs would be equal). That gives her more cash to spend as she wishes, meaning she would be better off than I would.
  • PeacefulWaters
    PeacefulWaters Posts: 8,495 Forumite
    You will find a way.

    There may be a feeling of injustice, but I found getting out and starting again (as a lodger) remarkably refreshing.
This discussion has been closed.
★ ★ ★ Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 343.2K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.7K Spending & Discounts
  • 235.3K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 608K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173.1K Life & Family
  • 247.9K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards