I’m not on daughters birth certificate, ex wants money

Mattlostatsea · 30 October 2018 at 1:49AM

Hi, hope someone can help.

I’ve got myself in a real mess here.

I had a one night stand with this girl, she said she was on the pill, but clearly wasn’t, I got a text off her a month after our night saying she was pregnant, I bombarded her with messages and calls but never heard anything from her. I convinced myself she was pulling a fast one.

Any about 14 months later she got in touch with my ex wife asking for me as I had a daughter, I got back in touch with this girl and she says baby is mine etc, I did meet up with them once but she now wants money off me, I have agreed to give her what the CSA calculator says but she wants more and more and constantly bullying me for money.

I’m not on the birth certificate, apparently the father is left blank.

What do I do?

Do I continue to pay even though I’ve only ever seen her once?

I’m a real mess over this as I can’t tell my new partner or family.

Help. Thanks

[Deleted User] · 30 October 2018 at 6:48AM

Contact and maintenance are separate issues. If the child is your you pay regardless if you see the child. If you have concerns she's not yours request a DNA test.

pmduk · 30 October 2018 at 9:55AM

Mattlostatsea wrote: »

I have agreed to give her what the CSA calculator says but she wants more and more and constantly bullying me for money.

I'd get this sorted PDQ. Firstly, if she's bullying you now, it'll just get worse. In your shoes, I'd tell your partner. That way she can't use telling your partner as a form of blackmail. Furthermore, seeing this girl and your child behind your partners back will be seen as a huge continuing betrayal.

Then you need to go down the route of a DNA test. Finally, pay her by a traceable means. Whilst she can't backdate a CMS claim, let's prevent her from ever denying the money she's already had from you.

Have a look at https://www.familylives.org.uk It has lots of useful advice.

Good luck.

Mojisola · 30 October 2018 at 9:58AM

Mattlostatsea wrote: »

Any about 14 months later she got in touch with my ex wife asking for me as I had a daughter, I got back in touch with this girl and she says baby is mine etc

I have agreed to give her what the CSA calculator says but she wants more and more and constantly bullying me for money.

Why would you do that before you have dna proof that the baby is yours?

https://www.gov.uk/get-dna-test
Fees for child maintenance cases

You have to pay the test fee of £239.40 if the Child Maintenance Service asks you to get a test because they think you might be the parent. It’ll be refunded if the test shows that you’re not the parent.

The fee will be higher if more than one child is tested.

The Child Maintenance Service may pay the test fee if you cannot afford to pay it. You’ll have to pay it back if you’re proved to be the parent.

elsien · 30 October 2018 at 10:03AM

I'd go down the "prove it" line before handing over any money at all.

Credit to you for wanting to pay for your child without trying to wriggle out of it, but at the moment you have no idea if she's yours or not. It's not unreasonable to want to check, particularly with the games mum is playing.

And tell your partner now. Because if you are proven to be the father with everything that entails she will need to know. And better now that months down the line.

Merlin139 · 30 October 2018 at 10:05AM

Mattlostatsea wrote: »

I’m not on the birth certificate, apparently the father is left blank.

Your name could not be on the Birth Certificate as you were not present when the birth was registered.

If you wish your name to be put on the certificate then you will have to go about getting an amended Birth Certificate to have the fathers name added which you would need to do with the child's mother.

I would take it that as you are happy to pay for the child you accept that it is yours. If this is the case then pay as much as the CSA says but do it through traceable channels.

If she wants more money and you are happy to give then insist that this gives you access to your child.

Comms69 · 30 October 2018 at 10:20AM

Mattlostatsea wrote: »

Hi, hope someone can help.

I’ve got myself in a real mess here.

I had a one night stand with this girl, she said she was on the pill, but clearly wasn’t, I got a text off her a month after our night saying she was pregnant, I bombarded her with messages and calls but never heard anything from her. I convinced myself she was pulling a fast one. - Ok, fair enough. It sounds like you tried to do the right thing.

Any about 14 months later she got in touch with my ex wife asking for me as I had a daughter, I got back in touch with this girl and she says baby is mine etc - ok good start. , I did meet up with them once but she now wants money off me, I have agreed to give her what the CSA calculator says but she wants more and more and constantly bullying me for money. - No you just pay what the CMS says

I’m not on the birth certificate, apparently the father is left blank. - if you aren't there when registering, and you aren't married, yes.

What do I do?

Do I continue to pay even though I’ve only ever seen her once? - yes ofcourse. if you have doubts, get a paternity test now, not in 10 years time.

I’m a real mess over this as I can’t tell my new partner or family.

Help. Thanks

I think you NEED to tell people, at least once you are sure. Your daughter deserves a relationship with both of her parents.

kazwookie · 30 October 2018 at 10:26AM

1. Don't pay any money over, yet.
2. Get a DNA test done
3. Once done if the child is proved to be yours, then you need to start paying, but do it by very clear trackable means, so you have a record for when things go back, and they will do.
4. If the child is not yours, tell this woman to jog on...............

Fen1 · 30 October 2018 at 11:00AM

Have you been to a sexual health clinic? You had unprotected sex so there's a definite risk of infection.
Even if you don't care about yourself, think about the horrors you could be inflicting on your partner.

PasturesNew · 30 October 2018 at 11:06AM

Step 1: Do a DNA test. That is not for any other reason than preventing arguing in the coming years, preventing doubt, removing niggles, being certain.

That's it for now ... you can't deal with any other issues until you've done this. Do it.

D_M_E · 30 October 2018 at 1:59PM

You have no proof that the child is yours.

You must do a DNA test to confirm whether or not you are the child's parent and, until this is done, you should stop handing over funds.

You should also think how many others has the mother spun this story to in order to gain financial benefit - there was a case in the past 2 years on a similar vein, the mother told several men that the child was theirs and got a monthly payment for the child from each of them and refused a DNA test, think it ended up that not one of the men being conned was the actual father.

You need that DNA test and should stop the payments.

I’m not on daughters birth certificate, ex wants money

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