Separated now what?

If you're on good terms, could you both sit down and review both sets of finances and agree something?

If he isn't doing so well, or would be in a bad way financially should he pay the suggested amount, would you agree to set days where he does things with the kids, or pays for certain things? Or he is responsible for financing gifts for the kids that you choose together?

Despite what has happened, it sounds as though you're both being reasonable. Given there is a mortgage and kids involved, you want to try and keep the peace. You haven't mentioned negatives or issues, so I assume he was a good provider (and i guess technically still is if he is contributing to the mortgage or household bills?)

I would suggest that you go asnd see a solicitor, get some advice to get an idea of what your options are and what a court might do. You don't then have to go for thatm, but it gives you information about what may or may not be reasonable.

1) Maintenance We do manage financially (me and the children) because of the top up and disabled benefits to live reasonably well, however my husband has not paid any maintenance since he moved out last year.

Look at the CMS calcualtor to see what he would be expected to pay.
Ifthe children don't have overnight contact with him at present, then on his salary of £35K the maintenace figure would be in the region f £665 a month. If they have overnight contact with him regualrly it will be less.

2) Financial Stability I don't want to be so financially so well off that he cannot afford to live and enjoy life? I do very much want him to be happy, as I do for myself and the children and although I don't want us to be together, doesn't mean I want to fleece him. When i have spoken with him he said if he pays maintenance he cannot afford to live and enjoy life?

Neither of you is likely to be ble to enjoy the same standard of living, and lifestyle, as you did before you separated, as running 2 households is always going to be more expensive than running one. Like you, he will have to budget and work out what he can afford, but supporting his children is, or should be, a priority.

3) Family House the family home is valued at approx £140K and has a mortgage remaining on it of approx £58K. I can afford the mortgage amount monthly but I assume my ex will want his equity from the house at some point?

Yes, but you will ned to look at all the assets there are, including things such as pensions, and how they should all be divided. His share of the equity may not be 50%.
One thing to conside ris what your options are - for instnace, could you move to a less expensive property in order to release some equity for him now? Given that your childrne have disabilities, what adaptations do they require (if any) and are they likely to be able to live independently as adults, or are theygoing to be dependent even when they reach adulthood?
What is your mortgage capacity? Many lenders will take into account income from Maintenace and some elements of Universal Credit / Tax Credit -so you will ned to lok at whether you could obtain and aford a larger mortgage than the current one, and whethera lender would be likely to let you remortgage into your sole name for the amount of the current mortgage 9which would make it easier for your ex to get his own mortgage)

4) Children Reside with me. He is renting a flat because he cannot have the children live with him as he works shifts. I feel bad that I remain living in our lovely home but I guess that is because the children live with me?

The ned to provide *a* secure hom for the childnre is a priority. It may be that that can be done in a diferent, less expensive property than the one you are currently in, so that is likely to be something you need to look at, whether you could downsize and free up some equity / get his off the mortgage

5) Settlement Statement of financial affairs? Do I need this? how do I get it? Neither of us have any debt at all.

Not sure what you mean by this. When you get to a point where you have agreed a fiancial settlement, you will need to get that agreement formalised either as an order (if you divorce ) or a separation agreement (if you don't).
Prior to that, and before you can realistically reach anagreement, bot f you will ned to give the other information about your financial position so you both have a clear ideaof waht ALL the assetsd are.

6) Divorce I don't especially want to pursue divorce at this point? I don't want to be hasty. What have other people done?

You don't have to start divorce proceedings now, but it may be helpful to think about whay you are delaying - what are you hoping may happen?
Be aware that the court only has jurisdiction to dort out your financial settlement, or approve an agreement, if there is a divorce, so if you struggle to reach agreement you may need to start divorce proceedings in order to be able to address the finacil matters (although you can apply to theCMS without a divorce)

You may find it helpful to look into mdiation or collaborative family law, both of which are methods of helping you to reach an agreement, in relation to finacial issues or issues relating to the children, without involving the courts (except to approve any settlement you come up with)
Collaborative law lets you have your solicitor with you in discussions which can be very helpful if you are less confident about finaces or about negotiations than your ex.