Money Moral Dilemma: Should I claim my unpaid child support?

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  • newwiseman
    newwiseman Posts: 21 Forumite
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    If it is owed claim it, they are all too ready to take money away in various taxes. It is your money, and as with any money a parent has it is up to them how much they wish to help their offsprings. Many parents provide money to help their children. In this instance it is not a moral issue at all, treat this money as any other of your assets.
  • crmism
    crmism Posts: 300 Forumite
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    If you are able to recover it, well enough, but it will be yours rather than anyone else's and I can't think why your second husband reckons he should share in the entitlement as, by the sound of things, your son was the product of your first marriage.

    It seems that the money is an unexpected bonus, and it would be a nice gesture to help your son get on the property ladder.

    Actually getting the money might be the problem, though. Best of luck.
  • Sls
    Sls Posts: 16 Forumite
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    As mother of the child I wouldn’t even ask stepfather as it is your child’s money. If he contributed in bringing him up then he knew for what he is signing when decided to marry you. I would take the money and give it to your son, that would be a great help knowing how it is hard to step on property ladder.
  • pollypenny
    pollypenny Posts: 29,393 Forumite
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    I can understand the second husband- it seems as if he is the one who fed, clothed and looked after the boy.

    Maybe 50/50.
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  • magicgranny
    magicgranny Posts: 18 Forumite
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    I'm wondering why you haven't pursued it in the past? Or maybe you did? And who says you can get it now when your son is well past childhood? Ive never heard of this. If the father wanted to give money to his grown up son, i doubt there's anything stopping him. If it's justice you want then it's a bit late!


    For me, I don't think I'd bother, I wouldn't want the hassle of courts, contact, negotiating with the father, etc. It's long in the past. Leave it there.
  • Baileys_Babe
    Baileys_Babe Posts: 5,586 Forumite
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    Are there any other children in the family? With this money not being paid whilst the child was growing up the whole household needed to make financial adjustments. I personally feel it should be split equally between all parties who were in the household whilst the child was growing up. The mother & step dad should count as I party.
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  • tgroom57
    tgroom57 Posts: 1,431 Forumite
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    Methusela wrote: »
    You might want to think carefully about your second husband's approach, that if he can't keep the windfall himself then he would prefer you to give it up rather than let your son benefit from it. In my view no decent father/grandfather/great-grandfather (I am all three) or step-father who is worthy of his position as head of the family should take such a self-centred attitude.
    In your shoes I might worry about what would happen if your 2nd hubby ever won a million on the lottery; you might find him saying "I paid the £2 for the ticket so I'm keeping all the money for myself, bye-bye".

    When OP second husband said "we should keep it...." I wonder if this was the royal "we".
    OP should at least recover enough of the arrears to book an Assertiveness course. :rotfl:
  • TheFaqqer
    TheFaqqer Posts: 96 Forumite
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    Claim the money, don't tell your husband, give the money to your son.

    Simple.
  • bevweekes
    bevweekes Posts: 2 Newbie
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    Yes and give it to your son. Your husband is being tight wanting you & him to keep it....... & He shouldn't even have suggested it.
  • CakeCrusader
    CakeCrusader Posts: 1,118 Forumite
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    I'm in the same boat (my son's a couple of years younger though). This isn't my son's cash, he's never gone without, it's technically a 'refund' on what I've already spent. I've given him half (although he's never gone without, he's missed out on holidays as I haven't been able to afford them etc, so I've tried to be fair) and I've used the other half to clear debts that I built up when his father stopped paying. I'm waiting for more installments and I'll carry on giving my son half, I'll take him on holiday with my half of the next installment or something.



    I wouldn't plan anything until you actually get the money as it could take a long time.
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