I can do this!

Rant coming up!!! (please take as slightly tongue in cheek - I love the subject of my rant very very much and wouldn't swap her for the world!)

Darling Daughter... age 7, going on 17. Cripes! The attitude and answering back has come out in full effect! I've checked the child manuals that we are all conned into buying upon the arrival of our firstborns, in our lost hope cause of becoming "the perfect parents". There is no bloody mention of the "sassy sixes", the "snippy sevens" or even the "fickle fives" in any of them! ANY! I feel like I have a good case for a refund because I think these are pretty important things that as parents we should be pre-warned about! I will grant you we'd probably never had had them if we'd truly had an inkling of what they'd be like...

Anyway Demon Dungaree-wearer has started not only whining like a man with a hernia, she then proceeds to sulk like I have told her she may never breathe air again, not that pudding is NOT a human right and should not be expected each and every sodding meal! And no I DON'T care what Snooty Sofie at school has (apart from huge knickers!!! I can see exactly WHY you shouldn't have a pudding every meal let alone every day!). So now the Dreadful Dweeb has decided I am Evil (yes with capital E) and refuses to co-operate on anything without a full international court in session! Seriously argh!

Last night there were tears from the Detestable Dimwit because Evil Cat (definitely deserves the capital! He IS evil...) scratched her. Harsh you say? Yeah maybe, but everyone knows Evil Cat forgets he has claws (he totally does not forget... git) and she decided to carry him around anyway, ignoring my half hearted "put that beast down! You know he's not nice!". Sure enough 30 seconds later Evil Cat decided to investigate other forms of amusement and extricated himself from Doe-eyed Doophus... this involved claws, a ginormous scratch (about 1 cm... 1/2 inch if you're old!) and squeals of anguish and through snot and tears the request for a plaster immediately lest the limb may require amputation as a result in the imminent future...

This obviously led to more sulking as I deemed it "not worthy" of a much treasured Disney Plaster ("need blood; no blood, no Mickey") and it was at this point I not only poured my second glass of wine but also accepted there was no chance of getting the Dirty Dingbat into her Sunday night bath...

After significant shouting and threats and crying (mine... "please for the love of everything go to bed and brush your teeth, no not in that order! Please go!") it finally ascended to bed - still sulking.

I'm no morning person so having not only been dragged out of dream land (mmmmmm Ryan Reynolds...) somewhat abruptly by Husbeast leaving early and radiators gargling an out of tune symphony ("!!!!!! will you bleed the damn things! It's been over a month since the heating went back on!") I poked the child who proudly announced she had chicken pox and would need to stay home. Oh no you don't! More sulking followed, what was "pox" turned out to be flea bites (note to buy more spot ons for the cats) from where the Doctor Doolittle had decided against ALL parental instruction to leave her bedroom door open and one of the 4 Cats of the Apocalypse had snoozed happily the day before and left a little visitor.
Demands for anithistamine cream were met with a blank parental look as I frankly couldn't work out where I might have stashed that so Sudocreme was sold as the real deal (she's going to end up in therapy for trust issues...) before finally dressing and leaving the house. Without her glasses (ARGH!) and sulking that I wouldn't let her have pudding for lunch at school... Apparently I'm nasty and I don't care and Snooty Sophie will have both chocolates and crisps at school in her lunch and I'm so mean...

Gosh I just love being a mum some days *sigh*

kirtsypoos wrote: »

MrsTinks that just had me in absolute stitches. Thank you for cheering up my afternoon :rotfl:

Glad it cheered up your day LOL I should probably start writing again... it's good therapy hahaha:rotfl:

EssexHebridean wrote: »

What Kirtsypoos said! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Out of interest, was it the manuals you wanted a refund on....or the child?!

I checked the refund policy on the child and apparently there isn't any possibility of return or refund. Must bear this in mind if anyone starts babbling at me about number two at any point... I'd have way more rights on a used car from Dodgy Darrens Used Cars...

So definitely the manuals!

(Lying weasels those authors!:mad:)

Looks like my debt will have gone up a little this month, shall have to wait and see how much! But I have paid the car insurance upfront, had a holiday, cars MOT, motor bike insurance, bought an investment print (the one that has already gone up in value lol) and a few bits and pieces... All in all the print was mainly paid for by my savings with only a little extra from my planned over payment money - waiting wasn't an option (it sold out on the day after release...) so I'm happy I got it when I did.

I know people will be confused, but right now if I sold all my investment pieces and a couple of other bits like my 2 air rifles at second hand rates then I would have savings in the bank. My debts are all at 0% so instead of having money in the bank (which I can promise you I would spend on things that WON'T appreciate!) I can gradually reduce my cards and then close all bar 2 (it's a security blanket for me...) and know I've saved the value of these pieces...

It doesn't work for everyone, but it works in my world

The increase in the Debenhams debt should be minimal in all fairness and I still have £300 in savings for emergencies before I would need to look at any credit cards...