I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

The medication will take some time to allow your body to adjust . All the various anti anxiety , anti depressants dd has had over the years tended to make her worse rather than better for a while.


Reading your more recent posts I can see a lot of positives. You are sleeping, taking time to weigh up whether you need to be the fire fighter or not and sound less anxious. I used to sleep with one eye and ear open at night waiting for the next meltdown with dd and over the years we develop a quite unhealthy always ready for the next crisis or whatever mode. In short we run on Adrenaline which is draining and exhausting.


You've been running on empty for a very long time and it's worth giving the meds a fair trial while your body adjusts. By all means talk to the Dr if you're concerned . It sounds to me they are doing the job intended . Helping you sleep and calm your instant reactions to various situations in a calm and measured way rather than rushing to deal with whatever new problem comes out of the blue.


It's lucky you'll soon be closing the shop. Staff should leave you alone when you are not working . Everyone is entitled to a proper break and you clearly stated you were not back in work until next week. That should be enough.


Reading back over the posts I missed I'm glad you managed to pay yourself some wages last week. With the wedding orders things should be busy but more money in the pot.


Take care, keep delegating work at home as you do elsewhere. DS and GD can do their fair share and you can change the mum does everything dynamic slowly but surely. In reality your body has kicked back against all the physical and mental pressures over the years and now is the time to listen to it . You matter so remember self care .
pollyx

Mooloo wrote: »

Thanks Polly.
I am just not used to not dashing around at breakneck speeds, etc and I struggle to let myself do nothing even though at the moment I know that I need that.
My biggest concern is getting the budget back on track, and not getting into any more debt. I was so close to being debt free but even though my credit rating etc is good, my mind set is on getting it down again soon.
But I am feeling the worry about not being able to function when I need to.
Let's see how I cope this week when I go back to work.
There is someone else interested in renting the shop and they have asked me to come and see it. So that will be good for the landlord and possibly the town, not having an empty shop.
I am looking forward to changing the structure of my business, and will feel much less financial stress once I have closed the shop.
I did have enough to pay the rent today and am still in credit, so that's good news.
I have two months to go, and it will be good if I can stay in the credit until I have finished the shop.
I will eventually get my deposit back and then I can start reaping the rewards of my business instead of paying it all out.

I can empathise with being used to running around and not being able to "do nothing" I've experienced that and it's hard to focus on the fact that those things need to change when in fact they do to cope better. I still often need to stop and think before automatically doing something someone else can manage themselves .


You've been the go to for so long it's necessary to stop and think. Don't know if you remember my Firefighting post a while back . Whatever the situation ask yourself is it a job for the fire brigade or will a jug of water deal with it.


You will get back on track financially once things are sorted with ds . You need to keep on telling him you are being financially penalised until things are sorted.


Worrying about being able to function when you need to is understandable. I'm lucky never to have had more than normal expected reactions to worrying things. In the last few years I did begin to worry about lots of things when the fight was on for the correct diagnosis for dd . There were so many different appointments over the year I began to worry I would sleep in and either be late or miss them altogether. Then worrying if dd would be physically well enough to attend as her conditions turn on a sixpence.


I began to see I was heading to high anxiety , tossing and turning when I should be sleeping and imagining worse case scenarios . I bought 2 of the old type alarm clocks ( battery powered ) with variable ring or buzz alarm levels . It's impossible to sleep through them so problem solved .


Once into the multi appointments we were constantly told if dd was too ill, to ring and they'd rearrange as they understood dds physical and mh varied .


I've noticed you're going to bed earlier and at the moment having a lie in when possible which is much needed . Is it worrying you you may oversleep? If so have everything ready the night before . set your alarm and try to avoid screen time an hour or so before bed.


As I've said before choose your battles and take care of you .


Good to her there is another viewer for the business everything crossed for that.
pollyx